Page 19

Crispin

C rispin blinked and immediately closed his eyes again.

His head hurt, as if he’d imbibed an entire tankard of Bidulla’s homemade Ogre Ale the night before, the especially strong variety she made for Ogre Solstice.

No, hurt didn’t do his head justice. More like screaming pain , as if his poor tender brain had been subjected to a prolonged banshee-chorus Christmas concert.

He lay still for a while, hoping the pain would recede and feeling perplexed.

It wasn’t like him to go on a bender. That was more Aspin’s style.

Crispin’s older brother was the son Cerillia had always wanted: tall, strong, handsome, handy with a bow, unafraid to face down either a band of marauding trolls or a twelve-course state dinner.

Where am I? The pain ebbed, little by little, lessening to sword-in-the-gut level before dropping to that of ten painfully stubbed toes. At last, he dared open his eyes.

To nothing.

He blinked again, but the nothing stubbornly refused to become something. Next time his boss offered him a drink, he’d have to beg off—politely, of course.

He sat up, his hands slightly sinking into the soft emptiness that held him up.

After a little more thought, he realized that it wasn’t nothing, exactly.

More like a distinct lack of something. The world around him was a sort of annoying white beigey gray, a nondescript color that seemed to mutter don’t look at me; I’m not interesting.

Even the air had a strange not-there quality to it, though there must have been air, because he was still breathing.

He tried to remember what had happened just before he’d ended up here, but his memories seemed just as amorphous as this strange un-place. He did a sudden sharp intake of breath.

“That’s what this is!”

He was in the Un-Place. The place between worlds.

Crispin shuddered. He’d heard stories about people who had been trapped here, when the zip between places didn’t work. It was fortunately rare, or else no one would travel by mirror, but it happened.

Sometimes they were found weeks, months, years later. Sometimes they were never seen again.

There was a groan behind him, and he snapped his head around.

A man lay there. A human male with disheveled hair and with clothing that was nearly as messy. “Leo?” Crispin’s memories snapped back into place. “Leo!” He crawled over to the poor hapless man.

The leash was still around Leo’s neck, the one Crispin had fastened when they were on Earth 2. Just before the explosion. Something had happened in Juzir’s apartment as the archosaur wizard was about to send them home.

Leo blinked. “Crispy?”

For once, Crispin let the annoying nickname stand. “Are you all right?”

He didn’t look all right. His skin was decidedly gray, but not a normal kind of sickly gray. It was more like his body was filled with gray sparks, just under the skin.

“I feel sparky.” Leopold’s whole body shook, as if he were having a seizure. “What’s wrong with me?”

Crispin took his hand, and the hum of electricity ran through him. “I don’t know.” Think, Crispin, think. If his theory was right, Leo wasn’t really human. Or at least hadn’t been born that way. He was a bit of Chaos magic loose in the world.

Maybe it was better that they were stuck here in the Un-Place. Because realistically, how much damage could Leo even do if he lost control in a place like this? Probably nothing.

Or he could break all the mirrors, all the passages between the connected worlds. That would be catastrophic for billions of entities; probably for Leo too. And somehow Crispin had gotten rather attached to the cantankerous, messy human during their long journey across worlds.

He squeezed Leo’s hand. “Tell me what you’re feeling.”

“It’s… like I’m liquid, sloshing around inside my skin. Like something wants out.” His eyes met Leo’s. “Should I let it go?” His brow was slick with sweat. “I’m not normal, am I?”

Crispin snorted. “No, don’t let it go.” He touched Leo’s forehead with his free hand. “You’re running a bit hot.” He wished he had a bit of water to give to his… friend. Yes, that term sounded right. “And you’re one of the most boringly normal people I have ever met. Almost as boring as I am.”

A ghost of a smile played across Leopold’s lips. “Boring? Boring? You’re a goddamned elf, dude.”

Crispin laughed. “A fae . A desk fae. Can’t get much more boring than that.”

Leopold shook his head. “You travel between worlds. In just the time we’ve been together, we’ve been potties?—”

“Piwati.”

“…and seen mirkins?—”

“Feryken.”

“…and giants and even a whole world filled with arkysores.”

“Archosaurs.” If they ever made it out of this bland place, he’d have to work on Leo’s language skills.

