Page 16

Nell

“The rain hasn’t stopped since yesterday. It’s thwarting my plans,” Nell complained the next morning.

“What other adventures did you have in mind for today? More zip lining? Jumping over another waterfall? Deep sea diving?”

Nell shook her head. “That’s not offered here.” She cleared her throat. “At least I didn’t see it on the list.”

“What about jumping out of a shuttle?”

“Stop being goofy. I don’t think that appeals to me.”

“What were you thinking about?”

“I wanted to go back to the beach and have a beach day with a picnic and an actual bathing suit,” Nell said. “Then I realized I don’t own a bathing suit.”

Maklr opened his mouth to speak, but Nell cut him off. “But did you know the resort has a clothing replicator? It’s not quite human fashion, but I know where Philtan’s two companions got their swimsuits,” Nell said.

“Where?”

“On the resorts tab on the tablet. I spent an hour or two browsing when I first woke up.”

“You didn't wake me?”

“No. I still don’t sleep much. Besides, you were snoring so peacefully I didn’t have to move to get my tablet. I fell asleep with it under my pillow. I enjoy waking up in your arms. Do you want to talk more about plans for the rehab center?” Nell asked, changing the subject.

Maklr ignored her question. “Did you order the bathing suit for yourself?”

“No.”

“Go ahead. Here.” He handed her his tablet. “Order it from my account.”

“I have an idea. Hold on a minute.” He kissed the top of Nell’s head.

“What do you want me to do?”

“Order whenever you want. Whatever you think would make you feel good or comfortable.”

“Some of the swimsuits were expensive.”

“I don’t care. Have a look, pick what you like. I have plenty of credits. I’ll be right back.” He disappeared down the hallway towards the bathroom.

Before picking up his tablet, Nell started a pot of corul on the stove.

“I’m back.”

“Breakfast should be ready in a few minutes.”

“Did you get something you’d like?”

“Yes. I had a few things saved in my favorites. And since I needed an entire wardrobe when I moved to Klaga, my measurements were in the system. The machine is printing them now.”

The clothing replicator dinged, signaling its completion.

“That was fast.”

“It’s a bathing suit. Think about what Philtan’s women were wearing. Not much material needed.”

“I suppose not,” Maklr said. “Would you feel comfortable enough wearing it around me?” he asked. “When we first arrived, I used the machine to print myself a pair of swim shorts.” He gestured to the white shorts on his legs.

Nell smiled. “Hold on a second.” She grabbed the bundle of fabric in one hand from the replicator and headed into the bathroom to change. She emerged half a dozen minutes later in a fluffy brown robe, the resort’s emblem emblazoned on the front panel.

“If you don’t feel comfortable, I understand,” Maklr said.

“It’s raining. I don’t want to walk to the beach or lake like this.”

Maklr shook his head. “We have something better.” He extended his hand. “I bet you forgot about this. Want to see?” She nodded. He led her down the hallway into the holo suite.

The door slid open. Nell gasped. “It’s the beach from yesterday.”

“I programmed it. You can still have the beach experience. We can hear the water, feel the sun and lie on the sand and have a picnic. The full beach experience. With one notable exception.” Nell looked at him quizzically. “This time the sand won’t get everywhere.”

“This is a beautiful idea. Thank you.” Nell hugged Maklr. “I’ll be right back. I’ll get the corul. Don’t start making sandcastles without me.”

“I won’t. I don’t know what a sandcastle is.”

Nell returned carrying two steaming mugs of corul.

She carried them to a spot where Maklr spread two beach towels on the ‘sand.’ He took the mugs while she settled next to him on a towel.

They sat, shoulder to shoulder, listening to the waterfall.

Occasionally, calls from early morning birds filled the room.

Nell’s finger traced the rim of the steaming corul filled mug.

“Care to share what you’re thinking about?” Maklr asked.

“Maklr, listen.” She raised her head to inspect Maklr’s impassive expression.

“I don’t know what you’re feeling because you’re so good at masking your emotions, but over the last weeks and months, getting to know you has been the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

” She sighed. “I’m good at hiding what I want, too. ”

“You’re just saying that because we’re stuck here, together. It’s…” Maklr paused, “unethical.”

