Page 13 of Melt For Us, Daddy (Big Daddy Energy #4)

Ivy

W hen her alarm woke her again the next morning, Ivy smiled as she reached over to turn it off. Unlike the day before, she felt lighter, happier, more like her usual self. She hated being at odds with Cordelia, and yesterday was hands down the biggest fight they’d ever had.

Hopefully the worst of it was behind them.

But when she tried to slide from the bed to begin her day, she found herself trapped in Cordelia’s iron grip.

“Aren’t you forgetting something, blossom?” Her woman’s voice was thick with sleep and tinged with amusement.

Shit. Was she? “Umm, I don’t know.”

“Mmm.” Pulling Ivy back against her, Cordelia pressed a kiss to her neck, sending a delicious shiver down Ivy’s spine. “What are you supposed to be doing this week while you’re on restriction?”

You will ask permission to eat, to use the bathroom, to go out with your friends. Every single move you make will be at my discretion.

Apparently, Cordelia was taking that part of her punishment very literally. “May I please get out of bed, Ma’am?”

“Good girl. You may, and you may use the bathroom, but after your bathroom routine I want you to come kneel beside the bed.”

“Oh, but…”

Gripping Ivy’s cheeks, Cordelia turner her head, her eyes blazing with a possessive light that had Ivy’s breath catching in her chest. “I know it’s not your normal routine.

And I know you don’t like it when I spring these changes on you, which is why I don’t do it often.

But this is important, and it would please me very much if you did this for me. ”

Not an order. She could tell from the words and Cordelia’s tone that if she told her, in all sincerity, that the sudden change in routine would be too hard for her, Cordelia would let it drop.

And because she knew she could refuse without consequence, the vice around her chest loosened a bit. “Yes, Ma’am.”

“Good girl. I’ll be right here when you get back.”

She hurried through her bathroom routine and then back to the bedroom, where she found Cordelia sitting on the edge of their bed, Ivy’s necklace dangling between her fingers.

Heart pounding, Ivy lowered herself down to her knees beside her.

And tried not to think about all the things she was supposed to be doing.

This was where her Domme wanted her. So this was where she needed to be.

“My good girl. Eyes on me, blossom.”

With that simple phrase, the worry over what she ‘should’ be doing faded as she lifted her gaze to meet Cordelia’s. Lips curving up in that approving smile that never failed to make Ivy’s heart skip a beat, Cordelia unclasped the necklace.

“Do you know what it did to me yesterday, knowing you were out in the world without my collar around your neck?” Her voice was soft as she looped the rainbow-colored flower around Ivy’s throat.

“No, Ma’am.”

“It nearly broke me. I thought you were done with me, with us. But then I realized you hadn’t done it on purpose. We simply hadn’t gotten to that part of our routine yet and you were too upset to think clearly when you left. Do I have that right, baby?”

“Yes, Ma’am,” she whispered, blinking back the tears burning in her eyes. “I'm sorry. I never should have left without it.”

“I understand. But it made me realize this should be a higher priority in our routine. And I know how hard it is for you to make changes, so I want you to know that I am not asking this of you lightly. I am asking this of you, knowing that you will struggle. And knowing that you will do it, even though it’s hard, because I asked.

I don’t take that for granted, Ivy Mae.”

“Thank you, Ma’am.”

“That’s another issue we’ve let linger too long. We both agree we don’t like the title of Mistress, at least not between us. But Ma’am feels too… simple.”

“What did you have in mind?”

“I’m not sure yet. But I wanted to let you know that I’m thinking about it. That I’m thinking about us. I want you to know that I am going to be doing everything in my power to be more intentional about putting you first in my life.”

“You already do. This whole mess with Jacob and your past, it’s out of the norm for you.

I think… I think that’s why it messed me up so badly yesterday.

Because I am used to being the most important thing in your life, and feeling like I wasn’t, like you didn’t trust me the way I thought you did, it threw me for a loop. ”

“I understand. And I never want you to have to worry about that again. So we’re going to be making some changes, and I have something to show you after breakfast.” Leaning down, she brushed a kiss over Ivy’s lips.

