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Harlow: Want to play a game?

Andy: Games are my jam.

Andy: Wait—is this an actual game, or the kind of game we play where you ask a bunch of questions and I have to answer them? LOL

Harlow: How did you know!?

Andy: You should have said that to begin with—you got me all excited over nothing.

Harlow: Nothing? Questions aren’t nothing.

Andy: Do I get to ask them too?

Harlow: Of course! All’s fair ...

Andy: Do you actually believe that?

Harlow: Of course.

Andy: All’s fair in Love and war?

Harlow: Yes.

Andy: So you agree that whatever someone has to do to win someone’s heart is fair game?

Harlow: Knock it off—I’m the one who was going to do the questions.

Andy: I beat you to it.

Harlow: “whatever someone has to do to win someone’s heart is fair game?” this sounds creepy, so this is a no. A hard no.

Andy: Calm down, I’m not going to start driving past your house ...

Harlow: Come on over. Just make sure that if you spend the night, you’re gone by sunrise. Haha

Andy: You bet. I probably have a flight that morning anyway.

Harlow: Oh aren’t you the clever one ...

Andy: I try.

Andy: Actually I’ve recently learned that I’m not great at flirting.

Harlow: What makes you think you’re not great at flirting? Like—do you even Have to?

Andy: Me specifically?

Harlow: Yes, you specifically. Do you even have to, or do women just start throwing their panties at you?

Andy: Oh come on now. I don’t have it that easy.

Andy: Now what’s that first question you’ve been dying to ask me? You must have been thinking about it all day to randomly text me back after hours and hours, but who’s counting?

Harlow: LOL

Andy: Hashtag facts

Harlow: No one spells out the word hashtag—you just use the #

Andy: I know, smart ass. I was being ironic and funny.

Harlow: OHhhhhhhh

Andy: . . . you were Saying ?

Harlow: What’s the weirdest thing that happened to you this week?

Andy: That’s such an easy one: getting food poisoning in Central Park, throwing up in a Central Park garbage can—then seeing you in the elevator. What were the odds?

Harlow: Valid . I almost forgot that’s how we met.

Andy: I will Never forget that is how we met. It’s going to be burned in my brain forever. And ever.

Andy: Now you answer the question.

Harlow: You’re going to think I’m copying. But the weirdest thing to happen all week was telling some rando at the park Not to eat the chicken because it was going to make him sick—then seeing you sick, then going exploring with you the next day.

Andy: We sound so exciting!

Harlow: Because we are!

Andy: Exclamation points are my favorite!

Harlow: LOL

Andy: They make us sound more exciting!

Harlow: Valid

Harlow: What’s the best advice you’ve ever gotten?

Andy: Let me think. I get a ton of advice, but I think the best advice I’ve ever gotten went something like this: you don’t have to take everyone’s advice just because they’re giving it. Trust your gut.

Harlow: So true.

Andy: What do you typically have for breakfast?

Harlow: Uh. Celery juice? I don’t eat breakfast, sometimes I’ll do an English muffin. What do You eat for breakfast?

Andy: It depends.

Harlow: On what?

Andy: If I’m working out or not. I have to eat a lot of calories, honestly. So, like, five eggs, oatmeal, fruit, some kind of protein. Some kind of carb—I like bread.

Harlow: All at the Same Time ? I mean—no judgment.

Andy: Yes, at the same time. You burn calories when you work out!

Andy: Do you work out at all?

Harlow: Hey, I get the next question.

Andy: Is it because you don’t want to admit that you don’t work out?

Harlow: Sir, I don’t like your tone. And that was Another question!

Andy: Sorry. Hit me with your best shot.

Harlow: Hold on. I’m thinking of a question ...

Harlow: Okay here’s one: what do you miss?

Andy: What do I miss? That’s deep. Let’s see, what do I miss? What do I miss ... probably knowing what’s going to happen next week. Or day to day. I don’t know, I miss feeling normal.

Harlow: Um. What does that mean? You miss feeling normal?

Andy: You know. This in-between-gigs thing really creates a lot of guesswork. I hate it.

Harlow: Sure, that makes sense.