“How do you figure?” “I’m a medic, and you’re vulnerable.”

“Was. I was vulnerable in the past. You and Charlotte helped me deal with my trauma.” Nell shifted her weight on the seat.

Maklr shook his head. A lock of his white hair dropped into his violet eyes. He wrapped the errant strands around his horn. “It’s unethical of me to want you,” he repeated, his voice low.

“You want me?” Nell’s eyes widened.

“Stars help me, I do.” Maklr raked his fingers through his mohawk. “It’s torture knowing you’re in the same room with me, sleeping next to me.”

“Why haven’t you acted on it?”

“I cannot take advantage of you.”

“Charlotte is my therapist, not you. It would be unethical, or immoral, or whatever if you were my therapist. Truth be told, I’m falling in love with you. I think we could be good together if you’d allow yourself to feel.”

“I feel,” Maklr whispered. “I’ve fallen in love with you.”

“But you don’t show it. I need you to show me how you feel.

” Maklr opened his mouth to speak. Nell raised her hand, cutting him off.

“Wait, I’m not done yet, but I want you to tell me.

Tell me how you feel. Talk to me. I never thought I’d talk again, let alone trust anyone.

Please trust me, like I trust you. This is me being vulnerable.

I’m putting myself out there, taking a chance on happiness. ”

“If I say what I’m feeling, I might scare you.” Maklr’s eyes dipped.

Nell leaned into Maklr’s side and took his hands in hers, the pads of her thumbs rubbing his clawed fingers. “I’m falling in love with you.” Her voice came out in a whisper.

“I only know how to love one way, Nell. And it scares me.”

“Why?” Nell looked up through her dark lashes.

“Because this is a mad, passionate, extraordinary love, my once in a lifetime love. My soul knows yours. I know you’re meant to be mine.

My keena . I want to wear the mating bands only you can brand me with.

I’m desperate to see you wear my markings, the outward symbol of a true keena bond. ”

“To love otherwise would be a waste of our time. I’ve learned that too many things in life are fleeting, and when you find what or who you want, I need to seize it with both hands and hold on for the ride. I want the love you’re offering me.”

Maklr’s thumbs ran across Nell’s hands. “I can promise you I will love you the way you deserve to be loved. And if you ever, for whatever reason, feel that I’m not fulfilling my promise, I will do whatever it takes to prove to you that you have my heart and soul.”

Nell pulled her hand from his and wrapped it around the back of his head, drawing his lips closer to hers. “I want you to lose control. Show me how you want me.” Her lips barely touched his.

He groaned and shifted on the towel. Maklr placed his hand on her hip, fingers tracing along her soft curves. “I can’t promise to be gentle.”

“You’d never hurt me. I trust you,” Nell whispered.

“I couldn’t hurt you,” Maklr’s voice trembled. “But I will not do anything to you without your express permission.”

Tears filled Nell’s eyes. “I’m ready.”

“Are you?” Maklr freed his hand from Nell’s. “I’m going to move my hand,” he murmured. Nell’s breath hitched as his hand raised. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

“I know,” Nell breathed the words, her eyes locked on his hand.

Maklr raised his hand, inch by inch. “I’m going to touch your hair,” he said, his voice low.

“Okay.” Nell’s voice cracked, and Maklr held his hand back, still in her line of sight.

“Only if you’re sure.” His violet eyes bored into hers, purple hand shaking.

Nell exhaled. She leaned forward, pressing the side of her head against his hand. “Go ahead. I’m okay,” she whispered.

Maklr’s fingers stroked Nell’s hair without taking his eyes off her. “I want you to know I would never hurt you.” His touch remained feather light against her hair, allowing the silky strands to fall between his fingers. His claw snagged on a tiny knot, and Nell’s posture became rigid.

“It’s okay. I’m okay.” Nell pressed her head against his hand. “I know it was an accident. I like your touch.”

Maklr’s lips curled into a slight smile. “As long as you like it. I won’t touch you until you give me the go ahead.”

