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T hey stared at each other for a long moment. Finally he said, “Come in and have a seat. Want a beer?”

She didn’t. She wanted to keep a level head. Wanted to be able to say what she came to say. But it would be something to hold. She could take occasional sips, just to make it look like she was drinking it. “Yeah, a beer sounds good,” she said.

He walked into the kitchen, saying over his shoulder, “Go ahead and sit down in the living room. I’ll be right there.”

He came in a few minutes later, holding a can of Guinness and a bottle of Yuengling. She focused on the Guinness, touched that he’d bothered to get her favorite beer. He must have noticed her staring at the can, because he said, “Leftovers from when you were here a couple of weeks ago.”

Her face heated. Of course it was. There was no way he’d gone out today and bought Guinness for her. If he needed beer, he’d get whatever he liked, and if she wanted a beer, she’d have to drink that.

He sat on the couch perpendicular to the one she was on, so he was as far away from her as it was possible to be and still be in the same room.

He took a gulp of his beer, then set the bottle on his coffee table. “Okay, Williams, cut to the chase. What are you doing here?” he asked.

There it was. Trust Jake to go straight to the bottom line. She gripped the Guinness so hard that she was pretty sure her fingers were gonna leave dents on the can. Finally she set it on the coaster in front of her. “I need to apologize for the way I treated you in Brooklyn, especially after we’d just…” She swallowed.

“Had sex, Williams. It’s okay to say it. It’s not gonna make me jump you.”

His words were a stab to her heart. They slid right through all four chambers and left her bleeding. “That’s not what I was going to say,” she said, staring down at the can of Guinness.

“Okay, then. What were you going to say?”

“It wasn’t just sex, Jake,” she said, her hands shaking so hard she had to set the Guinness back on the table. She wanted to look down, but she forced herself to hold his gaze. “We made love.”

Jake snorted and took a gulp of his beer. “That’s what it was for me,” he said. “For you? I think sex is the right word. Unless you prefer fuck?”

She stared down at her hands and swallowed hard, forcing the tears to the back of her throat. “No, Jake. Making love is the right word for me, too.”

He leaned back against the couch, studying her. Finally he took a sip of beer and set his bottle on the table. “You re-writing history, Williams? Doing some editing after the fact?”

“No,” she said, curling her fingers into her palms so hard she could feel the dents in her skin. “Making love is exactly what I intended to say. But if it came out… hesitant? Or uncertain? It’s because I’ve never said those words before.”

Jake tilted his head, studying her, and she squirmed beneath his gaze. “Is that so?”

She swallowed the lump that had lodged in her throat. “Yeah, it is.”

He kept his gaze on her. “Never in your life, huh?”

“No. Never.”

“And why is that, Williams?” He set his bottle on the table and leaned toward her, his eyes burning a hole in her chest. “Even people who aren’t in love say ‘making love’. It’s the polite way of saying fucking.”

Jake’s expression was unconvinced. Suspicious.

Livvy looked down at the half-moons pressed into her palms so she wouldn’t have to look Jake in the eyes. See the hardness there. Was that cowardly? Of course it was. But she needed a little bit of a defense right now. She felt torn and ragged inside, as if someone had ripped out the contents of her chest and stomped them into the ground.

She wanted to jump up and run out the door. Drive back to the airport and take the first plane back to Helena. If this painful, fractured feeling was love, then she wanted no part of it.

But she didn’t move. If she left now, she knew she’d never see Jake again. She could call him. Email him. Show up at his door. But he’d ignore her and move on. Exactly what she’d deserve for being such a coward. And she wouldn’t, couldn’t blame him.

Okay, time to bare her soul. She didn’t want to do that with Jake so dismissive and angry, but she had no choice. If she wanted Jake to listen to her, she had to be completely honest with him -- completely open.

She tucked her hands into her armpits so he wouldn’t see them shake. Then she took a deep, shuddering breath. “I’ve never told you much about my life,” she said.

His gaze drilled a hole in her. “You never told me anything personal, Williams. Not one damn little hint about how you’d grown up. What you wanted out of life. Where you saw yourself in ten years. I figured you were just cautious, but after our… stay in Brooklyn, I realized you had barriers so high and so thick that no one and nothing was going to breach them.” He shrugged. “So I knew there was zero chance that you’d be open to a relationship with me.”

“That’s the thing, Jake,” she said, sliding her hands beneath her thighs so he couldn’t see them shaking. “I’ve had a lot of time to think since I got back to Montana, and it didn’t take much time to realize what an idiot I’d been. How wrong I’d been. If I could go back and redo the past two weeks, I’d do things completely differently. I would have been a lot more open with you. Told you how I grew up, so you’d know that I had issues.”