Andy: Sorry, I feel like I word vomited without thinking.

Harlow: I’m the one who asked you to word vomit.

Andy: Fair enough. Now it’s your turn: what do You miss?

Harlow: My mom. I miss how my dad was before she died. And now he’s just ... so outgoing it feels fake. Like he’s faking it and trying so hard to be happy and upbeat, and I miss the days I wasn’t annoyed by it.

Harlow: And that makes me feel like a major asshole.

Andy: Why would you feel like an asshole?

Harlow: Because I lose patience with my dad, and all he wants is attention. OMG today when you first texted, he was “meeting” this woman who he met online, who said she was from Chicago Florida Detroit, but she had a weird accent and was in Thailand.

Andy: Stop it. No.

Harlow: Yes. I walked in on her talking—he wanted me to say hello to “Shirley”.

Andy: What did you do??

Harlow: I hung up on her fake ass!!!! Slammed the laptop shut and scared the shit out of my dad. Then I had to explain scammers, and I felt like I was kicking a puppy, it was horrible!!!!! That’s why I feel like an asshole, he just wants to meet someone.

Andy: Don’t we all?

Harlow: I don’t know. Do we??

Andy: Most days, yeah.

Harlow: Why not All days?

Andy: It’s complicated.

Harlow: Oh lord #ThingsEmotionallyUnavailableGuysSay

Andy: Wait. I have to sound that out, give me a second. Is that one word or like five?

Harlow: LOL

Andy: All I’m saying is it’s hard to find someone decent, that’s all. I’ve dated some doozies ... I’m sure you have too.

Harlow: Of course I have. Which is the answer to the question “why are you single?”

Andy: That question is the Worst .

Harlow: It is by far the rudest thing a person can ask and, honey, I’ve had it asked one too many times.

Andy: Not many women have asked me that.

Harlow: Lucky you. Men ask us all the time. It’s literally the top five dating app questions of all time—statistically speaking.

Andy: Spoken like a woman who’s going to have her own dating app. Blows my fucking mind, actually. So cool. I’m proud of you!

Harlow: Awww Thank You . That means a lot, I’ve been busting my ass to get it finished. Apps seem simple but they’re not.

Andy: Is it weird if I said I feel like I may be too private to be on an app?

Harlow: No it’s not weird—a lot of people worry they’ll see people they went to high school with, or bump into someone at the grocery store they see on the app that they weren’t interested in. You’re not the only one who isn’t into being on one.

Andy: I think for me it’s less that and more ... I feel like Everyone is going to know. I’d rather meet someone organically. The way my parents met—at a bar LOL

Harlow: Do you go to bars very often?

Andy: Is this your way of asking me if I’m a big drinker?

Harlow: Yes. No. Are you a big drinker? LOL

Andy: No definitely not—but I will have a drink if I’m out. One or two, tops. You?

Harlow: Same. Also my nose gets red when I’ve had alcohol, which I hate. Ew.

Andy: I’m sure it’s adorable.

Harlow: I doubt that . . .

Andy: So what about you—before you met me were you planning on setting up a dating profile on Kissmet?

Harlow: Before I met you I might have been toying with the idea, once it goes live. For scientific purposes. Ha ha.

Andy: Ahh.

Harlow: I feel like it’s a bad look to be developing a dating app and then refusing to be on one to meet someone. Know what I mean?

Andy: Yeah I get it. It’s sort of ironic?

Harlow: 100% ironic. There is nothing to be afraid of!

Andy: Have you just not been interested in dating? Now that we’re on the subject, not that I’m trying to pry.

Harlow: Oh please—admit it, you’re nosy ...

Andy: Fine. I’m nosy. We did just spend the week together.

Harlow: It was 24 hours, tops, LOL

Andy: Way to be literal ...

Harlow: I can’t help myself.

Andy: Do you have any more questions to ask me, or are you done with our little game?

Harlow: I can’t think of anything right now, so if you have something burning in your brain, have at it.

Andy: Have at it? That sounds like a loaded statement.

Harlow: It’s not. It’s really really Not a loaded statement.

Andy: All right give me a sec, let me google a good question.

