Page 22

18 JASON

“Emmy?”

Jason leans forward, pausing the massage to stare at Emerson. He’s had his eyes shut for a while in what Jason assumed was a means to regulate, but now his jaw is slack, and his left hand is curled under his chin while tiny little puffs of air come out. It occurs to him that Emerson fell asleep.

Seeing Emerson all cozy in his bed rewires Jason’s brain, a million little things clicking into place. This right here is where Emerson belongs, in his bed, in his home. Along with this realization comes a host of insecurities about whether he’s falling too fast and panic about why he isn’t panicking over not realizing he isn’t straight until now, when he is thirty. It’s the kind of self-doubt and unease only one person can help soothe.

Jason rolls out of bed, drawing the covers over Emerson’s naked form. Not entirely satisfied, he makes a trip to the hall closet to retrieve an extra soft blanket, returning to his bedroom to drape it over Emerson’s slumbering form. He stays for a few seconds to appreciate how beautiful Emerson looks even in the dark before tiptoeing from the room to find his phone, left on the charger in the living room.

A quick glance at the lock screen lets him know it’s past midnight. Theo is going to be asleep. He calls anyway. While the phone rings, Jason paces, unable to get the mental image of Emerson kneeling between his legs out of his head.

“Hello,” Theo slurs, definitely half-asleep.

“Who the fuck is calling in the middle of the night?” Alec grouches, sounding distinctly put out at being woken up.

“It’s Jason,” Theo answers.

“What’s wrong?” Alec asks, sounding very alert.

“Nothing is wrong,” Jason answers, even though the question was directed at Theo. “I just wanted to talk.”

“Nothing is wrong,” Theo relays to Alec. “He wanted to talk to me.”

“In the middle of the night? Codependent fuckers,” Alec grumbles. From the sound of it, he’s kicking at the blankets. He never has handled being woken up well, and Jason would feel more guilty if he didn’t desperately need to talk to his best friend. Besides, Theo was his first, and tonight definitely calls for utilizing best friend privileges.

“Go to sleep, Alexander,” Theo whispers. The phone temporarily goes on mute, and Jason is grateful he doesn’t have to hear what is likely Theo kissing his baby brother. A minute later the phone unmutes. “Okay I went into the living room. What’s up? Couldn’t sleep after a wild night chaperoning. Did you?—”

“I had gay sex,” Jason blurts.

The line goes very quiet. Too quiet for Jason’s liking.

“Say something, Theo.”

“I’m trying to figure out if I’m supposed to pretend to be surprised.”

“Of course you are,” Jason gapes.

“Right,” Theo says, in that gentle tone of his. “I am so completely shocked about this. How is Emerson?”

“How do you know it was Emerson?” Jason asks.

“I don’t think I’m a good enough actor for this,” Theo laughs. “Listen uh, you were kind of—possessive over him, you know?”

“No, I don’t know,” Jason replies, unsure how to handle this. He thought Theo would be surprised. Why isn’t Theo surprised?

“You touched him a lot and stared too and you—Jason, you cuddled him all night.”

“He likes being touched,” Jason grumbles.

“Which is fine, it’s not bad, but you never even touched your ex-girlfriends that much. Incidentally, that brings me to my second point. You’ve never invited any of your exes over for pizza night with me. Ever.”

“Well, uh—” Jason stops, thinking it over. Is Theo right? It hadn’t been an active choice, but they’d all always been jealous of his closeness with Theo no matter how often he told them he wasn’t in love with him. Though he’d never told Theo, it’d been a big reason more than one of his past relationships ended. The moment a girlfriend asked him to pick between her and his best friend, it was no competition. Jason had plenty of room in his heart for all the people he loved, but if someone demanded he pick, it was always going to be Theo.

“Jason, I mean this in the nicest way possible,” Theo says in that same tone he uses when he’s telling Alec something he thinks he might over react to. “You have never seemed—straight.”

“Excuse me?”

Theo sighs. “It’s not a bad thing, but any time I brought it up you shut me down saying you could be a passionate ally so I was never going to push but?—”

“You knew I was bisexual,” Jason blurts. The second he says it a smile spreads across his face despite the absurdity of his current conversation. This is the first time he’s said it out loud, and he likes the way it sounds. He likes the way it feels.

