Page 15 of Oh No! There’s an Incubus in my Hot Spring (Getting Cozy with Demons #1)

fifteen

Girlfriend & Boyfriend

“ I ncredible,” Apollo says, his eyes glued to the porn on my phone. “Your books are a wonderful source of ideas, but having the visuals to accompany it is much better.”

I chuckle. “Some of the stuff in my books isn’t even possible.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I mean some of the positions are just completely bonkers. Like, five dudes and one girl? Come on. There are so many ball sacks rubbing against one another, too many legs, how does dude number five even get to her mouth? I call bullshit.”

Apollo disappears in a fine mist only to reappear as five replicas of himself. “Would you like to try?” they say all at once in an eerie harmony.

I laugh. “No, I would not. Thank you. Maybe two to start, but five is how I break.”

Three of him disappear and the two remaining raise their eyebrows at me.

I can’t help but keep laughing, and it feels so good. “I’m pretty behind on my work, and also not ready for two of you. I haven’t even fully experienced one of you.”

He mists again and returns to just a single body. He sets the phone aside but doesn’t pause the video, so the girl is still moaning loudly as Apollo says, “Am I wrong in thinking you aren’t ready for intercourse?”

I shift on my seat and chew my lip. Feelings start leaking out of the carefully chained-up box I’ve shoved to the back of my mind. Feelings about kissing on the lips and sex, that they’re for people who expect to be together forever…

“I guess not.”

He nods. “I will go as fast or as slow as you want. I just want you to be happy.”

“Thanks, I really appreciate that.”

“Oh, yeah, baby, come all over me,” the woman in the phone grunts.

Apollo casts a dubious glance at the device. “She likes to be in control, too.”

I laugh and cover my face. The thought of Apollo standing over me, stroking himself to release all over my chest, kinda does something for me. But we can explore that later. I need to work before I go fucking bankrupt.

“You enjoy your porn. I’m going to set up the website,” I say, turning back to my computer.

“I have an idea how to help with Apollo’s night out!” Charlie says and I jump, grabbing my chest.

Buddy, please don’t tell me you’ve been watching the whole time, I think, hoping he can sense my thoughts.

He whistles. “Noooo. Definitely not. I most certainly went to sleep as soon as you were tied to the chair.”

I purse my lips and stare at my computer screen. He’s just a duck, a plastic duck, who gets literally no entertainment other than me. I should be more forgiving.

It’s still kinda weird.

“Anyway! You should buy a couple of those little potion bottles and some copper wire!” he goes on.

Why?

“Because, he’s not just bound to the geode. He’s bound to the mountain itself. He’ll need water, stone, and dirt.”

How do you know this? I ask, opening Purchazon.

“Remember like five years ago when your mom came out to do her séance stuff at the new office building and you decided to look up a bunch of witch stuff?”

Yeah…

“Well, I remembered all of it! Copper is a conductive metal, and in witchy rituals, it’s used for transferring energy. If he needs the energy of the mountain to sustain his form, copper will be the best metal. And then the little bottle for water, dirt, and some rocks. Hopefully that should do it. Also, I expect you to bring me on the date if it works. I need to get out more.”

I laugh and Apollo glances at me curiously.

“Just, talkin’ with my struggle ducky,” I say, waving him off.

“Oh, why so quietly? Is it a secret?” he asks as he grins toward Charlie, who’s hanging out on the kitchen counter. Yep, I forgot about that. He definitely saw everything.

“It is, and I’m not telling either,” Charlie says, ending it with a ducky raspberry.

“Keep your secrets then.” Apollo chuckles and returns to browsing porn.

I think the first date should just be me and Apollo, but you are definitely invited on the second one.

“Deal!”

I hunt through the list of copper jewelry wire until I find one of suitable quality. I buy a leather cord for the necklace and some copper eyelets to tie everything on, and then tiny little glass fairy bottles. It’ll be here in two days, and then I can finally take Apollo for sushi.

I get the new website set up with a basic landing page loaded with SEO that says a new hot spring experience is coming to Grizzlywood. Then I get my POS set up. I don’t want to just sell admission to the pools. I want merch. I want really cool merch. Awesome hoodies, and hats, and T-shirts, and bumper stickers. Stuff that’s catchy and fun, and maybe just a little bit naughty. Something that makes you do a double take.

It's all free marketing that Turd-leneck hasn’t considered yet.

That’s a much better nickname for him.

I work down my to-do list, scratching things off like a boss until my stomach groans loudly. Apollo glances up from the book he’d switched over to and cocks his head at me.

“Have you not eaten all day?” he asks.

I think back and…nope. Not a thing all day except coffee. I shrug with an innocent smile.

“Oops.”

He shoots to his feet and marches over to the fridge. “Where is the food? You need to eat.”

I meet him at the fridge and pull out the quesadilla ingredients. “Want to help me make it?”

“I’ve never made food before,” he says with a frown. “I doubt I’ll be much help, but I’d love to watch.”

“All right, pay close attention. I’m going to quiz you on quesadillas later,” I say, grabbing one of my pans out of the box that still needs to be unpacked. It’s a running theme.

I turn to set the pan on the stove and realize my error very quickly. It’s a wood-burning stove. How could I have forgotten?

I groan. “So many appliances need to be replaced.”

