Page 13 of Merry & Bright

“Hi,” I called, as Ben closed the distance between us, somehow dredging up a smile. “It’s great to see you!”

I didn’t sound awfully convincing to myself, but Ben didn’t seem to detect my lack of enthusiasm.

“Oh my God, tell me about it!” he cried, grabbing hold of me and pulling me into a bear hug. “It’s been way too long.” He rocked me tightly from side to side for a few seconds before pushing me back to give me a good look over, his hands still gripping my upper arms.

“God, Quin, you look amazing!” he exclaimed happily. He beamed at me, then winked and added, “Of course, you look too tired, as usual, but still...smokin’ hot.”

Leon drew level with us. He slid a proprietary arm round Ben’s shoulders and sent me a pleasant, if not hugely friendly, smile.

“Quin, this is Leon,” Ben told me, then he looked at his boyfriend and said, “Babe, this is Quin. You meet at last.”

They exchanged a brief look, and although nothing obvious passed between them, I felt like they shared something right then. It made me wonder what Ben had told Leon about us. When Leon turned his attention back to me, the indulgent smile Ben had coaxed from him melted away, and the more reserved one of before returned. He held out a hand.

“Hi, Quin. I’ve heard a lot about you. It’s good to meet you at last. I can’t believe it’s taken so long.”

I shook his hand. “Me either. And it’s good to meet you too.”

All lies.

“The reason it’s taken so long for you to meet,” Ben told Leon, “is that Quin never turn up to any of our nights out. He’s always working.” He turned to me and added, “Babe, you really gotta come out sometime. All work and no play...”

I wondered if that was a barb, but Ben’s expression stayed as open and friendly as ever, his broad smile still firmly in place.

I cleared my throat uncomfortably. “Well,” I said weakly. “You know how it is with my job.”

Ben smiled and shrugged. “I guess some things never change.”

“Are you coming out tonight at least?” Leon asked. “Freddy mentioned she was going to try and get you to join us.”

Weirdly, while seeing Leon with Ben hadn’t prompted the stab of jealousy I’d been imagining I’d experience when this meeting finally happened, his casual mention of Freddy really bothered me and it wasn’t easy to keep my forced smile in place. Freddy wasmybest friend and had been so for more than a decade. It pissed me off to hear fucking Leon talk about her in that casual, easy way.

“I told Freddy I’d try to come along tonight,” I said stiffly, then, catching sight of Ben’s sceptically raised brows, added, “My office has closed early for Christmas, actually, so I should make it.”

“Really?” Ben said, his grin huge. “That’s fantastic! So, we’ll see you in The Dragon at six for drinks first, yeah?”

“Six?” I frowned, thinking. “Well, I might have to sort a few work things out from home before I come out”—surely I could log on somehow?—“but I’ll try to get there ASAP.”

Ben’s face fell and for a moment it was just like old times—me saying I’d be somewhere then letting him down. Except that, instead of him going off on one at me, this time he just sighed, then shrugged.

“If you start working when you get home, I don’t think we’ll be seeing each other tonight—I know you, man.” He gave a little laugh and stepped back from me, grabbing Leon’s hand as he did so. “Listen, you have a good Christmas. Give your family big hugs from me andtrynot to work too hard? Maybe we can catch up in January, yeah?”

I could tell he didn’t actually believe that would happen, and for some reason that brought a lump to my throat. Although Ben had left our relationship, it hadn’t felt as though he’d given up on me entirely. Not till right now.

Back when we were together, Ben used to accuse me of being a workaholic. I always protested that he was wrong, pointing out it wasn’t my choice to work long hours—it was just the job. But he’d been right all along, and in truth, I’d known it, even back then.

This was who I was. When I committed to something, I did so absolutely.

I used to think it was a good thing.

I cleared my throat and made myself speak. “Okay, if I don’t make it tonight, January it is.” I couldn’t believe how normal I sounded.

“It was good to meet you at last,” Leon said.

“Likewise,” I lied, forcing another smile. “Hopefully see you both later.”

We said our goodbyes and turned away from each other, heading off in different directions, two cogs diverging once again.

**