Harlow: Waiting . . .

Harlow: Still waiting . . .

Andy: Here is one: Can I see the last selfie you took?

Harlow: Dammit. That’s a question And an activity.

Andy: How is that an activity?

Harlow: Because you’re making me do something. But fine, you’ve already seen me (naked) so it’s not like showing you an ugly picture of myself is going to matter.

Andy: I didn’t actually see you naked—it was mostly dark, remember???

Harlow: But you could Feel my nakedness.

Andy: LOL fair enough. Where’s that selfie?

Harlow: Ugh. Please hold while I scroll.

Harlow: Attachment: 1 image

Andy: Dang, Harlow—you’re fucking cute!

Harlow: Cute. Kiss of death.

Andy: Sorry. I meant “dang, Harlow, you look like I want to fuck you.” Is that better??

Harlow: Much better and way more complimentary than Cute .

Andy: Why do women have such a problem with that word? Would you rather be a sex kitten walking around like you’re trying to get whistled at?

Harlow: If a man whistled at me when I was walking down the street, my claws would come out.

Andy: So the kitten Does have claws ...

Harlow: Maybe. If you are indeed referring to me as a sex kitten ...

Andy: I only am if you want me to. I was just trying to illustrate that women seem to hate being called cute. Why is that?

Harlow: I don’t know. It feels like what you’d call your puppy. Or the girl next door that you’re BFF with. Or. Oh, I have it—the girl who’s been in love with you her whole life, but you’re her brother’s best friend and therefore off limits. And he doesn’t see you “That way” so you suffer in silence because he isn’t attracted to you even though you’re gorgeous.

Andy: Um. It sounds like you’ve given this some thought LOLOL omg I’m dying.

Harlow: I’ve had time to think about it he he

Andy: Looks like it.

Andy: So what are you doing in that picture? Where’s it taken?

Harlow: This past week, in New York right before we met. I was trying to get a picture of the skyscrapers for my dad—that’s the picture I sent him. I usually delete those because they take up so much valuable storage space ha ha.

Andy: Well I’m glad you didn’t because you look

Andy: Shit. What’s the word I’m looking for?

Harlow: Cute?

Andy: That’s the word! Thank God you’re not my best friend’s little sister who is off limits and who has loved me her whole life because I can actually fantasize about you naked and with my head between your legs.

Harlow: Whoa . . . !!!!!

Andy: I’m sorry—was that too soon?

Harlow: No? No. Lol just unexpected. I mean, it’s like 2:00.

Andy: What does the time of day have to do with anything?

Harlow: Nothing! It just felt like something I needed to point out.

Andy: Because that made you uncomfortable?

Harlow: I mean, kind of. It’s been a hot minute since someone has talked dirty to me. A really long, hot hot minute.

Andy: All right. As long as you’re not uncomfortable. Or are you uncomfortable because you’re not interested? I don’t want to make assumptions.

Harlow: No that’s not it at all!

Andy: So does that mean you Are interested?

Harlow: Do I have to answer this question?

Andy: No of course not. But I would like you to!

Harlow: I ... want you to answer first. Are You interested? In me.

Andy: Oh you are a sly fox. You want to see what I say so you don’t feel rejected if I tell you I only wanted sex? Fair enough. Yes, I’m interested. In you. As a person to date, not just as a person to have sex with and flirt with on the phone.

Harlow: Even though it’s long distance? How on earth could this possibly work? Don’t you think it would be a struggle?

Andy: How would it be a struggle?

Andy: And I hate that we’re doing this all over text. I would rather call you.

Harlow: It would be a struggle because flying to see you or you flying to see me would be expensive, and it’s not like either of us are rich—I mean, unless you have a secret stash of money somewhere you didn’t tell me about. And I don’t want to be in a cyber-relationship where it’s all over the phone and computer, you know?

Andy: Okay. Take travel out of the equation.

Harlow: But it is part of the equation.

Andy: Suspend reality for a second and pretend it’s not ... pretend it’s one of your romance novels where the girl next door meets her knight in shining armor.

Harlow: My knights have all been wrapped in tinfoil.

Andy: ha ha