“Not to worry, lovely. I can get a fire started,” Apollo says. He snaps his fingers and freshly chopped firewood appears in the firebox. He pulls on the lever at the bottom, which I have no idea what it does, and then sparks a fire on the wood with a twist of his wrist and a flourish of his blue magic.

“It’ll be hot enough to cook on in about five minutes,” he says with a broad grin, giddy that he’s helped me.

I lay out the tortillas and butter them with the cheap margarine shit—my mom would kill me if I told her it browns better. I sprinkle the shredded cheese on two tortillas, and by the time I’ve finished, the fire is ready to cook with.

The pan is a little big for the area, but it works fine, and in ten minutes, we both have warm, crispy quesadillas and seven-layer dip. I cut them into triangles and we scoop the bean dip with a fork.

“This is a…kay-sa-dee-ya?” Apollo asks.

I nod, my cheeks full of the warm, cheesy, fake buttery goodness. “Yep. It’s not really traditional food, but I grew up with it. We were kinda broke, and tortillas were cheap. Cheese, less so, but still cheaper than meat.”

Apollo leans forward. “Tell me more.”

I take another piping-hot bite and cover my mouth. “About what?” I ask, hooing and hawing.

“About you. I want to know more about the life you led before you came here.”

“Take a bite first,” I say, pointing to his untouched quesadilla.

His fangs poke into the crispy shell with a crunch and he pulls away. Strings of cheese hang on to the rest, and he pulls and pulls, the strings getting longer and longer until they finally snap and come flying back to his face, plastering his chin and neck.

He nods appreciatively as he licks up the strings of cheese. “It’s good. Better than the burger, I think.”

I lean over and pick a rogue cheese string off his chin.

That’s a couple’s thing!

I freeze, staring down at my plate in horror as I wipe the cheese on my napkin.

“Sylvia, what just happened?” Apollo asks, putting a hand on my arm.

“Nothing. Sorry,” I say, taking a huge bite of my quesadilla.

He stares at me with concern a moment longer, and then takes another bite of his food.

“You know about the Grand Canyon, and my mom who’s into sage and crystals, and that I have an ex-boyfriend named Jason, so I want to know something about you,” I say, dipping my quesadilla right into the seven layers.

“Ex- boyfriend ,” he says, mulling over the word.

Shit. I didn’t tell him who Jason was when he asked.

“Did you have sex with him?”

“Apollo!”

He stares at me, unwavering.

“Yes, I did. It was the lamest sex I’ve ever had and I won’t be having it with him again.”

“Even if your mother pressures you?” he asks.

“Yes, even if she pressures me. I’m not going back to Jason. And it wasn’t just about sex. He wasn’t a good partner.”

I take another bite of my food, wishing it could stop the sour churning in my stomach.

“I’m sorry for you,” he whispers. “I’m…experiencing something. It’s hot and fast. I want to hurt Jason. I’ve never felt this before.”

I set my food down. “I’m pretty sure that’s called jealousy. It means you want something someone else has.”

“Had,” Apollo emphasizes. “He had you. I have you now. This is different than jealousy. I’m angry he wasn’t better to you.”

I cluck my tongue. “Enough about Jason! Tell me something about yourself.”

Apollo sighs and takes another big bite.

I wait.

“My maker made many like me—not exactly like me, mind you, but similar. We all crave different energies. We have different natural appearances. The maker kept us all in our realm for a while, teaching us about humans and the plane we’re on now. They wanted us to go do great things for them.”

He looks down at his half-empty plate. “And I’ve failed.”

“Why?” I ask.

He looks up and the pain in his eyes overtakes me. “Because I haven’t done great things. I’ve let my maker down.”

“What do you mean?” I ask, taking his hand.

“Here I am, outsmarted by a human witch, my natural body destroyed, and my only hope of survival is clinging to this place of power so that I might live a little longer rather than return to them to be remade anew.”

My mind just got blown six ways from Sunday.

“Remade? What?”

He nods. “The maker shapes beings with energy. They spent a lot of time and energy on me and my siblings with the hopes that we would go out into the world and live up to the names they granted us.”

My heart breaks a little.

“Do you know what they expected of you? What if all they wanted was for you to live? Be happy?”

“We’re supposed to find our mates and…” He trails off, taking another bite of food.

“And what?” I ask when he’s finished chewing.

“Procreate. Make more energy for the maker to shape.”

This fun little incubus romp just got a whole lot more complicated.

“Why?”

Apollo shrugs. “I can only assume that the maker is lonely. Bored. They create beings they can observe in the world and entertain themselves with. Honestly, I don’t know. They’ve never interfered with my life once I reached your plane. I have not heard from them or experienced their gaze in over a century.”

More than a hundred years…

“I’m so sorry, Apollo,” I say, grabbing his greasy hand in mine. “Well, you’ll always have me, even when you find your mate. I’d love to still be your friend.”

His eyes glow as his gaze connects with mine. “I’m honored to call you friend. Girl friend.” He says each word with emphasis.

I laugh. “Yes, I’m a girl and your friend. And you’re my boy friend.”

He smiles softly, then seems to jolt to attention. “Are there any more movies you love? I would like to watch them.”

I glance over at my notebook and see all the checkboxes I scribbled off today and nod to myself. It’s just enough to watch a movie with my incubus boy friend.

“You know, there are a few more I think you should see,” I say, pulling the laptop closer. “Have you heard of anime?”