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Chapter 1

Evie

H appy last birthday to me, I sang in my head as I unsuccessfully contained my utter freak-out over this place. Looking past my sister and best friend, I confirmed I was for sure going to die here. The snarls, growls, and magic that filled the pub over the sound of the jukebox in the corner attested to that.

“Why did you pick this bar, Maggie? We don’t exactly blend in with this crowd. We need to go home before we get caught.”

My sister slid over in the booth to pat me on the shoulder with a placating smile. Her eyes, one shade darker than mine, sparkled with glee in the low light. Blue flames danced in jars on the tables, lending everything a mystical glow, including her.

“It’s called Bar None for a reason. They’ll let anyone in.” They really would. “Stop ruining your own fun. No one’s even looking at us.”

I wanted to rip out that perfect ponytail full of thick, russet hair, so like my own. We humans remained banned from the realm. How could she be so cavalier about sitting next to the fur, fangs, and wings that we had always been told would tear us apart as soon as we stepped out of our village? This bar wasn’t full of the Kings and Queens with benevolent magic the elves sometimes let slip in our limited conversations. These were monsters.

If I wasn’t so nervous, I would have been thrilled that Maggie tried to make amends at all. The suspicion that this birthday outing equated to some sort of peace offering on my sister’s part didn’t make it any less terrifying. We’d never left the village, so this was her weirdest and most dangerous apology yet. Way weirder than the pig she tried to get me as a pet, so I wasn’t lonely. That one I promptly shooed back to her without touching it. Pigs were uncanny.

The bar was an odd mashup of otherworldly chic and classic Harrowlands. A gleaming liquid bar top competed with hand-carved bar stools. Eye-watering under-lighting illuminated hand-carved table tops. The foreign music set a jovial mood with an edge of violence. It all clashed together. My sister smirked, pretty smug about finding it for my birthday.

“I could be looking for my missing pair of angora wool socks right now. Without them, the collection isn’t alphabetical.” I chastised my sister, who downed a third glass of sweet wine we didn’t have to make ourselves for once.

My best friend Fallon swung around at the tone of my voice, sipping on her own giant pink concoction, her short curls bouncing against her rounded cheeks. “They’ll still be wherever you left them,” she said.

Always practical.

“Nothing is going to happen.” Fallon’s pat was only slightly less condescending.

I clutched my glass of whiskey too tightly. Easy for her to say. Her button nose, scattered freckles, and cupid’s bow mouth made her uneatable as long as she kept said mouth shut. Maggie looked like she would help the monster carve body parts. I was just the overweight morsel of the group. There had been a decided lack of ripping us apart so far, but I couldn’t relax. What if there were harpies here? They were supposed to be vicious. Or vampires in the shadows smelling our blood? What if there was a shifter waiting to mate with our fragile bodies? Okay, the last one didn’t sound so bad, but still.

“We’re not doing this, Evie. We all need to get out of that dusty town. You’re only thirty once and I’m not letting you ruin it by staying at home organizing one of your piles of old junk. What woman under seventy spends their time collecting things like some sort of grandma hoarder? We’re opening the present guaranteed to cure your obsession.” My sister also said that about the pig.

“Hey! I just don’t want this to be my final birthday.” And I liked my collections. It wasn’t like there was much to do in our little corner of the Harrowlands. I trusted everything I collected to be exactly where I left it. They had no emotional wants or needs other than to be dusted occasionally. They certainly wouldn’t reject me.

She rummaged around in her giant bag that always seemed to produce a snack, spring water, or a crystal. “It’s my obligation as your sister to inject some adventure into your life before you become a shut-in old crone.” Maggie gave me a hard look full of absolutely-done-with-my-bullshit. “And get your mind off HIM.”

Fallon tried the gentler approach. Well, gentle for her. “If we left it up to you, you’d hole up eating leftover pastries while you cried over that butt waffle.”

Fallon - ever a traitor to my hermit cause. She knew me too well. I had already been crying over that ‘butt waffle’ for a month.

“I would have invited you,” I grumbled. “For the pastries, not the crying.”

My sister held my gaze remarkably well for three glasses in and I crumbled.

“Okay, for both… probably,” I amended.

“You need to get over it already. My sister will not live like a cave troll,” Maggie said as she took my hand. “Your fate line is too long to keep yourself trapped in your house.” She traced a wrinkle at the base of my palm.

