Page 41

Keltania

I slip into my room and close the door. The air in my lungs is sludge, moving too slow, too thick. Every nerve in my body hums. Electric. Alive. Itching for vengeance… I need to get a hold on this.

In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.

I focus on each inhalation, on the simmering fury that’s not my own, and tamp it down. After several moments, I manage a clear breath and lift my head.

Someone knocks on the door.

I open the door to find Daroose leaning against the frame. He’s eating an apple, watching me with bored curiosity. Without waiting for an invitation, he shoulders me aside and walks into the room. “That squeaky little Fae is insufferable.” He plops back onto my bed and groans.

“Who?”

He waves a hand in the air above his head. “The mini-Lord frosty-balls.”

“Suria?”

He scrunches up his nose. “Do you know she intends to force them to stop making sweet cream pie and replace it with pudding? She’s evil wrapped in a tiny, unassuming package.”

“You seriously came in here to complain about food?” The buzzing returns, and a wave of dizziness washes over me. I settle on the bed and fight to stay upright.

He watches me for a moment. Taking a deep breath, he frowns. “You smell wrong.”

“What is it with you and smelling me?”

He doesn’t answer. Instead, he walks over to me and leans in close. “Something is definitely wrong with you.”

“Daroose, you think there’s always something—” There’s another knock on the door, and I let out a frustrated groan. “All I want is to be left alone to rest. Is that too much to ask?” I stalk across the room and yank open the door. Suria is in the hall. “What is it?”

“Ugh. It’s you.” Daroose crosses the room. “I have no desire to be around someone so despicable. Pudding is no substitute for tarts! I’m leaving.”

He pushes past her, leaving Suria standing there, open-mouthed. “What did I—”

“Nothing. You’ll get used to his dramatics after a while. Are you all right?”

“Oh,” she says. “Yes. Could I come in?”

I push the door open a bit farther and step aside.

She walks in but doesn’t go far. “I know. About you and Valen, I mean. I know…”

“There is no me and Valen,” I say, keeping my tone as even as possible. There can’t be any proof. Denying it is the way to go.

Suria shifts from one foot to the other. She drops her gaze for a moment, and when she looks up again, her cheeks are bright red. “He…he told me, Tania. Valen told me.”

“He told you what, exactly?”

“I know the two of you are together.”

And just like that, it all comes crashing down. “Okay…”

My first instinct is to reach out to him and demand to know why the hell he told her. She’s a child! He shouldn’t be involving her—or anyone else—in something like this. But I refrain. Daroose is right. Something is up with me. The tear is messing with my head. If I speak to Valen now, I’m liable to say something I don’t mean. I nearly took his head off in the hall earlier. And the way I’m acting toward Suria…

I sigh. “Sorry. I don’t mean to be sharp. Things are just—”

“Chaotic?” She ventures farther and sits on the edge of my bed, dragging my pillow into her lap. Hugging it close, she says, “I know you don’t want me to because I’m young, but I…I want to fight. I want to help. I’m ready, but…I’m also kind of scared.”

I sit beside her. She never told us her age, but she can’t be more than fourteen or so. How can we let her help with this? How can we put her at risk? “It’s normal to be scared,” I say. “I’d worry if you weren’t… Is that what you wanted to talk about?”

“No, I…” She hesitates, then tosses the pillow over her shoulder, shifting so that we’re face to face. “I appreciate everything Valen has done for me. He’s really helped with my magic. But…I felt like I needed to tell you…”

“What did you hear?”

She drops her gaze to the floor. “I think Valen’s going to ask you for something, and he doesn’t believe you’ll say yes.” She straightens her shoulders and stands tall. “At first I was angry…but I think it might be a good idea. I know that you care about him. About the Winter Lands. I wanted you to know before he comes to talk to you.”

She’s sweet. I imagine that to her, the forbidden relationship between Valen and me is nothing short of a romantic tale—that we’ll ride off into the sunset together when this is all over.

I take her hand and squeeze, offering a reassuring smile. “Valen knows that I’ll do anything for him.” I’m aware that it comes off a bit too emotional, but I don’t care. My head is starting to hurt, and my vision is growing hazy. All I want to do is sleep. To quiet the buzzing. To silence the anger. To forget about all of this.

“Then you would agree to let him siphon your magic?”

