Page 18 of Mated To The King’s Gamma (Lycan Luna: Abbie & Gannon #3)

I watch as he leaves. He really left. He walked out, and I glance back at the bed nervously before looking back at the door.

My thoughts fester, racing through my head as I wait for him to return yet after an hour, I realize he isn’t going to.

Panic grows and writhes through me as I try to calm my racing heart and thoughts.

Not wanting to wake Tyson, I slip into the bathroom and sit on the floor.

He is leaving me. He is going to leave me because, just like Sia, I’m hurting him.

I’m no good for him; he deserves better. They all do!

Tyson deserves better. Tyson deserves a mother who isn’t afraid of her own shadow, afraid of his father’s affections.

Gannon needs a mate, something I can never truly be for him.

I love him, yet I can’t do what is expected of me.

I don’t want to see the disappointment on his face when he realizes I’m tarnished, used, and ruined, and I don’t want to endure the flashbacks that come with touch.

I feel dirty, feel gross as I stare at the tub. Maybe if I bathed, I would feel better, not so dirty. Maybe I can wash away the filthy parts of me, and Gannon won’t notice them. So I run a bath and hop in.

I scrub my skin, but no amount of scrubbing will remove the scars, remove the sense of their touch, remove what they did to me and what I was too weak to stop them from doing.

I’m too weak to be the King’s Gamma’s mate, too vile and gross and now he sees that and nothing I do will fix it. He will leave me.

My actions, or lack thereof, hurt him, breaking his heart as Sia did, just as my actions hurt Tandi that day and ruined her life. Just as I ruined Azalea’s because she suffered so much for me, she took more than her fair share of my punishments trying to protect me.

I’m useless to all of them, always the burden and now I am seeing that with startling clarity, and that guilt is killing me, rotting me from the inside out as the tears refuse to stop flowing.

I spot Gannon’s razor. It’s at this moment I realize I can fix everything.

Everything would be fixed if I weren’t here.

Gannon would move on and find someone who could love him the way he deserves, and Tyson would have a new mother who would cherish and love him.

But most of all I would be set free, and they would be free of the burden that is me. So with that, I run the razor down both arms. I didn’t feel it, I thought it would sting, but I feel nothing. Nothing at all; the wounds close too soon.

I growl, cursing my stupidity before slashing and hacking at them again. Still, I heal. Tears burn my eyes when I can’t even do that right. Getting out of the tub, I hunt around for something sharper. I have to do this, have to set him free of me.

I’m sifting through his stash of knives when I found a bottle with a mushed plant in it. I shake it, trying to figure out what it is before popping the cap and sniffing it. I recognize the scent instantly as a smell from my grandmother’s house.

That creepy room she had that was off-limits.

Wolfsbane. Taking the bottle, I wonder how much it would burn as I step back into the tub.

The water had gone cold, and I turn the hot water back on, leaving it on to heat the water as I built up the courage to put not only myself out of my misery but everyone whose lives I’m ruining.

Sinking down into the water, I stared at the bottle in my hand before tipping it to my lips. I can fix it. I can make it go away, and I can go away with it.