Page 16

Leopold

“ P heromones,” said Leopold firmly.

Crispin just blinked at him, so Leopold elaborated. “Those Mothra things were emitting pheromones—and ew, that was way more moth lovin’ than I ever wanted to see—and the chemicals affected us too, and thus the kiss.”

“The ki— Oh. Yes, of course.” Crispin sat up. “But perhaps at the moment we have other, more important, matters to deal with? Such as how you managed to transport us here .”

Leopold, who was already sitting, scratched his head. “Dunno. I just sorta had a feeling that jumping was the right thing to do, and anything seemed like a better option than getting eaten by those… things, so…. Probably Thea zapped us.” He shrugged.

Crispin’s face scrunched up, in a way that Leopold was starting to find adorable. “But there was nothing reflective.”

“Maybe there was but we just couldn’t see it ‘cause it was night. Hey, do reflective things still reflect in the dark? That’s kinda like that thing about a tree falling in a forest, and?—”

“Did you deliberately get taken by Molly so you could rescue me?” There was an odd expression on Crispin’s face and Leopold couldn’t decipher it.

“I didn’t wanna be stuck in bugville all by myself, did I? You’re my ticket home.” Leopold looked away because he was very much afraid that Crispin could interpret his expression.

They were in a park, he finally noticed.

A nice one, with carefully manicured lawns and a few stands of tall trees.

Children’s happy shrieks came from behind one of those stands, hinting at the presence of a playground.

A pair of squirrels scampered across the grass.

Whereas it had been nighttime in the moth place, here the mellow rays of a summer evening bathed everything in golden light.

Off to one side, a rose garden was in riotous bloom.

On the other, a row of stately palm trees flanked a street, and ahead of them were expensive-looking houses.

Leopold leapt to his feet. “Sacramento! We’re back home!” He whooped and shot his fist into the air.

Crispin, who was considerably slower to stand up, looked around, frowning. “Um. I’m not so sure. Do those people look a bit, er, different to you?” He gestured toward a small group clustered near the roses.

“Well, it is Sacramento. We may not be San Francisco, but we have more than our share of weirdness, and….” Leopold trailed off as his mind finally processed what he was seeing. Those people had tails. Long, shiny green tails with a ridge of soft spikes. And their faces….

Crispin grabbed Leopold’s wrist hard and spoke quietly but urgently. “A police officer is approaching. I beg you, if you value your freedom and safety, do not speak to them. Not. A single. Word.”

Still in Crispin’s grip, Leopold spun to see the uniformed police officer. He intended to protest Crispin’s orders but then got a good look at the cop’s face. “That’s a lizard!”

“Not a lizard,” Crispin hissed. “Archosaur. Now be quiet!”

Leopold clamped his mouth shut. As the cop sauntered toward them, Leopold noticed that he and Crispin were back in their original forms, in their original clothing. He kind of missed the wings, to be honest. It had taken a bit of effort, but once he’d gotten the hang of the whole flying thing?—

“Good evening, officer,” said Crispin. He was smiling, but his fingers were bruising Leopold’s wrist.

“Evening, sir. Are you enjoying the park?” The archosaur had a surprisingly light voice that Leopold thought might mean she was female, but he wasn’t sure.

She wore a fairly standard cop uniform of navy slacks and lighter blue shirt, complete with badge, but the slacks were tailored to accommodate a thick tail that was long enough to drag behind her.

Instead of a hat, she had a pinkish skin crest on her head and claws instead of fingernails.

Her forearms were inset with patterns of tiny jewels.

Crispin’s smile broadened a little. “I am, thank you. It’s lovely.”

“I think maybe you’re a tourist—we don’t get many fae around here—so you might not be familiar with all the local laws, sir.

You can’t have your pet ape in the park without a leash.

It’s pretty cute in its little outfit, though.

” She made a cooing noise at Leopold. “What breed is it? Ooh, is it one of the hairless breeds? I hear they’re good if you have allergies. ”

Leopold didn’t know what part of her speech to object to first, which was probably just as well because it meant he didn’t say anything at all. He did have to stifle a yelp, though, when Crispin squeezed even more tightly.

