Page 20 of Midnight Hunt (Wolves of Midnight #4)

19

VIOLET

I was scarfing down the second bag of Doritos I’d found in the kitchen when Sable’s voice finally invaded my thoughts.

Girl, he just handed you the moon. Why are you stuffing your face with junk food right now instead of swooning?

I shoved another Dorito into my mouth without answering. Honestly, I should be swooning. I’d never heard Griff say something so beautiful before. Each word had been open. Raw. Genuine . I couldn’t stop replaying them in my head. Couldn’t stop weaving them into the tapestry of our past.

Yes, I’d always wondered why he hadn’t pursued other females, even while he was helping me with my heat. I’d never had a claim on him, and he could have dated whenever he wanted. And yet he hadn’t.

I’d assumed his promise to me, his feelings of obligation toward me, had stopped him from moving on with his life. Not because he loved me. The kind of love that terrified the hell out of me.

He said that he wanted me. That he saw me. But for how long?

Sighing, I set down the Dorito bag and turned toward the stairs. He’d gone up to take a shower, and I could still hear the water running. We’d only been here for about half an hour, but I already felt the itch to keep moving. We were so close to home and yet so far away. The others were undoubtedly frantic with worry by now.

I pulled up my robe sleeve to study the snake tattoo again. I didn’t regret the decision to bind myself to Griff, even if doing so made things that much more complicated between us. With this tattoo on my arm, he could find me anywhere. It was like a tracking device, one that sent signals directly to his brain. If those hunters did manage to separate us, I could hold on to hope that Griff would find his way back to me.

But, for the first time ever, I wondered if he would even want to. If he’d wash his hands of me and walk out of my life forever if . . . if I pushed him away again.

Burying the awful thought before it could finish forming, I straightened my spine and headed for the stairs. He’d just poured his heart out to me, and I’d left him hanging. The very least I could do was talk to him. About what, I wasn’t entirely sure. I knew he wanted me to say the words back, to be open and honest like he’d been with me. But . . . but I wasn’t ready.

Wasn’t ready to bare my soul and let him see what a terrible mistake he’d made. I wasn’t strong enough for that yet. Probably never would be.

My heart felt heavy as I trudged up the stairs and walked down the hall to the bathroom he occupied. I raised my hand to knock, then rolled my eyes and reached for the handle.

This was Griff . I might be drowning in self doubt and fear, but he was still the nice guy I’d grown up with. Still the fun-loving goofball that got under my skin yet made me laugh like no other.

Twisting the handle, I opened the door and stepped inside. As I did, he looked up from washing his hair, and our eyes met. All the words he’d spoken downstairs suddenly came rushing back at me, and I almost looked away. Pursing my lips, I pushed past my cowardice and moved to hop onto the counter. He silently watched me, continuing to rinse the shampoo from his blond hair. We’d been in this position countless times over the years, casually chatting while one of us took a shower or bath.

It had never been awkward before. Until now.

And I hated it. Hated that I was the reason. Me and my stupid baggage.

“How long have you felt this way?” I asked him before I could chicken out. “About . . . about me.”

“A long time. Way before your betrothal to Arrow,” he replied. “I was devastated when your parents made the announcement, but what could I do? You were only fifteen, and I couldn’t offer you what Arrow could. My feelings didn’t matter.”

“Of course they matter,” I protested, hating that he’d endured these feelings alone all these years, even while I’d dated Reid. No wonder he hadn’t wanted me to move in with him. “Is that why you scared off all the guys I tried to date in high school?”

Griff cracked a small smile. “Yes, but also because they were dicks. None of them deserved you.”

I opened my mouth, then thought better of it and quietly said, “What about Reid? Did he deserve me?”

Griff searched my face through the glass before replying, “Not if you didn’t want to be with him.”

Hmm. Guess I couldn’t argue with that one.

Tilting my head, I decided to ask, “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“I didn’t think you were ready to hear it. I tried to at the Alpha Meeting last year, but before I could get the words out, you ended things between us.”

I froze, dredging up the painful memory to replay it in my mind. His brother, Mason, had just finished calling him my little heat whore, and I’d quickly stepped in before Griff could punch him. Recalling how furious Griff had been, I replied, “After I saw how upset you were by what Mace said, I thought you were going to end things between us. I thought . . . I thought you were embarrassed to be with me, so I decided to let you go so you wouldn’t have to. So you could finally be free to pursue your own mate.”

Crap. I hadn’t meant to tell him all that. I immediately felt naked, even with the fluffy robe on.

As his expression fell, I wanted nothing more than to scurry away with my tail between my legs. Pitiful. I was pitiful .

Before I could, though, he said in a hoarse voice, “Did you ever think, just once, that I was pursuing my mate?”

My breath caught.

He lowered his arms, his hands forming fists at his sides as he continued, “It bothered me every time your heat was mentioned because I didn’t want anyone to think I was with you only for the sex. I didn’t want you to think that. I’ve always wanted us to become more. But months turned into years and that never happened.”

“I didn’t . . . I-I didn’t think you wanted more,” I whispered, so quietly that I doubted he could hear it over the rushing water.

But he did, staring at me with such deep intensity that I shivered. “Well, I do want more. I want it so badly that I can barely think straight most days. I’m envisioning all the ways I want more with you right now, current danger be damned.”

Good God, I didn’t know how to handle this side of Griff. I could get lost in it so easily. Even more terrifying, I wanted to get lost in it. I wanted to submit to it. Not as an omega would, but as an alpha female would to her mate because . . . because she felt safe .

And that was dangerous. So very dangerous.

I’d never been one to hide from danger, but that’s all I seemed to be doing lately. I realized how cruel it was to leave Griff hanging again, but I’d rather face the hunters than continue down this nerve-racking path a second longer.

I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready for this all to blow up in my face.

“We should go,” I abruptly said, jumping off the counter. “If we don’t leave soon, the hunters could catch up to us.”

As I hurried toward the door, Griff stopped me with one word. “Stay.”

I froze, quietly cursing under my breath. “Griff, I—”

“ Stay , Vi. Stay and let me prove just how much I want more with you. Please. We can leave right after.”

I squeezed my eyes shut, barely able to stand under the weight of his words. After all that he’d done for me, after all that he’d said , how could I possibly deny him? I’d almost lost him in that plane crash, and it made me realize even more how much I needed him in my life. The thought of rejecting him now when he was being so vulnerable with me was more than I could bear.

I could feel Sable urging me to stay, could sense how much she wanted this for me. What’s more, my body felt the same way, all but chanting, Stay, stay, stay .

God, I wanted him. I couldn’t deny that. Griff had a way of anchoring me in the present so that for a blissful moment in time, I completely forgot about the past. Being with him made me feel whole again. Like the girl I’d been before my family broke apart and left me to pick up the pieces.

I desperately wanted to be that girl again. To experience the carefree confidence Griff made me feel when I was with him.

He said he wanted me. Said he loved me.

I was safe with him. Safe with my blond-haired, puppy-eyed security blanket.

For now.

But now might be all we had left . I knew all too well how quickly everything could change and fall apart.

One last time. One last passionate moment with the male who made me feel like the girl I used to be.

Without a word, I untied my robe, letting it fall to the floor before turning around. Our eyes met and held for a long moment; then I moved to join him.