Page 4 of Monochrome (ORCA #4)

CHAPTER

FOUR

ETHAN

“God-fucking-damn it!” The door to my office banged shut behind me, and I made a beeline for my desk, where I had a bottle of Macallan in the bottom drawer.

I needed a goddamn drink.

“Everything okay?”

Julius’s question made me jump, and the whiskey I’d been pouring sloshed over the side of the paper cup.

“Shit. I didn’t even notice you were still here.”

“Yeah, I got that.” He stood and slid off the adorable dark-rimmed glasses he wore while he worked at his computer and picked up his own paper coffee cup from the conference table, then made his way over to me.

“Since I am here, there’s no reason to drink alone.”

I poured a measure of whiskey into his cup, and he settled into the visitor’s chair in front of my desk.

For a minute, we drank in silence, Julius studying me like he was trying to read my mind.

“You want to talk about it?”

“No.” I sighed, and despite my protest, more words spilled from my lips.

“Shitty board meeting. They are pressing me hard on the losses. The crazy thing is, I can’t figure out why we are hemorrhaging money. Yes, the first quarter after Tessa’s death was rough, but that was to be expected. We steadied the ship, and the following quarter should have shown growth. Definitely the one after that. I’ve been through the financials a million times, and I can’t make it make sense.” I stopped talking long enough to take another sip of whiskey.

“Have you found anything?”

Julius shook his head.

“No. Most of your investments are sound. There are a few elements of your portfolio I think could be doing better, and when I’m done reviewing everything, I’ll propose some alternatives, but I haven’t found anything suspicious.”

My fingers raked through my hair, and I prayed I wasn’t going to regret what I was about to ask.

“If I gave you the earnings reports and our company’s full financials, would you be willing to see if there is something I’m missing? It’s killing me that I can’t put my finger on it.”

Julius’s eyes were sympathetic as he nodded.

“I can do that.”

“Good. I’ll get you the access you need, and I’ll pay you for this.”

“There’s no need. I want to help you, Ethan. Let me.”

My throat tightened, and I swallowed hard, trying to dislodge the lump that was making it hard to breathe.

The backs of my eyes prickled, and I willed myself not to start crying.

But I should have known Julius would see everything I didn’t want him to, and he was out of his chair and around my desk in a heartbeat, his strong arms pulling me out of my chair and wrapping around me tight.

For a second, I stood frozen, unsure how to react, but the citrusy scent of Julius’s skin and the warmth of his body had me melting against him, and I could no longer hold back the tears that had been threatening.

Julius’s hands smoothed over my back, and I shuddered under his touch.

I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been hugged, and I hadn’t realized how touch-starved I’d become.

Julius’s embrace unlocked something inside me, and his gentle touch and soft murmured words began to mend something in my heart I hadn’t realized was still broken a year after my sister’s death.

He let me cry, and I poured out every emotion I’d held back as the pressure of running my family’s company, raising my sister’s children, and helping them through their grief overshadowed everything else and pushed all my emotional needs to the background, buried under the burdens that were threatening to crush me.

I cried out the anger and sadness that my sister wouldn’t get to see her children grow up, and that the twins wouldn’t have their parents there for all the big moments in their lives.

I cried for the leader my sister was, both in the company and within our family.

I cried because I just fucking missed her, and life was so goddamn unfair.

I cried because Julius let me.

He held me tight as I fell apart, as my tears soaked his suit jacket.

And when I was done, when no more tears would fall, he wordlessly passed me a handful of tissues from the box on my desk and refilled my cup.

We sat in silence until the vibration of my cell phone cut through the quiet.

A quick glance down at the screen made me curse.

“What is it?”

“I have to go get the twins, but I can’t go down there like this. I’m a mess.”

“I’ll go. Can you let Ellie know I’m coming to get them?”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. Let me help you, Ethan. I’ll get the twins while you pull yourself together.”

I nodded and shot Ellie a quick text.

“Thank you.”

His answering smile was sympathetic, then he was gone.

When the door closed behind him, embarrassment tightened my chest, and I slipped into the hall and hustled to the nearest bathroom so I could wash my face.

The cold water did wonders for my overheated skin, and as I dried my face, I stared at my reflection.

I barely recognized the man staring back at me.

I’d known Julius for barely a week and I’d just completely lost my shit in front of him.

