Page 31 of Never Gonna Lie (Forbidden #2)

Chapter Thirty-One

RAVEN

A nxiety pools in my chest as I say goodbye to Sarah, and I’m left alone for the evening shift. I never used to worry about being on my own until someone tried to kill me. The breathing techniques my therapist suggested and my wrist band have been used more than once a day since it happened.

You’re safe. There’s no threat.

Well, that’s kind of a lie, but it’s the only way to keep myself from spiraling too deeply.

Leo, my new security guard, has been great, though, I don’t even know he’s there half the time.

He’s just this quiet presence that takes the edge off of my fears.

It helps that he’s freaking gorgeous—buff, shaved head, tattoos on his arms—his husband’s a lucky guy.

We’ve gotten to know each other pretty well over the last month, and I’ll be sad to see him go when he inevitably moves on to his next client.

“Raven? ”

My name being called pulls me back and I glance up to find Leo with a worried expression on his face.

“I’m good.” I smile softly. “Just lost in thought.”

He nods his head and goes back to his seat by the window, opening his book.

“It’s a waste of a good book if you don’t actually read it, Leo,” I call out, gesturing toward his book.

“Who said I wasn’t?” he says as he places the book on his lap, quirking an eyebrow.

Seeing as there’s no one in the shop, I walk over and sit with him. A smirk tugs at my lips as I reply, “What’s it about then?”

“It’s a fantasy book.”

“I got that from the cover,” I laugh. “But if you're reading it, what’s it about?”

“Magic, fae, a badass FMC, and a swoon-worthy MMC that makes my husband’s dirty mouth seem tame.”

My ears perk up. My biggest love is reading, so when someone engages with me the way Leo is, I’m in my element.

“Okay, fine,” I huff, pretending I’m put out when in reality I’m desperate to get my hands on it. “You’ve twisted my arm. I need this book and I need it now.” I put my hand out, wiggling my fingers at him.

“ The Diamond Palace by T.M. Kirk,” he says as he places the book in front of me.

I snatch the book up and start the first chapter, uncaring that I’m supposed to be working. “Hooooly shi?—”

He chuckles as he interrupts me, “Good, right?”

“Hmm,” I mumble, completely unaware of what he just said, too engrossed in the book .

The ringing of the bell shifts my focus, and I begrudgingly hand the book back to Leo. Walking toward the counter, I serve the customer, making a note to download the book later tonight so I can finish it.

Pushing the door open, I turn and wave to Leo before closing the door and dropping the keys on the sideboard.

I take my shoes off, planning on heading straight to my room for a shower—the sweat and grime from the day always makes me feel disgustingly gross after—but noises from the kitchen stop me in my tracks.

My feet move of their own accord toward the sound. The closer I get, the more my chest tightens with jealousy. I can hear the tinkling of a woman’s laughter, and all the fears of being under James’s roof echo through me. His responding laughter doesn’t help either.

Slowly opening the door, I’m met with a stunning brunette—beautiful eyes, long legs, and a body I would kill for. My insecurities hit me hard, and I swallow back the self-doubt.

The woman looks over at the door opening and gives me a kind smile. “Hi,” she says as she rushes to greet me. “I’m Rebecca.” She places her hand out, and I awkwardly take it.

“Raven,” I reply, feeling uncomfortable now that I’ve interrupted their date.

Rebecca’s smile grows wider at my name. “Oh, I’ve heard so much about you.”

My brows furrow. “You have?” I glance over at James, who’s watching me. “ Should I be worried?”

She chuckles as she walks back to the counter where James is standing. “Not at all.”

“Well, I’ll let you get back to your… date.” The word tastes like acid in my mouth, and I have to swallow down the bile that’s threatening to come up.

“She’s my PA,” James finally pipes up, his intense gaze still firmly on me.

The tension in my shoulders melts somewhat, but we all know about workplace romances. Just because she’s his PA doesn’t mean he’s not fucking her on the side.

Starting to retreat backward, I just nod my head. Once I reach the safety of the door, I hightail it up to my room. Closing the door, I lean against it, shutting my eyes and trying to keep the tears at bay.

How long can I keep doing this to myself? It’s not healthy. The love I have for James isn’t a crush that’ll burn out in a week or two. It’s the kind of love that spans forever and a day. I know deep within my heart that no man will ever match up to him.

Showering and changing into my pjs, I crawl into bed, the tears flowing freely.

