Page 12 of My Return to the Walter Boys (My Life with the Walter Boys #2)

Conversations receded, doors slammed shut, and suddenly I was alone with Cole on the landing.

My heart rate ticked up. This was it—we were finally going to have a much needed talk, but instead of being relieved, I felt like a criminal marching toward the gallows.

Thankfully, Cole didn’t notice my nerves.

He dragged a hand down his face, then silently reached for me.

If he didn’t hate me by the end of the night, then the two of us would need to set some serious boundaries.

For now, though, I allowed myself to be tugged against his chest. He blew out a breath, and the tension melted from his body once he’d wrapped his arms around me.

“You smell like chlorine,” he said by way of greeting. “Did the little mischief makers trick you into swimming with them?”

More like the devil’s spawns. “Possibly,” I grumbled.

Cole chuckled, and a shiver of pleasure shot through me at the feeling of his sculpted torso shaking against mine. “Cheer up, Jackie. We’ve all been there before.”

“Exactly,” I said, pulling away from him. “You all have a lifetime of knowledge, but does anybody share it with me? Of course not. It’d be nice if someone gave me a warning for once instead of breaking out the popcorn and laughing at my expense.”

“But then how would you learn?” he asked, booping me on the nose. “Come on. Let’s go somewhere more private.”

I scowled but followed him down the hall. Cole filled the silence by describing Isaac’s tattoo in detail. Too nervous to give him my full attention, I only caught bits and pieces of what he said. Something about feathers. Or maybe it was fire?

Once we reached the art studio, Cole made himself comfortable on my bed.

He left plenty of space on the mattress for me to join him, but I needed to put some distance between us, so I sat at my desk chair instead.

If I didn’t, I feared this conversation wouldn’t go how I planned…

again. What happened in his car last night was more than enough proof that my brain would take a vacation if Cole put his hands on me.

“Aren’t you going to join me?” he asked, tucking an arm behind his head.

“I’m good over here, thanks,” I replied, fighting to keep my gaze on his face and not the delicious stretch of his bicep.

“I promise I’ll behave.” The velvety tone of his voice told a different story, so I shook my head. “Suit yourself, but I have exciting news to share, and I doubt you’ll be able to keep your hands to yourself once you hear it.”

My chest gave a tiny flutter, and I almost groaned in frustration. He was making this difficult without even trying. “There’s something I need to say first,” I said, holding myself still despite an overwhelming urge to fidget.

“Okay, shoot.”

I braced myself, then dove into the speech I’d prepared. “Cole, I want to apologize for how I treated you this summer. I should have let you know how I felt instead of blowing you off, but—”

“ Jackie .” He sounded equally amused and exasperated. “I already told you—I don’t need an explanation.”

“I know, but it’s important to me that you understand. If you don’t, then…” I trailed off, my voice shaky as all the words I’d rehearsed slipped away from me.

His brows dipped into a V. “Understand what exactly?”

“Why I can’t be with you,” I whispered. A knot of guilt and regret formed in my chest, but I knew this was the right thing to do. Not just for me but for both of us.

Cole barked out a laugh. “You’re hilarious,” he said, but when I didn’t respond, his smile faltered, and he sat up. “Wait, are you serious?”

Unshed tears pricked my eyes, and I nodded.

“You know I have feelings for you, Cole. I can’t lie about that, but…

I’m not okay. I wish I could put my grief behind me and focus on us, but I still have anxiety and awful nightmares, and—God, it hurts to breathe sometimes.

” Cole was watching me with eyes so penetrating that I had to look away.

“I–I don’t have the emotional capacity to put a relationship first when some days I spiral over the smallest thing.

It wouldn’t be fair, and I care about you too much to do that. ”

“I could help you.” He launched himself off the bed, took my hands in his, and kneeled at my feet. “On the days that are hard. I want to help, Jackie. You just need to let me.”

The sincerity of his offer simultaneously took my breath away and pierced my heart. I could handle a hotheaded Cole. In fact, I’d expected him to make an appearance. But this soft, sweet side of him? It broke me, and the tears I was trying to stifle spilled down my cheeks.