“I mean, I didn’t know what label to give it because you never wanted to talk about it, and you didn’t seem interested in taking home any of the men you’d ogle.”

“I didn’t ogle men.” At Theo’s snort, Jason concedes. “Fine, maybe I did, but I was checking them out for you. I was a good wingman.”

“The best wingman,” Theo agrees. “The best friend. And also…not a very straight thing to do. You used to bet me which one of us could get more phone numbers.”

“Oh my god, Theo. I’m bisexual.”

“Welcome to the team.”

“I had gay sex,” Jason hisses, because even though he’s in the dark living room and Emerson and the dogs are asleep, he feels like he should be whispering.

“Sex is sex,” Theo laughs. “But uh, how was it?”

“Fucking fantastic. I should’ve had gay sex sooner. You were right by the way, frottage is amazing. What else should we try? Wait, don’t answer that because anything you tell me I’m going to know you do with Alec, and I don’t want to know that. In fact, don’t ever give me any gay sex tips.”

“No gay sex tips, got it,” Theo replies, sounding like he’s trying not to laugh. “But Jason?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m really proud of you. I’d hug you if I could.” All of Jason’s unease melts at those two sentences. He really loves his best friend. He knew he’d make everything better.

“I like him, Theo.” Jason breathes in deeply, rubbing his hand over his jaw while pacing back and forth in front of the fireplace. “I like him so much. Shit .”

“I know, Jason.” Theo’s voice is warm, familiar, and though Jason never had a doubt that his best friend would support him, his easy acceptance provides the exact comfort Jason needed. “I’m happy for you.”

Jason stares down the darkened hallway, as if only now realizing he’s in the living room alone when he could be in bed cuddling his boyfriend. His naked, sleepy, perfect boyfriend. What the fuck is he doing?

“Theo, I have to go.”

“Sure.” Theo yawns loudly, the sound crackling through the phone. “You’ll call me later?”

“Yeah, of course. I love you.”

“Love you too, Jason.”

With that Jason clicks off his phone, dropping it at the charging station before hurrying back to the bedroom. Even in the dim light, Emerson’s shock of red hair stands out like a beacon against his cream sheets—nothing but his cute nose and mess of hair visibly peeking out from the blankets. This time he’s not alone though because apparently while Jason was in the living room, Freddie snuck into the bed, curled up not in Jason’s spot but rather next to Emerson’s back which further cements his earlier thoughts. This right here is exactly where Emerson belongs, and Jason is going to do whatever it takes to keep him.

Careful not to disturb Emerson or Freddie, he slowly lifts the blankets to slip inside. Emerson grunts quietly, mouth falling open to let out a bit of drool. It’s quite possibly the most adorable thing Jason has ever seen, and he’s not sure what to make of that feeling since most of the time with his exes, he felt mildly annoyed when they wanted to sleep over. Though that likely was because they always wanted to kick his dogs out of the bedroom, which made Jason want to kick them out instead.

As with all other aspects of his life, Emerson fits—as if he was always meant to be here.

In his sleep, Emerson shifts, and Jason takes the opportunity to pull Emerson’s leg over his hip while slipping his arm around Emerson’s middle to pull him as close to his own body as possible. The warmth of Emerson’s smooth, bare skin against his own and the soft puffs of air against his neck lull Jason into a relaxed state. Breathing in Emerson’s scent, Jason drops another kiss to the top of Emerson’s head before closing his eyes.

* * *

Something very wiggly and warm wakes Jason up and it is not, much to his disappointment, a sexy naked redhead but rather a one-hundred pound dog with horrible morning breath. This alone is enough to make Jason frown, his displeasure turning into a full on groan when Stella howls at the same time that Freddie licks his mouth in a silent but wet morning greeting.

“Seriously you guys.” Jason wipes away the drool, trying to guess what time it is. Judging by the light peeking through his window it’s still pretty early, though not too early for his babies to make their displeasure at not having food and attention known. The one downside to having an early morning routine during the school year is that his dogs do not understand what a weekend is, and sleeping in is never an option.

