Page 36 of Mountains of Mist and Magic (A World of Sun and Shadow #4)

E smeralda felt childish, really. Ignoring Phillippe and pretending he didn't exist probably wasn't the best decision she'd ever made, especially after their heated argument days ago. But as the silent treatment had stretched on, the more awkward it had become, and the less she had wanted to be the one to give in first.

Plus, because she wasn't currently speaking with Phillippe, it meant that she had to share a tiny cabin with Renya's aunt. The old woman was nice enough, but she snored fretfully and tossed and turned most of the night, and complained heavily of her backaches.

Esmeralda would rather be waking up with Phillippe, but their relationship was still on shaky ground after his stormy exit from her room.

So instead, she also tossed and turned, slightly unsettled by the rocking of the boat, and too distracted by both her problems and Agatha's snoring to get any restful sleep. When her turn to take the watch finally arrived, she was glad.

Not wanting to waken the older woman, she forewent dressing and instead threw a simple gray shawl over her shoulders, tied her boots and then left the cabin.

The halls were incredibly narrow, with only one person able to traverse them at a time. She moved through the passage quickly, eager to be on deck and in the fresh air. The scent of the sea called to her, and she was so used to living near the ocean that it was in her blood. She hurried up the tiny steps, and then finally emerged onto the deck.

She saw Renya and Grayden waiting there together, but when she approached them to relieve them of their shift, the couple parted and another figure appeared behind them.

Phillippe.

“See you later, Esmeralda,” Renya said, giving her a wink. Grayden patted Phillippe on the shoulder as he left.

Esmeralda stood there, trying hard not to look at him. But she had been avoiding him for so long, and she couldn't help but finally meet his eyes.

“Can we talk?” he asked gently, motioning over to the barrels that they had all been using as makeshift seating.

“I guess,” she said, surprised by his tone but also by the ambush. Esmeralda assumed that this early morning encounter had all been planned. She sat down, pulling her shawl tighter around her shoulders. The warmth from the Tidal Kingdom didn't reach the ocean here, and she was surprised at the coolness of the night.

Phillippe seemed to notice right away. He took off his long fur cape, and before she could protest, he placed it carefully over her shoulders.

Esmeralda was enveloped in his scent, and it brought back so many memories of their late-night strolls and stolen kisses in the gardens. For a moment, she lost herself, wishing that she could just forget this foolishness between them and kiss him like before. But she was too embarrassed about her behavior, and too ashamed at the way she'd spoken to him.

Upon reflection, she didn't think she was that angry at Phillippe, but more upset over the fact that Julietta and Triston were together, and she didn't know and neither her brother nor her friend confided in her. But instead, Esmeralda had taken out some of her anger on Phillippe. She opened her mouth to apologize, but couldn't find the right words to say. Like every other moment in their courtship, she struggled to express herself.

“Esmeralda...first off, I'm sorry for not offering to keep watch on your behalf. That was careless of me. Even if we weren’t involved romantically I still should have offered. But more importantly, I'm sorry for walking out on you before. I've been trying so hard to do right by you that I've been holding back, afraid of overwhelming you or moving too fast. I realize now that I've been doing the opposite of what you needed.” He sat next to her, not touching, and keeping his dark eyes fixed on the open ocean before them.

His words hung in the air, and she absorbed them slowly, looking and analyzing for some undertone of meaning. But then she remembered that Phillippe wasn't one for unnecessary complexity or drama.

He was a simple man, with simple desires.

Phillippe looked at her expectantly, so she mumbled the first thing that came out of her mouth.

“Your cloak smells like you.”

He burst out laughing. At first, she was stunned at his laughter, but then joined in. It seemed so ridiculous, both her statement and then their argument. She keeled over, holding her stomach as their laughter carried across the deck and into the night air.

“Oh, Phillippe,” she said, trying to catch her breath. “I'm so sorry for yelling at you. I was upset because Triston and Julietta were together and neither one told me, and they just seemed so intimate whereas we've been taking things slowly—”

His laughter tapered off and he held her hands in his. “Oh my Sea Star. I've been trying so hard to do right by you—which is why I've been so cautious with my behavior. It's because my feelings for you are stronger than any I've ever had. I was afraid of scaring you away with the intensity of what I feel.”

“I should have just talked with you about my feelings—”

“I should have told you how I felt—”

They both laughed as their words crossed.

“You have to be patient with me, Esmeralda. I've never been in a relationship before. I'm bound to get things wrong, and do things that make you angry. But you have to tell me. I have a thick head—but you need to communicate with me so I can fix what's wrong—it's the only way I'll learn how to please you.”

His words stirred something inside of her, and suddenly she wanted nothing more than to kiss him. She looked up at him, noting how long his hair had gotten, and the patchy stubble on his chin. His shoulders were finally relaxed, and for once his broadsword was missing. Phillippe held out his arms, and she rushed into them.