I resented the troll comparison. I was better off alone. She never understood we were different people, despite coming from the same womb. I didn’t believe in her charts and crystal nonsense and she didn’t think my collections and isolation were healthy.

“I got you exactly what you need now that you’re single and you’ve passed into the third decade.” Maggie held out a large box wrapped with a giant red bow.

Weighing the large box in my hands, I couldn’t help but feel touched. Maybe I should have given Maggie more credit. She was trying to make amends. Nothing bad had happened yet. It wasn’t her fault I hated humanity in general and one asshat in particular.

Our relationship hadn’t been the easiest lately, and she really went all out for my birthday. I always tried my damnedest to complain, but I was secretly glad someone made the effort to get me out of the house, even if it turned dangerous.

The box was bigger than anything sold in town, and that made it all the more intriguing. Since the gates closed, we scraped by in our hidden pocket of the realm with the help—okay, more like subjugation—of the elves. It made getting gifts a bitch since we all shopped at one store in our town.

Setting the present on the table, I shimmied off the bow. I removed the lid, peering inside with all the goodwill my dark heart could muster, then promptly slammed the lid back down, clutching it to my chest.

“MAGGIE!”

“EVIE,” my sister said, just as loudly.

“Cheese on crackers, Maggie! It’s fucking huge.”

Heat flooded my face. I looked around to see if anyone noticed my involuntary scream.

Fallon had gotten an eye full as I cracked the box open. She cackled so hard she almost fell out of the booth.

Mags didn’t have the grace to look ashamed, her arms loose at her sides, slouched against the upholstery—perfect high pony not even mussed, like she was posing as some of the monsters around the bar stared at her. Ever since she turned full health maniac, my chubby, awkward little sister had become this fantasy creature who needed makeup and clothes and jewelry to survive. I mean, she was right to want to show it off, but it was tedious sometimes. No one looked at me when we caused a commotion.

“And it’s pink,” I complained.

The bright color couldn’t be natural. It had to be enchanted. Still no remorse on my sister's face, though she did pick some lint off her leggings. So there was that.

“They didn’t have one black enough to match your soul.”

“Let me see,” Fallon chirped, righting herself from her laughter slump, pawing at the box.

I shoved the box at my best friend, praying it wouldn’t turn on and start a mini-earthquake. She opened it, only to blush and squeal at the same time. The massive dildo reared out of its nest of festive paper. She clutched it to her chest.

“Maggie, I don't know if this is better or worse than the chakra aligner from last year. What the fuck?”

“Hey!” Mags got in my face. “I traded a lot of readings and herbs to get it spelled to move. You need to kick-start your new love life, Evie. If you don’t try again, it’s going to go stale.”

“It's not bread. My love life can't go stale,” I said.

“Your lady bits might,” Fallon helpfully added.

I bared my teeth at her. “Not helping. I can only take public sexual humiliation once a year, sis.”

“It was hardly public. Abner didn’t get you. That's what the Terminator is for.” My sister grabbed the terrifying pink hose beast from Fallon and shoved it in my face again. “See? It has ten settings.”

Why could she never say the thing I needed to hear? An “I’m sorry” couldn’t hurt at this point. It would be cheaper than this thing and certainly less blush-inducing. I didn’t have Maggie’s easy way with sex. No way I could imagine using that thing, even alone. I mistrusted everything now, especially myself. It would take more than a month to get over Abner. Maggie was my only actual family when our parents turned out to be more interested in themselves than us. She tried, but this was over the top.

“He really didn’t get you, E. In fact, he was pretty terrible. That thing looks like an upgrade from any real live boyfriend,” Fallon said. She didn’t stare directly at Maggie, but we all felt the implication.

“If you love it so much, take it. I’ll be happy with cake at this point.”

Fallon cringed, and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up.

“There is cake, right?” I asked.

“Sugar isn’t good for you, sis,” Maggie said.

I tried not to raise my voice. “I’m not eating another sloppy, weaver fruit mash chilled into a cake. It’s my birthday.” I turned to Fallon. “You run the Goddsforsaken bakery! You couldn’t have smuggled something in with you?”

“Another round for the birthday girl!” Fallon called to the bar. She was way too used to our fighting for it to bother her anymore.