When she took a breath, Jake scoffed. “Issues, huh? I think we all have issues .” He slashed vicious air quotes in front of him. “But the vast majority of people figure out why and how they’re messed up and do something to fix it. They don’t spend their lives ignoring those issues or taking them out on their partners.”

“Then I guess I’m in the slow class,” she shot back. “It took losing my heart to you and not knowing how to fix it before I realized that.”

His eyes darkened. “So you lost your heart to me and your first thought was how to fix that.”

“That’s not what I meant,” she said, appalled at how that had come out.

“Then what did you mean, Williams?”

His face looked as if it had been carved from stone. She began to reach out to touch it, then snatched her hand back.

“I meant that I fell in love with you, Jake. And since I’ve never been in love before, never wanted to be in love before, I panicked. Did what I do best -- I ran away.”

He stared at her, expressionless, for a long time. Her heart ached and her soul slowly shriveled, until it was nothing more than a tiny kernel inside her. Finally she set the Guinness she’d been holding so tightly back on the coffee table and stood up. “There were two more things I needed to say to you,” she said, clearing her throat to keep the despair hidden. “I’m so sorry about the way I treated you that night and the next morning. I was an idiot. Completely clueless about what to do when the man you love tells you that he loves you, too.” She stared at her hands for a long moment. Sucked in a deep breath as she stared at the floor instead of looking at him. “I love you, Jake. I was falling in love with you before I ran away to Montana.” She shook her head. “Probably why I ran away to Montana.”

She wrapped her arms around her chest, as if that could keep her heart in the right place. But it was too late. Her heart was destroyed.

She forced herself to stand tall. “I’ve said what I came here to say, and since you don’t seem to believe me, I’ll leave you alone.” She began walking toward the door, focused only on getting out of Jake’s apartment so she wouldn’t have to look at the expression on his face. She wanted to have her breakdown when she was far away from him.

His hand descended on her shoulder. “Where’re you going, Olivia?”

At least it wasn’t Williams . “I’m going to get in my car and go back to the airport. Get on the first plane back to Helena,” she said without turning to look at him.

“You like to make a dramatic exit, huh?” he said.

“No.” She swallowed hard and shook her head. “I want to get back to my car so I can fall apart in private.”

Slowly, Jake stepped in front of her, blocking her way to the door. “Why don’t you fall apart with me?” he said. “Tell me why you’re so twisted up. Tell me what happened to make you that way.”

She stared at his chest. “Do you even care why I’m a neurotic mess? What’s the point of baring my soul? So that I can cry all the way back to Montana?”

“Huh,” he said. “Dramatic much, Livvy?”

His words were like a slap in the face, and she couldn’t stop the tears that poured from her eyes. “No,” she managed to say. “I’m never dramatic. Never let anyone see my messy, ugly emotions. You’re just the lucky guy who got the blowback.” She darted around him and hurried for the door. “Goodbye, Jake. Whatever you think, I really do love you.”

His hands clamped on her shoulders, but they were gentle. Soft. “Then why are you running away? Why won’t you stay and fight for me?”

“Because I see no signs that you want me to stay,” she said, staring at her shoes. “That you want me to fight for you.”

“And that’s gonna stop you?” He turned her around so she faced him. “You give up awfully easily, Livvy. I was gonna fly to Helena after you ran away from me,” he said. “Hunt you down and make you talk to me. But I got busy at work. Diana had Nelson and Windsor arrested, and she wanted my help unraveling who they’re working for.” He shrugged. “As soon as she identifies for certain the other Russian moles in the Bureau, I was gonna be on a plane to Helena.”

He took her hand and led her back to the couch. This time, he eased her down, then sat down right beside her. Tucked her against his side and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “Tell me why you’ve never allowed yourself to fall in love before.”

She couldn’t look at him. She didn’t want him to see the hope in her eyes. The longing for him that she couldn’t hide anymore.

His hand tightened around her shoulder. “Tell me, Livvy,” he said, and his voice was tender.

“It’s an ugly story,” she said.

“It has to be, if you’ve never allowed yourself to fall in love before now.”

She swallowed hard, then told him about her mother. About the revolving door of lovers she’d had. How things had never worked out, and how her mother fell apart every time. The tantrums. The pouting in her bedroom. The way Livvy had to make their meals. Cajole her mother into eating. And then the ugly cycle would start all over again. She’d meet someone new, he’d stick around for a few months, then leave, and Olivia would have to deal with the tantrums and sulking all over again.

Even though she hadn’t been able to look him in the eye, Livvy knew he’d been watching her as she bared her soul. His gaze had burned her skin with its intensity. “God, Livvy, I’m so sorry,” he finally said. “That’s no way for a kid to grow up.” He drew in a deep, shuddering breath. “It’s shocking that you aren’t more screwed up than you are. Shocking that you’re able to live a relatively normal life.”