Esmeralda felt deliriously happy, but at the same time, she wanted to cry. Their talk was simple, but oddly cathartic. He hadn't declared his love, but she knew he felt strongly for her, and that was all that mattered to her.

Phillippe tilted her chin up, and gave her a sweet kiss; it was chaste, as usual, but he let his lips linger just a bit before sighing heavily and breaking away.

“Now, you go get some sleep, Sea Star. I'll take the watch for you.”

She smiled up at him, feeling warm in his embrace. “I'll never get any sleep when I'm bunking with Renya's aunt—she snores dreadfully.”

He laughed again, and his deep chuckle put her heart at ease and nearly mended it completely.

“We'll fix that tomorrow,” he said, and then leaned in for another kiss, a bit more desperate than the last.

The night passed quietly, with the gentle rocking of the ship lulling most of the crew to sleep. As dawn broke, a new challenge emerged.

The mist came on them quickly. No sooner had the sun come up, then the ship sailed into a thick cloud of fog, so impenetrable that they could barely see a few feet in front of them. One minute, Esmeralda was watching Phillippe as he made a few adjustments to the ship's wheel, following the maps and instruments her brother had laid out, and the next she couldn't even see him.

“Phillippe!” she exclaimed, moving towards him, her feet slipping on the deck as the heavy mist settled on the ground.

“I'm right here,” he replied, feeling for her in the absence of sight. Objects around them seemed to vanish in the opaque vapor but his fingers found hers and he pulled her close to him.

“What's happening?” Sion's voice echoed in the fog towards the center of the ship.

“It's the mist,” Triston answered, his voice coming from the same direction. Esmeralda could hear the fear in her brother's tone, and it instantly took her back to when she was a young child, waiting patiently for news of her parents and brother on that fateful journey. Days had passed with no news, before parts of their ship were found, washed up by the tide. It was another week before it had been confirmed that her parents had passed, but there had been no news of her brother.

But then, a miracle. Her brother had been found alive. Sick, badly dehydrated and malnourished, but alive.

She now understood exactly how much was being asked of her brother by making him repeat this trip.

“What do we do?” Esmeralda asked, frantically turning in every direction, hoping to see something.

But it was useless. The mist hung in the air, clinging to their clothes and hair. The droplets seemed to sparkle through the hazy moonlight, almost as if taunting them about the light that they couldn't see.

The ship slowly stopped moving, the waters standing still. Esmeralda could hear muffled voices and shuffling feet as the group moved about, their uncertainty palpable in the thick air.

Quiet. Not a sound to be heard. It was an absolute emptiness, and the vastness of the ocean around them and the stillness of the air and the inability to see started a panic within Esmeralda. Her heart started racing, beating so strongly that she feared something was wrong. Next came the moistness along her brow, and the spiraling fear that they'd never make it out of this and they would be stuck here, slowly starving to death. Or, perhaps they would sail into a giant reef, tearing up their boat and forcing them into the water, where they would drown and then be feasted on by bottom-dwelling sea creatures.

Esmeralda's breath caught in her throat, and suddenly she couldn't breathe. The mist choked her, swirling around her like a ghostly shroud, foretelling her own death. Frantic sobs mixed with gasps of air raked her body, and she crumbled in Phillippe's arms.

“Shhhhhhh...” he murmured, stroking her hair. “It's okay.”

But no amount of reassurance from him helped. Her breathing became more labored, and she trembled from head to toe.

“Help!” Phillippe called into the silver haze, horrified at the sight in front of him. “Something's wrong with Esmeralda!”

It was Agatha who appeared. Esmeralda could barely keep her in focus, her mind flitting to a million different horrifying outcomes of their situation.

“I don't know what's wrong with her,” he pleaded, looking at Agatha.

“It's a panic attack.”

“A what?”

Agatha sighed. “Honestly you're even denser than your pretty-boy brother. It's her body and mind working overtime.”

“Calm down, Esmeralda,” Phillippe urged, holding on to her shoulders.

Agatha cuffed him on the back of the head. “That's the worst thing you could say.”

“Help her,” he implored.

“Esmeralda, honey, I want you to close your eyes. Think of your bedroom at the Tidal Kingdom. What does it look like?”

It was an odd question, but Esmeralda's mind instantly pictured the room. “My bed is in a giant clamshell,” she whispered.

“Good. As you list off things, I want you to breathe in between.”

“It's high above the rest of the palace, like a crow's nest.” She breathed deeply, envisioning the room in her head. “And there's a window where I can see seabirds flying and soaring through the sky.”

“It's working,” Phillippe observed.

“Hush,” Agatha chided, focusing on Esmeralda as she repeated each detail that she could remember. Before she knew it, her shoulders had relaxed and she was breathing normally.

“Good girl,” Agatha said, gently patting her on the shoulder. “Phillippe, you stay right next to her. Don't you leave her side.”

“I'll never leave her,” he whispered, pulling her tightly against his chest, and this time, her rapid breathing wasn't due to her panic.