Page 17

I nod, even though she can’t see me in the darkness. “Mm-hmm. Baby is the size of a blueberry.”

In the passing headlights of an oncoming car, I see her jaw drop. “She’s growing so fast.”

“She, huh?” I ask, a smile flirting at the edges of my lips.

“Yes. Jade Jr.”

“A perfect name.”

She flashes me a grin. “I thought so.”

I ask her about calving season the rest of the way to the only burger place in Larkspur, a drive-in that is always packed, regardless of the time or weather.

For her, calving season is one of the busiest times.

She’s employed by Lucky Stars and several other smaller ranches in the area, and they keep her busy.

She tells me about the late nights and early mornings, about a particularly challenging birth that required her, Clint, Morgan, and Cooper to work together to deliver safely.

I’m surprised they didn’t call Beau, but I’m also glad he didn’t have to drive to the ranch in the middle of the night.

Clint, Morgan, and Cooper all live on the property, and Jade ends up staying there a lot of nights during calving season when she’s too tired to drive home.

The snow is falling harder when we finally make it to Cowpoke Diner, a drive-in, but I’m not surprised to see there’s only one stall open. This place is a Larkspur staple.

A crackly voice comes through the static-filled intercom, asking what we want to order.

I put in my order for a cheeseburger, fries, and a Diet Coke, and then look out the window as Jade orders.

There’s a ranch hand I recognize from Lucky Stars in the truck beside us, and he’s looking right at me, a disgusted expression on his face.

Shame bites through me, and I look away quickly. Beau might not hold the separation against me, but this town sure does. And I’m not sure they will ever get over it.

“Anything else?” Jade asks, snapping my attention back to her.

I shake my head, and she relays the message to the employee, then rolls up the window.

“God, it’s cold,” she says, and turns the heat up higher.

When steam gathers on the windows, I’m grateful that no one else will be able to see me in here.

“Hey, Jade?”

She looks at me, green eyes softening at the tone in my voice. “Yeah?”

“Thanks for bailing on dinner.”

She bumps my shoulder with her own, her so-dark-it’s-almost-black hair falling across her collarbone.

“There’s nowhere I’d rather be.” She pauses, grinning at me in the neon lights pouring into the cab.

“Well, except maybe wearing some bull rider’s hat in a dingy dive bar hallway.

You know what they say. Wear the hat and all. ”

I roll my eyes and fight back a smile. “Don’t let Cooper hear you say that.”

She groans and reaches for her phone, pulling up the continuous glucose monitor she uses for her type 1 diabetes to check her blood glucose and adjust her insulin before our food arrives. “Don’t talk about Cooper. He’s annoying me.”

“He’s always annoying you,” I point out.

“Yes, but he’s really annoying me right now,” she responds, her focus still on her phone. “This morning he was making all these comments about how someone needs to protect Beau from you.”

Her words feel like a slap to my face, and I work hard to keep my expression neutral when Jade drops her phone in her lap, turning her wide-eyed attention back on me. “Shit, I shouldn’t have said that.”

I wave her off. “No, it’s fine. He should. I’m a mess.”

The shock drops from her expression, replaced with something hard. “No, you’re not.”

“No, I am,” I say, giving her a look. “I know that. And I haven’t been fair to Beau the last few months. I know that, too.”

She stares at me for a moment, confusion etched into the lines of her face. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

It means that I’ve been holding myself back from him when he’s always given me every part of himself.

But I don’t know how to do that, how to live like that.

I’ve tried the most with him and with Jade, but even with the people I love the most in this world, I can’t make myself let go of the little pieces of myself I’ve always kept hidden.

Letting out a sigh and rubbing my palms over my thighs, I say, “I just haven’t been totally honest with him.”

She arches a brow, the neon lights casting her in shades of blue, purple, and red.

“About why I needed time. I’ve been…struggling,” I say, avoiding her eyes.

I focus on a spot on the dashboard, a dent she made with the heel of her snakeskin boots one night when I was her designated driver and she was completely wasted after one too many tequila shots at KC’s.

“I’ve been struggling, and I haven’t wanted him to see me like that. So I asked for time.”

It’s the most honest I’ve been with anyone about the separation. Jade asked why when it first happened, but I wouldn’t tell her. She probably thought we had problems to work through. But that was never it. The problem was never us. It was always me .

“Els,” Jade says with a heavy sigh. “You can’t cut out everyone who gets too close.”

“I’m not,” I reply, even though we both know I’m lying. Finally meeting her gaze, I say, “Or I don’t want to. Really, I don’t. I just don’t know how not to.”

The words hang in the air between us, and I watch as my best friend digests them.

We’ve been Jade and Elsie since she took one ballet class at the studio when she was twelve.

Ballet didn’t stick for her, but we did, and she’s stuck with me through thick and thin since.

She knows me better than anyone else, except maybe Beau. But she’d say it’s a tie.

I’m holding my breath, waiting for her to respond, unsure of what I want her to say. I just said so much, although it really wasn’t much at all. But it was enough, and my heart feels raw. I don’t think I can handle more tonight, but I owe it to her to try if she wants me to.

“When the food gets here, can I have some of your fries?” she asks. “I got onion rings and I’m already regretting it.”

A relieved sigh slips out of my lips and my shoulders drop from where they stationed themselves around my ears. A small smile lifts my mouth. “Yeah, Jade, we can split my fries. As long as you don’t let those onion rings in the truck. I think the smell would be my last straw.”

She smiles back, although I can still see the words she’s holding back hovering on the tip of her tongue. “Deal.”