Page 19 of My Dark Obsession

‘Acceptance Of Life/Love Fate-Amor Fati’

Amaya

After spending some time amongst the dead, I finally forced myself to go back to the castle.

I stood staring at Lady Samara’s painting when Jerry appeared and asked how the council went.

After explaining their boring demands and Rí’s dramatic leave, Jerry's eye twitched in sync with his moustache.

I dragged my tired body to the bedroom, and I found myself curling up on the love seat opposite the huge windows.

The clouds had darkened, and the waves below crashed with so much force against the cliff I was surprised that the castle hadn't even shook from its force. The wind had picked up, and rain had started to splat against the windows before coming down in a heavy downpour. It matched my sour mood. I had been so excitable seeing Rí shift, seeing his glorious dragon take to the sky and stretch his wings.It had produced a feeling in my chest I couldn’t quite place.

I was tired, so very tired of the pull of life. I was actually jealous of the dead and their permanent resting place.

The constant demands of the people who didn't even know me was exhausting.

This feeling brewing inside reminded me of the day I met the boys, the pull I had felt with those little pills in my hand.

I couldn't allow this feeling to fester. I wasn’t allowed to feel this way.

I wanted my twins so badly my chest hurt .

Their little faces always made everything worthwhile. Their big blue eyes and silent little mannerisms. Their little hands holding mine, knowing I was there to keep them safe. To protect them.

And then I was gone, leaving them alone and afraid. Confused and hungry. How could I sit here and enjoy this warmth, this comfort when I knew how bad they had it?

I needed to find this magic within me. I needed to pull it forward and keep it there. I needed to find a way back to them and I needed to find a way for them to live here.

Jerry busied himself behind me, setting up a bird perch just as Ravioli flew through the open bedroom door. He landed on the perch and turned his beady little eyes to me.Rain drops glistened on his deep black feathers.

How had he known where I was? And also, how did Jerry know I now had a pet bird?

“How–” I bega n

“I know all that happens on the mountain my Lady”

Huh, the man really was the best damn ghost butler uh...assistant.

“Why can't humans live here?” I asked quietly, never removing my eyes from the raindrops sliding down the windowpane.

He glided over and poked at the crackling fire before saying, “The amount of power in the portals, the sheer pressure would crush anyone without any kind of magic in their veins.”

Gliding over to me, he gently placed a blanket around my shoulders, making me jump and stare up at his jiggling moustache in shock.

“However, if someone who had this immense power in their veins could somehow transfer even a drop of magic to the humans...well...I suppose that would save them my Lady.”

I frowned at him as my mind raced. I could transfer magic to people. Was that the answer?

To do this I was going to need to get a hold of this power and use it to my will. I was going to need serious control. But first, I had to find a way back. I needed to return to the Dead village.

My eyelids drooped as I asked Jerry one final question, “What was my mother’s name?”

“Her name was Isa my Lady.”

Isa...

I jolted awake and looked around me in confusion. The dark clouded sky was now pitch black and the rain had stopped. I sat up and rubbed the sleep from my eyes.

“Mo Chridhe, did ye’ sleep well?” Rí asked, he sat in a large armchair beside the fire. Jerry must have given him a bigger seat. I held in my snicker at the thought of him squeezing into the small chairs.

Yawning, I walked over and sat in the chair opposite him and scratched at Ravioli's head as he perched on the arm of my chair.

“How long have I been asleep for?”

“Ye’ was snoring when I got back from my flight.”

I sat up straight and said “Your dragon! He was huge!” Then added less enthusiastically “And I don't snore.”

“Ah well thank ye’ Mate,” he leered.

Ignoring the way my core tightened, I told him of Jerrys idea, “They could come through, live with me on this mountain.”

He nodded, his red gaze holding mine, “Then we find a way to make this happen.”

I leaned back against my chair, my chest once again tight, my stomach swirling as I pictured them, running the halls, enjoying the dead and the touchy trees. Their smiles would light up the room.

“Tell me about them,” he asked in his timber.

And so, I told Rí of the day we met. I told him of the strength they brought me, of that new feeling that had unfurled within me. My obsession with them.

“I didn’t know who I was before them. It had all gotten too much, the beatings. The people. The life I lived had clouded my mind and made me weak. It was turning me into one of the slugs.” He frowned at me, his jaw ticking as he tapped his finger on his bouncing knee.

