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CHAPTER SIX

ANNA

I enjoyed spending time with Una. She was funny and sweet. Our shared terror had made us familiar fast, and I was glad that closeness lingered.

We chatted about the hotel for a while, and she told me all about the renovations. I could see why she loved sitting here. The sound of the waterfall and the play of the fire on the rocks was peaceful. I leaned forward and poured some more tea.

“How are you doing?” I asked. “With the funeral and everything.”

She sighed, rolling the soft fabric of the blanket between her fingers. “All right. Finn is helping. I’m mourning the loss of my brother, not the man he had become.”

“You forgave him, though, in the end.”

She nodded, a glimmer of tears in her eyes. “I did. I still love my brother, and I will miss him.”

“And the, ah, other? Niall said you were talking to a therapist?”

“Yes. It helps. I slept better last night.” She smiled sadly, sharing a look with me only we would understand. “I can say things to her I can’t say to Finn. He would go mental.”

“I understand. There are moments from that place I can’t tell Niall about.”

She squeezed my hand. “You should talk to Nadia. She’s great. She gave me some coping mechanisms to try too.”

“I think I will.”

We sipped our tea, enjoying our quiet companionship.

“We need to go look in the shop. They got some new things in I think you’d like,” she said, peering over my shoulder.

“Oh, ah, no. It’s fine.”

“You need some clothes.”

I swallowed. “I, ah, don’t have any way to pay for them right now. They took my purse with my wallet and credit card. My passport and all my ID were in it. I have to figure out how to get it all redone.”

Una waved her hand. “Finn insists. I’ll get some things too. Please. He wants to do this for you.” She tilted her head. “He knows we got close and looked after each other. He’s grateful, and he wants to do something for you.”

I laughed. “I’m living in his hotel, eating his food, taking up Niall’s time. He is doing plenty.”

She shook her head. “Please. For me, then.”

I sighed and relented. “A couple of things.”

She clapped her hands. “Awesome.”

We went shopping then headed upstairs to meet Finn and Niall for a late lunch.

The pub was warm and welcoming, another large fireplace roaring in the corner, heavy wooden tables and comfy bench seats everywhere.

Finn was waiting, and a few moments after we sat down, Niall strode in, his eyes instantly finding mine.

I swore his shoulders relaxed as soon as he saw me.

I know mine did.

He sat on the chair next to me, leaning over and speaking quietly. “All right, mo mhuirnín? ”

“I’m fine. I had a good morning with Una.”

“Great.”

Finn highly recommended the Irish stew and brown bread, so we all ordered it.

The meat was fork-tender, the vegetables delicious, and the gravy rich and thick.

Perfect to soak up with the warm bread. Finn shared stories of the hotel and a few from growing up in Ireland.

Niall joined in, the two of them kibitzing and teasing.

It made me laugh more than once, and I enjoyed myself.

“One time, Niall and I were about eight, I think,” Finn said with a grin. “Our neighbor, who no one liked, had a pile of manure delivered for his garden.”

Niall snickered. “Old man Murtagh.”

Finn chuckled. “We snuck out that night and pelted his house with the manure, thinking it would be funny. We thought we’d do it in the dark and no one would know it was us.”

“And?” Una asked.

“Next morning, Murtagh was yelling outside, and Mum burst into our room, screaming at us and calling us little feckers, chasing us with the wooden spoon, threatening to lock us up,” Niall said, wiping at his eyes.

“We kept saying it wasn’t us. But…” He trailed off, laughing too hard to keep talking.

“We never thought about the smell. We washed our hands in the well, but it was on our shoes and bits on our clothes,” Finn explained. “The room stank like shite. So did we.”

“What happened?” I asked.

“Mum beat our arses, and then we had to go clean his house.” Finn sighed. “But we got ours in the end.”

“What did you do?”

“We snuck some of the wet manure into his back seat and hid it. He could never get the smell out.”

We all laughed, and Una shook her head. “Poor Roisin.”

I touched Niall’s hand. “Your accent is heavier than Finn’s,” I said. “Most of the time.”

He chuckled, flipping his hand over and squeezing my fingers. “Finn’s been here longer than I have. He’s lost a bit more of the brogue.” He winked at me. “Most of the time?”

I nodded. “When either of you is angry or upset, it’s heavier and you say feck instead of fuck. Or when you’re laughing and talking about Ireland.”

