Page 45 of Master Wolf
He didn’t look himself with short hair. There was something bare and vulnerable about him—though in fairness, that wasn’t just about his hair. His obvious physical frailty was disturbing. Oddly, though, it was contradicted by a newly determined quality that shone out of him, despite his physical limitations.
He seemed, in a strange way, more at peace with himself than he’d ever been. And so… certain. Certain as to his objectives and the path he was taking to fulfil them.
Drew realised suddenly that Lindsay was looking at him, his expression both puzzled and careful. He shifted his arm in the black silk sling, drawing Drew’s eye.
“I see you are wearing the Wolfsbane again,” Drew said, unable to help himself commenting on the fact.
Lindsay gave a curt nod. “As I said last night, I wear it every day. I must sever the bond completely. I have to be ready when Duncan comes.”
Drew snorted incredulously. “I don’t see how doing this to yourself makes you more ready to face Duncan. For Christ’s sake, Lindsay, he’s a full-strength wolf and you’re as weak as a bloody kitten. You can’t even stand on your own two feet a quarter hour! What good will it do you to be able to say no to him when you’ve no physical strength to back it up?”
Lindsay studied him, his eyes moving over Drew’s face. He still appeared quite calm, damn him.
“Iamphysically weak,” he admitted. “But when it comes to Duncan, I’m stronger than I’ve ever been. Strong to the depths of my soul. To thecoreof me. After all, the Wolfsbane is going to cut me off from my greatest weakness.”
“Me, you mean?” Drew said, stupidly hurt.
Lindsay blinked. “No, I—” His face worked strangely and Drew could scent shame and disgust. Lindsay looked away. “I mean my cur.”
“Cur?” Drew repeated. “What are you talking about?”
Lindsay was quiet a moment, then he said, so quietly Drew could barely hear him, “When I was with Duncan, he reduced me to the basest creature you can possibly imagine. A subservientcrawlingthing.”
Drew eyed him uneasily. Lindsay sounded as though he hated this creature.
“Duncan abused you sorely,” he said carefully. “And you could do nothing but obey.”
“You don’t understand,” Lindsay said. “I lost myself entirely during those years. I was broken to nothing. A mindless beast.” He smiled weakly, finally meeting Drew’s eyes again. “I hope you never understand. No one should know such things.”
Drew ached. He didn’t want Lindsay to know these things either. And he didn’t want him to hate his own poor crawling wolf.
“But when the bond is severed,” Lindsay went on, more firmly, “I can finally escape that cur forever.”
Drew wasn’t sure that was true. Memories could still hurt you, even when the events in question were long over. But he didn’t say anything, just sat beside Lindsay, offering his warmth and presence.
“And you know,” Lindsay said in a more cheerful tone. “When the bond is fully severed, you will be in an interesting position. You will be a wolf without a master and no one will have the power to compel you.” He gave a lopsided grin, “Though I wouldn’t recommend defying any of Marguerite’s direct orders.”
Drew realised he was supposed to laugh at that. Joke and tease in return. But he couldn’t seem to make his mouth move, or any other part of him for that matter.
At last he said, his voice gruff, “You’ve done a good job of changing the subject, but I haven’t forgotten the question I asked you: how do you propose to face down Duncan in your present state? He won’t need to have the power to compel you to subdue you utterly. He could knock you down with a feather right now.”
Lindsay’s eyes seemed to glow with some fire then. “Oh, he can knock me down with whatever he likes—he can beat me senseless, even kill me—but he won’t be able to make me obey him against my will. Not anymore.”
…even kill me.
A surge of nausea swept over Drew. “Well,” he said tightly, “if you can’t protect yourself, I will have to do it for you.”
Lindsay was silent a moment. Then he said, quietly, “No, that won’t be happening.”
Drew glared at him. “Why not?”
“I’m doing this for you as much as myself. It’s not just that I want to be free of Duncan—I wantyouto be free ofme. It rather misses the point if you insist on sticking by my side. Duncan will just use you to make me do what he wants—and it will work.”
“You don’t have much faith in me, do you?” Drew said bitterly.
“On the contrary—I have every faith in you,” Lindsay replied gently. “But Duncan is a monster and if you are there, he will use my attachment to you to his advantage. I can’t risk that. There is only one way for me to deal with him—alone. Face to face.”
Drew opened his mouth to point out that once the bond was gone, Lindsay’s attachment to Drew ought to disappear too, but in the end, he held the words back. Lindsay would only deny it. Say his feelings came before the bond.