Page 23

Chapter 23

NATE

I feel my ears ringing with Madeline's words. “What?”

Shock fills her eyes when she realizes what she just said. “I—I—”

I move away from her, my body still glistening with sweat sliding between us. Madeline's eyes watch me in horror as I get off the bed.

“What are you doing?” she asks.

“I don't think this is a good idea. It's time for me to leave.”

“What? Why?” Madeline pulls the sheets to cover herself. “Don't do this, Nate.”

“I have to,” I reply. “This wasn't part of the deal.”

“What deal?” she blurts out. “We haven't had a deal in such a long time. When was the last time we slept together?”

“That’s what I'm saying. It was better when things were just casual between us.”

“Things have never been casual!” Madeline shouts, her voice rising so high that I'm surprised the windows in her house haven't shattered. “Why do you keep doing this? Why are you always trying to run away from us?”

“There can't be an us,” I reiterate. “I think I led you on.” I move around the room, picking up my clothes.

Madeline stares at me in stunned silence, like she can't believe I'm actually getting dressed to leave.

“Why the fuck would you sleep with me? You wanted to and I wanted to? Why does it have to be so complicated?”

“You're the one who brought feelings into this.”

“No, you did!” Madeline counters with red eyes. “You fucking led me on with your gifts and your kind gestures! You fucking took me out on a date! Called me beautiful! That was all you!”

I feel all my energy beginning to deflate. Madeline is right, and I regret everything I've done that has brought us to this point. “I shouldn't have done all those things.”

“That's not the point, Nate. You did them anyway because you wanted to. Because you feel something. You can't keep playing this hating game. Why are you doing this to me?”

“I was just trying to be nice.”

“Do you hear yourself? You were trying to be nice?” Madeline mocks me.

“It's the truth,” I double down. “Madeline, I'm being nice to you because I care about you.”

“You can't do all these things if you don't have feelings. You wouldn't do all the stuff you've already done if you didn't have feelings for me. Who would go through all this stress for a mate they don't like?”

“I'm not saying I don't like you.” I pause for a breath. “I'm saying there are no feelings here. This bond, it's messing with our emotions, but I don't believe there's anything under the surface.”

Madeline’s expression remains unfazed. I notice her anger intensifying. “That's not true.”

“There you go again,” I argue. “You're playing mind games with me. You always do this.”

She gasps, taken aback. “What the fuck? How am I the one playing mind games here?”

“I can't do anything for you without having to overthink it first,” I say. “It's not like I can even ignore you because you're here. You're at my job and for a while now, you've been under me.”

Madeline stubbornly folds her arms. “So? What's your point?”

“My point is I have to take care of you. I have to look out for you because you're Cora’s niece. Your age also requires me to take care of you. I still have to look after you while you're in my care. You're essentially my responsibility.”

The words fly out uncontrollably and strike Madeline square in the chest. I see her hand drop to her chest as tears stream down her face.

I feel like pulling my hair out in clumps as regret builds within me. All I want is to reach out and hold her. Fuck, No! I shouldn't have said that.

“I have to go.”

Unlike before, Madeline doesn't try to stop me as I walk out of her room and her apartment. I step out, feeling more shitty than I've felt in such a long time.

I go to my car and inside I bash the wheel repeatedly. The car horn blares, but I don't give two shits about it.

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” What is wrong with me?

Just thinking about the fact that Madeline is crying now makes me absolutely sad. My heart breaks slowly in my chest and I'm not even sure if it's from me or the bond. Either way, it's a terrible feeling.

I turn the engine on, and it gives a low hum of appreciation. I drive through the streets in the middle of the night, trying to find my way home. My house isn't where I end up, though. I look at the white exterior of my friend's house and weigh my options. Graham would do this if he were in my shoes.

I shake my head and hit the steering wheel again. Thankfully, the horn doesn't go off. I park the car and get out with a deep sigh. “Why does life have to be this difficult?”

I lean against my car, just casually hanging out in the middle of the night. A light comes on in Graham's place, so I know he's home.

I’m also aware that Rose is away on a trip, which gives me a chance to talk to my buddy one-on-one. Still, reluctance nearly overwhelms me.

“Fuck this.”

I knock on the front door before I think too much and psych myself out of the decision. I knock again. When there's still no answer, I defer to the doorbell. When that doesn't work, I turn back around, feeling more foolish than before.

“What was I fucking thinking?” I mutter in misery. “I shouldn't have done this, I should've just gone home.” The sentiment remains in my head, but Graham's door opens before I get too far.

There's a look of apprehension on his face. “Nate? What are you doing here? Is this about Grant's message?”

Shit, it's been such a wild night, I haven't even checked updates from the alpha.

“Don't just stand there,” Graham says, pulling me from my thoughts. “Come in.”

I enter the house, leaving the door open. No one’s in the living room, but Graham quickly resurfaces with his laptop.

The husky man sets the laptop on the table. “Thankfully, this isn't about hunters or anything; it's actual work. We need to—whoa, you look nice. Did you go out on a date or something?”

I shoot Graham a guilty face and see his narrowed eyes grow. “I just went out with Madeline.”

“Oh shit,” Graham says. “Now I know something bad must've happened for you to end up on my doorstep after a date.” He pats the seat next to him, waiting for me to take it. “What's wrong?”

Graham closes the laptop, a gesture I appreciate because it means he's ready to listen. The problem here is I'm not sure I'm ready to talk. Graham doesn't rush me though, allowing me to take my time.

“I shouldn't have done it. I shouldn't have taken her on that date and I shouldn't have tried to be nice to her, even though I knew where it would lead.”

Graham lets out a short breath while I sink back, miserable. His living room feels like the sort of place a therapist would tell you to relax in and talk.

Usually, it's the other way around with Graham coming to me with his problems. This time, I'm the one asking for advice and I don't like how it feels at all.

“I'm guessing she's pretty upset with you right now.”

“Yes,” I groan. “I don't think that's going to change any time soon. Man, this is rough.”

That’s why I ran away from my old pack. That was easier, though. I wasn't as deep into knowing people and her back then. It feels like I've built the perfect community, and I can't even imagine leaving my home and job again because of this.

“What were you saying about Grant?” I ask.

Graham frowns deeply. “Don't try to change the subject. We're going to talk about you and what's going on in your life. Whatever Grant sent can be addressed at the office.”

“Fine,” I sigh.

“So, what happens now?”

“I don't know,” I respond as honestly as I can. “My feelings about this haven't changed. I think fate didn’t pair us as well as it should have, and if I keep going this way, I'm afraid I'll end up hurting her. I might stay neutral and not talk to her much until she leaves. It's only one summer, so she'll be gone eventually.”

“Is that really what you want?” Graham questions.

“No,” I quickly confess. “I don't want her to leave. She's my mate; of course I don't want her to leave.”

“Sadly, you can't have your cake and eat it too. I'm sorry, but short of you two deciding to be together, there may be no amicable way of solving this.”

I look up at the ceiling, wondering why it doesn't just fall down on me. That would help relieve my misery. “This is exactly what it was from the start. Yet, it came back to find me.”

Graham sighs. “I may be biased here, but you know how much I always want love to pull through. I want that for you, too. Be honest with me, is there any chance that both of you can find a way to be together?”

The question floats through the air aimlessly. I turn to Graham, staring him right in the eye. “I'm going home.”

Graham is disappointed that I'm not answering, but he does nothing to stop me.

“I hope you actually find a way to fall asleep. I doubt it though.”