Page 14

Chapter 14

“This fucking sucks,” Finn hissed under his breath as he and Jacob grabbed a booth in Sammy’s.

It was after practice, three days after Morgan had shown up in Portland, apparently intending to stay for the next two months.

Finn never would’ve guessed that his father would be such an extraordinary cockblocker, but he was.

Every time Finn carved out time—between hockey practices and classes and homework—to spend with Jacob, his dad would text, wanting to grab coffee or have dinner or he “just happened to be driving by campus,” and he’d show up at Finn’s door ten minutes later.

“It’s not ideal,” Jacob agreed with a grimace. He looked around, taking in the students milling around the popular sub and smoothie shop, like he was making sure that Morgan wouldn’t just pop up here, too.

Finn wouldn’t put it past him. That was the worst part.

They were going to have to tell him, and probably sooner than they wanted—if only to get some decent alone time. And considering all of Morgan’s unintentional interference, it wasn’t like they’d had any time to become more comfortable in their new relationship.

“It’s ridiculous,” Finn said, leaning forward. He wanted to kiss Jacob so badly he was practically dying for it, and yet they couldn’t.

He needed to eat something, and then he had a big study session in an hour.

“It’ll be easier during the break,” Jacob said optimistically. “You’ll have classes and homework, sure, but we’ll have plenty of time for ‘coaching.’”

Finn shot him a smirk. “Jacob Braun, are you suggesting I tell my father we’re working on hockey when we’re actually doing something else?”

“Yes,” Jacob said so emphatically that it made Finn’s heart beat a little faster. It felt so good to know that he wasn’t the only one suffering here.

“I miss you too,” Finn said under his breath, reaching out with a foot to tap Jacob’s underneath the table. Before today, he’d have claimed playing footsie was totally beneath him, but if it meant he could touch Jacob and in plain sight? He was here for it.

Jacob shot him a hot look. “I keep wanting to take you out, that’s all. Treat you right.”

“No, you want to drag me home to your house, to your bed and—”

“Finn,” Jacob interrupted. “Are you trying to kill me? Give me the blue balls of a century?”

Finn grinned. “Guess you should’ve given in sooner to my seductive efforts. Then at least we’ve could’ve had a few weeks of sex before the greatest cockblocker of the century arrived in town.”

“It’s good that he’s here and he wants to be present in your life,” Jacob said.

“I know you mean that . . .” Finn leaned in even closer, watching as Jacob’s eyes dilated even darker. His chest was rising and falling under his flannel and Finn wanted to strip him naked more than he wanted to take his next breath. “But I think you want more, too.”

“I do,” Jacob muttered. “I sure fucking do. Don’t get me wrong. I’m getting the hang of FaceTime sex, but it’s not the same.”

“Nope,” Finn agreed.

Last night, with Jacob telling him exactly how to touch himself—where and how firm and how long—and dragging out his orgasm until Finn had been begging for it, with not an ounce of shame, had been really fucking good. But it hadn’t been the same as Jacob touching him.

He’d wanted it, and he couldn’t have it, because Morgan had shown up at his dorm room, wanting to go grab dinner, and Finn had been forced to text Jacob surreptitiously and tell him their dinner date was off.

“I should’ve told him I had a date,” Finn continued.

Jacob made a face. “And he’s just going to let you leave it at that? He’s not gonna want to meet the guy?”

“Oh, no, he would. And then . . .” Finn paused for dramatic effect. “Surprise!”

Jacob frowned. “We’re trying not to get murdered here.”

“No, you’re trying not to get murdered.”

“I’d think you’d have a vested interest in that too,” Jacob said dryly.

“I do. I do . You can’t fuck me breathless if you’re dead.”

Jacob raised an eyebrow.

“Or uh, be there to be sweet and gentlemanly and treat me right,” Finn revised with a smirk.

“Better,” Jacob said, nodding. “Now, before you drive me absolutely insane, let me tell you how my talk with Sophie went.”

“You’re going to do the podcast!” Finn was so excited, even though it hadn’t been his decision. Still, he’d hoped that Jacob would agree to go on it, because after listening to it, Finn couldn’t help but agree with Sophie. Neal would be the perfect, sympathetic, easy person for Jacob to come out to.