“My point is that you are anything but boring! Seriously, Crispy, you make it really hard for a guy to get a word in edgewise.” During his speech, his pallor had been slowly changing.

“Look!” Crispin held up Leo’s hand. “Your skin.”

Leopold sat up and peered at his arm. “It looks like skin.”

“Exactly. The more boring and human you act, the more human you become.”

“Like Pinocchio?”

Crispin racked his brain. “Oh, yes, the story from the wooden world of Geppettoso. They always did take a shine to your kind.”

“You mean Pinocchio… he was real?”

“Of course he was. But that whole claptrap about him becoming human was just a story.”

“I’m not though, am I?” Leo’s eyes were wet.

“Not what?”

“Human.” His lanky brown hair fell over his eyes. “That’s what the arkysore was saying.”

Crispin sighed. Close enough. “Listen, maybe you weren’t human to begin with.

I wasn’t fae to begin with, either, just a small magical cell that divided and divided again to make me the stunning example of office faedom that you see before you today.

You didn’t start out that way, but you are as human a human as I’ve ever met. Maybe that’s what counts.”

Leo reached up, gently pulled Crispin near, and kissed him. Crispin gave in, the warmth of Leo’s lips melting his insides.

He allowed himself—just for a second—to imagine a life with the strange human…

waking up in bed with him in the treehouse, feeding Minkis together, taking quiet walks in the forest under the scintillating canopy of the Greatwoods…

even coming home after work to recount stories of his long day at the office?—

He pushed Leopold away. “I… we… can’t.”

Leo’s eyebrow arched. “Why not? Is it ‘cause… I am what I am?”

“Yes.” Crispin regretted it immediately, seeing Leopold’s crestfallen look. “Oh, not that. Like I said, you’re as human as anyone I’ve ever met.”

“Then what?” His eyes widened. “You’re a virgin!”

Crispin barked a laugh. “I most certainly am not. I’ve played in the berry bushes with my share of men before.” Though not many, and not for a long time. Not since Qyl. The ache in his nethers reminded him of that. Their affair had been both short-lived and disastrous.

“Then what?”

Crispin sighed. “You’re a—” he had been about to say “a recoverable,” but that didn’t sound right. “A client.” He’d never hear the end of it from Bidulla if he got too involved with the merchandise.

“Oh.” Leopold lay back on the white beigey gray nothing and stared at the white beigey gray sky. “So you can’t but you want to.” A grin teased the edges of his lips. “I can work with that.”

Crispin huffed. “I never said I wanted to.”

“Your lips did.”

He sighed. He almost preferred Morose Leo to Smug Leo. He got up, casting about for something, anything, to get them out of there. Intentionally taking a few steps away from Leo. Just to check out the area. I can’t trust myself being close to him.

He pulled his portable transport device from his pocket. “Thea, can you get us home now?”

It was a long shot, but maybe here in the Un-Place, the bit of Chaos she’d ingested might be muffled? Or maybe pulled out of her altogether?

She whistled softly, but then, nothing.

Crispin abruptly sat down, out of ideas. He’d long since given up on his perfecality score. Now he just wanted to go home.

He shuddered and started to cry—something he never did, especially in front of others. Not since his brother had teased him mercilessly for crying over his last pet, a raccoon named Echo, who had wandered away from home one night just before his mother’s Estate had changed worlds.

He put his head in his hands, trying to hide his sobs.

Leopold was beside him in an instant. “Hey, I’m sorry, dude. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was just joking.” He put his arms around Crispin.

Leo’s response was so different from Aspin’s teasing jabs. He really does care about me.

In an instant Leo had somehow erased the space between them . This time Crispin was sure of it. “Wait. How did you— You were over there, and then you were here .”

Leopold shrugged. “I don’t know. I just knew you needed me. So I was… here.” As he said it, he frowned. “Hey, that is kinda weird, right?”

Crispin stared at him. “Has this ever happened before? I mean, I think you did it when we were with Fromlith, but it all happened so fast, I wasn’t sure. And then when we fell out of the nest….”

“I guess?”

“But before that. Before you met me?”

Leopold frowned. “I… don’t know. Maybe?”

“How can you not know?”

“Well, there was this time when I crashed my car, only I was outside of it, you know? Like, I figured I just got thrown out on impact. But the paramedics said it was strange that I didn’t have any injuries.”