In true, part-husky fashion Stella starts some combination of bark-howling that feels very much like where is my breakfast, Dad . Squinting over Emerson to see the clock, Jason sees why.

“My bad, it’s a whole four minutes past when you usually eat. Did you die?”

Stella howls again as if to say yes, while Freddie flops in between Jason and Emerson, using Emerson’s head as a chair so he can try and crawl on Jason’s chest.

“Yes, yes, you missed me. You were so far away, weren’t you, you giant baby.” Freddie chuffs and Jason can’t even be bothered because Freddie might be a giant baby, but he’s Jason’s giant baby. “Let’s maybe not use Emerson’s head as a chair though, huh?”

“M’fine,” Emerson mumbles, but judging from the muffled words, his face is either shoved into the pillow or under Freddie and neither seem comfortable.

“That’s it, no assaulting the boyfriend. We want him to come back, Freddie. A lot. You be a good boy, huh?”

Any fear Jason had that waking up to the chaos that is his two dogs might be too much is assuaged when Emerson’s head pops up from beneath his blanket cocoon. His hair is even more wild than usual, pillow lines on his face, along with a very confused expression like he’s not entirely sure why he’s awake. He doesn’t complain though, just pats Freddie.

“You’re always a good boy, aren’t you?”

Freddie’s tail wags so hard at the praise it whacks Emerson in the neck.

“Freddie,” Jason tries, but Freddie is already turning around clearly realizing there’s a new human willing to baby him. “Careful, Emmy, he’s gonna try to keep you forever now.”

“That doesn’t sound so bad.” Emerson’s little frown is still in place, but Jason can tell from the relaxed tone of his voice that he’s happy, especially when he closes his eyes to rest his forehead against Freddie’s while petting him. “I always wanted dogs growing up, but my aunt and uncle said no. I love dogs.”

They can be yours , Jason almost blurts, unsure if it’s considered love bombing to all but ask your new boyfriend—who you haven’t technically even gone on one date with yet—to move in. He wants to do anything to make sure Emerson knows he’s wanted, to spend as much time as possible with this perfect person who likes his dogs, his family and makes him laugh and smile, makes him so fucking happy he can’t stop smiling.

“What?” Emerson asks.

Jason has the decency to blush at being caught staring.

“You’re just beautiful, I?—”

Stella howls loudly.

“I think someone else needs you,” Emerson points out.

He doesn’t look annoyed or put out, merely watches Jason, while continuing to pet Freddie.

“I’m going to leave this bed, but only because Stella will be unbearable if she doesn’t eat in the next few minutes.” He turns to look at Stella, who doesn’t look at all abashed by the commotion she’s making. He turns his attention back to Emerson, delighted to notice the blankets have been pushed aside by Freddie, revealing Emerson’s upper body. Jason has never wanted to put something in his mouth more than Emerson’s pretty pale nipples, or the flat of his belly or the cock hidden under the sheets that Jason barely got to look at last night. Enough of a peek, at least, that he knows it’s slimmer and smaller than his own and nestled in dark red hair that Jason would do anything, anything to get his hands and mouth on again.

“You’re staring,” Emerson points out.

“I know,” Jason groans, wishing he had more than his boxers on. Then again, nothing he owns could hide how hard he is right now. “When I come back from feeding these little menaces, I’m going to have my wicked way with you.”

“I don’t know if that was supposed to be a promise or a threat,” Emerson says, the end of his nose crinkling in clear confusion.

“A promise,” Jason clarifies, leaning over Freddie to kiss Emerson’s nose. Since he’s already there, he kisses his mouth too, greedily swallowing down the soft little sigh of contentment Emerson makes. If he fit, he would crawl into Emerson’s lap and rub off on him like they did last night, might even come in his boxers from how turned on he is already. That is, if Freddie didn’t literally jump up between them demanding kisses of his own and letting out a pitiful howl of jealousy.

“He’s so adorable,” Emerson says, kissing the top of Freddie’s head.

