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23

SAbrINA

“ I can take her,” Anni says. She sinks down on the sofa beside me and curls her long legs under her body. “She’s been napping for almost an hour. I’m sure your arms are sore.”

“I don’t mind holding her.” I plant a soft kiss on Jane’s sweet little sleeping head. She smells like baby lotion and heaven. “Spending the day with Jane takes my mind off a certain Castelli brother.”

Anni leans on her arm and watches me hold her daughter. Her attention shifts when she sees her husband darkening the doorway. Luca looks more tired than usual. And the expression on his face is too close to guilt.

“You can finish your sentence now,” I say to him.

He leans against the wall with his arms crossed and a troubled frown on his face. “Remind me how it started.”

Jane fidgets in my arms and lets out a tiny cry. Anni reaches for her automatically.

“Here, she might be hungry. And she probably needs to be changed.”

I hand the baby over and Anni carries her out of the room. She pauses in front of Luca and gives him a meaningful look that I don’t know how to decipher. He’s still frowning, not his usual expression at all.

“You were telling me how your best friend felt before he ran out on me like a thief in the night,” I remind him.

Luca shakes his head. “It’s more complicated than that.”

“So how did he feel? Was he crying? Because I’ve been crying a lot today.” I stand up and confront Luca at close range. “Monte made me a promise. He promised that he wants me with him, that he needs me with him. Now I don’t know what to think.”

Luca’s eyes snap to my face. “Brina, it killed him to leave you. I’ve watched you together and I’m convinced that you mean everything to him. Monte doesn’t just do this, you know. Fall into relationships.”

My wedding ring is still on my left hand. I’ve grown used to wearing it and already have a habit of twisting it around my finger when I’m feeling particularly angsty. I’m toying with it right now. “I’m not exactly a relationship expert either, Luca. Or haven’t you figured that out?”

His shoulders slump and his gaze falls. I shouldn’t be taking my anger out on him.

“Sorry, I’m not the greatest houseguest, am I?” I say in a gentler tone.

Laughter huffs out of his mouth. “Don’t beat yourself up. You could be worse.”

“A ringing testimonial.” I pause and assess my brother-in-law more carefully. “Monte told you exactly where he went, didn’t he?”

Luca is often good at maintaining a poker face but right now he fails and doesn’t try to bluff. “He did.”

“Then tell me.”

“There are good reasons why he kept this information from you.”

“What reasons, Luca?”

“You can ask him yourself. I’m sure he won’t be gone more than a couple of days.”

I hiss out a furious breath and walk to the window so I don’t start yelling. That makes me feel no better so I walk back.

Anni has now reappeared. “I changed her and she dropped right back off to sleep in her crib,” she says and then notes the tension. Her eyes swing back and forth between us. “What did I miss?”

“A conspiracy,” I say. “I’m too dim-witted to understand where Monte went so I’m just supposed to wait here and stare at the wall for my own good.”

Anni crosses her arms and straightens her spine. Her eyes harden with stubbornness. I’ve seen my sister’s angry face before. Someone is about to receive a piece of her mind.

She turns on her husband. “Enough,” she says. “I know he’s your best buddy and I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, but that doesn’t change the fact that my loyalty and yours , is to my sister. Now give her some peace of mind by telling her the truth.”

Luca can be stubborn too but his lawyer’s mind also recognizes a sensible argument. Plus he knows that when I’m hurting, so is the woman he loves.

He blows out a sigh and then nods. “All right. Monte went to go visit some family members.”

“What family members?” I ask. “His mother? Did he drive to Seattle?”

He shakes his head. “No.”

I’m confused. The rest of Monte’s family is in New York.

Except for…

“You mean his cousins? The ones who live on a ranch? He mentioned spending time with them while growing up but says they’re not close anymore.”

“They’re not,” he says.

“Why didn’t he want me to go with him? And why the hell is this visit such a freaking secret?”

“Because of who they are,” he says. “And because they know who you are. Monte wasn’t given a choice. His uncle demanded to see him.”

Scattered puzzle pieces connect and create an unsettling picture.