Our wench came over all but dragging a tall, blond man with slight points to his ears. His frown and muscles clenched my stomach in unsexy ways. Were we found out? Was this the start of the torture?

“Ruby. You’re supposed to be taking their drink order,” the man said.

“Look! Look at them. Humans are in the bar,” the waitress said as she pointed at each of us.

The man grabbed her upper arms with care. “Ruby. Brad is not coming back to take you. This is your tenth false alarm this week. I get it. I think everyone I meet is a druid, too.”

Ruby crossed those arms over her chest. “Do your eye cloud thing!”

“Yes, beloved,” he said, like he was going to the firing squad.

The man certainly rolled his eyes, and they went opaque for a moment. Fear struck me. I wasn’t a rule breaker. Who knew what the consequences would be for straying out of our village? He was about to scream ‘human’ and commence the body ripping.

“A shifter.” He pointed at me. What the fuck? The only thing I shifted into was a new decade.

“A white witch.” He pointed at Maggie. “And… you. Whatever you are.” He pointed at Fallon, who just smiled back.

Maggie cackled. She loved that. She always pretended to be a for-real witch with all her crystals and castings. “I think this one would rather be a demon.” She pointed at me and I elbowed her in the ribs. “Or a cave troll.”

The man grabbed my hand, his gaze focused inward, and a sharp spark of energy arced between us right to the center of my chest. “Nope. A shifter.” He turned back to our waitress.

Did the room feel hot? I wasn’t attracted to that guy, but holding his hand ratcheted up my temperature to heated. Was that zap some kind of magic?

“It’s as busy as half-off Friday at The Clamouring Clam. Just get them their drinks, Ruby, and help Emrys mix kelp martinis for the pod of selkies.”

Fallon ordered us, well, them, another round as I nursed my one whiskey and Ruby and her guy moved off.

Maggie turned to me with a grin. “See? He thought we fit in just fine. You didn’t have to worry.”

“How exactly did you find this place again?” I asked as I took a sip. The nerves must have been getting to me. My mouth was as dry as the sandlot in the center of our town.

“I consulted my horoscope and yours for a birthday reading. It confirmed your Venus is in Sagittarius, meaning your romantic side is curious and easily bored. You enjoy your independence and aren't willing to compromise that freedom for a relationship that doesn't expand the boundaries of your world, which is really what I’ve been telling you all along, and it directed me here. The boundary between worlds.”

All those words made me dizzy. Maggie drove me up the wall with her readings and moon signs. She claimed that’s how she got healthy and changed her body, but I only saw the mask covering her need for control. Nothing I said shook her belief in those stupid candles and affirmations. The dizzy part had to be her blathering on, or the whiskey, because the bar couldn’t be undulating before my eyes. Right?

I looked down at my glass of scotch. “Did you put toad in this?” I asked Fallon.

“I told you I would never do that again. I didn’t appreciate hauling your ass into your house by myself.” Fallon sucked down the last of her drink, giving me serious eyes.

“How many of these did I have?” My stomach lurched in the most unlady-like fashion.

“Too few,” Fallon said.

“I’ll be right back.” Clambering out of the booth, I rushed to the bathroom. I would not spew alcohol everywhere. I pushed past some sort of neon tentacled blob and a hot, dark-haired guy with bat wings and purple eyes. Everywhere I looked only made my head spin. It was hard to hold on to panic and my stomach at the same time.

Thank Godds there was a proper washroom because I wasn't puking in the hall. It was bad enough I stumbled forward, retching, but then I fell down, down, down until my head swam in a kaleidoscope of color and nothingness that cushioned my brain with a cool pillow and ripped my mind apart at the same time. I panted with total grace—on the floor. I must have been on the floor, because Mags came charging in and looked right above me.

“Damn,” she said.

Here. I was right here, and she turned to leave. My voice caught in my mouth as I heaved myself up and followed her out the door.

“Has anyone seen Evie?” Maggie said.

I was too far down the hall to shout at her. I walked faster, ready to give her a piece of my mind for not helping me off the bathroom floor. Suddenly, a woman with long black hair and void-like eyes looked my way and screamed, “SNAKE!”

A snake! I jerked forward, trying to see it. I hated snakes. What was supposed to live without legs?

Pulling my legs up off the floor so it wouldn’t bite me, only hurled me into the crowd. People behind me screamed, and I fell backward with no one to run into. I skidded to a stop. Faces looked down at me in horror.

