Page 9 of Matters of a Duke’s Heart

“I will,” she finally said. Because what other option did she have?

Her mother would rather wail to the skies and do something awfully drastic than endure Felicity rejecting a duke.

With Daphne also being potentially matched with the son of another duke, then both their marriages would raise the Merriweathers’ reputation.

I have my part to play, she told herself. I cannot risk rejecting this.

“And what may I do for you in return?” the duke asked, giving her a hesitant smile.

Felicity gave him a tight smile, the reality sinking heavily into her limbs. She shook her head, indicating nothing. Was he not already providing enough?

With the way her mother had been speaking, it was as though the duke was saving Felicity from spinsterhood. That alone was something she ought to be grateful for. “Just do not leave me wandering any dark pathways alone again.”

The duke gave a short laugh. “I will ensure that you are always chaperoned. I truly am sorry for that night, Lady Felicity. I do not usually act so… terribly.”

Felicity didn’t know what to make of the declaration, and time would only tell regarding his personality, but for now, she only smiled a little more.

It was not quite an affectionate promise to watch over her himself. It was formal and businesslike, but it was something. Perhaps the Duke of Langdon was not as stoic as the ton—and she herself—had thought.

It is only a marriage of convenience, nothing more, and I will come to terms with such things.

***

After Felicity had endured her mother’s happiness and declaration of a hastily thrown engagement ball—of which Felicity outright refused if the wedding was only in four days—she finally slipped away to the solitude and comfort of her chambers.

Once she shut the door behind her, and had shut the world out completely, Felicity began to crumple.

Everything she had held back all day, from the moment the Duke of Langdon had entered the drawing room, to the final statement of her mother saying she had to plan a wedding breakfast while disregarding the duke’s claim of handling everything necessary, it all crashed over her.

Felicity shuddered beneath the wave of her emotions as she realized that it was not just the meeting that day, or the way her life had been turned upside down so suddenly and so drastically.

It was an accumulation of it all. The endless suitor dances, the smiles that made her cheeks ache, the visits and the hopeful expression on her mother’s face, only for it to fall in disappointment when Felicity announced yet another rejection she had delivered.

She was adrift, flung beneath the weight of her own sorrow, and a hard gasp rattled from her tight chest. What had she done? Heavens, what had she done?

What life had she agreed to? A mother to a son that had already lost his own, a duchess to a rude albeit handsome duke, a wife to a husband who didn’t want her at all… just a lady to fill the role.

Felicity was simply a doll, wasn’t she? A ragdoll to be pushed and moved wherever anybody wanted her. She had to dutifully go on, take a step here, and look there, and say yes and agree, and that was all her life would, and could, be.

“What have I done?” she whispered aloud, staring out at her bedroom. Her bedroom that would no longer be hers in four days.

Because…

The room spun.

Because she would the Duchess of Langdon.

She would leave—

Heavens. She would leave Daphne behind.

Her knees buckled as she staggered to her bed, needing that simple comfort. Her hands clenched in the sheets below her as if that would ground her better than anything.

Her mind spun and tossed, never settling on one place long enough to make sense of anything. The duke’s sharp gaze surrounded her even when she closed her eyes, and Felicity’s breath came out in a hasty panic.

Soon, she would have to go downstairs for dinner, but she could not face her mother’s joy, her father’s approval, and Daphne’s own excitement, for her sister was to be a duchess, and that was indeed an honor that would elevate her own debut.

Hunched over on her bed, Felicity broke down. She broke down away from prying eyes because she would not be able to escape the watch of her parents over the next four days. That was all she had left: four days of freedom.

But what if this new life could allow me freedom?

The thought was pointless. What freedom would there be in a marriage she was obligated to see through? She would never get another chance at love, at a match, at being wed. She had not even known the romantic ways of a courtship.

There was no wooing, no attempt at affection, no discussion of a good life together. There had been a simple transaction, and Felicity’s consent that she had no choice but to give.

When the door creaked open, Felicity stiffened and didn’t look up, not until she heard her sister’s soft voice. “Felicity?”

Slowly, Felicity lifted her head. She didn’t want her sister to see her in a state. After all, she was the eldest, and she had prided herself on always being there for Daphne.

