Page 23

23

Bonnie

S leeping with Allegra has added a hundred pounds of confusion to my already weighed-down brain cells. But it was so worth it, even with Dad staring at me like I’ve lost my mind as soon as he spots me coming down the stairs. Ideally, I’d like a few more hours to bask in the afterglow of the best night of my sexual life, to date. Clearly, that’s a pipe dream.

“Honey,” he begins in a tone I don’t like.

“Dad. Good morning.”

“Will you sit with me a moment?” It’s not really a question.

“Sure.” We make our way to the kitchen breakfast bar. My stomach rumbles. Not surprising, really, after the workout Allegra put me through. “I’m going to grab a yoghurt. Do you want anything?”

I’m trying to act as normally as possible, hoping it magically stops the conversation I’m about to have from happening.

“So,” he says, letting his word hang there. I’m not going to make it that easy on him. Finishing the yoghurt, I reach for an orange. “Bonnie?”

“Dad?”

He huffs in frustration. “Bonnie, what are you thinking? Didn’t we talk about this?”

“Define ‘this’,” I reply.

“Lorenzo and Allegra. Who they are. Who they will always be.”

“We did, and I took on board what you said.”

“Really?” He laughs mirthlessly. “Interesting, considering you spent the night with her.”

“I did. It’s complicated with her. And it was a one-time thing. I listened to you, Dad, but you’re forgetting I’m a grown woman who can make her own decisions. And someone who will own their mistakes. Which, for the record, I don’t think being with Allegra was.”

“She’s a career criminal,” he stresses.

“I know who she is. Better than you, I’d wager.”

“Do you hear yourself? Honey, you slept with a mob boss.”

Okay, I’m done with this. “Enough, Dad. You’ve said your piece, and I’ve given you my reply. I’m not your patient. I’m your grown daughter, who you raised to be independent. You may not like my choices, but you don’t get to sit there and judge me for them.”

“I’m not judging you, sweetheart.”

“Ha! That’s exactly what you’re doing. Are you telling me after all the time you’ve spent talking with Lorenzo, you still only see him as the Don of a Mob family?”

“No, but—”

“But nothing. Lorenzo and Allegra are complicated. Their lives are complicated. I judged them from the beginning, and rightly so, but things have changed. I understand their lives aren’t something I want to be a part of. Allegra knows that, which is why it was a one-night deal. And something I shouldn’t have to explain to you, because it’s none of your business, Dad.”

“You’re my little girl, Bonnie.”

“I’m your adult daughter. Trust me.”

“Phillip?” Pop says from the doorway. “What’s going on?”

Ah, it makes sense now why Dad is the only one giving me a lecture. Pop didn’t know he was going to do it. “Mark, I was just—”

“Doing the very thing we decided not to do last night,” Pop says.

“Hey, I don’t want you two arguing,” I interrupt. “Dad knows where I stand, and that’s where I want to leave it, okay? I’ve got another important conversation to get through today, and I’ll probably need you both later to wade through the emotions it’s sure to mix up.”

“You got it, pumpkin. Lorenzo is a good man, despite what some people think.” Oh, Pop has his snarky pants on. I feel sorry for Dad. He’s in the doghouse for a few days, for sure.

I’m not lying. The talk with Lorenzo is firmly at the forefront of my mind now. Allegra is still there, too, however, she’s less of an unknown now. Lorenzo is still a stranger; a man that makes up half of me that I know nothing about. Now the shock has worn off, I know I’m ready to learn about that part of my family.

Before I speak to him, though, I need a nap. I’m seriously sleep deprived.

“Where the hell did you get to last night, lady?” Pete sashays in and stops dramatically with both hands on the breakfast bar. Dad and Pops give a small smile and leave, which is probably wise.

“Hello, Pete,” I say, ignoring his question. Kelley comes rushing in, her hair a hive of chaos.

“Oh, no, where were you, Bonnie Moorside?” he asks.

“Yeah, Bonnie, where were you?” Kelley chuckles, waggling her eyebrows.

“Stop it,” I say, going red.

“Nuh-uh. You got freaky with the Ice Bitch, didn’t you?” Pete says with a gasp.

“Don’t call her that,” I snap and then wince.

“Ooh, she’s protective. Damn, Bonnie, put the claws away,” he cackles.

“Did you really sleep with her?” Kelley asks. Shit, is she mad? She’d have every reason to be. After all, she’s the one that has been hurt the most in all this.

“I did.” I’m always honest with Kelley, so I’ll deal with whatever she has to say—more so than I did with Dad.

She nods her head slowly. “I slept with Beth,” she squeaks. My mouth pops open in surprise.

“Jesus,” Pete gasps, “it’s like a hotbed of lesbian mafia love all up in here!”

“Okay, okay, we need a pizza night!” I declare. “Tonight. My room at eight. I need to take a nap and talk to Lorenzo, then we’ll debrief over delicious carbs.”

“Now, that’s a plan I can get behind,” Pete says, clapping his hands. “Okay team, hands in.” Kelley and I put our hands on Pete’s, giggling. This is so silly, but just what I need. “In three,” he calls. “One. Two. Three… Mafia lesbians are hot,” he shouts enthusiastically. I roll my eyes, and Kelley nods her head in agreement.

