Page 6 of (My Accidental) Killer Summer (Summers in Seaside)

MAMA DRAMA GROUP TEXT - The ladies in the neighborhood: Sandy, Molly, Jen, Elle, Amy

SANDY: Did you all see the news about the head in Sandalwood?!

MOLLY: What head?

ELLE: Person, animal, or vegetable?

SANDY: A *decapitated* head!

JEN: I don’t think vegetables have heads.

AMY: Unless its . !!

MOLLY: Lettuce has a head.

JEN: Obviously human, otherwise they’d say “body.”

MOLLY: Cabbage has a head.

SANDY: In a freezer!

AMY: Someone FOUND it or STORED it?

SANDY: Found.

ELLE: …A REAL head?

SANDY: Yes! A real head, people. Hair and all.

MOLLY: I once found a dead bird in my freezer.

JEN: Not the same, but equally disturbing.

MOLLY: Emotionally scarring.

JEN: So are your Pinterest recipes.

MOLLY: I’m not above blocking a bitch, Jen.

JEN: Please do! I’d get so much more done.

SANDY: Just once, I’d like to stay on topic.

ELLE: You’re the one who named the group MAMA DRAMA.

AMY: And I’m not even a mom!

ELLE: You are to my kids.

JEN: Plus you run a house full of nieces and nephews. Totally counts.

AMY: Aw, thanks guys.

JEN: Think your sister will ever move out though?

AMY: Nope.

MOLLY: Back to the freezer—why wouldn’t someone just buy a new one? I wouldn’t be able to look at Eggo waffles again.

JEN: Imagine reaching in for waffles and coming out with someone’s head.

MOLLY: Elle lives closest. See anything suspicious? Someone buying large amounts of plastic wrap?

ELLE: Nothing, sorry.

AMY: Should we organize a food drop-off? Or is that… weird?

JEN: Yeah, let’s bring casseroles to the house with a severed head in the freezer. Great plan.

SANDY: IS NO ONE GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE HEAD ON DAISY- MOTHER-FUCKING-CHAIN LANE????????

MOLLY: If we bring it warm, they won’t freeze it!

AMY: Everyone loves Elle’s lasagna.

JEN: Anyone else check their own freezers?

MOLLY: Mine’s clear. Found cocktail slushies tho.

ELLE: Are they even still good?

JEN: Alcohol + freezer = still good. I’m coming over.

SANDY: I SWEAR TO GOD, PEOPLE. A REAL HUMAN HEAD. WITH HAIR. IN A FREEZER.

JEN: So… not bald?

SANDY: I hate you all.

ELLE: And with that, I’m signing off. Night ladies!

AMY: Night!

MOLLY: Bye!

SANDY:

JEN: