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Serenity

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

I couldn't say how we got out of SIN .

I have no idea how I said goodbye to Madison and Cici; I’m just vaguely aware that they said they'd call me next week.

Without saying a word, Ares takes me to the back of the club, to the exclusive parking lot.

I see the driver, as well as the bodyguards, waiting for us, and I realize that we will not return on the motorcycle.

Ares helps me into the car and watches me fasten my seat belt. When the driver takes his place behind the wheel, Ares closes the partition to give us privacy, but he doesn’t try to talk to me until we arrive at the building we live in. Inside the elevator, I have to force myself to stay still, because I feel like his eyes are boring into me.

When we finally stop at my floor, I prepare to say goodbye, but he follows me outside the elevator.

Ares grabs me by the shoulders and turns me towards him. "We need to talk. I had no idea that..."

I wave my hand, without looking at him, and nod. "I know. You assumed I was experienced."

"Experienced, no, but I never imagined that after two years in a relationship..."

"I’d still be a virgin?"

"That."

"I'm sorry for the confusion."

"Confusion? You think it was a simple misunderstanding? You are innocent, untouched, and I abused your trust."

"You asked me if I wanted to leave. I made the decision to stay. I loved every second of it and would do it all again."

"You don't know what you're saying. It's not going to happen again. The first man in a girl's life is very important. Trust me, when you look back in the future, you'll regret it if I was that guy."

I can't imagine giving myself to anyone else.

Of course I don't say anything like that. I've already had my fair share of humiliation for the rest of the year.

"Good evening, Ares."

"Serenity . . ."

"What do you want me to say?"

"Call me a bastard. I deserve it."

I open the door with my fingerprint, but before entering, with my hand on the doorknob, I turn to him again. "No. I'll call you my first everything . You cannot make the memory of what happened disappear. And I don't want to forget."

I enter quickly, because my courage was just enough to release what was weighing me down.

I walk to the bedroom on the second floor and throw myself on the bed without taking off my clothes, still feeling him inside me, wanting more, even though it will probably never happen again.

Days later

I'm avoiding him.

Yes, it's not dignified or honorable, but I still haven't recovered from the shame of our conversation because of what happened at SIN . I didn’t even have the courage to tell Debra—who is in Louisiana, by the way.

God, why did I say those things? If Ares had any doubt that I was an inexperienced fool, it vanished in that moment.

We've only been talking via text, which seems ridiculous since we live just one floor away. Ares has given me space, which is a blessing. I wouldn't know how to be casual after what happened.

Both Cici and Madison called me and wanted to arrange something for my twenty-first birthday in a few months. I agreed but asked them not to talk about the date with Ares. I'm sure he doesn't remember.

Three weeks from now will be my debut as prima ballerina of the New York City Ballet, and the anxiety is already hitting me hard. I don't need another reason to be tense, and any contact with my Greek guardian would worsen my condition.

I look at my phone on the bed and call JeAnne, praying she’ll answer. Since I arrived in New York, we've only spoken three times. I understand that she didn't want to come live in Manhattan, but after so many years together, is she going to cut me out of her life, like a Band-Aid ripped off and discarded in the trash?

When we talk on the phone, she seems fine but not as mellow as she used to be, and I wonder if I did something to upset her.

"Serenity, how are you?" she answers on the third ring.

"JeAnne, did I do something to hurt you?" I ask, because every time she’s distant with me, it's like a stab to the heart.

"Hurt me?"

"You’re different with me now."

"I'm having some problems, Serenity."

"Can I help? Do you need money?"

"It's nothing you need to worry about."

"And your coming here? Don't you want to see the city? My apartment is huge. I can arrange a charter flight for you. You wouldn't even need to come by a commercial one." I hate to sound desperate, but I'm tired of pretending I'm never sad.

"It is not necessary. I will come soon."

“Okay,” I say, because it's clear she doesn't want to continue talking, but just as I'm about to hang up, she calls my name. "Yes?"

"Are you happy there?"

"I'm fine, JeAnne. I have new friends, and I live in an incredible place."

"That's not what I asked."

I think about the question. Am I happy? I have everything a girl my age could want, so why don't I feel fulfilled?

"Yes, I'm happy," I lie.

"Did you know that Van Lith passed away?"

"What?"

"He died a few days ago."

"How do you know?"

"There was a note in the newspaper. I thought Mr. Kostanidis would tell you."

"And why would he know?"

"Because he was the only person present at the funeral."

"When was that?"

"Soon after you moved to New York."

"But you and I spoke after that. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I forgot."

"No, you didn't forget. You read the newspapers daily and have a sharp mind. Why didn't you tell me, JeAnne?"

"I assumed your new guardian had done so. As you never mentioned the subject, I thought you didn't care."

That hurt more than the previous lie. Is that what she thinks of me, that I wouldn't even send Mr. Van Lith a wreath? Does she believe I'm an insensitive, selfish person?

"I have to go," I say. "Take care."

"Serenity?"

"Yes."

"I love you, child."

"Thanks."

I turn off my phone, furious, and put on shorts and a t-shirt, determined to go after the arrogant man who thinks he can hide something so important from me.

I need Ares to understand once and for all that I'm not a baby.

I go up to his apartment and ring the doorbell, but no one answers. Of course he wouldn't be home—at this time, he's probably at SIN . That should be my cue to go to sleep, but I'm too upset to ignore everything that’s happened, so I decide that, at least for today, I won't be the good girl everyone expects.

I go back to the apartment, grab my phone, and call Madison to share my plan with her.

Her response would make me laugh if I weren't so angry.

"He's going to kill us both."

"So you're not going to help me?"

"Of course I'm going to. Give me half an hour to ask my mother to come and stay with the children. I don't like leaving them with just the nannies. Then I'll come by and pick you up."