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I was really curious about what he wanted to say. Crossing what line? But now I had no choice but to say what I needed to say. “I know it was the white-outs. I can’t imagine how frustrating it must have been to have me completely block out everything important you ever said to me.”

“It wasn’t everything.”

I leaned closer and said more softly, “Everything about who you are.”

He pressed his lips together, like he wanted to debate this point, too, but forced himself to let me finish.

“But what changed ten months ago?” I asked, my throat so tight I could hardly manage the words. “Why did we finally break?”

“It was Micah’s first shift.”

I must have looked distressed, because he placed his hand on mine. The effect was immediate—warm comfort eased my nerves and spread slowly up my arm and across my chest.

Carson continued, “It comes with puberty. You were mad that the boys had gotten another pet without consulting you. You didn’t understand.”

I’d had a rough day at work.

I’d told them we would return the hedgehog.

Oh no.

My chest clenched, I tried to pull away. Carson held my hand still, his thumb circling over the sensitive skin.

“I’m a monster,” I whispered.

“No,” he said firmly. “Never.”

“I threatened to get rid of our son.”

“You didn’t know. Micah knows you didn’t know.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

It wasn’t. I wished I could go back in time and take it back.

“The boys know you didn’t understand. They don’t resent you. They thought it was funny.” Carson ran a hand over his face. “But I decided then that we couldn’t keep going as we were.”

I nodded. Of course we couldn’t.

It was a small relief that I hadn’t scarred Micah, but I regretted so much that I didn’t know. I was their mother. I should have instinctively known.

There had been tension over the white-outs for so long, with me missing every important conversation, with Carson’s exasperation growing.

But this was the moment we broke.

It’s when Carson told me we can’t keep doing this. I didn’t even know what this was at the time. It’s when he asked me to leave.

To protect our kids.

“You’re a wonderful mother,” Carson said.

It was sweet to hear even if I didn’t feel like a wonderful mother. I’d have to do better from here forward. I’d do everything right to make up for what I’d done wrong.

Carson paused and tapped his glass like he wasn’t sure he wanted to say whatever it was he was about to say. Then he looked up at me again, and squeezed my hand. “Are you seeing anyone?”

A bark of laughter burst from my throat.

“Is that funny for some reason?” His brows furrowed.

“No. It’s just…I got set up a few times. Albert’s brother-in-law. I never went, always made up an excuse.”

“Oh.”

What did that oh mean? “I probably shouldn’t admit this, but I haven’t dated since we split. I can’t. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready. Probably not.”

“Oh.”

This oh ? I knew exactly what it meant, or at least I hoped I did—relief.

“What about you?” I asked. “Seeing anyone seriously?”

I couldn’t get myself to ask about anyone at all. I didn’t know if I wanted to hear any of the answers. The boys said Carson didn’t date, but kids don’t always know everything their parents do.

Carson kept circling his thumb on my hand. “No one.”

I tried to swallow the lump forming in my throat. “Keeping it casual then?”

“I haven’t dated anyone since we split. Not once.”

“Oh.” Apparently it was my turn for the one-word response.

“I’m still too in love with my wife.”

Oh. My. Wow.

A wave of warmth rushed through my chest—fast and deep, like the first rays of sunshine after a storm. My heart was so full it hurt.

“Well, that’s a relief,” I said, “because she’s still in love with you, too.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

Did this mean we were getting back together? Moving back in as one big happy family the way we should have been all along?

I squeezed his hand and hid behind the facade of sipping my drink. If I hoped too fiercely, the fall would be so hard I’d never recover.

Carson scooted closer to me on the rounded bench seat. He waited until I set my glass down, then he slid his hand over my back.

Every one of my nerves danced in delight. My stomach fizzed like it was full of celebratory champagne.

I inched closer so our thighs were touching.

I hadn’t had this much contact in a year.

My brain blanked. Higher brain function wasn’t possible. All I could feel was physical sensation. The only word I could think of was yes.

“For me, it was always you, Erika. It was you the moment we met. It was only ever you, every moment since.” Carson’s voice was deep and rough and filled with emotion.

Somehow, our mouths collided. Maybe I kissed him. Maybe he kissed me. It didn’t matter how it started. It only mattered that we’d found each other again.

He slid his hand up my back to the base of my neck.

His teeth caught on my lip. My breaths came short and exhilaration had me wanting to climb into his lap.

We brushed together, testing, tempting, in a dance we’ve done a thousand times. It was the most familiar, natural thing to do, yet somehow equally new.

He pulled back.

My lip quivered, a little voice in the back of my head afraid he would say it was a mistake.

He said, “Want to make out in my hatchback?”

I laughed, my nerves dampened. The hatchback was long gone. I’d thought the days of making out in public were, too.

My heart was full, my entire body light with elation, heavy with wanting.

My answer was easy. “Yes.”