Monte told me a little bit about these cousins. He and Nico would visit them in the summer. They lived on a ranch in Wyoming. He said there were four of them. All boys.

I clearly recall the look on his face when I told him of Vittorio’s marriage schemes. At the time, I thought he was just horrified at the idea of an arranged marriage in this day and age.

Now I realize I missed something crucial. And I remember the name he spoke.

“Tempesta,” I say. “Monte’s cousins are the Tempestas.”

Luca says nothing but Anni is confused.

“Who?” she says. “Wait, I’ve heard that name before but I can’t remember where.”

“A powerful family,” Luca says. In this case, the word ‘family’ is coded. I’m aware of the unspoken code and so is Anni.

The Tempestas are mafia. Of course they are. That’s why they were so interested in a marriage arrangement with the daughter of Albie Barone. The niece of Vittorio Messina. I can clearly recall my seething reaction the day my uncle sat me down in his office and presented the offer.

“Four sons. The youngest is twenty-four and the oldest is twenty-eight. You don’t need to choose the oldest. They’re all strong, good looking boys, all popular with the ladies. Pick whichever one you like, Sabrina.”

I said I’d rather join a convent than get shipped overseas like a piece of mafia bride luggage the way my mother was. Vittorio was amused by the outburst. He even laughed.

“Is that why my uncle threatened Monte?” I ask. “Did he order Monte to marry me because of his connection to the Tempesta family?”

Luca weighs the question and ultimately chooses the truth. “Your uncle didn’t threaten Monte.”

“What are you talking about? Of course he did. The day of the wedding, Monte and Vittorio disappeared for a little while and when they returned, Monte was ready to walk down the aisle.”

“Your uncle didn’t threaten Monte,” Luca repeats. “At least, not in the way you’re thinking.”

“Then he must have threatened Sal and Nico. Monte had a reason for agreeing to get married on the spot.”

“He did,” Luca sighs.

Anni whirls on Luca with outrage. “Did Vittorio pay him off? I swear, if that’s the case I’ll-”

“No,” Luca says and wraps his arms around her. “No, Vittorio didn’t pay him off. He didn’t threaten him either. He didn’t have to.”

“Why?” I ask. I’m already certain that I won’t enjoy the answer.

My sister remains in Luca’s arms but her anger has been replaced with anxiety. Especially because Luca doesn’t appear eager to part with an explanation.

“Because your uncle wanted you off his hands. He said that if Monte didn’t agree to marry you then he’d find someone else who would. Monte couldn’t bear the thought of you winding up trapped by people like the Tempestas.”

The words have the ring of truth and yet I feel sick when I hear them. By agreeing to a marriage he didn’t want, Monte made a very noble gesture.

However, it changes the calculus of our situation in a profound way. I wasn’t saving him from my uncle. He was saving me.

“I don’t understand why he wouldn’t just tell me that.”

“He knew you would feel hurt. And he couldn’t stand seeing you hurt.”

The sudden raw, sour feeling in my throat warns of incoming tears. “What am I, Luca? A doll? A child? The truth needs to be kept from me for my own good?”

He winces. “Monte was just trying to protect you.”

“And now he’s left me here in your care.”

He shrugs with a sigh. “That’s one way to look at it.”

“I see.” This room feels abruptly suffocating so I fling open the front door. With a deep gulp of the fresh summer air, I try to chase away old insecurities.

“Brina?” Anni touches my shoulder. She tries to pull me into a hug but I don’t want to be touched right now. Anni sighs and briefly strokes my hair instead.

“I’m not a loser,” I whisper. “I’m not useless.”

And I really didn’t mean to speak out loud. It’s just a flaw of mine to be revisited by self-doubt in tense moments. I’m reminded of the men in my life who thought I was nothing and let me know it.

But not Monte. No, I might be pissed at him right now, but I’m still so very grateful for the healing gift he’s given me. I can now see myself through his eyes. I am beautiful and I am powerful in my own way. And I absolutely fucking refuse to be pulled back like a rubber band to my worst moments every time life presents me with a test.

