Page 17

17

Bonnie

T here have been several things that have left me speechless over the past week, and none of them compared to hearing Allegra rip into Pete and then my parents; Lorenzo too. It still doesn’t feel right giving him a parental title.

After our talk in her office, I had every intention of going to bed and sleeping until the next day. Pete put pay to that by listening to music far too loud. I was already leaning out my window to give him an earful when I watched Allegra walk over and switch off the music player. I probably should have closed the window and minded my own business, but I was curious. I couldn’t think of a reason for Allegra to speak with Pete.

I listened as Allegra calmly berated Pete. My first instinct was to rush to his defence, but I was frozen, unable to utter a sound. As soon as she finished, the world began to spin again, and I found myself rushing to the stairs with every intention of having some stern words of my own. After all, I didn’t need her fighting my battles—battles I wasn’t convinced were necessary. I mean, sure, Pete encouraged me to stop being dull and live a little, but it was my choice. Granted, any time I tried to talk about how I was feeling, Pete shut the conversation down and shoved another drink in my hand, but it was me who chose to take it.

With Allegra’s added height, her pace was far beyond mine. I had to jog to catch up when I finally saw the direction she’d taken. I was wrong to guess she’d head back to her office. When I found her, she’d stepped into a beautiful building, fresh from renovation.

Once again, I stepped in, ready to have a row with her, but was pinned to the spot. Allegra was standing by a table with my dads and Lorenzo. Her voice was more dangerous than it had been with Pete. I listened to her again and was floored. The woman I’d called the Devil was fighting everyone…for me and my well-being.

The second she huffed out a frustrated breath, I knew she was about to turn and walk in my direction. The adult in me said I should have stayed put and faced it head-on, but as evidenced by my recent behaviour, I was struggling with the concept of adulting as a whole. So I tucked tail and rounded the corner of the building until I was sure she was gone and I could emerge unseen.

I ran straight into my dads, who still looked a little shell-shocked. And this is where I am now; standing in front of my dads without a clue how to approach what I just heard.

“Bonnie,” Pop squeaks. His voice always gets high when he’s stressed.

“I heard her,” I reply, because I can’t lie to them.

Dad looks to the ground and nods to himself. It’s funny how people do that: nod to themselves or shake their heads. Why I’m contemplating that now, I don’t know, but it’s an interesting facet of human behaviour.

“Did you hear me, sweetheart?” Dad says.

I didn’t hear him because my brain hasn’t been able to linger on a single thought all day. It’s like a racecourse up there. Whichever thought pulls ahead is what I latch on to, whether it’s appropriate for the moment or not…just like now. I still haven’t answered him.

“Sorry, Dad, I was miles away. What did you say?”

He takes me by the shoulders. “I asked if you’d come and sit with us for a second.”

“Oh, sure, in there?” I ask, pointing to the restaurant.

“How about the bench under the olive tree?” Pop says. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know he doesn’t want me within a mile of alcohol.

Following close behind, I can’t help but cast a glance over at the villa. What is she doing now?

Sitting between my dads, I hold up my hand. “Before we start, please know I have recognised my pattern of behaviour and understand how destructive it is. I will have a drink, but only when I feel like it, and with food. I learned my lesson after last night.”

They take my hands and squeeze. “We know, honey. We trust your judgement. But we should have been more present. Allegra was right. We should have known better and stepped in earlier. We’re sorry, my love.” Dad is so sincere it almost breaks my heart.

“Your dad’s right, pumpkin. It’s been a whirlwind of change and surprises. We shouldn’t have presumed you could cope with it all alone.”

“Thank you. I…I’m struggling. You know me. I like routine. My life is exactly as I want it, and this has effectively thrown a grenade in the centre of my world.”

Dad smooths my hair behind my ear. “Tell us what you need, honey, and we’ll do everything in our power to help.”

What do I need? Time, I guess. Nothing I say or do changes the fact Lorenzo is my father or that I’m here.

“I need to process it. You’ve been spending a lot of time with Lorenzo. Is…is he nice?”

They exchange a look. “We wanted to know the man that made you, pumpkin. And we wanted to hear about your mother. Maybe that was wrong of us. After all, you should be the one finding these things out before us. I’m sorry, love.”

“We’re messing this up, huh, kid?”

I shake my head. “I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way. You guys are going through your own stuff. I get it.”

“But you come first, Bonnie. Always. If it’s making you uncomfortable, say the word and we’ll stick to the villa like hermits.”

I chuckle, “No, it’s fine. I…I think I should talk to Lorenzo. Maybe then I won’t feel so trapped in my head about it all, you know?”

“I think that’s a wise decision,” Dad says. “I know Lorenzo would like the opportunity. But you don’t owe it to him, so only do it if it’s what you really want.”

I nod. My mind goes to Allegra again and a small smile creeps its way to my face. “She shouted at Pete, too.” I giggle. “Allegra, that is.”

