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NOW

Another text flashed on her phone.

Will

All OK?

Sophie

Getting there *grimace emoji*. Love you.

And she really did, she thought. In so many ways, she didn’t deserve the loyal, dependable Will. Especially after she’d cut him out of her life so brutally. But he’d kept reappearing – through chance, or design – until she’d finally been able to see the truth that was right in front of her all along.

It was her promise to Sam that had prompted her to go to the party. She’d accepted an invitation to the pub after work, and her colleague Rachel had taken the chance to persuade her on another night out. Two glasses of wine down and more at one with the world than she’d been for some time, Sophie had found herself accepting the invite.

‘There’ll be some fit blokes there too,’ Rachel – who had no idea about Sophie’s past and so couldn’t be blamed for being tactless – said. ‘I’ll introduce you to some of them.’

‘Thanks, but no thanks.’

‘Oh, live a little. Think of those rowers’ arms!’ Rachel had said, flexing a rather pathetic bicep and grinning.

Rachel’s brother, Ted, was a rower, and trained with the professional club. The party was to be held at the clubhouse – an annual event to mark the summer and the tail end of the regatta season. Apparently, it was ‘the more the merrier,’ especially when it came to women. ‘There are like 75 per cent men at the club,’ Rachel had told her. ‘Ted is relying on me to even up the numbers.’

‘Oh, OK,’ she’d said, draining her glass and looking at her watch. ‘If you insist.’

Which is why she found herself the following Saturday night wearing a dress that hadn’t left her closet for years, and standing awkwardly near the bar of the clubhouse as people conversed loudly around her. The air was filled with the kind of posh, raucous laughter that only seemed to come from privileged people; for a moment she was brought back to the summer ball all those years ago – when everything had seemed so awful; before she’d known what awful really meant.

‘Sophie!’ cried a voice, and Rachel made her way past groups of chatting men, grabbed her and kissed her on each cheek. ‘You came!’

‘Yep!’ she said, trying to smile. ‘Look, I’m not sure I’ll be able to stay long. I’m?—’

‘Sure, sure,’ said Rachel, clearly already a few glasses down. ‘But look, let me introduce you to some of the gang.’ She grabbed Sophie’s hand and led her through the mingling groups to a table at the back of the room were several people sat and chatted.

‘Guys!’ she said loudly, making Sophie blush. ‘This is Sophie from school. I mean, she’s a teacher, obviously, not a pupil,’ she tittered. ‘Sophie, this is the gang. Ted, Archie, Simon, Flick and Will.’

Sophie smiled as the seated group turned to look at her. And then she gave an unexpected gasp.

‘I think we already know each other,’ Will said, standing up and giving her a brief hug. His arms were strong and warm inside his polo shirt, his smile open and friendly. She embraced him too, awkwardly, aware that it was she who’d dropped contact and eventually unfriended him on social media. It hadn’t been personal, it had been survival. The only way she could keep going had been to push Tom and everything associated with him to the back of her mind.

‘Hi, Will!’ she said, trying to sound upbeat. ‘Long time no see!’

‘Yes.’ He smiled and moved away from the table, touching her upper back lightly, then found a space for them on the crowded floor. ‘It’s good to see you. Seriously.’

‘You too.’ And she realised it was true. Because somehow, over the months apart, he’d become ‘just Will’ again. ‘Sorry for being crap,’ she added.

He laughed. ‘If we’re going to apologise for all the times we’ve been crap, we could be here forever.’

She smiled. ‘Still. I unfriended you on Facebook.’

‘You did?’ He looked genuinely surprised. ‘I don’t actually go on there much these days.’

She laughed. She’d been worried when she’d done it that she might upset him. ‘Oh,’ she said. ‘Well, in that case, forget I said anything.’

He smiled at her. ‘Want to get out of here for a bit? Get some air?’

She nodded. ‘If you do.’

It was a relief to step out of the noisy clubhouse and into the warm evening air. The Cam sparkled and caught the sunlight, reflected the blue endless sky. She breathed deeply, feeling the air fill her lungs, and then she let it out in an enormous sigh.