“Put your hand on my neck,” Nell said.

“No, I can’t,” Maklr protested.

“I need this. I need to know if I can handle it, and you’re the only one I trust.”

Maklr sighed. “Are you sure?”

Nell nodded and pressed Maklr’s hand against her throat. She adjusted his fingers behind her neck, underneath her hair. “I need your thumb under my chin.”

Maklr’s mouth opened. “Nell…” he trailed off.

“I need this,” she whispered. Slowly, his thumb ran up the hollow of her throat. Nell shivered. “Put pressure there.”

“Nell, no. Don’t push yourself.”

“I know you’ll stop if I need you to,” she whispered.

Maklr nodded. “Always.”

“Do it,” she commanded.

Maklr’s horns lengthened, and a low growl wrenched from his throat as his hand tightened around her neck.

A silent tear slid down Nell’s cheek. Her hands fisted at Maklr’s sleeve and he dropped his hand immediately, cupping her chin in his hand.

He pressed his forehead against hers. “Nell, look at me.” Maklr’s voice was insistent.

“Come back to me.” Maklr’s thumbs caressed her cheeks.

“Nell, look at me. It’s me. It’s me, Maklr.

” He didn’t take his eyes off her face. “Say my name. Say my name, Nell. Let me know you’re still with me.

” His voice was breathless. “Come back to me. Don’t lose yourself in the memories. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Maklr,” Nell whispered his name before pressing her lips against his. “You’re Maklr.” Tears streamed down her face, dampening his hands.

“I’m Maklr,” he agreed. “I’ve got you, Nell. I’ve got you.” He tilted her head toward his, capturing her lips in a gentle kiss while his thumbs wiped away her tears. “I’ve got you. You’re safe.”

“Hold me,” she whispered.

“You only have to ask.” Maklr cradled Nell’s shaking body against his. “Cry it out. I’m so proud of you.”

Nell wiped her nose with the back of her hand. “I’m a wimp. I couldn’t do it.”

“Oh, but, sweetheart, you did.” Maklr rested his chin on the top of her head. “And I couldn’t be more proud of you.”

“I panicked.”

“That’s to be expected. You did well.”

“I…,” Nell’s voice trailed off.

“No, none of that. I said I’d stop if you needed to.”

“You did,” Nell sniffled.

“And what happened when you needed me to stop?”

“You stopped.”

“I will never do anything you don’t want, Nell.”

“I know,” she whispered. “I’m sorry I’m broken.” Nell buried her face in Maklr’s chest.

“You’re not broken, Nell.” Maklr rubbed circles on her back. He rumbled low in his chest.

“How can you say that?”

“I see someone who’s overcoming her past with strength and grace.”

“I’m not strong enough,” Nell murmured into his chest.

“That’s what I’m here for. To be your strength when you think you can’t.” Maklr rested his cheek on the top of her head.

“I can’t ask that of you.”

“It’s not asking if I’m giving it to you freely. No conditions. Use me, use my strength when you feel like giving up. Lean on me. I’ll always be here for you,” Maklr said, his voice low. “I’ll be here if you let me.”

“Don’t say something you don’t mean,” Nell whispered.

“Why would I?” Maklr’s white eyebrows scrunched in confusion.

Nell’s shoulders raised in a slight shrug. “Some people do.”

Maklr growled, a low rumble, and Nell shivered. “I will never lie to you. Everything I’ve told you, I mean. I’m angered by what they did to you. It makes me want to track down and kill the male who hurt you.”

Nell swallowed. “Don’t.”

“Would it bring you peace?” Maklr’s thumbs wiped Nell’s cheeks.

“Not if you lower yourself to taking another being’s life. You’re a healer. I won’t let you destroy the life you’ve built for yourself. I’m not worth it.”

“Oh, but you are.” Maklr’s fingers stroked Nell’s cheeks. “I would hunt them down in the farthest reaches of the galaxy if it would bring you some semblance of peace.” An errant lock of white hair flopped in front of his eyes.

“It would destroy you, and now that I’ve found you, I won’t let you go.”