“You may get up and make my coffee and those pancakes you never finished yesterday. I put the batter in the fridge in case it could be reused.”

“Thank you, Ma’am.”

It wasn’t as difficult as she’d expected it to be, making that little deviation from her usual regimen, though she knew from experience she would struggle over the next couple of weeks.

She’d inevitably forget, which would earn her a stern ‘reminder’ over Cordelia’s knee.

And, most likely, she would have a good hard cry over how hard it was to stick to the new schedule, which would end with her cradled on her woman’s lap with Cordelia telling her what a good, brave girl she was for making the change.

And eventually, the new routine would just become The Routine, and all would be right with the world again.

As she went through the rest of her morning habits, she found herself reaching for her necklace.

Letting the feel of it anchor her as she worked.

And by the time Ivy carefully settled onto the hard wooden chair at the kitchen table with a stack of pancakes between her and the woman she loved, she was feeling lighter than she could remember feeling in a long time.

“These look amazing, blossom. Thank you.”

Happiness welled inside her at the simple praise. “Thank you, um, Ma’am.”

Across the table, Cordelia raised a brow. “You don’t worry about my title until I tell you differently. Understood?”

Oh, thank god. “Yes, Ma’am.”

“Good girl.”

Cutting into her stack of pancakes, Ivy glanced up, taking in the sight of her woman, eating her food.

The way it should be. It felt good to be back on steady ground with her.

And as much as she hated to disrupt that steadiness, there was still a very large elephant in the room. “Did you go see Jacob yesterday?”

Cordelia’s hand, gripping her fork as she dug into her own stack of pancakes, went still. “I did.”

“How is he?”

“Good, I think. Still getting his bearings, but that’s to be expected. He wants to rescue his sisters.”

Her heart constricted at the thought of anyone being subjected to the things Cordelia had gone through as a child. “Do you think that’s feasible?”

“No. But I’m damn well going to make it happen, anyway. Holden has contacts, both at the federal level and with some other security companies. We’ll find a way.”

If anyone could, it was her woman. “What’s the plan for Jacob in the meantime? You’re not going to make him stay holed up in that apartment, are you?”

“No. He needs to keep a relatively low profile but I talked to Braden a bit yesterday and he’s going to let Jacob work at the club during the day when there’s nobody there. We’re actually supposed to meet him there this afternoon, if you’d like to come with us.”

“You couldn't keep me away if you tried.”

She’d meant it as a light, teasing jab, but when Cordelia looked up, her eyes were deadly serious.

“You have to promise me that if I tell you not to go somewhere or do something that you’ll listen to me, Ivy.

You know I don’t make it a habit of controlling your every move for no reason.

If I tell you no, I have a damn good reason. ”

“I know. I’m sorry, Dee, I was teasing. Of course if you told me not to come, I would listen. But I need you to be honest with me in return.”

“As much as I possibly can, baby. Some of it I won’t be able to share, because it may not be mine to share. And if something big goes down, I may not have time to explain why I need you to obey me right away. But everything I can tell you, I will.”

“Good enough.”

Relief flickered in her eyes. “Thank you, baby. Is there anything else you want to ask me?”

There was a hint of something in Cordelia’s tone that told her she was asking about more than just her day with Jacob. Swallowing hard against the sudden dryness in her throat, Ivy nodded. “Will you tell me about him? Your husband?”

Her expression carefully blank, Cordelia nodded. “He’s not legally my husband. But in the eyes of the church, he will stay my husband until the day he dies. Which, as far as I’m concerned, can’t happen soon enough.”

That was a burden she hadn’t known she’d been carrying, the thought of Cordelia being legally bound to someone else.

She’d always imagined marrying her someday, and the idea of having to do battle with some self-appointed ‘prophet of god’ to make that happen had been weighing on her, more than she’d realized.

“How old were you? When you married him?”

“Twelve.” Cordelia’s voice, usually so strong and sure, was barely a whisper. And Ivy was reminded why she’d stopped asking questions about Cordelia’s past. Seeing that pain on her woman’s face was more than she could bear.

