Page 101 of Mr. Hotshot CEO

I’m so angry. At Courtney, at all the people who couldn’t help her, at the ex who made her believe she couldn’t have a relationship. But I see no way out of this.

So I leave.

Chapter 27

Courtney

When Julian walks out, I slide to the floor, my back against the door. I press my hands to my eyes, but I don’t cry.

I just sit there.

On one hand, I’m relieved. It’s finally over, like I wanted.

On the other hand...

Well, this isn’t actually what I wanted, because I love Julian and he loves me, but it’s what had to happen, and now I can move on with my life. That’s good, right?

He doesn’t get it, and that’s okay. He can’t get it because he hasn’t lived with mental illness for decades, unlike me. He thinks depression is something that’s treatable for everyone, but it’s not like that for all of us. It’s just a part of our lives, as much as we hate it.

I feel calmer now. I did what I had to do.

* * *

The next day, I havea gingerbread latte at lunch. I deserve a reward.

I get only the slightest pleasure out of the latte, but it’s still there, that sliver of pleasure, and it’s better than nothing.

This is my life. It’s mine to figure out, and I can do it, but having Julian around would just confuse matters and blow up in my face at the most inconvenient time.

Then I remember the day he came up to me at Chris’s Coffee Shop. Our banter, the way he told me I was perfect. There’s a lump in my throat, and I grab my latte and run out of the coffee shop. It’s near City Hall, and I see the plaques that commemorate Toronto’s first Chinatown, but that reminds me of Julian, too.

He’s ruined Toronto for me.

We had so many good times together, both here and in Montreal. Eating pineapple buns and gelato. Kissing in the rain. Going to nice restaurants. Trying not to jump each other in public. I remember entering his bedroom, wearing only his blue dress shirt... He said he would take care of me.

And he did. He took care of me then and when I had a meltdown during his fancy home-cooked meal. It was so nice to have someone there for me, someone to hold me. It was nice not to be completely reliant upon my sister for help.