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This is what true happiness must feel like.

Soon, it would end. But until then, she would hold tight to the promise of returning. Of spending next Christmas with him again. The season could not come soon enough once she returned to the silence of her everyday life.

After reading for some time, William finished and reluctantly shut the book.

Caroline slowly opened her eyes and sat up, forcing him to relinquish his embrace. “I suppose I must replace your poultice, provide you some supplies, and then head home.”

Her usually cheerful voice held a sad intonation as she rubbed her eyes.

William licked his lips, wishing he could prolong their time together. “Must you leave so soon?”

“I am not sure when my landlady will return, and I should be there when she arrives to avoid questions about where I have been.”

His throat thickened with emotion as she stood and moved away. Their time was ending, and the only promise he had secured was that she might return a year from now.

The intelligence that had built his business deserted him in the face of desperation to keep her with him—even a minute longer.

“What if I courted you? Would that be acceptable?”

Caroline’s expression crumpled. Had she been upset about leaving all along, if her emotions were this near the surface?

“Please trust me when I say you do not wish to pursue me. I am not worthy, William.”

He rubbed a hand over his chin, searching for words. “I believe you are.”

She shook her head. “But I am not. You do not know what I have done.”

William’s interest sharpened. Her secret—was it a matter of guilt? Perhaps if he could coax it from her, he might help her see what he had learned the night before: that blessings and burdens could exist together. She had saved him from the darkness. Could he not do the same for her?

“Please, come sit with me?”

She returned to his side, sitting heavily. “If I could, I would stay, William.”

“Then tell me—why do you feel you are unworthy of my attention? Perhaps, once it is spoken aloud, it will no longer seem so insurmountable.”

Her hands came together in agitation. “If I tell you what I did, I shall lose your regard—and I do not want that.”

He brought his hand over hers in quiet comfort. “Please, sunshine. There is nothing you could say to change my mind about you.”

Caroline’s shoulders shook as she swallowed a sob. “It was unforgivable.”

“Nothing is unforgivable, if one seeks to make amends.”

“There is no way to fix what I have done.”

William tugged on his beard, his thoughts turning. “Regardless, it cannot alter how I feel about the woman who cared for me on Christmas Eve.”

Her head lifted, her eyes locking with his. The torment in them struck him hard, but he met it with unwavering calm, lifting his hand to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear.

She was so achingly beautiful. He had to be strong—if he wanted her to be free of the past, she needed to see herself through his eyes.

“When I was thirteen, my grandmother died. She was my only living relation.”

William nodded, his chest tightening. She had been only a little older than he was when his own parents died—only he had Uncle Albert. She had had no one.

“Mrs. Harris had known my grandmother and promised me a position when the time came. So I went to work at Baydon Hall, where she was the housekeeper.” She paused, so William stroked her cheek to encourage her.

“Miss Annabel was the daughter of a baron. She was younger than I but took me under her wing. She taught me to read, helped with numbers. When she saw how skilled I was with a needle, she gave me fabrics. She even convinced Mrs. Harris to apprentice me. We spoke of me opening a dress shop one day—and she vowed to invest her pin money in it when she married.” Caroline’s voice broke.

William put an arm around her, drawing her gently in. “What did you do?”

Caroline buried her face in his shoulder. “The Earl of Saunton began courting Miss Annabel when she turned nineteen. Soon they were betrothed. He visited often and I—I frequently met him in secret.”

William held her tightly as she sobbed, stroking her back. “You blame yourself for behaving improperly?”

“Nay, William—for betraying my friend. Annabel gave me everything, and I deceived her.”

William tried to imagine himself in her place. If he had stolen Nellie from Charles … The guilt would have consumed him. He understood.

“What happened?”

“She caught us kissing in the stables.”

Gad!

“She gave me a reference. She had Mrs. Harris place me with a doctor’s household.”

That was remarkably generous. Perhaps Caroline had not overstated their bond.

“And did she marry the Earl of Saunton?”

Caroline sniffled. “Nay. She married the Duke of Halmesbury.”

William blinked. “The duke? From Wiltshire?”

“Yes. You know him?”

“Of course. His estate is not two hours from here. But Caroline—did Miss Annab—Her Grace—refuse your apology?”

Caroline pressed her face harder against him. “I never apologized.”

“Why not?”

“She sent me away. There was no chance to say anything.”

“Have you tried since?”

“No … but she would not want to see me.”

He saw it then—how grief and shame had closed her world. Just as he had locked himself away from life after Charles’s death.

“Why does this prevent you from accepting my courtship?”

“I vowed not to form any close connections. I cannot be trusted. Not with friendship. Not with affection. Certainly not as a wife.”

William frowned. “When did this happen?”

“Two years ago.”

“And have you done anything similar since?”

“No.”

“Then I stand by what I said. You made a single mistake. One you clearly regret. You have not repeated it. That speaks of strength, Caroline, not weakness.” He looked at her squarely. “I remain committed to my desire to court you.”

She stared up at him. “My character does not repulse you?”

“I am not repulsed. We all err. What matters is what we do after.”

How could she not see the truth? She had helped Annie Greer. She had tended William without question. And with her words, she had dragged him out of the shadows. If she would let him, he could do the same for her.

“I wish to court you, sunshine.”

He could see she was thinking about it, his mouth growing dry with nervous anticipation.

Now that she had confessed the truth and received his heartfelt reassurance, would she relent on her vow?

Seconds stretched into minutes as her feelings flittered across her features, and William bit his lip to remain silent and not interrupt as she tried to reach a decision.

“I cannot.” Her words cracked the silence, a deafening blow.

William’s free hand came up to his chest, certain he would find it cracked open and bleeding his life essence.

He had awoken from years of being half dead, to fall violently in love over the span of a few hours, only to have his esteem rejected.

Surely his heart had physically snapped in two?

He tried to think what to say next. Lifting a hand, he rubbed it over his beard, quelling the urge to tear at his hair in his desolation.

To make matters worse, he suspected he was being selfish.

He had found a lifeline to happiness and grabbed it with both hands, hauling himself to shore with all his strength.

But what of Caroline? What of her needs?

She was in agony over what she had done to her mistress, and he could only commiserate, being well aware of how guilt could cut through one’s soul to leave one broken and bleeding.

To be certain that there was nothing left to live for, not a solitary blessing to cling to.

With great reluctance, William admitted what she needed. And currently it was not him. The only possible step to take was to release her.

It was the hardest thing he had ever done, other than witness Charles’s death, but he did it regardless.

Because Caroline needed him to do it and he could not possibly achieve his future dream of them together without putting her first. No matter how long it took, he would eventually bring them back together.

But only if he allowed them to part first.

He lay back, fighting his instincts to do what was right. “I … understand.”

Caroline looked as if she had been struck. She blinked several times, then cleared her throat before standing up. “All right, then. I am … glad you understand.”

William nodded, closing his eyes so he would not leap up to grab hold of her. She paused, hesitating for several seconds, before finally speaking once more. “I shall collect my things and go home.”

She paused again as if expecting him to disagree, but he bit his tongue and remained silent. He had rushed matters between them, and he needed to retreat before he made it worse.

“Goodbye … William.”

He gave a curt nod, bidding himself to remain calm and release her from any obligations to him. It was his only hope, and he did not trust himself to speak.