Page 4 of Misfit (Starshine)

“ W hat happened?”

Arlon stared up at the ceiling, unblinking. The magiline that made up the walls of Fawn’s quarters was illuminated by candlelight, the curtains of her bed waving gently in the cool spring air.

It was oppressive as the silence descended. That godsdamned silence that seemed to pull words out of him like a fish on a hook. Anger sparked when she didn’t back down, but instead of bottling it in, letting it infuse into one indiscernible mess of an emotion, Arlon picked out what was behind it.

“I fucked up.”

Fawn hummed as she trailed a finger down his collar to find the v of his shirt. “How?”

Arlon lifted his hands, pressing his palms against his eyes until he saw blots of color. He couldn’t stand to look at her, see her disappointment. “Talked to Garrett and Bridgette.”

Something teasing slipped into Fawn’s tone as she said, “That, in and of itself, does not seem like a fuck up.”

“They knew who I was,” Arlon said.

“No, they didn’t.” Her fingers traced the edge of the crescent-shaped scar that crossed his chest. It was all that remained of the wound she’d given him when she arrested him, but the gentleness of her touch made him shiver. “They knew your reputation.”

“Intimately.” Fawn must have sensed something in his voice because the silence descended again until Arlon found the words to break it.

“Bridgette and Garrett crossed paths with the Wolves in Frostcliff. About a year and a half ago, Vian brought some of us to the brothel Bridgette used to work at. She took Vian upstairs, and he hurt her. Badly.”

He could feel Fawn’s surprise as she tensed against him. “What happened today?”

He felt unworthy of that endless patience. It was never “What did you do?” Never accusatory.

“When Bridgette realized who I was, I… got on my guard.”

Fawn seemed to sense all he wasn’t saying. “And then?”

Arlon shrugged, but Fawn cupped his face, gently urging until he turned his head to look at her. Concern pinched her eyebrows. “Tell me.”

“Garrett challenged me to a spar. I accepted. And he beat me. Handily, even.”

Fawn winced as her thumb stroked his cheek. “Ah. He told me that he’s… capable in a fight.”

“Can confirm that,” Arlon said through a sigh. “So, I’m sorry, but I think your wizards hate me.”

Fawn tsked. “They don’t know you.”

“Well, I showed my whole ass to them over a dirty look,” Arlon muttered. “That’s telling enough.”

Fawn fell quiet as she looked at him, her blue eyes shining like a cat’s in the dim light of her quarters. For once, she was the one who broke the silence. “Did something else happen? ”

Arlon swallowed the knot that had suddenly formed in his throat. Fawn waited, her fingers stroking through his hair until he said, “When Garrett got me pinned, it felt like I was back in Vian’s pack. Like I’d never left. Couldn’t leave.”

Fawn was quiet as she shifted to straddle his waist. Her comforting warmth settled onto him, her bare thighs hugging his waist as her hands rested against his chest. “Memories like yours are hard to forget. You shouldn’t punish yourself for getting lost in them.”

His hands found the curve of her waist, her naked skin glowing in the dim flicker of candlelight.

After how he’d acted with Bridgette and Garrett, he suddenly felt unworthy to be in her presence.

Everything he’d said and done felt like spitting in the face of Fawn’s seemingly endless patience with him.

Little over a year ago, he would have never looked back at the interaction in the transmutation yard, but Fawn had changed the color of his world, and he didn’t like the darkness he saw in himself.

“Would you punish me, then?”

Fawn’s shining gaze sharpened as she looked down at him, considering. “I won’t punish you for your past, Arlon. You can’t change what you’ve been through. So, what exactly do you feel you need to be punished for?”

Her voice had hardened, taking on that tone that made him tremble.

Under her gaze, he felt stripped bare. “I got defensive when I shouldn’t have.