“Yes,” Jacob said, nodding. “I talked to my therapist, and she agrees—I’m ready, even if I’m afraid, and we worked through some of those fears together, and after really considering it . . .I see what Sophie’s saying about it being a good fit.”

“You mean, what I said,” Finn teased.

“Yes, you too,” Jacob said with a smile.

“You listened to it, didn’t you?”

“Might’ve, though it was about what I expected based on what Sophie and you told me. But I wasn’t surprised. I’ve caught Neal Fisher talking before on Sunday Morning Football, and he’s got a good perspective on lots of things.”

“I’m proud of you,” Finn said.

Jacob made a disgruntled noise. “Should you be, though?”

Jacob’s name echoed as the employee called it and Finn shot him a hard look, sliding out of the booth before Jacob could. “I’m getting the food—and then when I get back we’re going to talk about that.”

“Fine,” Jacob huffed.

Finn picked up their sandwiches and smoothies, sliding the blackberry pomegranate acai on the table towards Jacob and keeping his own strawberry pineapple.

“So why shouldn’t I be proud?” Finn questioned. Though he had a good idea of why Jacob said it. Not why he thought it in the first place, but at least why he’d brought it up.

“I mean, shouldn’t I be doing more? Living more proudly, more freely, more . . .I don’t know . . . fuck you to the establishment?” Jacob wondered.

Finn rolled his eyes. “Do you even want to say fuck you to the establishment?”

Jacob was opening his sandwich, the paper crinkling almost obscuring his words, but Finn could still hear his mumbled, “No.” Then he cleared his throat and added, “I don’t give a shit about the establishment.”

“There you go,” Finn said. “This is your fucking life. There’s plenty of people out there who actually want to burn down the establishment, whatever the hell that means. There’s no reason you have to do a goddamn thing. It actually annoys me that you think the only way I would be proud is if you scream to the world you’re gay. I don’t give a shit what anyone else thinks of you.”

“But you want me to come out,” Jacob countered.

Finn leaned forward, not sure if what he felt was annoyance or empathy. Maybe his issues didn’t revolve around his sexuality, but how different were they, really? “I thought you wanted to come out. For the foundation.”

“I do. I do . Fuck,” Jacob muttered. “Why am I so screwed up about this? It’s what I wanted. What I want .”

“Doesn’t mean it’s not hard or scary. I want to play hockey, more than anything else, and how much does that suck for me a lot of the time?”

Jacob nodded.

“You’re going to do this, and it’s gonna be just fine. Honestly, you should be way more afraid of telling my dad than telling the world.”

Jacob’s expression turned rueful. “Honestly? I am. Doesn’t mean I won’t do it.”

Finn nudged him again under the table, this time unable to keep his smile to himself. “See? There you go.”

Jacob sighed. “Why are you so great? I thought I was totally at peace with this. I talked to my therapist. I talked to Sophie. I talked to my brother. I even talked to Mark.”

“It’s ’cause I’m brilliant,” Finn said.

Jacob smiled. “Yeah, you kinda are. Eat your dinner. I get precisely . . .” He glanced down and checked his watch. “Twenty-six minutes before you have to be at study group.”

“I told you, I could skip the study group—”

“No way. Not on my watch. I didn’t go to college and I think it’s big that you’re doing it, Finn.”

“Ugh,” Finn complained after taking a huge bite of his sandwich. “This whole responsibility schtick of yours should feel less hot, but . . .”

Jacob leaned forward. “Kind of like how every single time you give me a big pep talk, I want to drag you into the nearest dark corner or utility closet with a locking door and make you come so hard you cry?”

Finn nearly choked on his smoothie. His dick was hard now, in Sammy’s. That shouldn’t be happening, but it was, and he had a feeling if he ran his foot up Jacob’s calf and then his thigh, he’d discover he wasn’t the only one. “Uh, yeah. Something like that.”

“Good.”

“And for the record,” Finn said, “it’s more like . . .thirty-six minutes?”

“Where’d you get the extra ten minutes from?”

“Everyone’s always late. If I roll in on time, everyone will wonder what happened.”

Jacob looked understandably confused.

“Which means,” Finn continued, “that it’s your absolute duty to detain me for an extra ten minutes in your car.”

“Detain?

“Kiss?”