Jeffrey hasn’t won. My father hasn’t won. I’VE WON!

People love me and I love them. I will not retreat into the status of some fragile heirloom to be passed off between caretakers. There is strength inside me. Whether or not it continues to grow is my choice.

“Brina?” Anni says again, increasingly worried. “What did you say?”

“Nothing.” I turn and squeeze Anni in a quick hug. “I’m fine. I just want to sit outside by myself for a little while.”

At first, I’m sure she’ll argue and stick by my side, always the protective big sister. But then she pats my back. “Say the word if you want some company.”

“Will do.” I give her a small smile before closing the door behind me and sinking into one of the front porch rocking chairs.

An hour later, the shadows are starting to lengthen in the late afternoon and I’m still there on the front porch when my phone rings. I know it’s him even before I look at the screen.

“Are you speaking to me?” Monte says.

“I picked up, didn’t I?”

He coughs once. He sounds miserable. “I’m sorry. I had to do this alone.”

“How are your cousins?”

He exhales loudly. “Luca told you, huh? Can’t blame him for that.”

“He didn’t want to tell me anything. Anni and I teamed up and sort of dragged it out of him. What’s the deal with them anyway, these Tempestas? What do they want from you?”

“They’re not…” he pauses and lowers his voice. “They can be trouble. I won’t apologize for keeping them away from you. They’re my problem, not yours.”

“Are you in danger?”

“No. They’re my first cousins. And my uncle has a strong obsession with blood bonds. He just likes to prove he can make anyone jump when he snaps his fingers.”

“When will you be back?”

There’s a muffled murmur of deep male voices on the other end. Monte seems to be covering the phone but I hear him when he gives an annoyed answer that he’ll be finished in a minute.

“I have to go,” he says into the phone. “I’ll call you as soon as I can but signals can be kind of touchy out there.”

“Out where? Where the hell are you going?”

“Just on a ride with the boys,” he says smoothly. His tone has changed. I’m almost positive there’s someone right there listening to every word he says. “We’ve got some cattle to chase down and we’ll probably be gone for a day or two.”

“So now you’ll be camping out on some cattle finding mission?”

“Yup. I’ll call you when I can.”

If I had to guess, I’d say he sounds frustrated but certainly not terrified. This whole situation is weird. I don’t like these people, these cousins of his. They suck. No wonder why they need to make overseas arrangements to find wives.

“I miss you,” I say to him. “I understand that you can’t talk freely so I won’t await an answer. But I really wish you would have given me the chance to say goodbye. I think I deserved that. Monte, you once told me that you wouldn’t change a thing about me. Don’t you know that I feel the same way about you? You can be obstinate and bossy and yet even in the moments when we clash the most, I’m still wildly in love with you. A minute ago you said these Tempesta pricks are your problem, not mine. But I don’t see it that way. Because I love you, Monte. And for better or for worse, I want to share everything with you.”

There’s silence on the other end. All I hear is the faint pattern of his breathing.

“Anyway,” I say, doing my best to keep my voice from cracking with emotion. “I’ll let you go. I’ll hear from you when I hear from you.”

“We’ll talk soon,” he says and the connection cuts off.

A few seconds later, my phone beeps with an incoming text.

I love you too, cupcake. Miss you more than you know.

The tears don’t fall but they do cloud my sight as I burn the image of those words into my mind.

This wasn’t my vision for exchanging ‘I love you’s for the first time. For one thing, I assumed we’d at least be located in the same state.

But I said it. He said it back.

Well, he texted it back. Nothing’s perfect. Still counts.

I hear Jane crying inside the house. The cries stop within seconds, meaning one of her loving parents must have rushed into her room to pick her up.

The note Monte left this morning has stayed in the pocket of my dress all day. I pull it out now and unfold the paper.

Yes, I’ll wait for him. I love him desperately and I’d wait for him forever.

But I also have things to do.

I cannot just be the perpetual damsel in distress, always awaiting rescue from her prince.

Before I can build a life with Monte, I need to get my own life back on track.

And I can’t do that from here.