She turned toward him but couldn’t bring herself to meet his gaze. She wasn’t sure she wanted to see his face. “Normal except for the fact that I’ve never allowed myself to fall in love. Never allowed myself to have a… a real, growing relationship with a man.”

“Until now,” Jake said.

She looked up at him, stared into his eyes. Nodded slowly. “Yeah,” she said. “Until now.” She reached up and stroked her finger over his lips. Then pressed her mouth to his. Savored his taste, the essence of Jake she’d missed every minute since that night in the hotel room. “Until you. I want that with you, Jake. More than anything.”

For a long moment, Jake didn’t move. He sat beside her, still as a statue. His eyes were mirrors that let nothing out. His face was expressionless. He was hiding himself, just like she’d always done.

Before she could point that out, he yanked her into his arms. Pressed kisses all over her face. When she kissed him back just as frantically, he moved her into his arms and stood up. Carried her into his dim, shadowed bedroom where the bed wasn’t made and only a few rays of light penetrated the almost completely closed curtains.

He paused next to the side of the bed. “Is this okay, Livvy? Do you want to be in this bed with me?”

“That’s all I’ve wanted since that night at the hotel,” she said into his neck. “All I’ve thought about since I drove away from you.”

“You sure?” he asked.

“More sure than I’ve ever been about anything.” She lifted to press a kiss to his mouth, and when he kissed her back, she groaned with the rightness of it. With the need that roared through her like a raging forest fire.

When he set her on the bed, she reached for his hand. Tried to tug him down beside her. But he stepped away, out of her reach, and stripped off his clothes. Tossed them onto the floor, then crawled onto the bed until he was beside her.

“You’re a little over-dressed,” he murmured into her ear, tugging at the lobe with his teeth. Then pressed a kiss over the small teeth marks. “But that’s okay. I want to undress you. Kiss every inch of your amazing body. I want to make you squirm. Cry my name. Come at least ten times.”

“Ten times?” she traced his face with her fingers. Brushed her fingertips over his soft lips. “Is that even possible?”

He smoothed her hair away from her face. “We’ll find out, won’t we?” He ran his hand over her body and frowned. “We have to take care of this clothing situation,” he murmured, tugging at the buttons of her blouse. “Let’s fix that.”

With his mouth on hers, he shoved the buttons through the buttonholes. Then he stripped the shirt from her shoulders. It joined his clothes on the floor.

Then he undid the front clasp of her bra. The cups fell to the side, baring her breasts to him. He smoothed his fingers over first one, then the other, his touch light. Delicate.

She squirmed beneath him, wanting more. Finally said, “Jake, I need more. I need my clothes off. I want you inside me.”

His mouth curved, but he didn’t stop kissing her breasts. Sucking on the sensitive nipples. “Don’t worry, darlin’. We’ll get to that. I’m busy right now.”

She squirmed against him, desperate to have him inside her. “You’re punishing me, aren’t you?” she murmured. “Making me pay for walking away from you.”

His mouth curved into a smile against her breast. “Do you think I’m the kind of guy who’d punish the woman he loves? Torment her until she was begging?”

“I do.” Her breath stuttered out. “Absolutely,” she said, her tongue getting tangled in the words. “Do you want me to beg?”

“I’ve had many fantasies of you begging me to make love to you,” he said. “We’ll play with that another day. Today? I want to make you cry my name. Make you scream. I want to watch you fall apart. Then fall asleep on top of me.”

Without any warning, he slid down her body and put his mouth between her legs. When she came, screaming and bucking, he slid inside her. Found the secret place that made her sob out his name. And after she came again, he allowed himself to follow her over.

She lay limp beneath him, her eyes closed, her breath sawing in and out. He pulled her on top of him and wrapped his arms around her. Reached down for the sheet and comforter and pulled the soft fabric over their bodies. Then, beneath the blankets, he stroked his hand down her back, his hand both soothing and arousing.

Nestled in his arms, their skin touching from chest to toes, she let herself relax. Went boneless. But she was too jazzed up, too thrilled to be in Jake’s arms again. So she wrapped her arms around Jake and nestled into him. Sleeping alone at the Blackhawk Security compound hadn’t felt… right. She was always aware of the missing piece who wasn’t beside her.

He stroked his hand over her back. “Sleep, Livvy,” he murmured. “Rest. We can talk later. I’m gonna tuck you into my side and listen to you breathe. Savor the satin of your skin against me and enjoy every inch of your amazing body. You sleep as long as you want. We have all the time in the world to make up for the weeks we’ve been apart.”

She burrowed into Jake and loved the way her skin slid over his chest every time she breathed. All those sleepless nights caught up with her, because in minutes, she was sound asleep. Her last conscious thought was that she was exactly where she wanted to be. Exactly where she needed to be. And that was the first thing she’d tell Jake when she woke up.