Page 28 of No Match for Love (Regency Love Stories)

“Not for two years.” She gave him a sheepish look. “I have tried to put off the few suitors I seem to have gained, but Lord Tarrington is particularly interested in having me married. I cannot see why, as he did not take the slightest interest in me before this year.”

Lucas chewed on his words, unsure of just what to say. His mind seemed to be circling the fact that she could not marry. It was fixated on that one fact and could not be moved.

“Charlie,” he said suddenly, realizing what this meant for his brother—and forcing himself to stop thinking what it might mean for him.

She nodded, a frown marring her face. “I do not know what to do. Perhaps—and I do not mean for this to sound forward or presumptuous—but perhaps, if he has an interest in courting me... you could put him off?”

Lucas swallowed. He wanted nothing more.

“I am sorry. That is asking a great deal. You probably think me terrible, to allow his attentions at all.”

He shook his head. “No. I do not think you are terrible. I only...” He paused, putting his thoughts to right. “I will see what I can do about Charlie.”

“Thank you. Now to stop all the other men my guardian will throw my way.”

His heart sputtered, as if he’d taken a hit to the chest. “Do you need help with them as well?”

She did not seem to notice the tightness in his voice. “I cannot imagine what you can do. I will just attempt to put them off until Lord Tarrington allows me to go home.”

Go home? And then what? Would this association of theirs end? After being dragged along on Charlie’s ridiculous schemes, they’d formed this sort of friendship, and Lucas was suddenly aware of how greatly he did not wish to lose it.

“Your club,” Miss Faraday said, changing the subject. “Does anyone else in your family help with that endeavor? Your brother?”

Lucas shook his head. “Just Colin and I.” He glanced sidelong at her, shortening his steps when he saw she was hurrying to keep up. “My family do not know of it.”

Her answering look was curious, but she only nodded. “How did you and Colin meet?”

He both appreciated the change of topic and wished to continue talking about her future, not his past. Nevertheless, he answered. “He saved my life, actually.”

“Truly?” She looked up at him, slowing her steps.

“Indeed.” He paused. “Ah... not many people know this.”

She understood his unspoken request. “I will not share it, if you are willing to speak about it.”

“Thank you. It was some time ago, but I was meant to be in school and had—well, suffice it to say that the school thought I was at home.” He watched her reaction and was not disappointed as her eyes lit with mirth.

“You continue to surprise me, Lord Berkeley.”

He tamped down a smile. The situation around why he’d left school was not one that brought him any joy, yet with Miss Faraday, he seemed to be pulled toward smiling more and more.

“I found myself in Bath and spent several days wandering the town aimlessly. Several navy men were stationed there at the time, Colin being one of them. One night I stayed out later than I ought to have, and I was seen as an easy target for some thugs. I was young, wealthy, and was alone. They attacked me.”

She took a sharp breath.

“Colin was thankfully nearby and fought them off. He gave me several pointers in boxing, and then when his commission was up, he and I decided to start the club together.”

“It sounds like a fortuitous relationship,” she said.

“I think so. He may disagree.”

She laughed a little at that then fell silent.

What he wouldn’t give to know what she was thinking.

“It seems the group is breaking up,” Miss Faraday said suddenly, pointing ahead. James and Lady Bowcott had stopped to watch a group of deer that were crossing a far field, and Lady Teresa and Charleton seemed to be retreating back down the hill for whatever reason.

They reached the Bowcotts.

“Lady Teresa grew tired, so Lord Charleton is going to accompany her back to the picnic spot. You are welcome to continue on. We will follow in a moment or two.”

Lucas looked to Miss Faraday, who nodded her agreement, and off they went again. More trees now scattered the green hill. A light breeze wound through them, setting the new spring leaves shaking and causing Miss Faraday to pull her pelisse a little tighter around herself.

“Are you cold?” he asked.

“A bit, but the exercise is warming me.”

He nodded.

“You do that often, you know,” she said, gesturing at his face.

“What?”

“Nod.”