Crispin nodded. “Because… you decided to be somewhere else?”

Leopold blinked. “I guess? But people can’t just decide to be somewhere else and… do it. Can they?”

“Not people. You .”

“Ouch, dude. That’s harsh. I thought you said I was as human as anyone you knew?” The hurt look on his face wounded Crispin too.

He frowned. “I didn’t mean…”

Leopold’s grin stretched slowly across his face. “I know. But you are so easy.”

Crispin shoved him. “I need you to be serious for a moment.”

Leo mock-saluted him. “Yes, sir.”

Crispin got up and took a few steps through the nothingness and turned back toward Leo. “Come over here.”

Leopold started to get up.

“Not like that. See if you can wish yourself here.”

“Oh, okay.” He closed his eyes and his whole face scrunched, as though he was trying to force something out of himself.

Nothing happened.

“All right. Let’s try something else. Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and visualize yourself next to me.” Deep breaths were always helpful when one was stressed, and they were both certainly under a lot of stress.

Leopold did as he was told. His face slackened, making him look almost childlike, and he took five slow, deep breaths. “Did I do it? Am I next to you?”

Crispin sighed again. “No. You can open your eyes.” He needed this to work. He had to get home to see his mother. She would be able to set things right, even if she cut him down to size for being such a “huge disappointment” and “nothing at all like your brother.”

“Leo…” He blinked. Leopold was standing right next to him. “You did it.”

Leopold looked down and around himself. “I did. What did I do different?”

Crispin bit his lip, thinking. Both times, he’d needed Leopold’s help. It couldn’t be that simple. Could it?

Were they connected somehow?

“I have an idea. Take my hand.”

Leopold obeyed, his palm warm in Crispin’s and pulsing with life. For not being human, he did a really good impression of one.

Crispin found himself wondering what it would be like to touch Leo’s naked chest, to lean into him and smell his neck, to…

He shook himself. This is not the time.

“I have to tell you something.” Leo looked suddenly very serious.

Is he blushing? Maybe he feels the same way too. “What?” Crispin held his breath.

The world seemed to stop. Not that there was anything going on around them, but somehow time froze for an agonizing moment while Crispin awaited Leopold’s next words.

“I think I broke Juzir’s toilet.”

The world resumed its movement. It may have grumbled under its breath about so much ado for nothing.

Crispin stared at him. “You….” It was so not what he was expecting. “So that’s what the explosion was?”

Leopold nodded miserably. “Tell him I’m sorry, next time you see him?”

Crispin chuckled. It started as a little thing but then expanded into his belly, and soon he was laughing out loud. “You broke his toilet!” Somehow it was the funniest thing he had ever heard.

Leo grinned, picking up his mood. “Yeah. I flushed it, and it started to gurgle and shake, and then… boom. ”

“Boom!” Crispin lifted his hands into the air. They laughed together, falling into each other’s arms, and a weight lifted from Crispin’s shoulders.

Sure his perfecality score had probably cratered by now, but what other desk fae would have been able to get them this far, safely? Certainly not Theodor ur Deepmountain, or any of the other curators. He had done it, with Leopold’s help. Together they could do anything, he was suddenly sure of it.

And what would happen when he finally delivered Leo to the office? Bidulla would want to squirrel him away somewhere safe, maybe even study him.

I won’t let that happen. But first, he had to get them both home. Needed to get them home. “It’s okay, Leo. They have good plumbers on Juzir’s world.”

Leopold’s tentative smile was genuine. “Are you sure? It must have made an awful mess.”

“I’m sure.” He’d see about sending Juzir some restitution once he made it back to OotL.

They had a fund for such things, issues caused in the line of duty.

“But right now, I need you to take us to see my mother.” It was true.

As much as he fretted about having to deal with Her High Fairyness and her usually pointed jibes about his life and career, he needed to see her. “Can you do that?”

Leo nodded. “I can try.” He threw his arms around Crispin and squeezed him tight.

Crispin hoped Leo couldn’t feel how much Crispin needed him in return.

“Take us to the Estate,” Crispin intoned.

The Un-Place faded around them, and then with a snap, they were somewhere else.

Leo let him go, his eyes widening. “What the…?”

Crispin blinked in dismay. “Oh dear.”