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Serenity

CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

The next day

I wake up later than him.

I'm actually too embarrassed to get up, even though I know Ares is showering and I could quickly escape to my apartment. However, I really want to stay and ask what he meant by, “You are mine.” The thing is, I’m scared of his answer.

What if he says: You are my ward, Serenity.

My protégé.

My favorite orphan.

Any of those would be depressing, but if I consider what he told me about not staying with the same woman for long, that's probably what I'm going to hear.

I'm getting ready to get up, wrapping the sheet around my body, when the bathroom door opens, and he appears with his hair still dripping from the shower, a tiny towel wrapped around his narrow waist.

I can't speak, too stunned by that nearly 6'6" man looking at me as if he wants me for breakfast.

"You kill me, Serenity."

"What?"

"I know what you're thinking. I want it too, but if I fuck you again, you won't be able to walk for two days. I'm not going to take it easy like I did yesterday." He lets go of the towel, letting it fall carelessly on the floor.

I swallow hard when I see that his huge sex is semi-erect.

"Choose: me or ballet?"

"My God, I always thought dancing was my life, but . . ."

He throws his head back, laughing, more handsome than any other man on the planet. Without saying anything, he climbs into bed and unravels me.

Over the next half hour, Ares gives me two orgasms with his mouth and fingers, and when I fall back drowsily against the sheets, I start to question whether it wouldn't be worth taking a vacation to live solely on sex for weeks.

"What about your performances?" he asks, lifting his face from between my legs, his lips still wet from my pleasure. The personification of sin.

"Did I say that out loud?"

He doesn't respond, just gives me a lazy smile.

"My God, I said it out loud!"

"Whatever you decide, I'm in." He lies on his back and pulls me towards him.

I didn't mean to sleep, but I know I blacked out when I wake up in a cold sweat from a nightmare. He is no longer with me.

I must have screamed because Ares enters the room looking worried.

"What happened?" he asks.

"What?

"You were crying."

I run my hand over my face and feel it wet with tears. It takes me a while to remember. The usual nightmare. "It's a recurring dream that I've had my entire life."

He sits on the bed and pulls me into his arms. "Tell me about it."

"I'm alone in front of the full-length mirror that was in the house where I was born, in New Orleans. It was in my parents' room. I'm looking at myself, combing my hair, and then Mom and Dad appear behind me. But they don't have faces, they don't have heads, just bodies, and yet they can speak. I hear them call my name. When I told JeAnne about this dream, she told me it might be because I feel guilty about not remembering them."

He puts his hand on my head and, little by little, I calm down.

"Have you talked to anyone about it?" he asks.

"You mean . . .a therapist?"

"Yep."

"A few years after they sent me to boarding school, I went to some sessions. I don't remember much, just a woman talking to me behind closed doors at German school, when I was still very little. She gave me paper and colored pencils to draw with. But if it was therapy, it was only for a short time, and I don't think it worked, because I didn't say anything. In any case, they are just flashes of memory."

"Don't you feel like trying again?"

"Do you think I should?"

"I don't know, Serenity. I'm not the best person in the world to give advice on how to open up. On the contrary, my siblings and I grew up being told that we can never show emotion."

"Because they are men?"

"Because we are Kostanidou, Greeks, and a group of proud bastards."

I lift my face from his chest to look at him. He tried to sound light, but I'm already getting to know him a little bit, and I know Ares didn't tell me this to comfort me. He must have been indoctrinated, like me, to keep his emotions under control.

"During the first few days at school, I cried a lot because I missed home. They punished me. I soon learned to pretend everything was fine. I started to relate showing feelings to something bad." I don't like to admit it, but in a way, he gave me a clue about his past. The least I can do is give him something back in return.

"You were just a little girl."

"Yes, I know. I like to think that if I ever have children, I will never teach them that showing feelings is wrong. I don't want to create more people like me." Only after I say that do I realize that I may have offended him too. "Pardon me. I spoke without thinking."

"I'm not sensitive, Serenity. With me, you will never need to hide what you think or feel."

I do need to hide what I feel because right now, I would like to create a law saying that you are mine.

I clear my throat and try to do the same with my brain. Despite what we just talked about, the future of our relationship is a big question mark, if there even is a relationship, and I don't want to think about that right now.

"I'm afraid of one day forgetting them. I mean, forgetting them once and for all, because at least with the photographs I can try to force the memory." I pause, remembering the last conversation with JeAnne. "Why didn't you tell me that Mr. Van Lith had passed away, Ares?"

He turns me so I'm straddling his legs. He tucks a stray strand of hair behind my ear. "Because he asked me not to."

"What?"

"Eventually, I would have. As much as I want to protect you, because I won't allow you to be hurt, I don't want to keep you in a glass jar. Pain is part of life. Wanting only happy days is unrealistic. But he was dying, and he asked me not to tell you at that time, and to be honest, I ended up forgetting. How did you know?"

"JeAnne called me."

"Did she call you to tell you about it?"

I nod. "She said she saw an article in the local newspapers about his death and that a single person was at the cemetery: you."

"How could she have known that? There were no photographers at the cemetery. My security guards always search the perimeter when I go somewhere."

"What?"

“She lied to you, Serenity. I don't know why, but JeAnne lied." He pauses. "How was she when you spoke on the phone?"

"Normal. I mean, her new normal , because even though I have no idea why, she’s changed with me."

"How?"

"She's just grown more and more distant from me. Not just physically distant. I'm always the one who takes the initiative to call. It's like she's trying to cut ties."

He looks thoughtful and then kisses me on the forehead and sits me down on the bed. "Wait a second." When he returns, he has a box in his hands. "Van Lith left this here with me. It contains memories of your parents."

"Memories? And he was withholding them? Why didn't he give it to me from the beginning?"

He shrugs. "He gave the excuse that he was trying to protect you from the pain, but maybe he had just forgotten about it."

I take the square box. "What's in here?"

"Photographs, I think. Maybe letters. I didn't open it."

I set it aside.

"Aren't you going to see what's inside?"

"Not now. I'm feeling happy today. I'm afraid that seeing these mementos will bring the sadness back."

It's already evening when I return to my apartment. Ares had to go to SIN , but he said he would return in an hour.

When I open the door to my duplex, however, I am surprised to find JeAnne standing in the foyer.

"Hi. The maid let me in. I hope you don't mind."

I go to her and hug her, sighing in relief when she reciprocates. Despite our last conversation, the hug and kiss she gives me feels the same as always.

"I can't believe you came. How long can you stay?"

We walk together towards the living room.

"Until your debut. I wouldn't miss it for anything. Where were you? You spent the whole day away. I tried calling."

"My phone died. I think I need to change it. The battery dies all the time."

"You didn't answer where you were."

That irritates me, I'm not a child anymore. Any other time, I would tell the truth, but I don't feel like it, so I just say, "I left for a walk."

Before she can ask any more questions, the night shift maid enters the room. "Mrs. Villatoro is coming up."

JeAnne's expression changes instantly, and I roll my eyes.

Will they never get along?

"Be nice," I beg. "Debra has been traveling and came to help me with rehearsals for my debut."