It never should have been the other way around, yet she couldn’t keep her wits and stiff upper lip about herself, not as her sister’s concerned gaze fell on her.

“Oh, Felicity,” Daphne whispered, sweeping to her side at once. She sat down in a rustle of skirts next to Felicity on the bed, already reaching for her hand. “You are overwhelmed. Do not worry, sister. His Grace has already assured Mama and Papa that he will handle everything for you.”

That is half the problem, Felicity did not say.

“I should not shut myself away up here, but I confess I cannot endure our mother’s happiness further.”

“Whyever not?” Daphne looked more confused than judgmental. “I know it has not been a conventional set-up but… surely you are happy? You are marrying a duke, Felicity. Is that not wonderful news?”

“It ought to be, yes. But…” Felicity glanced hopelessly to her bedroom door. Her mother’s voice floated up from downstairs. “Daph, I did not choose this.”

At that, her sister’s face pinched in sorrow as she finally understood.

Her fingers against Felicity’s own were a strange comfort, and not one Felicity liked needing.

But she did. Not knowing when she would have this chance, to simply sit quietly with her sister in comfort, in solace, she tightened her hold on Daphne.

“I…” Felicity swallowed, trying to tighten her mouth, trying to hold back the words, thinking she ought to not burden her sister with her woes.

But Daphne’s pretty eyes remained on hers, steady and grounding.

“I understand why it has been arranged, and I must see it through, but I wanted—” She cut herself off with a terrible sigh, fighting back another wave of tears.

“I wanted love, Daphne. I wanted romance—to be swept off my feet. To… to have a great love like those I read in books.”

A tear slipped down her cheek and she hurried to wipe it away.

“I wanted anything but this,” she whispered. “And I fought such a marriage for so long.”

“His Grace is good,” Daphne said softly. “He is handsome, and well-enough liked. Of course, there are the nasty rumors, but Mama says it is nothing. Felicity, he can be good to you. Good for you. Love can be on the horizon with him.”

Felicity flinched, shaking her head. “How dreadful to consider.”

Daphne gave a helpless laugh as she pulled Felicity close, embracing her.

“Perhaps not so dreadful. You do not know what is around the corner, dear sister. Love can knock upon the door at any time, is that not what you told me before my debutante ball when I worried all my suitors would be very old men? You told me to give chances to men who made me smile.”

“His Grace has not made me smile,” Felicity muttered uselessly.

“And you have known him one afternoon. He has time yet.”

But how could Felicity explain that, from the duke’s behavior, he didn’t seem to want time to get to know her? That he only wanted a mother for his son, and was not even granting them the chance to get to know one another ahead of being wed?

“And if it does not happen then that is it.” Her declaration gave out in a pained whisper as she looked back at her sister. “I will be trapped in a loveless marriage forever.”

“Never trapped,” Daphne swore with a hard shake of her head.

“No, never trapped, and you will also never be alone. No matter what happens, Felicity, you will not be alone. I believe this could be a good decision, and I believe you must give both yourself and His Grace a chance and if… if love does not happen…” Daphne trailed off, seemingly unsure of what else to say, so Felicity took up the mantle, as she often had over the years anyway.

“If love does not happen,” she echoed, “then it will not be so bad.” The lie tasted like ash on her tongue.

“I can read countless romances in books, after all.” She heard the strength she attempted to put into her voice, heard how strong she wanted to be for herself but also to save her sister from the burden of comforting her.

I will read my books, and I will ignore the heavy ache they bring with them when I long for the same, envious.

“Be patient with love,” Daphne said, one final comfort. “You have waited this long, and now you might even have a direct path to it through marriage. Do not give up hope yet. Focus on why you must marry, settle yourself, and go from there.”

Felicity mustered a smile, knowing she had to be resigned to such a thing anyway.

She hugged her sister tighter, hating that in a matter of days they would no longer have the simple ease of visiting one another’s room, gossiping and giggling over failed embroidery patterns, and knowing that whatever happened the other would only be next door.

So she hugged Daphne, knowing that if anything, her marriage truly would help her sister.

And if she could just focus on that long enough to make it to the church and through her vows then that would be enough for now.