Page 39 of Nothing to This (Nothing to… #8)

“Why do you not be wedded?” Sky asked at dinner that Sunday night.

She stopped eating to look at her daughter straightening her spaghetti. “What, sweetpea?”

“I want Daddy to live with Sky,” Sky said. “Always.”

Kye’s mouth was full when he chimed in. “Me too. Daddy can live here.”

JD had been gone for a week, a whole week, yet he was still prominent in their children’s minds, and not only because he called every night.

He hadn’t gone far from her thoughts either; he’d wormed his way into all their affections.

Okay, so the twins had always adored him.

Still, she hadn’t expected her child to ask such a direct question.

Okay, play it cool.

Subduing her shock, she set down her fork. “Well, guys, Daddy and I never got married.”

“Why not?” Sky asked. “If yous do it, he’ll live here always.”

Marriage was so much more than that. Oh to see the world from the perspective of a five-year-old.

Not one to pass up an opportunity, this was a chance to get their opinions. “Would you like him to live here?”

Kye chased a vegetable around his plate with his fork. He wouldn’t know what he was chasing, but seemed to enjoy the pursuit, typical male.

“I love Daddy,” her distracted son said.

“I love Daddy more,” Sky said. “Daddy is my friend.”

“Daddy is friends with both of you. He’s Mommy’s friend too.”

Sky stopped eating, blinked once, and twice, like she was trying to put her thoughts together. Being patient, she waited to see what her daughter came up with. A part of her worried the little one might ask something she couldn’t answer. No going back now.

“Why did Daddy leave us?” Sky asked.

She took her daughter’s hand. “We told you, Daddy is coming back next week, sweetpea. He didn’t leave because he wanted to, he had work things to take care of.”

“Daddy is the boss,” Kye said, sucking the piece of mushroom from his fork between his lips. “And rich.”

“Yes,” she said. “He has a lot of money. But we don’t love Daddy for his money, we love him because he’s our friend. He’s good to us. He’s a nice person and he is good fun, isn’t he? You have fun with Daddy?”

Kye grinned and nodded fast, still chewing the mushroom. “Daddy’s the best.”

“Do you love Daddy too, Mommy?”

That put her on the spot. Sky kept blinking.

Her innocent, expectant eyes never wavered.

Kye slowed in his chewing and stopped trying to figure out what he’d put in his mouth to await her response.

Neither of them appeared too eager, though she got a sense the importance of her answer wasn’t lost on them.

For a week, she’d been thinking about JD and what kind of future they could have. What kind of future did she want with him? As usual, she kept coming back to one thing: she just didn’t know what the future held.

She could play it out either way. The relationship fell apart, they ended up hating each other and their family ended up full of friction and anger. The alternative was everything went great, she and JD got married, made it work, and life was everything the fairytales promised every little girl.

“I do love Daddy,” she answered. The best course of action was the truth. “He gave me you two and I’ll always be thankful for that.”

“Will Daddy come back and live with us forever?” Kye asked.

Sky picked up a string of spaghetti with her fingertips and sucked it into her mouth. “Always. I don’t want him to go away again.”

“Finish your dinner,” she said. “When you’re done, Mommy will call Daddy and you can talk to him while I tidy up.”

“Then you talk to Daddy?” Sky said. “Tell him to come home to us.”

“He’ll come home, sweetpea. But you can ask him during your bedtime call.” As the kids always did. “He knows you want him to come back to us.”

“And never go away again,” Kye said. “Never. Never.”

Fearless. Her kids were sure and not afraid to say it. Both went back to their food like their worlds weren’t on such fragile foundations. Truthfully, they ate better when a conversation with their father was the prize at the other end.

JD was a good influence on them, no doubt about that. Would she disrupt that if she gave into her feelings for him? If they got to the stage JD couldn’t stand the sight of her, or the sound of her voice, the happy setup couldn’t continue.