“He’s just a mutt. A little stubborn, you know, but quite intelligent. And, er, loyal. And I do apologize about the leash. I was unaware.”

She nodded. “Well, I won’t ticket you then.

Because our little snookums is just too darn adorable, isn’t he?

Such a cutie pie!” This time she not only made kissy noises but also chucked him under the chin and scratched behind his ear with a scaled claw that was nonetheless quite smooth against his skin.

With great difficulty, Leopold managed not to bite her.

“Thank you, officer. I do appreciate it.” Crispin reached into a trouser pocket with his free hand and pulled out an improbably long length of rope, which he quickly knotted around Leopold’s neck.

It wasn’t tight enough to choke him, but it wasn’t exactly loose.

Glaring at them both, Leopold rubbed at his sore wrist.

“Aw,” said the cop. “Him’s a wittle grouchy about the leash, isn’t him?”

“Indeed.” Crispin gave a tug on the rope that Leopold interpreted as a warning. “And I do believe it’s time for his dinner, so we’ll be getting back to the hotel. You know how apes get when they’re hungry. Thank you again!”

The cop managed to ruffle Leopold’s hair before they escaped.

As soon as they were out of earshot, Leopold growled. “What the hell , Crispy?”

“Crispin.” His usual protest sounded a little halfhearted. “Do you want to be taken away to the pound? If not, we need to keep the leash on you when we’re in public here.”

“Where the hell is here?”

“Earth.”

“But—”

“A slightly different version of Earth. We’ll call it Earth 2, though as far as the natives are concerned, your planet is Earth 2.

Anyhow, in this place the dinosaurs evolved to become the sentient species.

The apes did not. Otherwise the worlds are quite similar, although I must say that this one is more peaceful.

Archosaurs are somewhat less pugnacious than primates, as it turns out.

Now hush—you mustn’t let others hear you speaking. ”

They passed several others as they walked.

Couples and families out for an evening stroll, apparently.

Most of them paused to admire him, petting him and calling him embarrassing names.

Which was bad enough, but even worse was the archosaur in the muscle shirt and too-tight shorts who muttered something about germs and told Crispin his pet ought to be muzzled.

Leopold snarled at him. The startled and slightly frightened look on the archosaur’s face was reward enough.

They walked for over a mile: out of the park, through a residential neighborhood, and into what was clearly downtown.

A lot of businesses were closed because it was now nighttime, but there were also a lot of restaurants that seemed to be lively.

Realizing he was hungry, Leopold gazed longingly into the windows as they passed.

Somehow the treats gifted by Fromlith hadn’t seemed to have transitioned with them.

Or Leopold had lost them on Moth World. Or maybe they’d eaten them all.

He couldn’t remember—his memory was the first thing to go when he was really hungry.

“They wouldn’t let you inside,” said Crispin quietly. “Sorry. I’ll get us something to eat soon.”

“Where are we going?”

“It just so happens,” and Crispin puffed up a bit, regaining some of his former pomposity, “that I know someone in this city.”

“As long as this someone has food. Human eatable food.” He felt it was important to specify the last part, lest he get a hunk of raw meat shoved under his snout.

Leopold did not like being a pet. But since there wasn’t much he could do about it at the moment, he allowed himself to be led along. A group of what were probably teenage dinosaurs skateboarding by a fountain made monkey noises at him and laughed.

It occurred to him then to wonder how he’d understood everyone no matter where they went. Even the moths. Surely not all worlds spoke English.

It was probably just the magic; best to leave it at that.

They came to a tall glass-and-steel building that wouldn’t have been out of place on L Street back home, and went inside to an elegant lobby. A dinosaur in a suit was perched behind a gleaming wood desk. “I’m sorry, sir. We don’t allow pets in this building. You can tie it up outside if you like.”

“I’m just paying a quick visit to a resident, and it’s vital that I take, er, my pet with me. Perhaps you could announce me? I’m Crispin Eladrin Moss’caladin.” He said his name with an air of importance.

The concierge straightened his back. “Of the Moss’caladins, sir?”

“Of course.”

“I’m so sorry, sir! I had no idea. I’ll call right away.”

Huh. Crispy’s mom really was a big deal. Interesting.

