Page 86 of Murder Most Haunted

‘I’m fucking here!’ roared Rona, swinging round to face her and baring her teeth. ‘I’m a person standing right... here.’

‘We need your help, Rona,’ said Midge, taking her hand and leading her back to the chair. ‘Remember Noah’s photos?’

‘Ickle-bickle Noah,’ sighed Rona, sinking back into the chair. ‘Don’t you want to just pick him up and put him in your pocket?’

‘Not really,’ said Midge.

‘It’s such a shame about his podcast show, isn’t it?’ continued Rona, taking a shoe off and stroking it on her lap like a cat.

‘What do you mean?’ asked Midge.

‘Lost all his sponsors.’ Rona leaned forward and whispered, ‘Between us, though, I always thoughtPhantom Fileswas a bit more edgy, but I’d never tell him.’

‘So, he’s run out of money?’ said Harold. ‘I thought he was making a podcast right now.’

‘It would be like kicking a puppy, wouldn’t it?’ said Rona, bashing the shoe up and down on her knee in time with her words. ‘Kicking it until it fell apart.’ She tossed the shoe to the floor.

‘Rona, please concentrate,’ said Midge.

Rona saluted and lifted her head to meet Midge’s eyes. ‘Reporting for duty.’

‘We need to know what chemicals we should use to develop photographic film.’

Rona frowned. ‘This is a bit of an odd time to be worried about your holiday snaps.’

‘I’m not sure this is such a good idea,’ said Harold.

‘Awwwww... Harry-warry. Poor old Daddy Harold, dumped by Linda. You just need a big cuddle.’ Rona put her head to one side and stared at him critically. ‘You know, you’d still be quite a looker, if you blew your nose occasionally.’

‘Rona.’ Midge shook her head. ‘Rona, what chemicals can we use?’

‘Lemme think.’ Rona sat back and closed her eyes. After a moment or so, Midge realized that she had fallen asleep. She shook her gently by her uninjured shoulder. ‘Rona, wake up. What chemicals?’

‘What?’ Rona’s eyes flicked open. ‘Let me sleep, Midge, I’m tired.’

Midge’s shaking became more insistent, and Rona’s grumbling increased. ‘OK, OK,’ she yawned. ‘You need a developer, a rinse and a fixer.’

‘This is impossible,’ said Harold.

‘What can we make a developer from?’ asked Bridie.

‘Shhhhh!’ hissed Rona, squinting at her. ‘I’m not talking to you. You’re horrible to my Squidgy.’

‘Rona...’ cautioned Midge.

‘Just because you’ve got cancer doesn’t mean you can talk to her like you do,’ said Rona, the words coming out in a rush.

‘Rona!’ warned Midge, sharply. ‘Don’t speak to her like that.’

But Bridie was looking at her now. ‘You told them?’

‘Caffenol,’ said Rona. ‘You need three ingredients.’ She held four fingers up, causing Bridie to click her teeth in exasperation. ‘Instant coffee, washing soda and vitamin C.’ She smirked at Midge. ‘It’s about all that instant coffee is good for, if you ask me. Then the rinse can just be water.’

‘And the fixer?’ asked Midge.

‘Ohhhhh...’ Rona grinned and tapped her nose. ‘That’s really complicated. Top secret.’

‘For God’s sake.’ Midge could practically hear Bridie’s teeth grinding behind her.