But they were mature adults, right? Surely they could see past their feelings for the sake of the children if need be. Their babies had just told her what they wanted; did she want the same thing?

***

Checking on the kids was part of her routine. Each night, the little ones took turns to have their father in their rooms with them until they fell asleep.

Her dark phone still sat on Kye’s pillow next to his little slumbering head. She leaned over to get it while admiring his peace.

Beautiful. Perfect. She kissed his head.

“When do I get to watch you sleep?”

JD’s gruff voice startled her a little. Usually she just hung up, if he hadn’t already.

“Shh,” she whispered and rushed into the hallway, holding the phone to her chest. “If you wake him, I’ll have to take him into my bed.”

“What a life, jealous of my own son.”

An exhale of a laugh lingered in her voice. “JD…”

“You’ve been avoiding me.”

“I have not.” She went into her room and closed the door. “Okay, I have.”

What was the point of lying?

“Because…”

“JD,” she sighed again and went to sit on the bed, leaning against the headboard, phone face down next to her. “Because I don’t think straight when we’re together. When you’re… in me.”

“That’s a whole other conversation. One I’m happy to have when you lose the clothes.”

“You know, this is exactly what I’m talking about.” Her smile was irrepressible. “I hear your voice and feel you close and… I don’t know what the hell’s going on anymore.”

“I wouldn’t know either. The office, the kids, those are the only things we talk about. Is this your decision? Are you pulling away?”

“The office and the kids are safe subjects. The cogs are turning, JD. I’m looking after your empire and the future of it. Lilya stuck around to help with some of the executive stuff at Duo.” Which he already knew. “She left on Friday. She’s an amazing woman.”

“I had dinner with them last night.”

“Lilya and Kintyre?”

“And a few others,” he said. “This feels like we’re talking about work again.”

“Work makes sense. There’s a formula to it. An end goal.”

“And there’s no end goal with us?”

“What is it you want to talk about, JD?” Irritation tickled her offense. “You want phone sex and naked pictures and—”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. I said slow, didn’t I? I said we were going to do this right.”

“And you’re rushing me.”

“If I am, I’m sorry. If work and the kids are all you want to talk about, we’ll stick to them. Can I at least tell you that I miss you?”

And damn him, but that didn’t feel like a line. “I miss you too.”

Why was she getting herself so deliberately wound up? Was she looking for an excuse to pull away? Whatever the reason, he’d done nothing wrong. It wouldn’t be fair to paint him as the bad guy just to give herself an out.

“That’s something.”

Such patience and understanding. The man from the bar all those years ago had matured, just as she had.

“It’s stupid, I know,” she admitted. “I’m freaking out.”

She flopped forward onto her face, the phone bounced closer to her ear.

“You’re being smart. What you said about serious is right. If we do this, there’s no going back.” Not without leaving carnage in their wake. “It’s tough being so far away.”

At home, she had work and the kids to give her stability. JD was the one working away from his family, going home to an empty hotel room every night.

She rolled onto her back. “You’re not dating down there, are you?”

“If you want to hop a jet, we can do date night any time you want.”

“One good thing about dating the father of my children, finding a babysitter will be as much your responsibility as mine.” He didn’t respond, now who was freaking?

“You remember we have kids, right?” Had they been disconnected?

“Short, cute, a boy and a girl, there’s two of them.

We did paternity. Any of this ringing a bell? ”

“Just doing a quick internet search. I’ll find some stranger to sit with them while we have adult time.”

“Uh huh,” she said, not buying any sincerity in him being so glib.

His snicker proved her right. “I want to be responsible for all of you, Ry.”

“I don’t need a babysitter.”

“Sure we’ll find another way I can play Daddy for you.”

“No daddy fetish here. Didn’t we cover that the night we met? Although…”

“Although?” he prompted.

“You were right about it being a turn on.”

“Ha! Playing daddy does turn you on.”