Jacob smirked. “Why didn’t you just say so? It’s easy. You just say, Jacob, I’d really like to make out in the car for ten minutes .”

“Jacob, I’d really like to make out in the car for ten minutes,” Finn repeated back, making sure to keep his tone as innocent as possible. Not as dirty as he was thinking, anyway.

He was thinking about it, already, as he scarfed his sandwich down.

Jacob’s hot breath against his, the windows fogging over as Finn’s tongue slipped into his mouth. The way Jacob’s hands would feel everywhere as they dipped under hems and peeled fabric back, desperate for a taste of bare skin.

“You look a little glazed over there,” Jacob teased as he finished his smoothie.

He was a little glazed, his brain already in Jacob’s pants, stroking the cock that he was sure was already hard and leaking for him.

Because if they ended up kissing in Jacob’s car for even a few minutes, Finn knew they weren’t going to be able to keep it at just that. He was too keyed up; they were both too keyed up.

He had to know it too. Finn could see the dark heat in his eyes as Jacob gazed at him.

“And you aren’t?” Finn retorted fondly. He finished his sandwich and took a long drink of smoothie.

Jacob looked down at his watch. “We have approximately—or specifically—twenty-eight minutes.”

Finn leaned over the table, his forehead only inches away from Jacob’s. “Is that your estimate or mine?”

“Yours. If you want to be ten minutes late to study group, that’s on you.” When Jacob was being the prim, responsible one, it was hot. When he was deliberately flouting the rules, that was even hotter.

“Come on,” Finn said, gathering his trash as he slid out of the booth. “I can work with twenty-eight minutes.”

“What if you couldn’t?” Jacob wondered as he followed him.

“I’d— we’d— figure something out,” Finn said with determination.

Jacob’s hand landed on his shoulder and then slid down, resting on the small of his back. It wasn’t a kiss, but it felt good-as, at least in this moment. Finn glanced back at him and thought maybe he might understand better what Ramsey had said about the way Jacob looked at him as he’d walked away.

Because he could see it now.

Which was probably why he ended up nearly running into Mal and Elliott.

They weren’t holding hands, either, but Mal’s hand was occupying a very similar position on Elliott’s back and the way Elliott gazed up at his boyfriend made it very clear they were together.

Did he look like that, too? When he looked up at Jacob, did he have that same lovestruck, cock-drunk expression? Like there was nobody better on earth, nobody else he wanted to talk to, nobody else he’d ever wanted to just be with as much as Jacob?

Maybe .

“Oh shit,” Elliott said as they nearly collided, Finn barely managing to avoid it only by swerving to the side. “Sorry about that.”

“Yeah,” Malcolm added. He steadied Elliott first, touching him like he was precious. Then he reached out a hand towards Jacob. “You must be Jacob Braun. I’ve seen you around practices, during the last few weeks. Malcolm McCoy.” He glanced down at Elliott. “And believe it or not, this guy is Elliott Jones, who can skate like a demon on the ice, but on land . . .”

“You love it. You love me ,” Elliott said with a grin.

There was something about the undeniable pride in his voice and his eyes as Jacob shook Malcolm’s hand that pinged Finn. Reminded him completely, utterly, of how he’d just been talking to Jacob.

“Jacob Braun,” Jacob said and, after a weighty pause, added, “Finn’s boyfriend.” He slid an arm around Finn’s waist and tugged him in closer. Elliott’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head. In fact, even Mal looked shocked.

He hadn’t needed to say it, but when Finn glanced back at him, giving him a happy, reassuring smile, he only looked proud. Not worried or upset or conflicted, in the least.

“Feels like big news,” Mal said, his matter-of-fact tone the opposite of how monumental it really was.

Elliott elbowed his boyfriend. “No shit,” he hissed under his breath.

“But we’re happy for you,” Mal added, a ghost of a smile emerging on his face.

“Yeah, seriously happy,” Elliott agreed.

It was weird to Finn that what had only been a few months back these two had been on such different wavelengths they could barely say a single civil word to each other, and now it felt like they’d completely, utterly aligned.

“Thanks,” Finn said, “we’re pretty happy about it.” He shot another smile at Jacob so he never doubted that he wasn’t happy that he’d told their friends the truth. “But,” he added, “we’re still . . .uh . . .working on some of the details, so don’t go around telling everyone.”

