Page 54 of New Beginnings At Pencarrow Bay

Peggy felt the smooth flagstones beneath her sandals as she made her way along the corridor, guts clenching, nauseated today by the sickly scent of the cloves and dried roses wafting from the bowl in the hall, which she had previously liked.

She was worried that even the sight of Lindy might trigger her resentment.

She knew she should feel only sympathy for a woman who was so sick, but ‘sympathy’ seemed like a step too far right now.

Lindy was sitting on the far side of the table when Peggy, steeling herself, entered the kitchen.

Never a large woman, she seemed to have halved in size and doubled in age.

It was now a tiny, fragile, birdlike figure– white hair pulled back into a hairband and face without makeup– who greeted Peggy, her voice so soft she could barely hear what Lindy said.

Smiling tentatively, Lindy indicated the chair opposite.

‘Thank you for coming, Peggy. That was very generous.’

‘ Generous’ is not the word I’d have chosen , Peggy thought cynically. But when she took in Lindy’s appearance, shock and pity replaced the anger. She nodded and sat down.

Lindy had her hands on the table. She was pick-picking at her fingers in a fluttery, nervous way and did not speak. Peggy had no idea what to say, so she too said nothing.

‘I don’t expect you to forgive me for how I behaved with Ted.

Or for those emails,’ Lindy finally said, in a stronger voice that, to Peggy, seemed strained but purposeful.

‘What I did to you both was shocking. Cruel. And I’m so, so sorry.

’ She took a few shallow breaths, and Peggy wondered if the woman was not well physically, as well as mentally, she seemed so pale.

‘I can’t explain what came over me. I wasn’t really aware of what I was doing at the time.

’ She paused. ‘Not that I’m excusing myself. I’m certainly not.’

Peggy didn’t interrupt: she felt there was more and there was.

‘People sometimes say,’ Lindy went on, ‘“I wasn’t myself.” And I know what they mean now.

It was so confusing. I genuinely believed Ted loved me and I him.

’ Lindy lowered her head and the finger-picking got more frantic.

When she looked up again, she blinked anxiously at Peggy.

‘It was all completely real to me. Everything I felt, however insane it actually was, seemed real … Those emails were my deluded attempt to have Ted to myself… It’s shaming. ’

Peggy, moved by Lindy’s words, spoke: ‘That sounds pretty scary.’

With a wan smile, Lindy replied, ‘Funnily enough, it wasn’t always.

There were times when things didn’t make sense, flashes of sanity, I suppose.

Then I got panicky and very frightened…

confused. But at other times I felt powerful, totally in charge.

I knew what was right. It was everyone else who was deluded and obstructive. ’

Peggy tried to understand. What Lindy said made sense in one way, although she felt extremely lucky she couldn’t imagine being in such a nightmare herself.

But Lindy’s description of her state of mind also seemed at odds with the calculation required to target Peggy…

Which, although there was madness to it, seemed to be quite clear-minded and deliberate.

‘So Ori Tafa?’

Lindy looked surprised. ‘You found him then. That was clever. He was part of my IT team at Tamco and, before that, at Redmayne Capital.’

Struggling to find words that fitted the unparalleled situation she found herself in, Peggy felt an uncontrollable anger mounting.

The words poured up from her throat in a torrent, settled on the tip of her tongue, a splurge of rage and resentment waiting to be unleashed.

She heard the beat of her pulse in her ears, felt her heart pounding.

But something was stopping her speaking, holding her back.

It was a very strange feeling, as if a restraining hand rested on her shoulder, an actual voice whispering urgently in her ear.

Be kind, Peggy. Don’t say something you’ll later regret , it seemed to say.

Involuntarily, she glanced to her shoulder– where Sienna had seen the pisky.

Was she being helped, somehow, in her hour of need? The idea didn’t seem so stupid.

Taking a deep breath as she eyed the jittery, crumpled figure across the table, remembering the strong, charming, impressive woman she used to be, Peggy, as the voice had suggested, curbed her rage, put aside her resentment… and found her pity once more.

There was a long moment of silence.

Then Peggy said gently, ‘Let’s draw a line, Lindy.’

She watched Lindy’s eyes spark up in what looked like hope. She didn’t speak, but Peggy saw her blinking as if to repel tears.

Getting up from the table, Peggy said, ‘Look after yourself. I hope things go well and that you get better soon.’

Lindy merely nodded, perhaps too stunned by Peggy’s response. Maybe she’d braced herself for an onslaught of fury and blame.

It was only when Peggy had said goodbye and reached the door to the kitchen, that she heard a small voice behind her enquire, ‘How’s Ted?’

She spun round, instantly wary. Lindy was staring up at her, her expression hard to read.

Peggy felt a spike of unease. ‘He’s fine,’ she said shortly, and hurried out of the house. Luckily there was no sign of Kim. Peggy had been so tense during the exchange with Lindy that now she felt worn out– as if she’d been battered– and not in the mood for a chat with her daughter.

Later, when Peggy was recounting the meeting to Ted, she found herself leaving out Lindy’s final question… and the look she couldn’t identify when she’d asked after him. Ted was disturbed enough about the whole saga as it was.

‘I can’t believe you actually met up. That was brave, Pegs.’

‘Well, it was going to happen sometime.’

Ted harrumphed. ‘Yeah. What the hell am I supposed to do when I see her?’

‘You won’t have to yet, with a bit of luck. Kim says she’s going to her sister in Wales for the rest of the summer.’

Ted let out a relieved sigh. ‘Thank goodness. Gives us a bit of time to recover, I suppose.’ He was silent briefly. ‘What if she starts it up again when she gets back, though? She lives here. We’ll see each other all over the place, even if she doesn’t come up to the stall.’

‘I doubt she will. She’s broken, Ted. It was pretty horrible to see, however ghastly her behaviour in the past. You can ultimately only feel sorry for her now.’

‘Feeling sorry for her was what got me into this mess in the first place,’ he commented drily. Then he squeezed her hand. ‘You’re a lot more forgiving than me, Pegs. I still get the collywobbles when I think about what she put us through.’

Peggy didn’t reply immediately as she played the earlier visit over in her mind. ‘Lindy’s not a monster. Just a very sick woman.’ She was grateful to the unseen pisky for pointing this out in such a timely fashion and defusing her anger.