Page 28 of Mic Drop (Passionate Beats #3)

I swivel my neck, trying to get some of the kinks out. “Bennett. You came.”

“Worst fucking gig of my life. When I couldn’t get back in touch with you, I had Elias find out your mother’s status from the hospital. I’m sorry.”

I squeeze Ma’s hand, which is still warm. “She’s a fighter.”

“Like mother, like daughter.” He crowds onto the chair, picks me up, and settles me onto his lap. “Better.”

Across the way, Kara stirs. Her hand goes to the back of her shoulder. “Ouch.”

Bennett asks, “Want me to give you a massage?”

A pinprick of jealousy races throughout my body that he’d offer such services to another woman. Then I realize he did it for family. He’s coming to understand what the term means. I turn and kiss him as Kara declines.

Ma opens her eyes and pulls the oxygen mask off her face. “Kara.” She turns her head to me. “Jenna. Bennett. You’ve made me the happiest woman ever. Continue to change the world. I love you all so much.”

“Ma,” Kara and I begin.

Then the machines blare. Her hand goes slack. Her gray eyes become unfocused.

No, no, no! This isn’t supposed to be happening! I leap into the air to try to hug her, get her to respond, anything, when Bennett pulls me away. “Sweetheart.” His lips brush the top of my head as I fight against him.

The medical team rushes in and orders us out of the room. In a daze, Bennett carries me out. Well, I’m in a daze. Kara looks defeated. Bennett looks like someone ran over his dog.

In the hallway, we huddle in a three-way embrace. Send up prayers that Ma will pull through. Bennett’s holding both of us when the doctors reappear in the hallway. A different doctor walks over to us.

“I’m sorry. Faith passed ten minutes ago. You may visit with her as long as you wish.”

I burst into tears, crumpling. I would have hit the floor but for Bennett, who caught me and kept me upright. Kara’s the first to regain some sort of composure and asks if she can go in to see her. All I can do is cry. Bennett tells her we’ll go in when she’s done.

“Do you want to sit?” I shake my head. “Then hold onto me.” I do as he tells me. I’ve lost all higher faculties. How could this have happened?

“We were supposed to have time.”

“I know. This isn’t fair.”

“I don’t know how to go on without her.”

“One step at a time. One step,” he repeats.

Kara comes out of the room. “I need to talk with the nurses and take care of the paperwork, then I’m going home.” She takes a step. “No, home is too far away.”

“Why don’t you stay at my house?”

Bennett pulls me tighter to his body.

“Oh, thank you.” I give my sister the keys to my house, and she goes off to deal with the logistics.

I take a deep breath. “I want to go in.”

Bennett nods his head. “All right. Want me to go with you?”

I consider his offer. Do I want this man beside me? “Give me five minutes, then come in, okay?”

“You got it.” He kisses me in a sweet, tender, loving way and I force my feet to move forward. I push on the door and it slams behind me. I’m all alone with Ma.

With what used to be Ma.

I approach her. Where she gave us her last loving praise. Tears prick my eyelids. I don’t bother to stem their fall.

“Ma,” I breathe. “I hope you’re happy where you are. You’re not in any more pain. Maybe you can see into the future now, and see my children. With Bennett. Our little boy and little girl growing up in Aroostook. Or all over the world.”

I’m not making any sense. None of this does. Ma was supposed to be here with us, not her body lying in this bed while her soul floats above us. I want my mother!

“Ma!” I reach out and grab her hand, which is cool to the touch.

I recoil as this factoid slips into my consciousness.

“You’re never coming back, are you? You’ll never give me your pep talks about putting Michelle into her place.

You’ll never again sing Kara’s praises, or those of her husband and kids. ”

I suck in air as realization hits—final and hard—that she’s truly gone.

Words fly out of my mouth. “I should have forced you to get other opinions. Someone would’ve done surgery, then you’d still be with me.

Bennett talked me out of it, but he was wrong.

Wrong! We’d still be laughing and talking and you’d be imparting even more wisdom to me.

I listened to him and what has that brought me?

You’re gone. Dead. It’s all his fault. How can I go on without you? ”

I bow my head, cover my eyes, and sob.

Strong, masculine hands go around my shoulders.

Bennett doesn’t say anything, nor does he try to pull me to him.

His silent presence, though, is a massive conflict.

On one hand, he’s the reason we’re here now—he convinced me not to pursue more doctors and possible other treatments.

On the other, he provides comfort. My tears stop freefalling down my cheeks.

My sniffles retreat. I walk over to my mother’s body and kiss her cooling cheek. “Fly now. Be free.”

Then I turn, and the tears start all over again. In a second, Bennett’s holding me, rubbing my back, letting me get it all out. He doesn’t try to minimize my pain or backstop it. He merely lets my agony ooze out of me.

I wipe my cheek with the back of my hand. “I need to leave.”

“Right behind you, Sweetheart.”

I put one foot in front of the other, and reach the doorknob.

Something tells me to turn, and what I see nearly brings me to my knees.

Bennett has gathered Ma into his arms and is rocking her side to side, like a life-size doll.

I can’t make out his words, but he kisses her cheek before laying her to rest on the bed once more.

The sight guts me. Then fillets my insides.

An all-encompassing need to yell at him for touching my mother bubbles, seething like a caged animal.

She was my mother, not his. My responsibility, not his.

How dare he act like he held a piece of her heart—I know the truth that she told me after they first met.

Although she did come around to see him as her son .

And she was so happy at our wedding.

This last piece offers a double-edged balm.

When he turns, I tamp down all the awful emotions roiling through me. A second later, his hand is in mine and we walk out of the hospital room for the final time.

“It’s late,” Bennett notes. “Do you have your car?”

“Yeah.”

“Let me drive us home.” He pauses. “To Secluded Rest.”

I fiddle with my wedding ring. “Sounds good.”

It takes me a while, but I finally remember where I parked and Bennett gets behind the wheel. Given that it’s before sunrise, the streets are empty and dark. Mirroring my feelings.

We get into the house and Bennett leads me up to the main suite, asking if I want to eat or drink anything. When I decline, he walks me to the bed and takes off my blazer. The one I wore to meet with Dr. Marlow, what feels like months ago. How could it only be hours?

My scrub top is the next to go, followed by the bottoms. I don’t do anything to help Bennett undress me. I raise my arms when prodded. Simple commands are my friends.

“Do you want to take a shower?”

I’m alone. All alone. “Huh?”

Instead of repeating himself, he grabs my hand and leads me into the bathroom, where he shucks his own clothes and walks into the oversized shower enclosure.

This time, instead of fun and frivolity, he meets my utilitarian needs.

I can’t muster anything more and, judging by his own demeanor, I doubt he could either.

Minutes later, the water shuts off and he dries me off, wrapping a towel around my body. I step out of the shower, and he follows me back into the bedroom. When we reach the bed, I toss the towel onto the floor and stand before my husband.

“I love you.” I force the words out, knowing he needs to hear them. Maybe I need to hear them too? Or maybe I only need Ma back in my life.

“Even more,” he replies, pulling my body into his.

Together, we sink into the bed and close our eyes. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.