Page 161 of Meet Me In The Dark

“Can you stand?” I ask.

He doesn’t answer but he stands without resistance.

As I start unbuttoning his shirt, his fingers tighten around my wrists.

The world thinks he’s untouchable, but he’s holding on to me as if I’m the only thing keeping him from falling apart.

“Julian?”

His hands leave my wrists to cup my face. “Why are you doing this? After everything I’ve done, why are you still showing up for me?”

“Because I see you, remember?”

His throat works on a swallow. “I wasn’t supposed to be seen, Celeste.”

For the first time tonight, his words aren’t delivered with the slurring that alcohol brings.

“Yeah.” My voice catches. “Neither was I.”

“Weren’t you?” He shakes his head, his palms still framing my face like he’s afraid I’ll disappear if he lets go. “So why does it feel like I’ve been waiting to see you my whole damn life?” I close my eyes and let a single tear fall as he whispers, “Even in the dark, I knew you were mine.”

His words hit something so deep in me, I’ll never be able to dig them out.

“I’m sorry,” he breathes, forehead pressed to mine. “I’m so sorry.”

“Then talk to me,” I beg.

“I can’t. It’s too much of a mess in here. It’s fucking dark, Celeste, and I’m too broken.”

“You’re not broken.”

He closes his eyes and turns his head just enough to press a trembling kiss to the inside of my wrist. His lips linger there, and I feel the faintest shudder pass through him.

“Look at me,” I whisper.

When he does, he looks like someone who’s been holding his breath for years and doesn’t know how to exhale.

“I promise you’re not broken.”

He slides his arms around my back and pulls me flush against his body.

I let him.

I let him cling.

And I hold him just as tightly because every inch of his body is begging me not to leave, even if he can’t bring himself to say it.

∞∞∞

I wake to find, as expected, that Julian is gone.

He’s become skilled at this disappearing act, but last night wasn’t about promises or whispered good mornings. He was hurting, and he reached for me.

I dress in silence, pull on my running gear, and tie back my hair.

The front door feels heavier than usual as I step out into the cool air, but with the sight in front of me, I stop and release the breath I think I’ve been holding all week.

Julian stands against his SUV, eyes cast downward.