The room goes cold. “What?”

“If he siphons it, adds it to his own, he can take Aphelian down. That’s what he told Celpin. Then he can keep you safe!”

She’s wrong. She must have misunderstood what she heard. “Valen would never ask me to do that.”

“He told Celpin we need this, Tania. We were training, and Celpin came in. He asked how you were doing, and they started talking… If the Fae see him as a hero, it will unite them all.” She smiles. “Of course, I’m sure he’d return it all as soon as he’s beaten her. You know you can trust him.” Her cheeks flush. “You two are in love!”

The buzzing grows louder, and Aphelian’s visage appears in the corner. “I told you.”

“This is a trick,” I shout at her.

Suria thinks I’m talking to her, though, and violently shakes her head. She stumbles off the bed, tripping over my boots. “I swear it’s not. I would never—”

Aphelian frowns. “You’re the only one who can see me, talk to me. The magic connects us, Keltania. How can I trick you…?”

“You’re trying to—”

“Please, Tania,” Suria begs. She’s crying now, backing herself toward the door. “Don’t be angry at me! Or Valen. He doesn’t know I came here to talk to you. Please don’t tell him. He’ll be so mad at me… He just wants to do what’s right for the Winter Fae!”

The words echo inside my head. Over and over and over. I hear Valen speaking them. I see the Fae cursing me.

“Ahhh!” I thrust both hands out, toward Suria. Thick vines crack through the floor. They wrap around her small body and shove her through the wall, into the hallway. She screams and encases herself in ice just before crashing into the stone. The protective barrier around her cracks and falls, shattering into a million tiny pieces.

“Tania! Don’t, please!” Suria climbs to her feet. She’s pale and shaking.

She’s a child. I just tried to harm a child! How could I— Stop. I need to stop. But it’s like there’s something stronger propelling me into action. I’m feeding off Aphelian’s hate for the Fae.

I focus on the vines, telling them to grab Suria. They do as I command, except she’s faster than I anticipate and dodges, then freezes them.

“Tania, stop!”

Footsteps pound the floor, and I’m aware for the first time of the large crowd of villagers at the end of the hall. Seconds later, several Winter Guards burst through the throng, followed by Valen.

“Stop!” he bellows. He grabs the nearest guard and hauls him back with impressive force as the group draws their weapons. “Everyone, stop!”

One of the vines latches onto Suria’s leg. It winds halfway up to her knee, then stops. “Valen,” she whimpers. “Help me…”

The guards advance several steps, but Valen grabs another, hauling him back. “I said stop! I will handle this.”

The guard looks like he wants to argue, but one glance at his Winter Lord and he shuts his mouth and steps back into the crowd. Valen advances slowly, his eyes on me.

“Talk to me, Tania. Tell me what’s going on.”

I want to answer him. To tell him to take me down before I do something there’s no coming back from. Before I hurt Suria. Hurt him. But the words won’t come. I can’t push them past my lips. I can’t move or think or feel…

He motions to Suria. “Come to me.” When she hesitates, he nods. “It’s okay. Come to me. She won’t hurt you. She’s…she’s not well.”

“There’s something wrong with her. We were just talking about magic…”

“I know.” His voice is calm. Controlled. “I’ll take care of it.”

In my mind, he says, “I know this isn’t you. I know you don’t want to hurt her. Just breathe, Tania. Focus on my voice. Let me be your stillness like you are mine.”

The words are meant to soothe. I’ve done it for him countless times when he’s been on the verge of losing control and caving to the spark of darkness inside. But my spark of darkness is just too strong. It’s vast and bottomless, and I can’t see the light.

I can’t separate myself from it.

You…you intend to use me. The tear—

“I never wanted you to take in all that magic. You know that. I know you do.”

The buzzing gets louder. From the corner of my eye, I see Suria crossing between Valen and me. She stops in the center, a few feet from me. “You can trust us, Tania. We’re your friends. We just want to help you. Then you can help us defeat Aphelian.”

“Suria,” Valen warns. “Ignore her. Listen to me. Focus on me.”

The druid magic is—

“It’s fucking with your head. We need to take down Aphelian so we can pull it out of you.”

The buzzing…

Aphelian’s manipulations…

It’s too much. Everything clouds over, and I scream.