But if they were going to get through this, if they had any hope of salvaging the future they’d worked so hard to build, they’d both have to be strong enough to face her past.

That didn’t mean she couldn’t offer comfort. Rising from her seat, she settled on Cordelia’s lap, wrapping her arms around her as Cordelia pressed her face into Ivy’s neck.

“Sorry. I just needed a moment. I’m fine now.”

“Dee.” Cupping Cordelia’s face in her hands, Ivy looked down into those beautiful emerald eyes she loved so much.

“You don't have to be strong for me all the time. Being my Dominant doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to have feelings, that you’re not allowed to hurt.

Let me be strong for you, for once. Please? ”

“I’m trying. It’s… hard, letting myself feel weak. Even for a second. I’ve been fighting just to survive my whole damn life, Ivy. I’m terrified of what happens if I stop fighting.”

“You’re not going to stop fighting. You’re just taking a breather. And you’re letting me hold the sword for a bit.”

They stayed in that moment, gazes locked as the silence stretched between them. And when Dee finally spoke, her voice was softer, more uncertain that Ivy could ever remember hearing it. “I’ll try.”

Good enough, at least for now. “We don’t have to keep talking about this right now if it’s too much.”

“No. I’m good. Ah, there’s a box on the coffee table. Will you get it for me, please?”

As always eager to please, Ivy slid from her lap to retrieve the requested box. It was light for as large as it was, and her imagination went wild wondering what could be in it.

But when she tried to pass it off to Cordelia, she shook her head. “Open it.”

Heart beating a little faster, a little harder, she returned to her spot on Cordelia’s lap, unable to bear the thought of not being with her for whatever that box held.

With fingers that trembled more than she would have liked considering she’d just told Cordelia she would be strong, she lifted the lid and set it aside.

Pictures. So many pictures, mostly of a young Cordelia, dressed in plain beige clothing with her hair in a single braid down her back.

“Last night was the first time I’ve looked at any of those since I left. I don’t even know why I took them with me, if I’m being honest.”

“Maybe to remind yourself of why you left? In case you ever wanted to go back?”

“Probably. Luckily, I never had that urge. Once I was out, once I had that taste of freedom, I was hooked. Even when I was working three jobs just to keep a roof over my head and food in my belly, I never thought of going back.”

Her beautiful, brave, woman. Was it any wonder she’d fallen so hard for her so fast?

A picture caught her eye, and she slowly lifted it from the box. Cordelia again, though this time in a white dress with big poofy sleeves instead of her usual beige. Gripping a bouquet of flowers, standing next to a man old enough to be her father. Older, even.

“Your wedding day,” Ivy murmured, silently fighting back the rage churning in her stomach.

A baby. You were just a baby.

“Yes. I was twelve, and particularly rebellious. It was decided that I needed a husband to keep me in line. And what better man for the task than the prophet himself?”

Bitterness laced Cordelia’s tone. “Our wedding night, he called in four of his other wives. I think he knew I’d fight.

I think he wanted me to fight. So he called in reinforcements.

I didn't know what was happening, but I knew it was wrong. Even as they stripped me, even as they held me down so he could consummate our marriage, even as they told me what a good and holy thing it was for me to be married to the prophet, I always knew it was wrong.”

Did she even realize she was crying? With her heart cracking in her chest, Ivy dropped the picture back into the box. “That’s enough, Dee. We don’t have to talk about it anymore today.”

“No. I need to get it out. I need to tell you…” Shattered eyes, shimmering with tears, met hers.

“That’s a big part of why I struggle with letting anyone touch me.

I want to give you that, Ivy. I’ve thought about it, so many times, and I think I’m almost there.

But I need you to know it was never about not wanting you or not trusting you.

As much as I try to convince myself I didn’t let them break me, they did.

They broke something in me that day, and I don’t know if I’ll ever get it back. ”

There were no words to ease that kind of pain. So she didn't bother to try. Wrapping her arms around Cordelia’s neck, she simply held on tight as the woman she loved wept for the child she’d been.

And she vowed, then and there, that she would be right by her side, doing whatever it took to make sure no other girl in that so-called church was forced to become a woman before she was one.