Page 34

I can smell the city from miles away—the smell of too many people crammed into too small a space.

I can also smell the factories in New Jersey, the heavy odor of gasoline from all the cars contrasting with the delightful aromas of every cultural cuisine I could ever desire.

That’s New York City. The good, the bad, and everything in between. Technically, it’s a small island, but in reality, it’s an entire world.

For me, it’s the world of the most powerful wolf pack in the country. The Alpha of the NYC pack dictates all of the northeast packs. And somebody new just took over.

I’ve been gone for five years. In that time, the city has become something I barely recognize. I walk the streets as a wolf, but most people don’t even notice.

When we came out five years ago, walking around in wolf form was still pretty much forbidden. Now, it’s been normalized, and most people don’t bat an eye.

The mom-and-pop shops that once lined the downtown streets have all been replaced by corporate structures that probably have a dozen other locations all across the city. No character at all.

I left because I didn’t like what the pack was becoming under the old Alpha, nor what the city was becoming.

Looking around these streets, I can see I was right. I arrive at my old house, which was sold to a management company when I left.

Lone Wolves aren’t allowed to own property on pack land. I change before I get to the house and situate my pack on my human shoulders.

I notice that the memorial in front of the house is still intact, and that’s all I need to know about what’s become of the place. It’s a live oak we planted when everything happened. And it’s thriving.

The plaque on the tree reads:

In loving memory of Joseph Landry, Caroline Landry, and their son Matthew Landry. Beloved parents and brother. Forever will they be loved.

I take a moment to close my eyes and think of them, willing my memories to create clear pictures in my mind.

Being back here in the city we grew up in makes me think of little Matthew trailing after me and my friends even though he was so much younger. He was barely a toddler when I was eleven—back when the car accident happened.

A few houses down, along that same path where he used to follow us, is the house I grew up in after they were gone. It belongs to the Rossi family, who took me in as an eleven-year-old orphan.

Their house looks different, too. The siding is modernized, the paint is new, and there are new hedges across the front edge of the property, creating some privacy. They create a border all the way around. Mr. Rossi was never one to change in front of people, even after the big reveal.

The front door is the same, big and solid, painted a crisp dark blue with a crescent moon door knocker. I always found that endearing because they had it long before people knew about us.

I raise my hand, but before I can knock, the door opens. The tall, slender young woman who answers vaguely resembles Marie, the Rossis’ younger daughter. But that can’t be her.

“Marie?”

“Danny?”

We both ask simultaneously and then laugh.

“Well, you’re not a little pup anymore, are you?”

“Oh my god, Danny, that’s super cringe.”

She steps outside and closes the door behind her. We sit on the porch steps.

“Where have you been?”

“Everywhere,” I tell her. “I bought an RV after declaring my Lone Wolf status, and you know the rest.”

“All I know is that you abandoned us, and my mom was heartbroken. Sara, too.”

I look down at my boots. I knew they’d been upset when I left, but “heartbroken” seems harsh. Marie looks pretty serious, though. And pissed.

“Abandoned? You knew I’d have to leave when I spoke up against the Alpha. I was 33 without any blood connections. No one else could stand by me without putting their entire family in danger.”

“It doesn’t matter how old you were. You were with our family since before Sara and I were born. You owed it to us to at least say goodbye.”

“Okay, you’re right there. I should’ve said goodbye to you. And your parents. But I couldn’t face Sara.”

“She didn’t deserve that, Danny.”

“I know. But if I’d made this big goodbye out of it, she would’ve come with me. She’d was 22 and just finished her Bachelor’s degree, and I couldn’t let her throw her life away because of my convictions.”

“And you couldn’t just tell her that?”

“Do you think she would’ve listened?”

“True. I doubt she would have.”

“Does she still live here?”

“Oh, come on, Danny, seriously? Did you come back here for her? You can’t just waltz in and mess up her life like this.”

“No, no, that’s not why I’m here.”