“Maybe you could, but this is something I need to do on my own,” I said, tugging my hands away from his. “Besides, you’re leaving for college this week, and I have Princeton to worry about. I can’t have any more distractions.”

He tensed at his words. “You think I’m a distraction?”

“That’s not—I mean, no. Not entirely. It’s just…

” I faltered, not sure how to explain myself in a way that wouldn’t hurt him.

Me using Cole as a distraction from my grief wasn’t the same thing as him being a distraction.

But he probably wouldn’t see it that way no matter how I phrased things, so I pivoted.

“Remember what you said at the beginning of summer about how the timing between us was never right?” I sniffed and wiped at my nose. “It still isn’t right, Cole.”

Cole was an inherently expressive person.

If something pissed him off, his nostrils flared or he gritted his teeth.

Excitement made his eyes gleam while disappointment dulled them.

Typically, he was all confidence and sly smirks, so I loved the way his eyebrows squished together whenever he got confused, giving me a glimpse of the softer, less put-on side of himself that I found endearing.

So watching all trace of emotion drain from his face made my throat constrict.

“If that’s how you feel, then fine.” He stood swiftly and turned away.

“Cole, wait!” I scrambled out of my chair so fast I nearly face-planted on the floor. “Can’t we talk about this?”

“About what?” The cold edge to his voice stopped me in my tracks. “There’s nothing left to say.”

***

The quiet as everyone sat down to dinner was unsettling.

I slid into my usual seat and pretended not to care when Cole moved to the opposite side of the table.

Even from a distance, I could feel the waves of fury rolling off him.

With the exception of Nathan, who glanced between us with furrowed brows, nobody noticed that something was wrong.

The younger kids were beat from spending their day in the pool, while the rest were focused on Katherine.

There was a tightness to her eyes that made all of us wary.

Nobody dared look at Isaac, who was slumped at his usual spot between Lee and Alex with a sour expression.

Conversation slowly picked up as dishes were passed around, but it stayed subdued, never reaching its usual level of clamor. When Cole cleared his throat near the end of the meal, my stomach dropped. I had no clue what he was going to say, but I had a feeling it wouldn’t be good.

“The lease on Will’s apartment ends this week,” he announced once he had everyone’s attention.

I remembered when Cole packed up his things and left during his and Danny’s graduation party.

After the wedding, Will moved in with Haley since she had a nicer apartment and more space.

He hadn’t wanted the hassle of finding a subtenant for three months, so he offered to let Cole live in his old place for the summer free of charge.

It sounded like it had been a perfect arrangement—Cole was closer to his job at the garage, and the lease would run out just in time for his first semester in Boulder.

“Do you need help moving into the dorms?” George asked.

“About that…” Cole replied. “After giving it a lot of thought, I’ve decided to defer my enrollment.

I don’t want to take out a student loan and get saddled with debt, but I can’t afford tuition at the moment.

I’m making okay money now that Tony promoted me to manager, so I’m going to spend a year working to save up for school. ”

Katherine paused, then set down her water glass and gave him an approving nod. “That’s very responsible of you, Cole. Are you planning to renew the apartment lease?”

He shook his head. “Actually, I was hoping I could move home.”

I almost choked on my bite of meatloaf. I’d completely forgotten his words from earlier, but now they played through my head in a loop: I have exciting news to share…doubt you’ll be able to keep your hands to yourself…

“Oh, honey! That would be wonderful,” she gushed.

“You’re always welcome here, and we’d love to have you back.

I’ll need to figure out what to do about sleeping arrangements, though.

” There was already a far-off look in Katherine’s eyes as she contemplated the dilemma.

“Maybe Isaac and Lee can move back in together?”

“What?” Isaac exclaimed, breaking his silence for the first time this evening. “That’s bullshit! I finally have my own room, but he’s allowed to change his mind, swoop in, and steal it from me? How is that fair?”