Jason wants to cry, though whether from sexual frustration or cuteness he’s not sure. Maybe both. When Emerson flops back on the bed and stretches, kicking the blanket down far enough to expose his sharp hip bones and the trail of red curls, Jason nearly growls. He’s never hated training his dogs to eat on a schedule to help with his morning routine more than he does at this moment, when the only thing he wants to eat is his boyfriend.

Suddenly, he can’t stop thinking about a conversation he had with his brothers and Theo last year about Alec’s protein shakes tasting like ass. His curiosity about how Emerson might taste, along with his eagerness to explore both his newfound sexuality and his boyfriend, has to wait though. At least, until he can feed the two noisy bosses of the house.

“Come on then,” Jason says, clapping his hands and all but leaping from the bed. “Breakfast.”

Not wanting to waste a second, Jason skips coffee and goes straight for the dog food, filling both their bowls then refreshing their water. He also adds a few treats to Stella’s puzzle feeder and leaves two new rawhide bones in front of the fireplace, not above bribing his babies to get some alone time with Emerson.

Quickening his steps, Jason hurries down the hallway and back into the bedroom, shutting the door as quietly as possible. When he turns to face the bed, it’s to find Emerson’s long arms and legs outstretched across the bed, his face shoved in the pillow and his bedhead standing every which way. Emerson opens his eyes to stare at him, and something possessive and desperate flares in Jason.

Emerson is in his bed, naked, beautiful and so trusting. That’s his boyfriend. Jason essentially vaults into the bed, the mattress bouncing as he climbs over Emerson and kicks the blankets off, eager to get his eyes on all of Emerson’s gorgeous skin. His cock is half-hard, laying against his slim thigh and Jason reaches for it, little shivers of pleasure at how easily it fits in his own large hand. He gives it a cursory stroke and groans at the way it feels to have another man’s dick hardening in his palm.

“So you were serious before,” Emerson gasps.

“I mean everything I say,” Jason reminds him, nuzzling into Emerson’s neck and mouthing at his throat. “Can I have my way with you? I want to see what you like. I want to learn how to make you feel good.”

“Yes,” Emerson shudders, spreading his legs wide. “Oh.”

He’s fully hard now, still smaller than Jason, the perfect size for Jason to jerk off. He gives it a few more lazy strokes, staring between their bodies as he watches the way Emerson’s cock—flushed such a pretty pink and leaking—looks every time it peeks through his fist.

“I wanna do everything with you,” Jason confesses, more turned on than he thought possible from staring at a dick that isn’t his own. If he had any doubts about his own sexuality, the desperation he feels to get his mouth on Emerson’s ass and dick would clear it up. He is absolutely, one-thousand percent bisexual. “I want to taste you, everywhere. I want to blow you and rim you and then one day, when you’re ready, maybe fuck you. If you’d like that. I know not all gay men like penetration so if you don’t, that’s okay. There’s something called intercrural that would be fun and?—”

“Jason,” Emerson groans, his delicate fingers curling tightly in Jason’s hair.

Jason lets Emerson pull his head back, tearing his eyes away from Emerson’s pretty cock to look at his equally pretty face. “Yeah, Emmy?”

“If you keep talking about those things, I’m going to come.”

“I want you to come,” Jason says.

“Well, me too,” Emerson huffs, his chest flushed pink. “But um, I want—can I—Why is this hard to say out loud?”

“Anything, Emmy.”

Emerson squeezes his eyes shut. “Please fuck me.”

Jason nearly nuts in his boxers. “Are you sure?”

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. I’ve touched myself. I have a toy. Trust me, I like it. I want to know if it feels the same with someone real. I want—I want you, Jason. I want you inside of me when I come. Please.”

He says it as if he needs to beg, as if Jason wouldn’t cut open his own heart and give it to Emerson if he asked. It’s absolutely terrifying, not because Jason has never fucked a man before, but because he’s never fucked someone he loves. The realization should maybe feel scarier, or more confusing, but just like when he accepted his bisexuality, it just feels right. There’s no panic, no questioning, just the knowledge that yes, this is who Jason is, who he’s always been.

“Is that okay?” Emerson asks, peeking at Jason through one cracked eye.

Jason surges up to kiss him, pinning Emerson to the bed. “The most okay thing ever.”