‘You OK?’ Will said, grinning at the noise.

She grimaced. ‘Sorry. I’m not a big fan of gatherings like that. These days, at least.’

They acknowledged Tom’s loss quietly between them. ‘Yeah, I know what you mean,’ Will said. ‘Nicer to be able to actually talk.’

She nodded, wondering if he really meant it. They continued to walk, up onto the pavement and along, past open grounds and parks, old buildings, heading towards the town centre, but aimlessly. She glanced at his face from time to time and saw a smile spread across it. ‘What?’ she asked.

‘Just remembering how we met. That evening, you know, after the play,’ he said. ‘Seems a long time ago.’

‘Yeah, maybe just a bit,’ she said, thinking back to how she and Libby had stumbled into the halls without a thought. Carefree.

‘I always kicked myself for not coming over sooner, introducing myself, before Tom monopolised everything,’ he admitted.

‘Yeah?’

He nodded. ‘I think I was a bit in awe of you and Libby at first. You seemed so… kind of free. Different from the girls who were at our college.’

‘Poorer?’

He laughed. ‘More fun. Anyway, we’re not all rich toffs, you know. I’m boringly ordinary, for instance.’

‘True.’ Will had spoken to her briefly in the past about what it was like to go to Cambridge simply on academic merit, rather than the sense of historic entitlement some of his peers had seemed to feel. He’d felt on the outskirts of everything at first, only being granted access to the inner circle due to his rugby and rowing skills.

‘And you’re still rowing now?’ she said, thinking of the club they’d just left.

‘Now and then. Not competitively. Just… exercise, I guess. And I love it.’

‘That’s good.’

‘Yeah. You know, you should come with me sometime,’ he said, suddenly animated.

She laughed properly at this. ‘Seriously?’ she said. ‘I’m about as coordinated as…’ She wracked her brain for an example, but failed to come up with anything. ‘I mean, I can’t… And I’m pathetically weak,’ she said, showing him her arm as evidence.

‘Don’t flex that enormous bicep at me!’ he joked. ‘You’ll make me feel inadequate!’

She laughed again. It was surprisingly easy this evening. Nice to see Will again.

‘Anyway, no excuse at all, I’m afraid. Everyone has to start somewhere.’

‘I just…’ she said, beginning to refuse again. Then she thought, why not? ‘OK, then,’ she said. ‘If you promise you’ll do the lion’s share of the actual rowing.’

‘That’s a given,’ he said. ‘Just wait until you get out there on the water. 5a.m. Everything’s kind of magical…’

‘5a.m.?’ Admittedly, she was often up at that hour, restless, sitting at her kitchen table with a cup of tea. But the thought of venturing out into the cool morning air when it was barely light was far from appealing.

‘Best time of the day,’ he said, looking at her. ‘What? I’m serious!’

‘Yeah, you’re all right,’ she said. ‘I think I’ll stick to my warm bed at that time.’

He turned to her, serious now. ‘Tell you what,’ he said. ‘You come and try with me one morning and if you don’t love it, I won’t ever ask you again.’

His seriousness floored her. ‘You’re that sure I’m going to like it?’

He nodded. ‘There’s nothing like it, Soph. It really helped me, too, after… you know. And maybe…’ he shrugged awkwardly, his meaning clear. That it might help her to forget about Tom for a little while.

She wondered whether he thought about his friend as often as she did. Being a widow, half of a couple without Tom, gave her the biggest claim on mourning, she supposed, but losing a best friend must be tough too. ‘Do you…’ she began, then cut herself short, not knowing how to finish the sentence.

‘Still miss him? Of course.’

She nodded. ‘OK.’

‘OK, what?’

‘OK. I’ll join you at 5a.m. But it had better be worth it.’

She smiled now, remembering how torn she’d been about the early hour, the intense exercise. How she’d almost not made it at all. And how forcing herself up and out of the flat that morning had changed her life.