Page 107 of Nightshade

“I still have my job, Tash.”

“You’re relieved of duty.”

“I know that, but it’s temporary. And things don’t just stop because I’m off duty.”

“I’m never going to be first with you, am I?”

“What are you talking about? Of course you are.”

She walked into the bedroom and opened the closet. Stilwell followed and watched as she pulled out her suitcase and swung it up onto the bed. She started to open its zipper.

“I just want to go back,” she said. “I want to go home.”

“Tash, we can’t,” Stilwell said. “Not tonight.”

“Well, I’m packing anyway.”

Stilwell stepped over and put his hand on the suitcase so she couldn’t open it.

“It can wait till tomorrow, Tash,” he said.

“I want to do it now,” Tash said. “Why don’t you just do your work. Go do your interview. I want to be alone for a while. Since it’s so safe here.”

The sarcasm in that last line cut Stilwell to the heart.

“You are safe, Tash,” he said. “I don’t want you thinking different.”

“Fine,” she said. “Can I open my suitcase, please?”

Stilwell removed his hand.

“Look, just go,” Tash said. “Go do your thing. I really need to be by myself right now.”

Stilwell knew she needed space. He backed away from the bed.

“Okay,” he said. “I’ll be quick and then we can talk about this again.”

“I’m tired of talking about it,” Tash said. “I just want to go back.”

Her face was turned away from him but she sounded sad. Stilwell nodded, not knowing whether she meant back to the island or back to the way things were before she knew him.

He headed toward the door.

“Please don’t be mad,” Tash said.

Stilwell stopped and turned to look at her.

“I’m not mad,” he said. “I’m worried about you. You’ve been through something pretty heavy and I want to take care of you. But you’re not letting me.”

“I appreciate that. Really. But I can take care of myself. I know what’s right for me.”

“I hope so. You know I love you.”

“I do. And I love you.”

He hesitantly approached her again. This time she didn’t put up her hands to stop him. He wrapped his arms around her and held her in the embrace for a long moment. He kissed the top of her head.

“I’m good, Stil,” she said. “You can go.”