I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. I dream vividly and wake up feeling flushed. Crikey, is this what I can expect from now on? Sex-fuelled dreams that leave me feeling wired every morning? God, I hope so. It beats waking up with anxiety sweats.

I shower and dress carefully. It’s not a job interview but feels as important. Lorenzo is in the restaurant waiting for me, and I’m sure he’s just as nervous as I am. The thought makes me wonder if I do anything similar to him behaviour-wise when I’m nervous. Does he pace or tap his chin? I do, and I didn’t get it from my dads. These types of thoughts have been popping up regularly over the past few days.

He’s sitting at a table near the newly installed bar, but he isn’t drinking wine. He’s tapping his finger on the side of a frosted glass of water whilst staring into space.

“Um, hi,” I say quietly.

He startles, but pulls it together quickly. The smile on his face is genuine, and once again it’s a little disconcerting seeing myself in him.

“Bonnie, hi. Please, sit. Water?”

“Please.”

He skips to the bar. I watch him grab a fresh bottle of sparkling water out of the fridge. Instead of passing me the bottle, he goes to the trouble of pouring it into a glass with ice and a slice of lemon. It’s a stalling tactic, and that’s okay.

“Here you go,” he says. Instead of sitting back down, he shuffles on the spot for a second, looking entirely uncomfortable, until I raise my eyebrow and he sits his bum down with a smile. “I’m sorry, I’m quite nervous,” he admits.

“Me too. But I think that’s normal.”

“You look like her, you know. Maria.”

“Have you got a picture?”

Reaching around to his back pocket, Lorenzo opens his wallet and rifles around for a second. He produces a small photo that makes him smile, but I also see the sadness. I think he really did love my mother, and that’s just tragic. A potential family was torn apart because of…what? Mob politics and jealousy? It makes me so angry.

“Here.”

Taking the picture, I take a steadying breath before letting my eyes drop. I may have Lorenzo’s hair and eye colour, but wow, everything else about me is all Maria. She was gorgeous.

“Gosh.”

“She was the best woman I ever knew. It broke my heart to send her away. If you believe anything, please believe that.”

Tears sting my eyes. “Why didn’t you do more?” I croak.

“Because I was scared, Bonnie. This life has taken everything from me.”

“And yet you haven’t learned your lesson,” I snap.

“You’re right. But once you were gone, I had nothing good left in my life, until Allegra.”

“But… Why didn’t you come for me when your wife died?”

Lorenzo looks at the table, lost in his mind and memories. I let my tears fall. I think it’s the healthiest breakdown I’ve had for a while.

“What could I give you, Bonnie? Your dads were raising you in a loving home, far from violence. I wanted that for you. Hell, I wanted it for Allegra, but this life is all I had to offer. Walking away meant leaving with nothing. No legacy.”

That’s what it comes down to? Legacy? I shake my head. “Legacy. That’s…”

“Selfish and unimportant?”

“Yes. Both.”

“You’re right, of course. But I can’t take back my decisions, Bonnie. God knows I wish I could. I’d do anything to have your mother by my side. I dreamed of the life we would have had as a family.”

“What was she like?”

“Kind and intelligent. She had this light that shone on you whenever she cast her gaze your way. I fell in love with her the second our eyes met. She was a gifted artist and avid reader.”

“Was she… Did she come from one of the families?”

“No,” he says, shaking his head. “Her family were farmers. They were our neighbours for a long time. But we ran in different circles, which is why I didn’t meet her until I was older and already married. Maria had just taken over from her mother, delivering food. We had a big family event on, and our chef only bought fresh ingredients from Maria’s family farm. They were the best. I wanted to check on the food and happened to run into her—literally. I tried to juggle the vegetables I’d knocked from her hand, but I ended up making it all worse,” he laughs, “and that was it. She fell for me just as hard, but it was impossible. We tried to stay away from each other for a long time. I had a wife, and Maria was supposed to marry another man.”

“Giani Arello?”

“Yes. But it wasn’t love. Maria felt forced into it. How could she say no to an Arello? Our attempts to stay away from one another failed. The connection was too strong, and I knew it was true love. Sappy, right?”

“Romantic. Sad, too, but not sappy.”

“She wanted me to run away with her. But I couldn’t. We would never have found peace. When she told me she was pregnant, my first thought was getting her and the baby out of Sicily. She was crushed, and I’ll never forgive myself for putting that look on her face. And for failing her, and you, so spectacularly. I think that’s why I didn’t come for you, Bonnie. I wasn’t worthy.”

“I can’t say it’s not hard to hear,” I begin. “Until last week, I didn’t give you a thought. My dads did a great job, even if Allegra thinks my love of wool garments would say otherwise. Maybe it would have been different if my life hadn’t gone the way it had.”

“Allegra was my second chance,” he admits. “She needed me, and her parents were already in the family. I could parent her how I’d been parented. It might seem like I forced her into this life, and I suppose you’re right to think that, but I believe with my whole heart she was better here with me than being taken to an orphanage.”

“Your relationship with Allegra is none of my business.” I can’t think of her right now.

“She’s not a monster, Bonnie.”

“I know.” My heart skips a beat. She’s no monster, but she’s no angel, either.