“There was nothing fair about the way you spoke to me or your aunt this afternoon,” George said, his voice laced with steel. “What makes you think you deserve your own room right now?”

Jack and Jordan, who were covertly flicking peas at each other, stopped what they were doing to listen. If Katherine hadn’t instated a no-camera-at-the-table rule, I was positive one of the two would have pulled it out and started recording.

“What about me?” Lee said as he stabbed a tater tot with his fork. “I didn’t do anything wrong.”

The problem-solving expression on Katherine’s face softened into a smile. “You’re absolutely right, Lee. Cole and Isaac can share instead.”

“I don’t want to displace Isaac or Lee,” Cole said.

“Plus, I plan on also keeping my other job at the Gas Exchange, and that’s typically second shift.

Wouldn’t it be better if I had my own space?

Otherwise, I’ll constantly be waking up whoever I have to share with.

I was thinking I could set something up in the basement? ”

Katherine hesitated. “I’m not sure I feel comfortable with you sleeping down there. We don’t have an egress window.”

“Mom, Cole can stay in my and Benny’s room!” Zack said, bouncing up and down in his chair.

“That’s very kind of you to offer, Zack,” she told her youngest, “but I don’t think there’s space for all three of you in there, and your brother is right. He needs his own space.”

The table fell quiet as everyone considered the problem, then Parker lit up. “Oh, I have something!” Her eyes flickered over to me, and she grinned. “Why don’t Jackie and I share? Cole can take the art studio, since my room is bigger.”

Cole’s expression was unreadable when his gaze found mine.

It was the first time he’d looked at me since sitting down to dinner, and I made an effort not to squirm in my seat.

“Is that really such a good idea?” His tone suggested concern, but I didn’t believe it for a second.

“Jackie’s never had to share a room before.

It might be difficult for her. Besides, she’s so hardworking and dedicated to her schoolwork. What if Parker is a distraction ?”

I narrowed my eyes. “I can handle it.”

“Hmm…” Katherine tilted her head in consideration. “I suppose that could work. Are you sure you’re okay with this, Jackie?”

“Of course!” I smiled at Parker. “The two of us will have a blast. Right, P-Walt?”

She nodded eagerly. “We can play Mario Kart every night, and I can show you how to burp the ABCs!”

That prospect alone was enough to make me regret my decision, but Cole was watching me with a smug grin, and I refused to give him the satisfaction of backing out now.

Besides, if sharing a room with Parker made the situation easier for Katherine, then I could make that sacrifice.

I would miss the art studio, but if I really wanted to be considered one of the Walters, I couldn’t allow myself to be treated any differently from the rest of the family.

Dinner wrapped up shortly after that. I had yet to be added back to the cleanup rotation, so after bringing my plate over to the sink, I slipped outside for some much needed fresh air and a quiet place to reconcile with the knowledge that I’d lost my safe haven.

As I paced back and forth, my racing thoughts split into warring factions—one stubbornly determined to help Katherine and stick it to Cole, the other screaming, “ OhmyGodohmyGodohmyGod , what have I done?”

The front door snicked open, and Cole stepped out, a private smile tugging his lips. Instead of making for the steps like I thought he would, he stopped and took a deep breath as if savoring the moment.

“Little bit of advice?” he said, not bothering to look in my direction.

Even though I was the one watching him, I startled, caught off guard that he knew I was here.

“You don’t have to be a people pleaser ad nauseam. It’s obnoxious.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said politely, even though I wanted to snap. How dare he call me obnoxious when I gave up my room for him? What he should have done was thank me, but since I’d turned him down, he was throwing a tantrum instead. I refused to sink to his level.

Cole snorted. “Don’t play dumb, Jackie. I know you didn’t want to give up your room.”

My fingers tightened into fists. “Well, of course not! But your mom needed—”

“Exactly,” he said with vicious satisfaction.

“My parents are stuck with you whether you suck up to them or not, so stop trying so hard.” He mockingly bowed his head to me when my jaw dropped, then stepped off the porch and headed for his car.

“Enjoy your new digs,” he called over his shoulder. “I know I will.”