He probably thought I was some kind of disaster, and he wouldn’t be far off the mark.

My father had always put a tremendous amount of pressure on Tessa and me.

He had been grooming us to take over Grove Core since we could barely walk, and I knew his eventual plan had been for Tessa to take over his position as global CEO and for me to eventually move into Tessa’s role as US CEO, but none of that had gone to plan.

Tessa’s death had flipped my world completely upside down, and since the moment I’d gotten the call from the hospital the night of the accident, I had been a shell of a human, trying to muscle through every day without processing everything that had happened.

The weight of the pressure of trying to lead the US arm of Grove Core while trying to live up to my father’s expectations for both me and my sister, while raising her orphaned children, had been crushing.

Tonight, the dam had broken, and if Julius hadn’t been there to hold on to me, I might have been swept away, the last of the man I’d been before tragedy changed my world, lost forever.

But Julius had been there, and maybe I’d just been overdue for a good cry, but I felt better, and I had a feeling maybe Julius was the reason.

I’d been instantly and insanely attracted to him from the first moment he’d walked into my office, and those feelings hadn’t subsided in the days since as I’d watched him work at the conference table in my office, mere feet away.

There was something about his presence that was grounding, that made me feel whole in a way I’d never experienced before, and for the first time in a long time, I saw a spark of my old self in my eyes, and I knew without a doubt that I didn’t want Julius to walk out of my life again.

Maybe that was why I’d asked him to look at the company’s financials.

It was a way to keep him around longer.

Of course, there was another option besides coming up with things for Julius to do to keep him in my life.

But I wasn’t sure I had the bandwidth to start dating.

Maybe we could be friends until I was ready for something more.

I made it back to my office before Julius and the twins and left the door propped open.

Jude and Lily were notorious for taking their sweet time to get ready to go, and I took advantage of the extra few minutes to put the bottle of whiskey away and toss our repurposed coffee cups.

I also shot a quick message to my favorite IT guy, telling him Julius would be doing an internal audit and to make sure he had access to the company’s full financial records.

By the time I hit Send, I heard Julius and the twins in the hallway.

My heart did a somersault in my chest when I saw him holding hands with Lily and Jude and listening intently as they talked over each other, telling him every single detail of their day.

He was a natural with them, comfortable in a way I didn’t think I was, even after a year of being their guardian.

“Unca E!” Jude and Lily squealed and ran straight at me, both trying to climb up into my lap to hug me, and for the first time, I wondered if maybe I was wrong.

Maybe I was doing a better job with them than I thought.

“Hey, guys. Did you have a good day?”

They immediately started talking over one another again, and I had to smile amid the chaos.

When they were done, Lily jumped down from my lap and opened the desk drawer I’d set up for them.

She pulled out a drawing pad and a pack of crayons and announced to no one in particular that she was going to color.

I saw Julius bite back a smile as Jude jumped down to follow her, and they started fighting over the same rolling chair.

“Jude, pick another chair. Lily was there first.”

My nephew blew a raspberry at his sister, but moved to the chair next to her, and for a second, they were quiet.

I knew better than to think it would last. In a few minutes, they’d be fighting over the crayons, and I’d have to remind them there was another box in the drawer.

“Was everything okay?” Julius’s attention swung my way.

“Did Ellie give you a good report?”

Julius’s face scrunched into an uncomfortable expression.

“She wants you to call her.”

“Shit.”

“Maybe it’s because she wants to tell you how great they were today?”

A screech rent the air, and I looked over to see Jude pulling on one of Lily’s pigtails as he tried to steal the blue crayon she was holding out of his reach.

“Doubtful.” Julius laughed as I grabbed the other box of crayons and another drawing pad from their drawer and took it over, then gently removed Jude’s hand from Lily’s hair.

“Jude, you can’t pull your sister’s hair. Lily, you can share the crayons, but here. Now you can both have your own stuff.”

“Thanks, Unca E!” they both said as they pulled themselves into the table and got started on their drawings.

Again, I knew the peace wouldn’t last, but I would take what I could get since I still had some work to finish.

Julius returned to his spot at the conference table, which was now across from the twins.

“Julius, you don’t have to stick around. I only have about another hour of work to get through.”

He turned my way, and his smile made me melt.

“I want to stay.”

And hell, if that wasn’t exactly what I wanted too.