I let my ego get the best of me. I-I had an opportunity to make friends, and I squandered it because I let a simple comment turn me into the person I’m trying not to be anymore. ”

Frustration made his voice shake, but Fawn brought him back as she cupped his cheek. “Then on your knees, a’marra. I’ll remind you who you are.”

Her weight lifted, and Arlon obeyed as he slid off the bed.

He sank to his knees on the stone floor, soaking in the safety of her presence as he lowered his head, hands clenched on the tops of his thighs.

Fawn shifted until her legs hung off the side of the bed.

She sat right in front of him, close enough that he could lean forward and kiss her knee.

One delicate foot came up to rest against his shoulder as she spread her legs. Her fingers wove through his hair before gripping tight. It was rough enough to make a few strands part with his scalp as she pulled him forward, trapping him firmly in the crux of her smooth thighs.

“You are brash, impatient,” she said as his mouth found her entrance without thought, tongue darting out to taste her. “Willful and stubborn as an ox.”

He clenched his eyes shut as he pressed his tongue into her, tasting, seeking, as if she was capable of giving him the answers about his own nature that he couldn’t find himself.

Her next words emerged on something like a moan.

“You hide under an exterior of rock. One would think you don’t have emotions with how little you show them. ”

As close as she held him, Arlon couldn’t block out the words.

Each one felt like a kick in the stomach, and he started to feel lightheaded from the truths she shot at him, the slow suffocation of her legs.

He redoubled his efforts like a plea for mercy, his teeth gently grazing the folds of her cunt.

Her hips jumped before he slid his tongue deep again, lips sucking gently.

“You let your ego speak when your rational mind should,” Fawn said, her voice hitching as she ground down against his mouth. “You’ve been called a beast because of your past, and you proved them right.”

He raised his hands, searching for her, but she slapped them away. “Hands behind your back. You can’t hide here.”

Arlon let out a quiet sound of anguish as he obeyed. He clasped his arms behind him, holding onto his forearms to keep them folded. When she lifted his head, he gasped for breath, his cock aching as he looked up at her through tear-blurred eyes.

“Vicious. Violent. You hit first to avoid giving others the opportunity.”

Arlon quaked, feeling stripped bare by every word. Because the fact was, they were all true. Every. Single. One.

Fawn’s hands cupped his face, and Arlon flinched like he had been torn open. Her level blue eyes met his, her thumbs gentle as she stroked his cheek. She waited until his heaving breaths settled to a stutter before she continued.

“And everything you did…” Her tone had softened, but Arlon braced, holding himself like he expected to be hit. “Everything you did was to protect yourself, Arlon. Someone who has been struck again and again eventually learns to defend themselves.”

His eyes spilled over, but Fawn didn’t let him pull away. Her lips lifted into a gentle smile, and something in Arlon’s chest unlocked as the torrent of guilt broke free, a rock face giving way to an avalanche.

“You are not a villain,” she said. “You were forced to become one. Hurting is not in your nature. Viciousness is not in your nature. You are far too good and far too kind for the road you were made to walk down.”

That part of him that sounded like Vian hissed that she was lying. That no whispered assurances could erase the stain left on his soul. The darkness tried to wrap its tendrils around his heart, harden him against the things she said, but it was like Fawn could feel it.

“You are no Wolf.” He didn’t know when he’d torn out of her grip to bury his face against her thigh until she cupped his chin, guiding him up so she could press a kiss against his forehead. “Do you believe me when I say that?”

Arlon grimaced as he met her shining eyes. He had been lied to so many times. Had been conditioned to second-guess every motive, every kindness.

But Fawn was the exception. Her black hair cascaded over her shoulders as she smiled down at him. She had never lied to him. Not even when he hadn’t deserved the truth.

“I believe you.”

Her arms circled him, pulling his head to rest against her as she kissed his hair. “And when I say you are worthy of love, worthy of friendship, do you still believe me?”

Fawn could read him like no one else could. Had seen him at his worst and had brought out his best. If she could see who he was through the stain of his past, then maybe others could, too.

“I believe you.”