Una grinned. “When Finn is being passionate, it becomes quite pronounced. Very, ah, hard.”

He laughed, wrapping an arm around her. “Quite,” he said. “Very hard.”

I had to look down, laughing into my napkin at her teasing.

She leaned close. “You’ll have to let me know if you hear a difference.”

I felt my eyes widen. Niall sputtered.

Finn started to laugh.

“Fecker,” Niall muttered.

“Like that,” I pointed out.

Then we were all laughing.

The waiter brought over coffee, and Finn cleared his throat, addressing me. He told me about the chance to work in the hotel, learn and be paid at the same time. I was surprised at the magnanimous gesture, feeling somewhat overwhelmed. He mistook my surprise as being distraught.

“It’s only an offer, Anna,” he explained, his voice gentle. “Maybe you had plans to return up north or another idea?”

“Oh no,” I said. “I had been dreading trying to find a job, and I would love to stay here. I’d get to work with Una?”

“Yes, and the other staff. You’d be in guest services. Trained and paid while doing so.” Finn looked at Niall, indicating he should join in the conversation.

“And you’d get to live in the hotel,” Niall added, turning to me.

“I would?”

Finn cleared his throat. “I’m indebted to you, Anna. You and Una developed a friendship while you were, ah, trapped. She told me if it weren’t for you, she would have gone mad.”

“She was equally good to me,” I replied. “She tried to protect me from, um, him .”

My hand was shaking as I reached for my coffee. Simply thinking of Juan upset me. Niall shifted closer, draping his arm over the back of my chair.

“He can’t hurt you anymore,” he assured me.

“But what if he comes looking for me?” I asked, worried. “And hurts Una? I can’t stay here and risk that.”

Niall and Finn exchanged a look, and Finn nodded. Leaning forward, Niall spoke quietly, telling Una and me that Juan was dead.

“You’re sure?” I asked, my voice thick.

“They can’t ID him since there was no way to fingerprint him and no DNA in any system. But the fact that he was so close to the track and had a gunshot, the coincidence is too great,” Finn replied with confidence. “Plus, he was wearing those hideous sneakers.”

“Why no fingerprints?” Una asked.

Finn cleared his throat. “Mother Nature has a way of removing them.”

Una looked puzzled, then her eyes went wide. “Oh. Oh .”

Confused, I looked at her, and Una mimed biting her nails. Theatrically. For a moment, I was startled, and then I turned my face, coughing to cover a little laugh. One animal destroyed by another one.

“He deserved it,” Una stated.

I nodded, shifting in my chair to face Niall. I felt his hands playing in my hair, trying to comfort me.

“Maybe we should discuss it?” I asked.

“It’s your decision. I think you’d like it here. Great staff. And you’d be safe.” His gaze was reassuring, and I had the feeling he wanted me to take the offer.

I turned back to Finn. “I accept.”

“Great. I’ll get the paperwork in order with HR. You can take a little more time to recover and start next week.”

“Okay.”

Niall stood. “You look pale and should probably lie down.”

I stood as well, hesitating, then leaned down and hugged Finn. “Thank you, Finn. I see why you’re Una’s hero.”

He was stiff for a moment, then returned the gesture. “Thank you.”

Upstairs, Niall showed me the adjoining room to his. I walked around, noting the feminine touches. I looked at him hesitantly.

“My mum’s,” he explained. “When she comes to visit, this is where she stays. Finn keeps it for her.”

“Won’t she mind my using it?”

“Not at all.”

I sat down, my heart feeling heavy. “You want me out of your room, of course,” I said, trying to sound light. “You need your space.”

Before he could say anything, I laughed. It sounded forced even to my ears. “You must be tired of babysitting a silly woman.”

He was in front of me instantly, gripping my hands. “You are not silly. You went through hell.”

I shrugged, not meeting his eyes. He slid a hand under my chin. “Finn offered another room in the hotel. I wanted you closer.”

“But gone,” I whispered.

“Anna,” he groaned.

“I get it, Niall.”

“No, you don’t.” He stood, pacing. “You look at me like I’m some sort of hero, Anna. I’m not. I’m not a good guy. What I do is dangerous at times. For me. For those around me.”

“I know that. It doesn’t change what I feel.”

He shook his head. “I think what you feel is hero worship. You’re upset and confused. I’m safe.”