“Do you have, um?—”

“Yes,” Jason finishes, flinging an arm out to the bedside table and digging out the lube he bought.

“Have you uh, you know.”

“I’ve never fucked a man,” Jason offers, “or had anal.”

“So it's a first for both of us,” Emerson says.

“You’re my first in so many ways, Emmy.” Jason kisses him again, drunk on the soft sighs Emerson makes. He could kiss Emerson forever, but there’s something very hard poking into his hip, and he wants to give Emerson everything he wants.

“Be gentle please,” Emerson murmurs.

“Always gentle with you,” Jason whispers, peppering kisses across his jaw. He smooths the hair off his face, kissing both closed eyes and the center of his brow.

“Okay.”

“You’re in control, Emmy.” Jason kisses his lips once more, a promise. “I know this is new, and that sometimes that can feel scary for you so just remember you’re in charge, okay? If it hurts or you change your mind, we can stop any time.”

“I’m in charge,” Emerson repeats, somehow making it sound like a question. “Should I prep myself so you don’t have to?”

“No,” Jason answers, scooting down the bed. He had no idea that he’d ever put his history of hearing about Theo’s teenage discovery of the male anatomy or one night stands exploration to practical use, but turns out growing up with a bisexual best friend with a preference for men is going to help Jason lose his gay virginity.

In hindsight, his interest in Theo’s experiences, which he chalked up to them being the best of friends, maybe should’ve been an earlier tip-off about being less than straight. Not that Jason is going to worry about that right now, or ever really. The past is in the past, and his future is right here, trembling beneath him as eager and wanting as Jason.

“If I do something wrong, just tell me.”

“I’m not exactly the paragon of sexual expertise.”

“No, you didn’t have this on your list?” Jason asks, kissing Emerson’s hip. “Which, by the way, we never got to discuss.”

“This was on the list. Top of the list,” Emerson huffs, eyes open now and fixed directly on the ceiling. “You kissing me was there and touching me, sucking me. But the very top of the list—that was you and me having sex. I suppose technically, it’s all sex, but I wanted you on top of me, inside of me. At first I didn’t imagine I was allowed to think about wanting you like this, but now I can, and it’s literally all I can picture. Especially now that I’ve seen you. You’re so big, and I want to be full of you, and I know it’s going to feel so good. I just want you to make me feel good. Is that selfish?”

“If it is, please be selfish,” Jason tells him, kissing his way across the flat of Emerson’s belly from hip to hip before nuzzling his face against Emerson’s erection. A bit of precome dribbles out the tip and Jason licks it, humming to himself at the unexpected saltiness. “I feel like with enough practice, I am going to be excellent at blow jobs.”

Emerson makes a choked sound, throwing his arm over his face. “If I look at you, I’m going to come.”

“That’s very good for my ego,” Jason laughs, as horny as he is happy. He moves down, dragging his tongue from the base of Emerson’s erection to the tip, circling the crown with his tongue and lapping up the come that’s dripping out of the tip. “Mhmm, definitely like dicks.”

“Oh my god,” Emerson groans.

“Not god, only Jason.”

“You—Jason!” Emerson’s body shaking with laughter. He stops suddenly, peering down at Jason but just as quickly he covers his face again with his arm before mumbling, “I didn’t know it would be like this.”

“That it would feel good?” Jason asks with the start of a frown.

“No, that it would be…fun,” Emerson whispers. “I thought—if I ever found someone I trusted enough it might be awkward because you know—I don’t have experience, and I talk too much or not at all, and I can’t look at you. I want to look at you, but the idea of making eye contact right now makes me feel like I might be sick. Oh, that’s bad. I’m sorry, I don’t mean?—”

“You’re okay, Emmy.” Jason kisses the inside of his thigh, spreading his legs apart. “I like you when you can’t stop talking and when the words won’t come, and I like you when you stare at me so hard I feel like you’re trying to see my soul and when you squeeze those pretty eyes of yours shut. Whatever version of you I get, it’s still you, still my Emmy.”

Emerson’s jaw trembles, his other hand flying out in search of Jason who reaches for it. He links their fingers, bringing their joined hands to his lips.

