Page 95 of Mountain Grump

Just have to sit through them finding out about the house.

Then I’m out of here.

The lawyer clears his throat. “Thank you all for coming in today. I’m Richard?—”

“Where’s your son?” Ralph scoffs, like he’s catching the lawyer in a sneaky lie.

Richard keeps his expression blank as he turns to address Ralph. “I’m the son. My father was also named Richard.”

I bite down on the urge to smile.Eat it, Ralph.

The lawyer returns his attention to the rest of the room. “Jack requested that we have a formal reading of his will, and as all required parties are present, I shall begin.” He waits a beat, letting his eyes linger on my relatives, then looks down at an envelope on his desk. “This is a letter written by Jack.” Richard picks up a golden letter opener and slices the sealed envelope open.

Then he unfolds the paper and begins to read. “Hello, dear family. Thank you for gathering here today, in the event of my death.”

I press my lips together because this would be an inappropriate time to laugh. Butreally, Uncle Jack?

Not that the dramatics of a letter should surprise me.

“Though I hate most of you?—”

I can’t prevent my snort. Becausereally, Uncle Jack? But I lift a hand to my mouth as I half-heartedly turn it into a cough. “Sorry. Continue.”

Richard nods. “I feel it is important for you all to be here for this, so there are no misunderstandings. And I assure you, Richard has approved all my requests. There is nothing illegal, nothing that can be done by any of you to undo what I’ve set in motion. So, please, sit there and take it.” The lawyer useszero inflection,and it makes the whole thing that much more absurd. And satisfying. “To my sister and neices, I leave you nothing.”

My mother and aunt gasp.

I suppress another laugh.

“To my brothers, I leave you nothing.” The lawyer continues. “To any others who have gathered, if your name is not Matilda Iris Wright, I leave you nothing.”

Satisfaction mingles with the nerves in my stomach.

This is the whole point. I knew this was coming. But with every pair of eyes on me, I internally brace myself.

“To my Matty, I leave you my house in the mountains. By now, you should already be residing there and familiar with the property. And I hope you’ve been drinking your coffee on the deck.” I swallow, wishing I could tell them that I do. That I love it. “To my Matty, I also leave you everything on the property. My truck. My belongings. And the check from my savings for twenty thousand dollars, to get you going.”

“What is the meaning of this?” Mother hisses at me, as though I’m the one reading the letter.

I keep my eyes forward.

“Twenty fucking thousand?” Ralph pushes off the wall and steps toward the desk. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

The rest of the group erupts with sharp, angry words.

Richard pulls something small from his desk drawer, lifts it to his mouth, then presses the metal whistle between his lips and blows. Loudly.

Everyone shuts up.

I press my fingertips against my lips, physically suppressing my smile.

This is a nightmare but also satisfying.

Richard lowers the whistle and goes back to reading. “I’ve provided my lawyer with a whistle. Please don’t embarrass me in death and make him use it.”

I press my fingers harder against my lips.

“Before my final bestowment, I want to tell you all something. You didn’t break me. Your snide comments. Your attitudes. Your remarks and put-downs. You never broke me. I didn’t stay away because I was afraid of you. I stayed away because I found a better family to surround myself with. And if you weren’t such an unpleasant group of assholes, I’d hope for you to make similar connections. But you are, so I won’t.” The lawyer pauses, turning just the slightest bit so he’s facing me directly. “Except you, Matty. You didn’t let them break you either. And with time, you’ll make your own family. Through friends or children, I care not how, just that you do. And to help you in your venture, my glorious little flower, I have one more thing for you.”