“It seems a standard action for most,” he said, more than a little confused.

She laughed quietly. “I suppose that is true. But for you, it’s different.

I cannot exactly place why.” She studied him, until she stumbled over a mound of earth.

Her hold on him tightened, and he tensed his arm to help her maintain her footing.

Once she had, she shook her head. “I promise I am not so clumsily inclined as you likely believe. I suppose that will teach me not to pry into a person’s mannerisms.”

She was favoring her left foot as they continued on. “Do you need to rest?” he asked.

“No, I am well enough. It is only a little tender; some walking will likely stretch the muscle out.”

“You are certain?”

She nodded.

Unable to help himself, Lucas said, “There you go, nodding. It must mean something.”

A bright smile bloomed on her face. “I deserved that, most certainly. Forgive my prying.”

“You are forgiven.”

“My, but you are easy to make amends with. Thank you.”

He nodded but stopped halfway through the action, jerking his head back to a neutral position in such an awkward movement that they both began laughing. Lucas was almost surprised by the sound. When was the last time he’d truly laughed?

He had nearly laughed the night before—he remembered Miss Faraday commenting on it. But before then? His family was funny. His friends were funny. Why then could he not remember? He was always careful in his actions, that was necessary, but he’d never intended to cut out a little gaiety. Had he?

He might have. The idea was saddening. Marietta was the happiest, most lively person he’d known; she would have been more than a little frustrated with Lucas if this was how he’d chosen to live his life, especially as he was supposed to be dedicating that very life to her.

“What are you thinking of just now?” Miss Faraday asked, breaking into his thoughts.

Lucas blinked, realizing he’d stopped walking again. “Nothing. I apologize.” He started walking but did not miss the falling of Miss Faraday’s expression.

He swallowed. He did not feel good about having caused that crestfallen expression on his companion’s face, but he also did not wish to explain just what he was thinking of. His sister was not a topic he embarked on with anyone .

But he did not have to go into depth about it. So, swallowing again, he said, “I was thinking of my sister.” Then he quickly added, “Just passing thoughts.”

He looked steadily forward, not wanting to see her expression. Or for her to see his, as she was apparently making a habit of deciphering his mannerisms.

“Your sister?”

“Indeed.”

She made a sound of contemplation but said nothing more.

For a time, they walked in silence, and he welcomed it.

Not because he did not want to speak to Miss Faraday—in truth, she was more than an amiable conversation partner—but because it was refreshing to find someone with whom the silence did not feel empty or forced.

The soft padding of their feet crossing the grassy earth coupled with the sounds of nature—birds and wind and the like—accompanied their ascent to the top of the hill. Lucas led Miss Faraday to a spot he recalled from the last trip he’d made here some years before.

“It is beautiful,” Miss Faraday said when they stopped to take in the view.

“That is Pen Ponds.” Lucas pointed at the bodies of water. “And beyond the trees there is a lodge, but you cannot see it well from here.”

Miss Faraday looked where he indicated. “I like that I cannot. It is very nearly like being in the country again.”

“Do you miss it?”

“Very much so. That is silly, isn’t it? Many young women dream of wearing glittering ball gowns and dancing the night away in a fancy house.”

“But you do not?”

Her smile seemed almost sad as she looked out over the park in front of them.

“I simply want...” She trailed off, sighing.

“In truth, I just want to do what I want.” She pressed her lips together.

“That sounds more than a little vain, I know, but I grow weary of living a life dictated by another.” She paused, and he anticipated that there was more she was not saying.

So he waited. “Honestly, though, I think my truest dreams are of the past. I often wish I could go back to the way things were.”

“When?”

“Before my parents died.” The single sentence was wrought with feeling.

The words themselves almost seemed to fall flat as she said them, carried by the wind down the hill.

But the ache within them stayed, filling the air in a near-visceral way.

Lucas caught a glimpse at what lay behind Miss Faraday’s smiles and pleasant conversation.

It was fractured. Much like him.

“It is silly; I can hardly remember them... I should not miss them so.”