“My Emmy.”

“Yours,” Emerson whispers, squeezing Jason’s hand so tightly it almost hurts.

“Scared?” Jason asks.

“Terrified,” Emerson admits. “I’m sorry.”

“Nothing wrong with being scared. I tell my kids that all the time,” Jason tells him. “Sometimes being scared just means you’ve got something worth losing. But you’re not going to lose me, alright? We’re in this together and maybe we’ll be kind of horrible at it, but I’m willing to practice. A lot. I volunteer to practice the gay sex with you every day.”

“It’s still just sex,” Emerson corrects.

“I know but it’s fun to say gay sex,” Jason laughs, adding a generous amount of lube to his fingers. Before he brings them down to Emerson’s ass, he drops onto his stomach, needing to know once and for all what he tastes like there. “Can I?”

“Can you—oh, uh—yes.”

Permission granted Jason dives in, burying his face in the spread of Emerson’s legs and mouthing at his crease. He ends up needing to use both hands, making a bit of a mess of Emerson he’ll clean later. For now, he focuses on spreading him apart so he can mouth at his hole—finding that, much like having his tongue on a cock, he likes it. There’s something intimate about it and powerful too.

Above him, Emerson is whimpering and writhing, and it’s all because Jason’s dragging his tongue over his ass. The skin is puckered, his hole tight, but the longer Jason licks and sucks the looser it gets until his tongue breaches inside—another new experience—and one that Jason is eager to repeat.

“I’m gonna come if you don’t stop,” Emerson warns, sounding out of breath and slightly frantic.

“If I stop, can I do it again later? Or another day?”

“Jason, you can literally do that to me any time you want. Well, not at school or other public places but any other time, you know circumstances notwithstanding. But right now please, please put your cock in me.”

“Dick in ass coming up,” Jason grins, inexplicably excited. He can’t believe he didn’t try this bisexual thing beforehand, though part of him is glad he didn’t. Sharing these firsts with Emerson is special, because Emerson is special.

Everything that led him to this moment was worth it because he’s got this beautiful man spread out beneath him, taking up most of his bed and a considerable part of his heart.

“I’m going to finger you now, Emmy.”

Emerson squirms, spreading his legs wider and affording Jason the most glorious view. Mouth watering, it takes all of Jason’s self control not to mouth at that perfect ass, or to lick his balls or suck on his dick. Shit, Jason is so very gay.

“Are you going to do more than stare?” Emerson asks.

“Yes, but I gotta say the view down here is fucking great.”

Emerson mumbles something unintelligible, the words turning into a sharp moan when Jason’s lubed up finger rubs against his hole. The fact that Jason’s mouth was just there makes him achingly hard, and he draws his finger in the same circle his tongue just made before slipping it inside. Emerson’s turned on and relaxed enough that his finger slips in easily, and it’s a miracle Jason doesn’t come in his boxers watching it disappear into Emerson’s body.

“Fuck,” Jason curses, wishing he could kiss Emerson. He settles for turning his face into Emerson’s thigh, rubbing his cheek against his bare skin and pressing a kiss there while fingerfucking Emerson.

It’s not long before Emerson begs for more, and Jason is happy to give, making sure to add extra lube before two of his thick fingers sink into the tight heat of Emerson’s ass. One of them groans, and Jason honestly isn’t sure who because he’s so turned on watching the way Emerson’s body takes his fingers, knowing his cock is next.

“Gay sex is amazing,” Jason marvels. “Being bisexual is amazing.”

“Fantastic,” Emerson huffs. “I’m very happy for you, Jason.”

Jason knows he means it, that despite the hitch in his breathing and the impatient way he squirms, that every word Emerson speaks is the truth. Jason meant what he said too. This is fun, because Emerson is fun, and he’s quite possibly Jason’s favorite person, which is new and exciting and also the single most arousing moment of his life.

“Emmy, I’m so hard.”

“Me too,” Emerson says. “I read a book once where the main character said he was so hard it almost hurt, and I thought that was hyperbole, but it’s not. I don’t think I’ve ever been this hard in my entire life.”

