Page 36 of Nothing to This (Nothing to… #8)

“You’re what?” Brenna asked.

On Monday, sitting at JD’s desk, figuring out the paperwork was easier than breaking the news to her friend.

“We’re taking some time apart,” she said again.

“But I thought things were, you know… progressing. Is this my fault? Rylee, with Sky, I never got a chance to say—”

“We’re moving forward,” she said, pausing to look her friend in the eye. “JD and I talked to the kids. His security man got us new bodyguards and the kids have trackers in the bracelets on their wrists.”

Bracelets could be taken off, but that would require any would-be kidnapper knowing they contained GPS.

When the devices were delivered to the apartment the previous day, JD had fastened them onto each of their children’s wrists without mention of the tech or their motivation.

To pretty much guarantee they’d never take them off, JD promised that as long as they wore them, he’d always be able to come back to them.

Both kids cried when JD said goodbye. It wasn’t easy to watch.

Witnessing the tearful goodbye proved one crucial concern.

The kids were attached to him; more attached than they’d been when just seeing him once in a while at Grama’s house.

Once upon a time, she’d feared breaking the news of Daddy moving out if he got his own place in the city.

Their farewell, even with the promises of video calling every night, broke her heart.

They’d gotten used to having him around. So had she.

He left, and she consoled her babies, eventually getting them to sleep. When JD called from the plane, she’d gone through the apartment to show each of them in slumber at his request. The kids might be attached to their daddy, but it was obvious the same barb of familiarity had stung him.

“I can’t believe he just left, that he bailed so soon after their birthday.”

“The trip was planned,” she said. “It’s two weeks. I’ll run the office here, and we’ll get back to some semblance of normalcy.”

“And then?”

Giving up on the distraction of the paperwork, her arms flopped on the desk. “I don’t know, Bren. If we give in to what we’re feeling and it doesn’t work out…”

“Jamie told me you said that,” Brenna said.

“And I know why it sounds logical. But like I said to him, you can’t go on like this, just ignoring what you want from each other…

You’re not afraid that it won’t work out.

You’re afraid that it will… The kids have given you an excuse not to get close to any man.

You can date, keep it casual, and use the kids as a shield.

You don’t need that shield with Jamie. In fact, the kids are a magnet for the pair of you instead.

” How would she ever figure this out? “My brother’s not that bad, you know.

You’re patient, I’m sure you could tolerate him better than I did growing up. ”

Appreciating her friend’s attempt at humor, she breathed out a laugh. “Your brother is an incredible man. I know you don’t like to think about it, but he gets me hot, Bren. He has always had this ability to turn me on, even from twenty paces. I don’t know how he does it.”

With a theatrical look of disgust, Brenna’s top lip curled in time with her sound of distaste. “If you think fucking him will get it out of your system, just get it over with.”

“I think if I fuck him,” she said, licking her lips. “If I open myself to him like that, I’ll never want to let him go…”

Being with JD all those years ago had been a thrill, a novelty, an adventure. She’d been so swept up by how enamored they were with each other that she didn’t stop to acknowledge what they’d found was unique. She couldn’t have known it, not back then. Her experience with men was limited by youth.

After being with the same man through most of college, her one-night stand with JD had been a springboard into the world of dating as an adult in the wide world.

More accurately, sex as an adult in the wide world.

At that time, she’d thought their connection was standard, that it would be possible to replicate the sensation of being with him.

Then the twins happened. She’d never had the time, or wanted, to sit down and think about how special that night had been.

“I think that’s what he wants,” Brenna said, without concealing her grin.

Sucking her lips around her teeth, she sat up straight. “I am not going to dwell on this. I’m still reeling from the weekend and how amazing he was. That’s a world away from enduring living with him full-time.”

Settling back in her chair, Brenna crossed her legs and linked her fingers around the front of her knee to raise it higher. “Something you’ve been doing for weeks.”

“Yeah, but at least my bedroom has been a safe space. If he irritates me or creeps under my skin, I can go in there and close the door.”

Her friend’s smile stretched. “Yeah, and you still can do that, except if he’s your boyfriend, you can drag him with you and screw out that frustration. Take it out on him.”

Now that was a thought. Letting it fill her mind, her head sank toward her shoulder. She and JD would have dynamite sex, of that she had little doubt. Sex… JD… Was that all they had? Sexual attraction?

“But do I want to walk down the aisle to him?”

Brenna had brought the conversation back to exactly what she’d been trying to avoid thinking about.

“Who else would you rather walk down the aisle toward?” Brenna asked. “Seriously, Ry, can you imagine feeling for another man the way you do for Jamie? Can you imagine any other man being a father figure in the twins’ lives?”

That offended her. “I would never ask JD to step aside as their father. He’s an incredible father.”

“Yeah, but if you married another man, he’d be their stepfather, living with them, acting in a parental position.” Brenna wasn’t wrong. “You belong with Jamie, Rylee. You and the twins.”

Could she trust certainty? Was there such a thing?

Impulse couldn’t be embraced and she didn’t trust herself.

She wanted to take some time to think about it, to be sure, before opening herself up to him.

And another thing, JD had become her friend.

Their development as co-parents was positive, those feelings, that symbiosis could be threatened by romance.

At one point she’d loved spending time with Baxter and looked forward to seeing him, now her ex provoked infuriation and impatience.

She couldn’t bear ever thinking of JD that way; she wouldn’t be able to handle it.

All she wanted was peace and security, yet her life had been filled with drama and change since JD decided he wanted to settle down.

Life was changing whether she wanted it to or not. How did she want this rollercoaster to end? Did she want it to return to the start and go back to how things used to be? Did she want to take a new track, one that would throw in a few loops, but might end in a happier place?

The trouble? Her natural urge was to shun risk and JD was exactly that: risk. Yet he spelled security for her babies, and they were her priority. Her twins trusted and adored their father. Could she do the same thing?