A gentle knock at the door, followed by, “Raven?” causes me to sit up. I hastily wipe my face and walk to the door, my feet silent as I step along the carpet.

James’s face is a mask of worry when he takes in my blotchy face and snotty nose. “Who did this to you?” he growls, taking a step toward me.

I give him a watery smile. “You did.”

He looks at me as if I’ve just slapped him across the face. “I made you cry? ”

“Yeah, you did.” I wrap my arms around myself, rubbing them. I can’t bring myself to look at him anymore, so I glance down at my feet, willing him to say what he needs to say and then leave me to my misery.

James puts a finger under my chin and tilts my head to face him, yet I still don’t make eye contact. “Look at me, Raven.”

I sigh before bringing my gaze to his. He moves his hand to cup my cheek, and I lean into it, sighing at the contact. James gently brushes away the tears that have fallen, his eyes softening.

“What did I do?” he breathes out.

I huff. “It doesn’t matter. Just forget it.”

“Can’t do that, pretty girl. If I’ve upset you, I need to know why.”

Do I tell him? Finally get out everything that I’ve been desperate to tell him for so long? To have him reject me yet again, even though I’m not sure my heart can take it? Or I just play it off, ignore my feelings once again?

“You wouldn’t understand,” I mumble.

“Try me,” comes his reply.

The words are on the tip of my tongue. You only live once, right?

“I’m in love with you,” I mumble. I say it again, but louder this time, with more confidence. “I’m in love with you, James. I have been for a long time, and I can’t keep doing this with you anymore.”

His gaze darts across my face like he’s waiting for the punchline, but there isn’t one. I spoke my truth, now I need to know his. There’s no point in holding my breath; I know it’ll be the same reply as usual.

I go to turn away from him when he says, “Wait.”

I stop, but I don’t allow myself any hope; we’ve done this same song and dance for too long now.

“You don’t love me, pretty girl, you don’t even know me,” he says softly, like he’s trying to let me down gently. “I’m an asshole. I fuck, I leave. How you think you love me is beyond me. ”

I throw my arms up in exasperation. “Because I do, James. Because I watch you interact with people, watch you give a part of yourself to them without even knowing it. Just like you did after I got attacked.” I pause, catching my breath before continuing, “Your reaction? That was more than an ‘uncle’ caring for his ‘niece’ and you know it.”

“I don’t understand, Raven. How can you love someone from that alone?” he exclaims, eyes wide as he runs his hands through his hair.

“I feel more than most, James,” I explain.

“I see people for who they are and not for what they offer. You are everything I want and more in a man… not to mention sexy as hell. Just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean that it’s not true, and I don’t know what my heart is telling me.

I’ve been on dates, and I felt nothing, but with you?

I feel everything! Don’t make me go through life without knowing what it could be like to be yours, even for one night. ”

My outburst comes to an end, and he stares at me. “We’re?—”

“Friends. Yeah, that doesn’t work for me.” I move further into the room away from him. “I’ll have Leo take me back to the dorms tomorrow.”

“What for?”

Rounding on him, I exclaim, “To live, James. I’ve basically thrown myself at you at every given opportunity, and you’ve rejected every one of my advances.

” I pace around the room, avoiding his gaze as I pour out everything I’m feeling.

“I’m the sad, pathetic little girl who’s chasing a man twice her age, and for what?

Hmm?” I don’t wait for his reply as I continue my rant, “For nothing, that’s what.

“I tried to stay away from you, but you kept seeking me out. I tried to keep everything locked up tight, but having a near-death experience has my eyes wide open.”

I finally dare to look at him, but his face is expressionless, like what I’m saying to him isn’t registering. We continue staring at each other as my breathing settles and the shakes kick in, the adrenaline of my outburst wearing off.

I sigh, my arms flopping dramatically at my sides as I’m overcome with a wave of exhaustion at the situation.

“I know you don’t care for me the way that I do for you.

I’d love to say it’s okay, but it really isn’t.

” I sniff, wiping the traitorous tears from my eyes.

“I just need a clean slate as far away from you as possible.”

I turn toward the wardrobe and grab my bag, placing it on the bed, and begin gathering my things.

“No.”

My body freezes. “You don’t get to tell me no,” I whisper, my hands coming to rest on the bag as I hang my head.

“Yes, I fucking do,” he growls. “You aren’t going anywhere, Raven, so unpack your shit now.”