Page 13

Nell

Nell lay on the bed, humming a song she hadn’t thought about in years. Not since before the harem ship. Her fingers flew over her tablet, pressing on different apps. She opened a new file, making sure to password protect it. She poured out her feelings into her makeshift diary.

One day, I’ll get Maklr to admit that neither of us should feel guilty about the kiss.

I think it was a natural progression. His lips were softer than I imagined.

I replayed the moment over and over in my mind, wishing it would happen again.

No one has ever kissed me like that. He’s passionate under a reserved exterior.

I wonder what it’d be like to get him to lose control.

I know no one can see it, but I’m kicking my feet like a schoolgirl with her first crush.

She ended the diary entry with a flourish. After making sure the file was under two password protected layers, Nell stood up, deciding to play it cool and not mention the kiss to Maklr. She walked into the living room. Maklr sat on the couch, scrolling on his tablet.

“About last night… I’m sorry.” Maklr’s head bowed.

“I didn’t mind.”

“We shouldn’t have.”

“Let’s leave it.” Nell changed the topic. “Are you working on anything special?” she asked.

“Ideas for the rehab center.”

“Want to show me?” Nell asked.

Maklr flipped the tablet toward her. His plans were orderly, methodical, just like the man himself. “What do you think?” he asked after a minute.

Nell hesitated.

“You hate it, don’t you?” he said.

“No. It’s,” she paused, searching for the right word, “sterile. Clinical.”

“It is a rehab center.”

“Mind if I make a few suggestions?”

“By all means.”

Nell took his tablet and drew. “Excuse my general shapes. They’re stand-ins only. I’m not an artist, but we can use our imagination. What do you think about bringing more of the outdoors to the center?”

“How so?”

Nell pointed at the center of her sketch.

“What if we set up this area like an obstacle course? Not with military precision or accuracy, but with challenges that focus on exercising or strengthening different body parts and muscle groups? Maybe a climbing rope or something to practice upper body strength or an obstacle for crawling?” Nell tied her hair back in a ponytail.

“Do many of the warriors you treat have families? I’m thinking of the soldier with the baby.

What if there’s a family area or a playground?

It doesn’t have to be a large space, just a dedicated one. ”

“How would that help?” Maklr asked.

“Parents have to, or should, watch their children, right?”

Maklr nodded. “Should being the key word.”

Nell continued. “So what if the child is playing, and the injured parent pushes them on a swing or holds them as their kid climbs or goes down a slide? Would that be useful? I think it’d be family bonding and therapy disguised as play time.

I think it might bring a sense of normalcy to the families as well. ”

Maklr scratched his chin. “I think you’re brilliant.”

Nell flushed at his praise. “Do you think it’ll work? I have another idea, but no clue on how to implement it. What about a form of Occupational Therapy?”

“One thing at a time, but I say we try the family area and obstacle course when we get back.”

“Really?”

“How did you figure it out?”

“You asked me once about my arm. I know I only mentioned it in passing.”

“Are you sure you want to tell me?”

“It was on the harem ship, maybe a few weeks before your friend and his squadron found us and rescued me. I was on yet another planet at another auction. The Elodians sold me for a night to the most grotesque and evil looking alien I’d ever seen.

His eyes were cold, and he felt evil.” Nell wrapped her arms around herself.

“I don’t know how else to explain it, other than evil radiating off him.

Like a foul stench, worse than rotting food. ”

A tear slid down her cheek. “He abused me. He threatened me with his words and fists if I didn’t obey and submit to him.

I fought back a bit, but he restrained me.

While he had me tied up, he ordered a luxurious meal and ate it in front of me.

My stomach growled, but he didn’t feed me.

At that point, I wasn’t sure when I’d eaten last, and I cried.

He bought me for a full night cycle. I wanted it to end quickly.

It was my first experience on the harem ship. ”

“Son of a bitch,” Maklr said.

“He was a pig. He gave me a bit of water so I didn’t get dehydrated, but he didn’t feed me or let me go to the bathroom.

While restrained, I, ah, soiled myself. When he saw that I’d messed myself in front of him and while he ate, he flew into a rage.

He undid one restraint, but yanked me from the other.

That’s when my arm broke. I screamed and cried, but he forced me to clean my mess with my clothes. ”

“What a monster.”

“The women on the harem ship didn’t have much clothing, and when I was done, he lit my clothes on fire in front of me. He left me covered in my filth before he spit on me for good measure.”

“I’m so sorry, Nell.”

“It’s not your fault. That was the day I stopped talking. When the Elodians came back to claim me the next morning, they were furious.”

“As they should have been.”

Nell smiled sadly. “Not with him. With me.”

“Why?”

“Because I was a money-maker for them. Injured, I couldn’t bring in credits. They threw me in a cell in the bowls of their ship, feeding me once a day until my arm healed.”