“Yeah, Elliott, don’t go around telling everyone,” Mal teased, nudging him.

“Hey, I wouldn’t,” Elliott claimed, but he was smiling, still, which meant that yes, he probably would. “How did your dad react?”

“Uh,” Finn said.

“He doesn’t know yet,” Jacob admitted. “That’s the details.”

“Well, you’ve got both of our support,” Mal said briskly. He shook Jacob’s hand again, because of course he did.

God bless Malcolm.

“Thanks,” Jacob said.

“You have a good practice, Finn?” Ell asked.

“Yeah, actually.”

“Tomorrow Coach said he’s going to let us at you again.” Elliott rubbed his hands together in anticipation and for the first time in a long time, Finn realized he was looking forward to it, too. To a chance to show the rest of his team—and himself—that he could hold his own. That he was a damn good goalie.

“Can’t wait,” Finn said.

Elliott’s smile softened. “Yeah? I’m happy to hear that.”

“Me too,” Jacob said. He paused. “Finn has a study session so we’d better run.”

When they were out of Sammy’s and out of earshot of Elliott and Malcolm, Finn stopped and turned to Jacob.

“You did that,” Finn said and decided that if his father was lurking in the shadows he could get what he deserved and leaned in, pressing a quick kiss to Jacob’s mouth.

Before he could pull away, Jacob had wrapped an arm around his waist and tugged him in closer, and Finn groaned, his mouth opening against Jacob’s.

For a single glorious second, Jacob kissed him hard, his lips and his tongue and his hands making it clear to Finn—and to anyone else watching them—that they belonged together.

That Finn belonged to Jacob, and Jacob most definitely, Finn realized, belonged to him .

“Yeah, I did, didn’t I?” Jacob said breathlessly, when he finally lifted his mouth from Finn’s.

“You sure fucking did. Coming out like an ace,” Finn said.

“It . . it wasn’t so hard. I liked it actually.”

Finn squeezed Jacob’s shoulder. “Not every time is going to be as good as bragging that you’re my boyfriend. And uh . . .” He paused. Smiling even harder. “That’s new. That word. That’s new.”

Jacob flushed. “Yeah.”

Finn couldn’t say they hadn’t both been thinking it. But it was the first time either of them had said.

“I liked it. Like it ,” Finn teased.

Jacob went even redder. “Good.”

Finn leaned in, pressing his lips to Jacob’s neck. “It was good and sexy.”

Ever since Jacob had shaved off his beard, it had been so much easier to see how red he could get when he was embarrassed or turned on or when Finn deliberately went out of his way to tease him.

“Behave,” Jacob said with faux-sternness, nudging him.

“You don’t want me too,” Finn said. He glanced down at his watch. “How much time do we have left?”

“Enough,” Jacob said with absolute certainty and he reached down and took Finn’s hand, leading them to his car.

Finn was half-expecting Jacob to try to preserve the ruse that he was just driving Finn across campus to his study group, but instead of going around to the driver’s side, he opened the passenger door and with the tiniest, hottest smirk, gestured Finn in.

Finn slid in, moving over, and the moment the door shut behind Jacob, he was leaning over, kissing him hard.

“God,” Finn murmured into Jacob’s mouth, “I’m so fucking proud of you. I didn’t know what you were going to say—”

“Really, I didn’t know I was going to say that, until I said it.” Jacob chuckled under his breath, fingers caressing Finn’s cheek. “It was okay, right? That I said it to Malcolm and Elliott?”

“ More than okay.” Finn took Jacob’s mouth again, groaning as his hand slid from his face down lower, tracing the sensitive tendon in his neck.

“Too many clothes,” Jacob muttered, and suddenly those hands weren’t gently cradling or tracing him but delving right under his sweatshirt then under his T-shirt, tracing cold patterns on his overheated skin.

Finn swung a leg over Jacob’s body and wasted no time grinding down on his lap and the hard cock there.

Jacob’s kiss went from hot to downright filthy, his tongue curling around Finn’s.

Being spread out on Jacob’s bed, naked, without a stitch of clothing between them had felt incredible. But this felt shockingly good, too. Dirty and intense, both of them driven by desperation as they moved together. Finn ground down on Jacob’s cock and Jacob dug his fingers into Finn’s hips, grinding up at the same time in a rhythm that he knew would eventually pull him over the edge.