As promised, the concierge made a quick call and then waved them to the elevators. As soon as the doors closed, Leopold yanked the end of the rope out of Crispin’s hand. “What the hell ?” He’d been saying that a lot lately.

“I’m sorry. It’s only, primates here aren’t capable of speech. If they heard you, they’d probably cart you off to a lab somewhere to study you, and….”

Leopold was getting some serious Planet of the Apes vibes. He shuddered. “Fine. But we’re not sticking around here, right? I think I almost preferred the damn moths.”

Crispin bit his lip. “I’m sorry, Leo. We’ll leave as soon as possible. That’s why we’re here in this building—we’re going to visit an acquaintance.”

Leopold let the nickname slide. There were too many things to be unhappy about all at once. And because Crispin didn’t sound especially thrilled about this little visit, Leopold grew uneasy. “What kind of acquaintance?”

“He’s—well, I suppose wizard would be the closest approximation.” Crispin looked away, shoving his hands in his tweedy pockets.

“We’re off to see the wizard?” Leopold asked incredulously. “Seriously?”

If Crispin understood the reference, he didn’t play along. He just sighed. “Needs must.”

The elevator dinged and the doors slid open.

The softly lit hallway had paintings on the walls and little tables holding vases of fresh flowers. Apparently being a wizard paid really well.

Leopold had a thought and came to a halt. “Hey, if this world is so much like mine, how come they have magic and we don’t?”

“You do. But there’s some sort of damper that keeps it from manifesting strongly. Nobody knows exactly how, and frankly, nobody much cares. Earth is an anomaly and also dangerous, so we all tend to avoid you.”

His feelings unaccountably hurt, Leopold followed Crispin silently to the final door, which was marked with a mysterious sigil instead of a number or letter.

The door swung open before there was a chance to knock, revealing a plump archosaur with purplish scales and a royal-blue head crest. They wore a pair of neon-green sweatpants and a T-shirt advertising something called Theropod Airlines, with an image of an airplane soaring over mountains.

“Crispin! I am so honored to have you?—”

The wizard stopped and gaped at Leopold, eyes wide. “Oh no! Oh, we can’t have that here!”

Leopold stared at him. What, now I’ve been demoted from pet to inanimate object?

“It’s fine, Juzir,” Crispin said smoothly. “I know your building has a no-pet policy, but there are extenuating circumstances. I can assure you that he’s housebroken and doesn’t have fleas.”

Leopold shot Crispin a grateful glance for restoring his personhood.

Or at least gender. Until now, he hadn’t been aware that a dinosaur could look both horrified and terrified, but this one did.

“N-n-no! Take it away!” And the door slammed shut with enough force to shake the nearest vase of flowers. Several locks clicked into place.

“I guess he has an ape phobia.” Leopold stared at the closed door.

But Crispin was frowning in concentration. “I don’t think that’s the problem.”

“Well, it’s not my fault. I didn’t say or do anything scary.”

“No. But….” Crispin inhaled sharply and paled, staggering back a few steps. “Oh no. No, it’s not possible.”

“Crispy? What’s the matter?” Leopold reached out to steady him, but Crispin only backed away.

And then he spoke in a small, careful voice. “Leopold, you told me that you were adopted. What do you know about your, er, biological family?”

“What does that have to do?—”

“Please, Leo pold ! Answer me.”

Fuck. It sounded like Crispin was panicking, and Leopold was clueless as to why. And for reasons he couldn’t explain, he didn’t want to see the desk fae distressed.

“I don’t know anything about my bio parents.

Some firemen found me squalling in front of the station as a newborn.

I was in a basket, like Moses, only, you know, no Nile.

No note either, or anything else. Not even a diaper.

Authorities did a little investigating but never got anywhere.

” He’d always tried not to dwell on it. At least someone had cared enough about him to leave him somewhere safe, and his adoptive parents had taken good care of him.

When he was younger, he’d sometimes scanned crowds to see if he could find his features in someone else’s face, but he never did.

If anything, Crispin now looked even more upset. “So you could be… anything.”

“What do you mean?”

Crispin stared at him a moment. His eyes shone as if he were about to cry. “Oh, Leo. We need to talk.”