“Oh, Nell.”

Nell’s face turned stark white, silent tears streaming down her face, and her eyes were terrified.

“That wasn’t the worst,” Nell whispered.

“How could it get worse?” Maklr’s voice was hoarse.

“He followed me. Or the ship I was on. Everywhere I went, he was there. Sometimes he lurked in the shadows. Other times he was right there, visible to everyone.”

“He stalked you.”

Nell stared at the wall, her expression unreadable.

“I knew whatever you’d faced was horrific, but not like this.

I didn’t mean to send you into a nearly catatonic state.

” Maklr crouched closer to her, gently reaching out a hand to wipe away her tears.

When he touched her, she flinched violently and let out an agonized shriek.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Nell, I didn’t think,” he apologized immediately and removed his hand.

She was shaking. He took a blanket from the couch and placed it around her shoulders, taking great care not to touch her.

Nell reached out to him as he went to sit back down. She quickly typed on the tablet before passing it to him. It wasn’t your fault. You deserved to know the truth about why I am the way I am.

Maklr’s eyes softened. “Thank you for telling me; for trusting me enough. I’m sorry you had to experience that violence.” He reached out to rub her shoulder, but yanked his hand away. “Do you want me to give you a few minutes? I can walk you to your room.”

No. Don’t leave me. I’ve had enough. Do we have tea? “We do. Do you want the tea here, or in the kitchen?”

A slight change of scenery might do wonders.

“Would you like to sit outside? I’ll start a fire in the fire pit and bring some tea.”

I’ll wait here while you make it. I can see you in the kitchen.

“Ready for the firepit?” Maklr asked a few minutes later.

Maklr let Nell set the pace. They walked outside, mugs in hand. Nell settled on an Adirondack style chair. He sat with her in companionable silence for hours.

Could I think for a bit by myself, please, she typed after Maklr disappeared inside the house to make some lunch. I’m not hungry.

“I’ll leave you to it. I’m here if you need.”

I know. Thank you.

She remained outside, with Maklr coming out to check on her at regular intervals. He refilled her mug with tea and corul until the light nestled against the horizon, bathing the land with brilliant shades of color.

“Want to head inside?” Maklr asked. “I turned the bed down for you.”

Nell smiled. I’m getting chilly.

“I’ll put the fire out while you get ready. Do you want me to meet you inside?”

Nell nodded, slipping inside the cabin.

Maklr called to her as he entered the house, narrating his every step. He continued until he found her sitting on the bed, holding the stuffed animal. She wore her baggiest pair of sweatpants and an oversized sweatshirt.

Nell typed furiously into the tablet. I’m embarrassed by my reaction. I should be over it by now.

“No, you shouldn’t. It’s a lot of trauma to process. I know you’ve been talking to Charlie. Do your sessions with her help?”

Sometimes. The nightmares stopped for a while.

“How long?”

Since I started therapy. They’d been mostly absent until Philtan’s flippant comment.

Maklr balled his hands into fists. “Do you want me to punch him again?”

No. You’d only hurt yourself.

“How can I help you?”

I don’t know. It’s like a pressure on me all of the time. I want this weight gone because I can’t for the life of me figure out a way to breathe again. Nell slowly raised her head to meet Maklr’s gaze.

“You’re doing it, Nell, one step at a time. If you think you can’t take that step, I’ll hold you up. One breath at a time, and when you think you can’t breathe anymore, I’ll keep breathing for you.”

“Do you mean that?” Nell didn’t use the tablet.

“Absolutely.”

She began to write, taking her time, a plan formulating in her head. After a while, she handed Maklr the tablet.

“You want me to do what?” he asked.

“Can you hold me? Please?” Nell patted the empty side of the bed. “The bed’s big enough for both of us. There’s two pillows, and you’d be more comfortable here than on the couch.”

Her face remained stoic, but internally, she preened. She’d shared her idea. Now, all Maklr had to do was agree to it.

“Nell,” Maklr groaned.

“I’ll sleep under the sheet,” she said.

Maklr sighed. “Would it help?”

“I wouldn’t have asked otherwise.”

Maklr sat on the edge of the bed, his body stiff. “Are you sure?” he asked again.

“Yes.”

Maklr lay back as close to the edge of the bed as possible, his head on the pillow. “Goodnight.”

Nell slid under the covers to Maklr’s side. “Hold me?” She hated how pathetic her voice sounded to her ears. “Nell.”

“Please. Don’t make me beg.”

Maklr rolled over facing her.

Nell snuggled against the thin sheet pressing against his chest. She inhaled deeply, comforted by Maklr’s unique scent. Her arm snaked over the sheet and under his arm, pulled his body closer to hers, and shut her eyes. “Goodnight.”