“Then why, after five years, have you decided to come back to this city?”

“The new Alpha.”

“Oh?”

“I heard he’s doing things differently—that he married an exile in complete defiance of the elders. Is that true?”

Marie looks down and taps a fallen leaf with her foot.

“I don’t know much. I only just started attending meetings with my dad last year. I graduated with my business degree this past June.”

“You did?” I’m genuinely proud to hear this about her. “That’s awesome, Marie. Congratulations!”

I pull her into a side hug, and she lets out a little laugh. I still can’t believe she’s old enough to have graduated college. I remember when she was born.

“So how long are you staying then?” She looks up at me.

“I’m not sure. I suppose that depends on the new Alpha and what he says.”

“If he says you can’t stay?”

“Then I’ll have to leave before the next full moon.”

“That’s the Blood Moon.”

“I know.”

“You were able to get off work? Do you have that RV around?”

“I actually sold the RV. And I don’t work at any specific place.”

“Huh?” She tilts her head at me.

“I’m a day trader; I manage my account and several other accounts for clients. Most of them are lone wolves, but I have some human clients too. I make a living out of that, but I don’t need much. It’s easy to do this from anywhere. I don't need to be tied down to any location.”

“But then, where’s all your stuff?”

I pat the backpack at my feet that I’d taken off when we sat down.

“That’s it?”

“Like I said, I don’t need much. I work from a tablet and a laptop. I wear pretty much the same outfit all the time. And I can carry this as a wolf.”

“You run around as a wolf with a hiking pack?” She bursts out laughing.

“Yes, it’s hilarious.” I roll my eyes. “Now, are you going to tell me where I can find Sara or not?”

Her laughter stops abruptly.

“I thought you said you’re not here for her.”

“I’m not. But I feel like she should hear it from me that I’m in town. People are going to find out, and I don’t want her to learn about this through some secondhand conversation.”

“Fine.” Marie makes a face but continues, “She works at the antique bookstore.”

“Selling books?”

“Restoring them. Old manuscripts.”

“Of course. That makes sense.”

“She’s always loved that place.”

“She’s always loved books.” I smile at the reminiscence.

“Right, well, she usually takes a dinner break around now. If you get over there in the next hour, you should catch her when she returns.”

“Ok. Thank you, Marie.”

“Oh, don’t thank me yet. She’s gonna throttle you when she sees you.”

“Whatever happens, I’m sure it’s karma coming for me.”

“Damn right it is.”

We both get up, and I put my pack back on. We turn toward each other, and when I look at her this time, I see the little girl I’d come to know as my baby sister.

She smiles at me, and I smile back. I stretch out my arms and nod my head.

“Bring it in, little pup.”

“Oh my god, Danny, you need to stop calling me that.”

“Never.”

She’s still standing there, smiling after me as I walk down the path to those hedges. I turn around before I leave the property.

“Tell your parents I’m back, okay?

“Expect a freak-out when they see you again.”

I laugh at that. Marie was always a bit of a drama queen, but when she was young, it was adorable. Now, as an adult, that’s evolved into a formidable demeanor. I wonder what Sara is like now and how she’s changed.

I head to the bookstore, and my memory is in overdrive. I see the record store where we used to search for titles her dad didn’t have yet.

I pass by the old pizza shop, which I’m happy to see has remained the same. They have the best chicken parmesan hero in the city, hands down.

Then I arrived at the park with the small patch of woods behind it, where I first changed with Sara when she turned 18 and experienced her first change. That night, I also found out we were mates.

I felt a fated bond that I’d only read about in books. She knew we were mates too, but I never told her we were fated.

She never indicated that she knew, and I don’t think she does to this day. That knowledge is what made it so hard to leave without her. It’s why I couldn’t face her.

After a short train ride, I get to the street where the bookstore is, I see her, and it all comes flooding into my mind at once—the bond and what happened when I broke it five years ago.