“People in the human world are like slugs; slow, slimy, weak and eat through anything.

I longed for death. I needed it. But they turned up that day and I knew; it wasn't time for death to take me.

It didn't matter if my soul was barely there, if inside me I was cold and empty, because those boys needed me.” I leaned forward to him, needing him to understand.

“It doesn't matter what I want or need whilst I'm alive. The boys will always come first. No matter what.”

“The twins will come first to ye’, rightfully so. But to me? Ye’ will always come first. Ye’ worry about ye’r boys’ needs, and I’ll worry about my Mates.”

Could this man truly feel that deeply about our ‘Circle’ that he would accept my cold damaged soul along with my twins?

How had I landed up so far away from this realm and things that I could have known from birth? How had I ended up with that monster who damaged me so much that I didn't know if I could accept what Rí so freely offered me?

The Fates Above had supposedly matched us together so perfectly, so why oh why would they match me with the White witch?

Why was Cole the way he was? If the Fates Above knew what they were doing why even pair me with someone who hated my kind so strongly, who would want me gone so much?

Maybe they had made a mistake and Rí was supposed to be my only Mate?

We sat in comfortable silence next to the fire until the sun began to rise. Its orange and pink glow spread through the darkened room and with it awoke a determination to find out who exactly I was, and just how strong I could be for the twins.

We ate breakfast as Jerry brought in book after book on Dark magic and its source. Everything I would need to know on harnessing the power within me.

I flicked through the piles of books now lining the table and looked at Rí and his huge plate of food. Mid mouthful of eggs and bacon, he froze before mumbling, “It takes a lot to feed a dragon.”

I rolled my eyes and picked up a leather-bound book that looked like more of a journal. I unwrapped its leather string and opened it.

‘The journal of Lady Isa of the Dark Mountain.’

“Jerry–” I stared at the journal; I didn't know how to feel. The journal had been my mother’s, the woman who had given birth to me, who kept me for three years before taking me to the human realm. How were you supposed to feel?

“I thought you might like it my Lady, so you may gain some answers not even I can give you.”

Answers.

That's what I wanted.

Wasn’t it?

Rí’s gentle hand guided my face to look up at him, a soft smile on his wide lips, his usual furrowed brow uncreased and relaxed.

“In ye’r own time. There is no rush.”

There was a rush to me. I needed to know why, because the second I had met Ellfyn and Elyas, there was no way I would purposely leave them with a monster.

I put the journal down, promising myself I would read it when I was alone. Whenever that was. I found I wasn't alone very often these days .

“If these are not enough, perhaps a visit to the library or archives would be better,” Jerry said as he stared at the pile of books with a frown and his hands on his hips.

Not enough? Piles of books now gathered around the chairs, the love seat and any table surface.

There was no way I would be able to read all of them.

I mean, I would give it my best, books were the world’s best knowledge-full of secrets and unknown answers-and my hands itched to gather them and grip them in my grasp.

“I think we’ll try to tackle these first, thanks Jerry.” Giving the ghost a nod I perched at the end of the huge bed with a large cream coloured book in my hands. The leather was smooth and seemed to be real. Inked on the front red ‘To Harness, To Gather, To feel.’

Perfect, right?

I opened the book with Jerry beside me pretending to adjust the curtains on the bedpost. I looked at him in my peripheral vision and jolted.

Holy shit, the black mist.

How had I gotten so used to it being in my sight that I just forgot about it?Giving myself a mental shake, I looked back to the book in my hands. If I could harness my powers, maybe I could finally heal the damn issue. Whatever Lyal did to my eye really did cause some serious issue.

The pages of the book rustled as I settled further back on the bed and frowned at the messy handwriting. How was I supposed to understand this?

“It seems the skin was still warm, and the ink smudged.” Jerry said as he peered down at the book.

“I thought animals’ skin had to be fully cooled before use. ”

“It’s not an animal.”

“Is it…human skin?” I asked slowly.

“Yes.” He adjusted his tiny glasses then poofed from the room leaving behind his glow.

This book in my very hands had once been someone's skin, and they had inked it whilst warm. So, it had been freshly skinned…

That was so damn cool!

“Rí! This book is made out of skin!”