Page 29 of Never Gonna Lie (Forbidden #2)
Chapter Twenty-Nine
RAVEN
I think I’ve read too many romance novels, and I’ve lost what little sanity I had left. James could also be thinking the same thing with the way he’s looking at me—all wide-eyed and slack-jawed.
After everything I’ve just gone through, I come up with I want him to take my virginity?
Could I have said anything more cringeworthy?
Knowing me, probably. I guess I just wanted a moment of normalcy.
The last couple of days, I’ve been through every single emotion imaginable, and for one minute, I just wanted to go back to being Raven, the girl with an unhealthy obsession with my dad’s best friend.
I wanted for just one moment to forget I’m in a dangerous situation and I’m now being guarded daily for my own safety.
The longer he stands there gaping at me, the more my confidence starts to wane, and I realize that, yet again, I’ve put myself in his hands and he’s refusing my, not so subtle, advances.
My cheeks flush crimson, and I stand up. “Sorry, I-I don’t know what I was thinking,” I rush out. “Just ignore me. ”
Trying to make a quick dash to anywhere but here, I’m stopped by a hand on my arm. I turn around to see James gazing at me, his eyes full of heat. The pulsing between my legs begins, and I have to clench my thighs together.
I swallow. My eyes dart between his as I try and figure out what he’s going to say or do.
He looks pained as he murmurs, “I’m never going to ignore you, pretty girl, but taking your virginity is the one thing I can’t do.” He pauses, exhaling heavily. “I already took your first kiss, I won’t take that as well.”
I’m lost in his intense gaze, his lips so close to mine I can smell the smoke from his last cigarette. Most people will say it smells like an ashtray, but to me, it smells of James, of home. I breathe in his unique smell and send out a prayer to anyone who’s listening, please make this man mine.
As if he heard me, he whispers, “You’re not mine to have, Raven.” He kisses my forehead before drawing back and walking out of the kitchen.
A knock sounds at my bedroom door, causing me to jerk my head. I’d been so engrossed in my book, I hadn’t been aware of my surroundings. James had someone collect my belongings from the shop, and I never leave home without some form of book.
After he’d walked out of the kitchen this morning, I retreated to the safety of his room to lick my wounds.
It’d taken a good hour for the embarrassment to wear off, but by then the thought of facing him was still raw.
Reading has always been an escape for me, so what do I do when I feel like the world's biggest embarrassment?
I read about other people's lives and forget about my own for five minutes.
It’s hard to accept that James and I are not going to happen, no matter how much I want it to or how hard I push his boundaries. I want to respect his decision, but a small part of me knows he feels something for me even if he won’t admit it.
With a sigh, I stand up and open the door. James is standing with his hands bracing the doorframe and his head hung low.
He snaps his head up at the door opening. “Dinner’s ready if you’re hungry?”
I shrug. “I could eat.”
He pushes away from the doorframe, and my eyes start automatically wandering—his hair’s disheveled, like he’s been running a hand through it constantly. I guess when a twenty-year-old keeps throwing herself at you, it’s going to happen.
My gaze lands on his face, his blue eyes sparkling even in the dim light, and his full lips are just begging to be licked.
His five o’clock shadow just adds to his sex appeal, and I’m not sure if I prefer this version—the at home, relaxed James, or office James who wears designer suits and is freshly shaven.
We’re stuck in a staring contest, neither one of us looking away until I come to my senses and clear my throat, looking away and brushing past him.
His house is massive. I’m pretty sure there are five bedrooms, a games room, a theatre room, and a gym on top of the usual standard kitchen, living room, and dining room.
The kitchen’s so big he has a table in the corner, preferring to use that instead of the actual dining room, which seats around twelve people .
I take my place at the table, which has been laid out with cutlery and an array of food. “Are we expecting more company?” I quip.
“No,” he laughs. “I just didn’t know what you’d want, so I heated everything up.”
“James!” I exclaim. “That’s such a waste of food.”
“Nah, I’ll eat it all.” He gives me a wink and sits in his own seat opposite me.
Goddammit, I hate when he winks at me. My knees always go weak at the sight, even when sitting down.
We eat in silence, the tension rife. When I’m finished, I place my knife and fork down, reaching for my glass and taking a sip of water. “Did you ever find out what’s going on with my dad?” I ask.
James places his own knife and fork down before leaning back in his chair. “No, but I will. I’ve got the best security firm looking into it as well as looking after you.”
“So how does this work? They drive me to school, sit outside my classroom, and then bring me back here at the end of the day?”
“Pretty much, yeah,” he agrees. “I still have to work, and you still have to go to school. This is the safest option until I can figure out what’s going on.”
Nodding my head slowly, I try to wrap my head around his answer. I’ve never had a security detail before, so this is going to take some getting used to. “What about work?”
“I’d prefer it if you only went to school and back again, but if you still want to continue working, then security will take you to and from.”
“How long for?” I ask, even though I’m pretty sure I already know the answer.
His jaw clenches. “Until I know the threat against your life is gone. ”
I cross my arms over my chest as I say, “You’re being a bit overbearing, you know that, right?”
“And your point is…?” he asks, waving a hand around.
His protectiveness is endearing but also a bit stifling. I’ve always been given my freedom, and this feels like he’s taking that from me. I appreciate his actions are coming from a place of caring, but this is getting to be too much.
One question keeps niggling at me, though. “Why do you care so much? Why are you doing all of this? Wouldn’t it be easier if I had my dad deal with all of this, seeing as he’s the one apparently at fault?”
James is silent, a hundred different emotions playing behind his eyes, and I wonder which lie he’ll tell me this time.
“I’ve always cared, Raven.” He swallows before adding, “Just not in the way you want me to.”
The way I feel like I’ve just been slapped across the face is hard to take. It’s one thing to think scenarios and thoughts in my head, but to actually hear him say the words? It’s like reading that my favorite character has been killed off—soul-destroying.
“Riiiiight,” I drawl. Desperately wanting to change the subject, I ask, “When does it start? I’ve missed two days of school already.”
“I’ll be finalizing your security detail today, so you can go back tomorrow.”
“What about my stuff? I need certain things.”
James stands up and clears our plates. “They can take you either before or after school.” Walking to the sink, he says, “When are you next at work?”
“Erm, Thursday I think. I can’t remember off the top of my head. My schedule changes each week.”
He nods his head before starting to load the dishwasher .
Saying goodnight, I head up to his bedroom and get ready for bed. I don’t know where James has been sleeping; he must be in one of the guest rooms. I would have thought he’d ask for his room back, but he’s never said anything, so neither have I.
My book’s calling me as I climb under the covers, but all I can think about is if this will be the making or the breaking of us.