“Not in a sex dom kind of way. I… love the way you love them.” For lack of a better way to put it. “Other people love our kids and find them adorable, but they don’t get it, get it. These last few weeks, seeing you interact with them daily. Now you get it like I get it… don’t you?”

“Truth?” Always. “I regret ever spending a second away from them.”

“Ah!” she teased. “So my heart’s just collateral damage in this. You’re seducing me to get close to them.”

“Is it working? The seducing?”

Boy, he had no idea. “Maybe.”

“How about your heart? It in deep enough to get hurt?”

Angling the phone, she focused on the screen, on him in the dark, sitting up, the phone obviously lying at his side.

“Look at me, JD.”

He picked up the phone to do as she asked. “Hey, babe.”

Smooth, yet genuine. “We almost lost our little girl.”

“Siren—”

“Let me finish.”

“I’m afraid if we get caught up in each other that the kids will suffer.

But I’m also afraid if we don’t see this through, we’ll always live in wonder.

Be each other’s ‘the one who got away.’ Are we going to turn around in ten years or twenty, at Sky’s graduation or Kye’s wedding, and still not have the answer to the question? ”

“You know my stance. You know what I want.”

“I never want to go through what we did with Sky again. Yes, it’s made me more aware of how precious they are and how we have to keep them safe. It also skews perspective. We get caught up in the BS drama of life and fail to see what’s important.”

“The kids have always been important to you.”

“I’m not just talking about the kids.” She licked her lips and shifted to a more comfortable position. “Sky asked tonight why we weren’t married.”

He laughed. “That’s our girl, straight to the heart of the matter.”

“She’s never shy.”

“What did you say?”

“Just that we never did. They want you to stay here, at home, with us, always.”

“That’s what I want too.”

And she was the only holdout.

“What if it works?” she murmured. “What if we try the relationship thing and it works out?”

He squinted. “I fail to see the problem.”

“What have we been doing for the last five years? If we’re meant to be together, why the fuck have we wasted all this time?”

“Only remedy to that is not to waste more. You said the night we met we’d have to see how this played out and the movie isn’t over yet.”

So long as they had kids, the movie wouldn’t be over.

“And you said that same night you’re not the kind of guy to move on or be dissuaded.

Are you sure you want this? Have you really thought about what it will mean to take on a relationship and fatherhood on a permanent basis?

You can’t just do whatever you want anymore, you’ll be answerable to me and the kids.

You’ll have to factor us into your plans, discuss and debate rather than just suit yourself. ”

“Someone once told me they wanted their own slice of the world. Their own little corner. Somewhere safe and happy. At the time, the notion passed me by. I didn’t get it. Now I know where my corner is, my slice, and I want to share it with you and our children.”

“And if the twins are it? If I don’t want to have more children?”

“We’ll talk about that,” he said. “Together. I wouldn’t walk away from you if that was your decision, I can tell you that.” Which was a lot given he’d walked away from Gabby for that reason. “But I would expect you to hear me, to give my perspective a fair hearing.”

“We’d be equals, in everything. I won’t defer to you.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to defer; we have met.

I want to be the one who props you up, Siren.

You’ve done that for me for five years without either of us realizing it.

It’s your work with the kids, your willingness to let them build relationships with my family that has ensured my connections with them.

I’m sorry you went through so much alone, babe. ”

“I wasn’t alone. My babies got me through every day, and you’re as responsible as me for their existence.”

Quiet settled over them. Not uncomfortable, just joint appreciation for their positions.

“My norm is deciding and going with my gut. Yours is to be practical. I expected this. Once I thought about it, made my decision, I knew you wouldn’t give into me on impulse.”

“Again. You knew I wouldn’t give into you on impulse again.” They shared a smile. “If I was a believer in destiny…”

“You’d say the kids forced us together. I don’t want it to be that way, Ry. This is about us. You and me. The kids are fine. Our relationships with them are not in question. It started with us, baby…”

Would it end with them or simply end them? JD. Hers? Could she give herself to him in return?