Wait. In horror? Regaining my balance, I stood on my tiptoes, looking for Fallon or Mags. I tried to call to them but my throat wasn't working. Fallon popped out of the milling crowd, and I rushed at her. We did not go to bars with snakes in them! That was the last straw for this adventure. We needed to get out of here. Fallon screamed and someone pushed her forward in the panic.

With me moving toward her, we collided, and Fallon had her hands all over me, pushing, flinging me into the air. Why wasn’t that right? I landed hard on the bar top, rolling out of most of the action on the bar floor.

“Kill it, Dane!” someone in the crowd shouted.

“Emrys. Just spell it or something,” someone else yelled.

More opinions. More noise filled the background of the bar. I laid face down, wheezing. Just the privacy of my own thoughts for a second. My snake thoughts.

It was me. I saw myself clear as day in the mirror behind the bar. My reflection showed a long, legless, black-scaled tube draped across the dark wood. I pulled my knees up, and they brought a tail with them. A cute, shiny tail, but a tail nonetheless. My brain was failing at processing what I was seeing. Sitting up felt wrong when my whole body was a stomach. I’m never going home. It made me want to curl into a ball and solve everyone’s problem by just dying.

Our serving wench, Ruby, popped up from her side of the bar. “I got her. Not to worry everyone.” She scooped me into her hands.

I only slightly spilled out of her palm. She looked so big from this angle. I wanted to ask her what the hells happened, but words were still stubborn behind my snake jaws. She scratched my head with a finger and I relaxed. Her smile said we were going to figure this out, and I totally believed her right until a gigantic bear crashed through the side of the bar. Wood and plaster flew as it roared its fury, eyes glowing amber. Dagger-sized claws tossed people like bowling pins through what remained of the bar.

“Ward, stop!” The blond guy yelled, holding up his hand.

The bear’s roar shattered the mirror behind us into a million pieces. Furniture followed as the bear plowed through the space, taking in great chuffs of air. Its gargantuan head turned in our direction—chocolate fur, black button nose and bladder-emptying teeth and all.

GIVE ME MY MATE!

His eyes blazed directly at me. I strangled on his last word. Mates were for people who deserved forever. My current relationships amounted to day-old pastries and now the Terminator. Love didn’t even make the list.

I didn’t know how his voice ripped through the bar just like his paws, but everyone cringed and covered their ears. This was it. Dead at the hands of a death-dealing shifter because I certainly wasn’t a mate.

“Give her to him, Ruby.” The blond guy wrestled for me and he made a sparkly barrier around us.

I was definitely going to puke. The woman, conversely, clutched me closer. I appreciated someone defending me, even if we were all about to be ripped apart like paper.

“Something’s wrong, Dane. No way I’m handing over a fellow human to a crazed bear,” Ruby said. “Not even Ward.”

“Does she look human?” Dane asked.

I had looked better, granted, but I was still me. I made my body wrap around her wrist and then it became a matter of will with Dane trying to pry me off and Ruby flailing her wrist out of the way until the bear’s rage shook the room and he charged. The resounding thud of him hitting the magic wall echoed across the room. People poured out of the bar into the town on the other side of the busted wall.

The bear swiped at the barrier, jaws frothing, shaking the entire building.

“Let go, Ruby. I won’t put you in danger.” The bar guy cupped her face, brushing her cheek, and she melted right in front of me, her grip loosening. Don’t fall for it, girl. Grip me tighter. Love is for losers.

“But…” Ruby’s voice turned into a whisper.

“No buts, Macushla.”

It was beautiful—the way she saw the Universe in his eyes—if he hadn’t been angling closer to me as well. My heart liquified a little just watching them. My ex never looked at me like that. The bar guy’s hand inched closer. They were almost kissing when Dane swiped me right off Ruby's wrist and flung me head over tail right at the bear. Ruby reached for me, but powerful arms held her back.

The bear’s shaggy maw opened wide. Every fear our parents had scared us with was coming true. This was the end—smashed between knife-sized teeth. I hit an oversized tongue and all my bones didn’t immediately break. I curled up in the tightest ball possible, hoping I would at least get lodged in his throat and choke him with my demise. A decided lack of death was replaced with paws pounding the ground as we ran. And by we, I meant the bear battered its way out of the bar and my very first kidnapping was underway.