“It’s more,” I insisted.

“You think that way because I kissed you. Your first real kiss. That will pass.”

“What do you feel?” I asked, standing. “Pity?”

“No.”

“What, then?”

He glared at me. “I’m attracted to you, Anna. I admit that. But I’m not what you’re looking for. You deserve a house and kids. A husband who comes home every night and helps you tuck them into bed, then takes you to his bed and loves you properly.”

“And you’re not that guy?”

“No.”

“Then why keep me close?”

He ran a hand through his hair. “I do care, just not the way you need. I can check on you here. If you want privacy, you can close the door. We can share a meal if you want.”

“Like buddies?” I said sarcastically.

“I think with some distance and time, you’ll see I’m right.”

“I thought you felt it. You certainly felt as if you did the other night.”

He drew in a deep breath. “You are beautiful. Sexy. You were in my bed. But I can’t take that from you, Anna. It belongs to the man you give your heart to.” He frowned. “Because, what I know of you, once you give your heart, it will be forever.”

I blinked, refusing to cry. “Well, maybe the second time that happens, it will be true.”

I brushed past him, stopping when he wrapped his hand around my arm. “Anna.”

I faced him, suddenly angry. “What, Niall? What do you want me to say?”

“That you understand. This is for the best. You can stay here, be close, and I’ll be there if you need me.”

“Like a brother.”

“A friend. I can’t be more. I don’t know how. Relationships and I—we don’t mix. They always fail.” He sucked in a deep breath. “I’m trying to be honest with you.”

I dashed away the tears forming in my eyes. “Fine. When you decide to be honest with yourself, let me know.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“There is something between us. I feel it. I don’t have a lot of experience, but I feel it.”

He tugged on his hair, then stepped close. “You want the truth? I want you. I want to kiss you. Hold you. Fuck you. Claim your first time. But that isn’t mine to have.”

“Why?”

“Because there would be no future. I would use you for a while, and we’d be done.”

“Why are you saying that?”

“It’s how I am!” He paced again, upset. “I’m not normal. I don’t have the same heart, like Finn or Roman. I don’t connect with people. I don’t want the same things. I don’t want a future.”

“Who’s asking you for one?”

He stopped in front of me. “That’s who you are, Anna. You’re a long-term commitment.”

“Says who?”

“Me!” he roared. “I say so. And that is final,” he added with a growl, stomping away, heading back to his suite.

I narrowed my eyes. “Then you’re no better than them.”

He turned at the door. “What did you say?”

I was so angry, I didn’t choose my words. “They took my choices away. Made me a victim. Took away my thoughts and feelings. Now, you’re doing the same thing.” I raised my voice. “It’s my right to choose. My life. My decision.”

Silence descended, and I felt his anger.

He closed the distance between us, and I stepped back until I was against the wall with nowhere else to go.

He was furious, the rage rolling off him.

He had pulled on his hair so much, it was all over the place, giving him a wild look.

His eyes were narrow slits of black fury.

His chest pumped, and his hands were fists at his sides.

I should be terrified. But I wasn’t. It was Niall.

When he spoke, his voice was low and gravelly.

“I am nothing like them. I took you out of there and gave you back your freedom.”

“But you’re taking away my choices. Who I give myself to, who I want to be with, is my decision. Nobody else’s.”

“I. Am. Nothing. Like. Them,” he growled.

I sighed, my anger gone and shame replacing it. “No, you’re not. I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry. But it’s my decision.”

He made a low noise, then exhaled.

“It’s a huge decision, Anna. Life-changing.”

“I know,” I whispered.

The air around us grew heavy and hot. I ached with need. Want. Desire. For him. I had never experienced sensation the way I was at the moment. My body felt as if it were ready to burst into flames. Only Niall could douse the sparks.

Or set me on fire until there was nothing left but ash.

He rested his arm on the wall beside me, leaning down, his breath drifting over my skin when he spoke.

“And what is your decision?”

“You.”

His breathing stuttered, but he leaned closer. “Even if it’s only for now?”

I licked my lips, his gaze following the path of my tongue. “Yes.”

Our gazes clashed, brown meeting brown. One determined and pleading. The other angry, yet a flicker of something else was visible. Acceptance. Desire.

With a low growl, he grabbed my neck, hauling me to his chest.

“I warned you. You will regret this.”

Then he kissed me.

And I didn’t care.