His throat felt thick as his own memories of the past surged up, as they had been so often as of late. He pushed them back, but they pushed against his walls in a way that was new and yet familiar, as if they begged to be freed in some small amount. “My sister passed away. My twin sister.”

Miss Faraday looked at him, not in surprise, in commiseration. “I am sorry.”

He could tell she was.

“It is unfair when a life is taken early. That kind of wound does not seem to heal, does it? We just learn to get on with that brokenness a part of us.”

His throat worked against the thickness. “How old were you when your parents passed?”

“Near about five years of age. They died of an illness, I am told.” She blinked hard. “And your sister?”

“It has been almost a decade now. She... We were attacked. Highwaymen.”

He heard her sharp intake of breath; then her hand caught his, squeezing gently.

He appreciated the contact but wished to withdraw almost immediately. Thankfully, after only a moment or two, she did just that.

Suddenly, he was wishing not to withdraw, which was wonderful, since the choice had been taken from him.

“Why were you not at school when you were meant to be?” she asked, quietly and suddenly.

He gritted his teeth then forced the tension to lessen. “My sister had died only a month before. I took a month off then wanted to go back, but when I got back... I did not want to be there.”

“Because you missed her too much?”

He heaved a sigh. His mind attempted to stop his words, but at the same time, it felt as if he had longed to tell someone this for years. “Because I hated everyone there.”

Instead of appearing shocked or disgusted, Miss Faraday nodded. “Because their lives continued as normal, but yours had changed forever?”

He bit his lips together, holding back the flood of emotion, but he managed to jerk his head in agreement. That was exactly it.

“I hated Lord Tarrington for taking me away. I still resent him.” She paused. “I know that sounds ungrateful—after all, he did take me in.”

“No,” Lucas said, his voice thick. He cleared his throat. “I understand entirely.”

She swallowed and brushed a hand under her eye.

“Thank you. I have never had anyone to talk with about these things. I have never... never had anyone at all really. Oh gracious, that sounds ungrateful again. I had the tenant families—they were dear to me and were always kind, even if they saw me as being removed from them socially. And my governesses cared in their way. I just never... I suppose I’ve never had a real friend. ”

A friend. Exactly what he’d said they could be. Yet it sounded nearly depressing that she would label their relationship as that of friends.

“I am sorry. No one, especially a child, should be without friends,” Lucas said.

“And I am so sorry for the heartbreak you’ve endured,” she said. “To lose a loved one, especially one that must have been so very close to you... I am just terribly sorry.”

“Thank you.”

She brushed a hand under her eye again, sniffled, then pushed her shoulders back. “Thank you for accompanying me up here, Lord Berkeley. It has been an enjoyable outing.” There was a formality in her tone now that had not been there before.

He matched it. “Thank you, Miss Faraday, for joining me.”

A small smile broke through her formal facade as she said, “I do believe at this point I ought to grant you use of my Christian name. Please, call me Lydia.”

He could do no such thing. Dash it all, he could not treat her with that much familiarity—it was impossible.

Slowly, when he said nothing, her smile drooped. “Forgive me, that was too forward. I did not mean any—”

“No. I take no offense. Please, call me Lucas.” The words were stiff, and he still could not bring himself to say her name in return.

Her smile returned. “Luc,” she said, almost to herself. The name caused his brows to rise. “That is what the orange-haired man—Colin—called you that first night. Luc. I cannot believe I did not make the connection earlier.”

Dash it, he’d thought it would be bad enough to hear his name but a nickname? One only a few knew and used? The sound of it on her lips sent a shiver through him.

She shook herself, unaware of the existential crisis he was experiencing. “Now. Should we rejoin the party?”

He nodded. “Yes. Yes, ah, we are likely to leave soon, if the tides allow.” Even as he offered his arm, he felt an amount of regret at leaving this spot where, for the first time, he’d spoken of Marietta with the same pain but somehow with less guilt.

He glanced at Miss Faraday. At Lydia .

Why did this moment have to be with her? Why the one woman he could not have?