“You’re gonna make me come in my pants,” Finn gasped.

Jacob smirked. “Am I?”

Finn tilted his head back as Jacob gripped his hips hard. He’d have bruises there tomorrow, and he wouldn’t even give a fuck.

“You know you will,” Finn said. “And I have to go to a study session after this.”

“Oh, do you?”

“God, you’re hot when you’re evil,” Finn said.

“Maybe if you ask very, very nicely, I’ll switch us and get down on my knees for you—”

“In this backseat?” Finn glanced behind him dubiously. Was there even room for Jacob down there?

“Hush,” Jacob said, “I’m trying to be selfless here. I’ll get down on my knees for you and you can come down my throat instead.”

“I wouldn’t . . .” Finn gasped as Jacob’s hands traveled under the waistband of his sweatpants and stroked him. “I wouldn’t complain.”

“Didn’t think so,” Jacob said smugly, and it shouldn’t have so insanely arousing for him to easily maneuver Finn off his lap and to sink down in front of him.

“If you tell me you bought this car because of its roomy backseat, I’m going to come right now before you ever get your mouth on me,” Finn warned. He felt breathless, totally out of control. And it wasn’t only how goddamn turned on he was, either. It was everything—the pride in his voice as Jacob had said Finn’s boyfriend, the heady emotions swirling through him, and the intense spike of need as Jacob pulled his sweatpants and briefs down to his knees.

“Don’t tease me with a good time,” Jacob said wryly, and then his mouth was on him, hot and wet and perfect.

Finn groaned and tried to stave off his inevitable orgasm, but Jacob was pushing him, coaxing him almost, giving him more pleasure than he knew what to do with. Matching the emotions he’d never experienced before.

Arousal and affection mixed inside him an intoxicating swirl, and he barely had any time to warn Jacob before he was coming in his mouth.

Jacob swallowed around him, dragging his orgasm out as long as he could, until Finn was panting and nearly crying with it.

“So fucking good,” Finn muttered as Jacob unfolded himself and leaned hard against Finn’s relaxed body. Jacob’s mouth found his and Finn’s trembling fingers undid the button and zipper of his jeans, finding his cock.

He got barely half a dozen strokes in before Jacob was shuddering, too.

“Yeah, yeah ,” Jacob agreed after he’d lifted his mouth.

His smile as he gazed down at Finn was happier and lighter than he’d ever seen before. You did that.

He was pretty sure he had and pretty sure he wanted to keep doing it, forever.

That should scare you. That should terrify the fuck out of you.

But it didn’t.

It only made Finn feel strong and confident. Invincible, in fact.

Jacob found some fast-food napkins and helped Finn clean up before shooting another lopsided grin. “Well, I think we made it with a few minutes to spare.”

“I might actually be on time,” Finn said.

“If I let you go early,” Jacob pointed out, settling down next to him. He reached for Finn’s now-clean hand and tangled their fingers together, squeezing them. “I know we didn’t talk about telling people, at least specifically . . .”

“Elliott and Mal aren’t really people. They’re teammates. Friends. And Elliott will keep his trap shut, so you don’t have to worry about that.”

“I wasn’t worried about it, though if your dad finds out from anybody but you, I can’t imagine it’ll help,” Jacob said dryly.

“No,” Finn agreed. Even though Morgan had taken the news of Jacob’s coaching decently enough, he couldn’t imagine the same result when Finn confessed this particular nugget of truth.

Jacob sighed. “I keep thinking we must be stupid, but then I see you, then you smile at me, then we touch each other, and I realize I’d do a whole lot worse to keep doing it.” His voice went quiet and hushed. “I’d do a lot more to keep you , Finn.”

Finn understood. “It would’ve been easier if it had been just sex.”

“I really . . .really care about you,” Jacob said. And he sounded so careful, but so hesitant, Finn thought he understood what he wasn’t saying. Not yet, anyway.

What he felt too, lodged hard and tight and inescapable, behind his breastbone. The thing he wouldn’t want to get rid of, even if he could.

“Now you’re never going to get that easy boyfriend,” Finn said.

“No,” Jacob agreed and Finn’s heart clenched, again.