Page 32 of (My Accidental) Killer Summer

SANDY: Sending!

And there it is.

“Garden décor assault circa 2:00 AM.”

A blurry still from someone’s security cam. Night vision green. Grainy. But unmistakable as far as I’m concerned. Me, in shorts and one of Noah’s shirts gripping the garden gnome.

What angle is that from?

My soul leaves my body.

“Mom,” Jill says behind me, “you’re burning the pancakes.”

I flip the pancake. It’s black. Same color as the pit forming in my stomach.

“It stinks.” Jill waves a hand under her nose.

“Sorry,” I say as I toss the blackened cake in the trash and pour the batter for a new one.

“Amy!” I yell.

“This early?” Jaq asks. “Wasn’t it still dark, like, a minute ago?”

“What, sorry?” I ask.

“You’ve got grass in your hair,” Jill points out. “Is that from your midnight yardwork?” She uses air quotes and frankly sounds a bit too sassy for first thing in the morning.

MOLLY: Isn’t that the Jenkins’ backyard?

JEN: What are they doing?

MOLLY: Is that a garden gnome? I can’t enlarge my screen.

How can they possibly tell those things from this photo? I barely recognize me and Iknowit’s me.

“I meant I’m going to be helping her with yardwork. We had to hit up the nursery first to get some things we’ll need. Plants, fertilizer, tools, you know.” Even I don’t believe the words coming out of my mouth and I’m the one saying them. Sadly, I don’t let that stop me. “There was a sale. A Memorial Day sale, so we needed to go early.”

JEN: It IS a garden gnome. I just can’t tell what else is going on.

MOLLY: Okay, Sandy – spill it. What are we looking at.

SANDY: I think that’s the killer with the headless body mid attack.

MOLLY: If that’s the headless body, why are they hitting it?

“Amy!” I yell.

“Oh, is Aunty Amy here?” Jill asks.

“It was like Black Friday,” Amy pipes in after coming out of the small guest bathroom off the kitchen where she brushed her hair and washed her hands and face.

I’m a little jealous since I’ve spent my only free minutes making sure my kids don’t starve, even if I don’t remember what I dropped in their lunch bags. I did wash my hands before doing it though. There’s my win for the day.

“Totally crazy, like mobs of people,” Amy continues. I hand her my phone with the text thread pulled up where messages are still rapid firing back and forth.

MOLLY: It might not be headless yet.

SANDY: I don’t think murderers think that rationally.