Pride fills Jason. He’s always liked making his partners feel good, taken a lot of joy in servicing them, but this is another level. Knowing that Emerson feels that good, that turned on, because of Jason, makes him want to do a goddamn endzone dance. He suspects Emerson might not enjoy that though, so he settles before adding a third finger, the tightness and heat a promise of what’s to come.

“That’s enough fingers, cock now,” Emerson demands, his fingers tapping rapidly in what Jason recognizes as one of his happy stims.

“Fuck it’s hot when you demand my dick,” Jason groans, so turned on by Emerson’s forwardness he nearly comes untouched. “I just need a condom. Hang on.”

Emerson continues tapping his fingers on his forearms while Jason retrieves the condom, ridding himself of his boxers, tossing them to the floor before rolling the condom down his cock and adding a generous amount of lube. He’s definitely going to need to buy more because Jason suspects they’re going to go through a lot in the future.

Once he’s finished, he crawls back between Emerson’s spread legs, smoothing his hands over the insides of his thighs. He wants to commit this sight to memory, utterly mesmerized by the sight of Emerson’s mess of red hair spilling across his pillows, his long limbs and pale skin glowing in the early morning light that peeks through the gaps in his curtains. Emerson is the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen, and it makes Jason’s chest ache.

“I’m going to fuck you now, Emmy.” He positions his erection at Emerson’s entrance, teasing the tip against his hole in warning. “Are you ready?”

“Uh-huh,” Emerson says, removing his arms from over his face. His eyes stay shut, but they’re not squeezed tightly this time, his face less pinched as Jason presses inside. It’s tighter than anything Jason’s ever felt, and the guttural moan that echoes in the room definitely comes from him.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

“What you said,” Emerson groans, fingers twitching in midair.

Reaching out, Jason links their hands together, bringing them down to the mattress above Emerson’s head as he sinks all the way inside.

“Full,” Emerson whimpers.

“Is it too much?” Jason worries, his thumbs stroking over the back of Emerson’s hands. He wants to move but he waits, needing to make sure.

Emerson shakes his head from side to side. “S’good.”

“Good,” Jason exhales, caging Emerson in with his arms and knees. He lowers his mouth to Emerson’s, greedily swallowing down his moans when Jason pulls back out slowly then rolls his hips forward. As if needing Jason even closer, Emerson wraps his legs around Jason’s waist, locking his ankles at his lower back and arching.

After that Jason can barely think, barely breathe, losing himself in the pleasure of fucking into Emerson slow and deep while they kiss like they might die if they break apart. It feels like they might. If Jason could crawl inside of Emerson’s body he would, desperate to be as close as fucking possible. His thrusts turn shaky as he presses their joined hands into the mattress while fucking him.

“Emmy,” he whimpers.

Emerson moans louder, the sound shifting into something more like a hum. Whether he’s consciously stimming or not, Jason isn’t sure, but the vibrations of the sound against his tongue drive him to fucking Emerson just that little bit harder and deeper, until Emerson’s shuddering beneath him and sobbing out a quiet warning seconds before he’s coming between them in thick spurts that coat Jason’s soft abs. He wants to devour Emerson, wants to memorize the sounds he makes and the way he tastes, unable to take his eyes off Emerson’s raptured expression.

When his mouth goes slack and his eyes flutter open, Jason nearly sobs. Those pretty eyes open for him, look at him, and Jason feels fucking owned.

“Gonna—” he tries to warn but Emerson’s heels dig into his back, and it’s Emerson pulling him down into a kiss. It’s Emerson swallowing down his sounds of pleasure as Jason shakes through his orgasm. It’s Emerson kissing Jason’s cheeks and his nose; it’s Emerson pulling him down into an embrace as if he too, can’t get close enough to Jason, as if trying to make them one person.

Tucking his face into Emerson’s neck, he breathes him in, focusing on the feeling of Emerson’s nails as they find their way into Jason’s hair, on the legs still wrapped tightly around his back, locking him in place as if Emerson can’t let him go either. That same ache in his chest intensifies, only this time Jason understands what it means. He could blame it on post-orgasmic haze or cuddling endorphins, but there’s no point in trying to minimize what Jason knows to be true—he is in love with Emerson.