Pop sits back and laughs. “I think we all deserved it.”

“She’s not what I thought.” I didn’t mean to say that out loud.

“Hmm, in what way?” Dad is in therapist mode.

I shrug. “I thought she was horrible to begin with. Nothing but a criminal. A baddie.”

“And now?” Pop joins in with his soothing, lay-on-the-couch-and-tell-me-all-your-woes voice.

Another shrug. “She was mean in the beginning. I stand by that. But I think there’s more to her—to this place—than I realise. It’s not like it is in my books.”

“It never is, sweetie. But,” Dad sighs, “be mindful she is still a criminal, even if her attitude has changed. That goes for Lorenzo, too.”

“Dad’s right. We’re stuck here for the time being, and I think it is healthy for you to explore your past. But one day, hopefully not too long from now, all this will be over and we will go home. Lorenzo and Allegra will resume whatever it is they do. Maybe leaving a little space is wise.”

“We don’t want you to get hurt or put in danger, ever again, love,” Dad adds.

I know they’re right. My opinion on Allegra might have changed from when we met, but at the end of it all, she’s still a mob queen, and Lorenzo is still the Don of a mob family.

We hug it out and I assure my dads they can leave me alone with my thoughts. My solitary pondering is soon interrupted by a fully clothed Pete. It’s going to be one of those days that will leave me emotionally drained. I can feel it.

“Hey, Bon,” he says quietly.

“Hey, Pete. You okay?”

He gives me a boop on the nose. “I just had my ass whooped by Allegra.”

I like that he never beats around the bush.

“Hmm, I heard.”

He plonks himself down next to me and wraps one of his giant arms around my shoulders. “Sorry, Bonnie. I’ve been a totally shit friend, haven’t I?”

“No, you haven’t.”

“Yeah, I have.” He pulls me closer. “Can I tell you something?”

I lay my head on his shoulder. “Always.”

“She’s right. About it all. I’m skating through life without a fucking clue. I’m really lost, Bonnie, and I don’t know how to deal with it or change anything, so I’ve just been repeating the same thing over and over.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” I ask. I don’t turn to look at him because he wouldn’t cope with that kind of attention. The fact he’s finally opening up is enough.

“You’ve always had your shit together, Bon, even when we were kids. You knew what you wanted and went for it. I never had that clarity. I thought as I got older it would magically hit me—what I wanted out of life—but it never happened. I’m jealous of you, actually.”

Now I do turn and look at him. “What on earth are you talking about?”

He laughs and pulls me back until my head is back on his shoulder. “You’re content, Bonnie. You’ve made a life you’re happy with.”

“A boring life,” I mutter.

“No,” he begins, and I can feel him shaking his head, “I mean, yeah, you could do with getting out a little more, but nothing like I’ve been prattling on about. You are a home bird. You love reading, and you’ve got great friends and a job that allows you to fulfil your passion. You’ve never liked drinking and clubbing, and frankly, it’s shit. It’s the same people—the same drama.”

“So why do it?”

He flaps his lips as he lets out a big breath. “Because it’s what I know. Change is really fucking hard, and I wouldn’t know what to do, anyway.”

“We can figure it out, Pete. I’m here for you, just as much as you’ve always been for me. You don’t always have to be the protector.”

“I know. And after this shitshow is over, I promise I’ll ask for help. In the meantime, I need to know how you’re doing. Seriously.”

“I’m getting there. I’ve got stuff to work through, and I know I will.”

“Of course you will. Is Kelley okay?”

“I think so. Ugh, maybe I need to start being a better friend, too. If anyone should be traumatised, it’s her, but she’s spent her time making sure I’m okay.”

“I think we all need to do better. How about we go find her and spend some time talking. No alcohol.”

We stand up and hug each other. I needed this; the talk with my dads and Pete. I might be tired with all the analysing and deep, thought-provoking conversation, but ignoring the issue isn’t for me. I just needed Allegra to give me a kick up the bum, apparently, because as much as it was about her calling out the men in my life, she’s made me see I need to open up and let them in; ask for their help instead of waiting for it to be offered. She also helped me see I need to step up my friendship game, too.

We drag Kelley out of bed and spend the rest of the day talking. It’s not all heavy, but we end the day with a group hug and a promise to do better. Pete and Kelley head to their rooms first. My mind is still on a fast track, so I tell them I’m going for a walk. I have to promise them I’m not going to wander off again before they leave me alone.

The sky shines with thousands of stars as I slowly meander around the interior garden. I don’t know a rose from a teapot, so I can’t admire the garden with the attention it deserves. I just know the flowers look pretty. The crickets are chirping loudly and there is a light breeze. It really is a perfect night.

A thought enters my mind, and I don’t know what to make of it. As I’m standing here, enjoying the sights and sounds of Sicily, I think there is only one thing that could make it even better.

Allegra.

Yeah, I’m in trouble.