Page 57 of My Undead Heart

“Okay, enough of your love life,” Jared says.

“It’s not lo—”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jared interrupts. “It’s still eating up your attention but I have a real problem here. I need you to slap some sense into me.”

“I’m ready.” Rae brings her hand back and eyes the side of Jared’s face with a devious grin.

“Sorry, sis. You’re family. I need an outsider’s opinion.”

Outside, huh. I narrow my glare. “I’m not sure if it offends me that you think of me that way. Wait. Nope. Yeah, it totally does.”

“Mia, focus!” Jared leans across the table and shakes my shoulders. “The lawyer asked me to be his boyfriend.”

“I thought he was a paralegal.” Rae taps her chin.

“Paralegal. Lawyer. Semantics.” Jared waves a hand between us.

I shake my head. “No, I’m pretty sure there’s more. Like maybe a law degree. A lot more schooling.”

Rae holds up a finger. “And student loans. Don’t forget that.”

“Ladies!” Jared throws his hands in the air.

“Sorry. Obviously, you must let him go,” I say because in all the years we’ve been friends Jared’s never had a steady boyfriend. It’s not how he’s built. Besides, his wandering eyes don’t relate well with commitment and exclusivity.

Rae studies her brother, her eyes almost sad, and that’s when I catch Jared’s deep exhale.

“Wait. What’s going on here?” It takes me a moment and then it hits me. “You don’t want to move on.”

“I don’t!” He throws up his hands, a deep frown etched in his brow. “What’s wrong with me? Does this mean he’s the one or am I having an early mid-life crisis? Is this how other people feel? Is this how it starts and before you know it I’m living in the ’burbs raising our adoptive child while Logan takes the train into the city to fight crime?”

“Just to be clear ... you know paralegals don’t fight crime, right? The law office above us specializes in family law.”

“Mia! You’re missing the point!”

“Jared. It’s me. I suck at relationships and feelings. I don’t know what you want me to tell you.” Really, he must have about a dozen other friends better suited to offer relationship advice.

“That’s why I’m asking you and not Rae. She says follow my heart. But since you don’t have one of those I thought you could give me perspective.”

Our waiter interrupts the bizarre conversation. “Sorry. No rush. I’ll take care of this whenever you’re ready.” He’s a gorgeous young thing. Blue eyes and blond hair, and he makes a point of meeting Jared’s eyes when he slides over the check.

Jared opens the bill and after studying the amount he throws up his hands. “See! This right here! The universe is plotting against me!”

Rae leans over and whispers in my ear, “He’s losing his shit. Help, please.”

“What’s the trouble? They charge us full price for appetizers again?” I draw the paper printout from his hand. There’s nothing off about the amounts, but that’s when I notice the handwriting at the bottom. It’s the name and number of our server along with a very explicit request.

“I hope that note’s for you because I’m not into ass play.” I slide it back to Jared. Only instead of laughter he looks as if he’s about to have a panic attack. “Jared?”

“I don’t understand,” he mutters and shakes his head.

“I think it’s pretty clear. Good thing you prefer bottom,” I say, expecting him to snap out of whatever this is, make an inappropriate joke, and chill the hell out.

Instead, he slams his head on the top of the table. Total drama queen. At least he’s still acting like himself.

I widen my eyes at Rae because I’m still confused at the meltdown. Jared finds a new guy multiple times a month and every single time he falls hard and fast, envisioning their future together. That lasts until a shiny new guy comes around and we begin the cycle over again.

Jared pulls himself up off the table. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but ... I have no desire to ditch my crime fighting man for the pretty baby blues. This must be it. The sign I was looking for. I’m finally ready. I’m ready for a real boyfriend. I’m going to tell him yes.”