Sara looks up and sniffs the air. I hide behind the building I’m standing next to before she sees me.

Fuck.

I can’t face her now, either. I peek out and see her going into the store, and I immediately cross the street, then walk down to the next block.

There’s a café here, and I can still see the bookstore, but it’s too far away for her to notice me through the window. I sip black coffee and search through the album of old photos I have stashed in my phone.

These are taken from Sara’s mother’s albums. She creates elaborate scrapbooks that Sara began making herself when she was in high school.

I have the pages here on my screen. They feature Sara, Marie, her parents, and me during holidays and birthdays for family group photos.

As the years went on, there were photos of Sara and me together as adults. We started officially dating when she was twenty two and I was thirty-three, and her parents weren’t the least bit surprised.

I swipe through the pages with her college graduation and the ceremony when she got her master’s degree. That was right before I left.

The voicemails she recorded run through my mind from back then. I never answered the phone, thinking that a clean break would be better.

I finish my coffee and pay the waitress, then change on the street outside and head for the park I’d passed before.

That’s where I camp for the night, in that patch of woods behind the park, curled around my backpack as a wolf. I hear her voice in my mind as I fall asleep.

“Danny, please, I just need to hear your voice. I need to know you’re okay. Text me, e-mail, anything to tell me you’re not dead. They said you’re not coming back. My father said you declared Lone Wolf status. Tell me it’s not true. Tell me you need a little time to clear your head and you’ll be back soon.”

“I don’t know why I bother to keep calling. Or emailing. Or texting. Are you getting these messages? Are you alive? My father told me I need to forget you. Alpha Hanover said that you really did declare as a Lone Wolf. You’re my mate. You didn’t think it would be something to discuss with me? All these years we’ve been together, and you didn’t think I was worthy of a goodbye?”

“This is my last message, Danny. I’m done. You win. You get your clean getaway and I get a broken heart. I’m leaving this voicemail to tell you that if you change your mind, don’t come back here for me. Don’t call me. Don’t email me. Don’t write me any letters. This is what you want so this is what you get.

From this day forward, you’re dead to me. I am no longer your mate. This is the goodbye you never gave me. I don’t owe you that courtesy but what can I say? I at least have enough self-respect to be congenial about this. Have a nice life, Danny. I hope never to see you again.”

The words of her voicemails play over and over again in my dreams. I wake before the sun rises, having barely slept, and head back to the café.

I’m not sure I can face her, not now that I remember what she said when I left. There was such desperation in her voice in the beginning, and then that last goodbye was so cold.

How can I show up now and ruin her peace? I don’t have any other family left here. Why did I do this? I told myself I wasn’t coming back for her.

I have to come to terms with the fact that this was part of my subconscious desire all along. The call of her wolf and the fated bond are too strong. I don’t know what to do next.

I’m sitting here in a fucking café watching her workplace from across the street like some creepy voyeur. I nurse this cup of black coffee and nibble a pastry, so I have a reason to take up this poor waitress’s table while I hope to catch a glimpse of what Sara’s life is like now.

The sun climbs up higher into the sky, and eventually, I order a sandwich. I do some work and answer some emails from other Lone Wolves I’ve met on the road.

They’re eager to learn about the new Alpha here, too. Just when I start to feel comfortable, I hear Sara’s voice.

Before she can see me, I pull up my hood and hunch over my coffee cup and tablet. I should probably leave, but at this point, I’m completely frozen, she is so beautiful.

What the fuck do I do? I’m pretty sure she didn’t see me. This is not the right place or time for our reunion. The wolf in me is clawing at my mind to get to her.

It’s not time. I’ve been on adventures all over this world in the past five years. I’ve met formidable wolves, and I've even fought in cash matches with wolves twice my size.

Yet, here I am, frozen at the prospect of seeing my mate again. Because I know she’s going to reject me. I know I’ll be shattered. But the mere possibility of getting a second chance gives me the hope I need.