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Xenobia

M y stomach flip-flopped with a nervous determination as I approached my father’s office, hand trembling as it hovered over the doorknob. The polished brass gleamed dully in the low light, revealing my reflection and mocking my hesitation. My heart hammered against my ribs like it was trying to break free. I sucked in a shaky breath, bracing myself.

“Get it together, Xenobia,” I muttered. “You’ve faced down killers. You can face your own father.”

But this was different in many ways. It wasn’t about survival. It was about love. About Adonis and his unborn baby growing inside me. About defying everything I’d been raised to believe. I twisted the knob and pushed the door open before I could change my mind. The hinges creaked ominously as I stepped inside.

His office was shrouded in shadows, lit only by a single desk lamp. The dim glow caught on the edges of antique furniture and glinted off the barrel of the gun that rested on his desk.And there sat Don Vincent Hawthorne—one of the most feared men in New York, who just so happened to be my father. His massive oak desk dwarfed him, yet he filled the room with his presence. Power and danger radiated from him in obvious waves. I suppressed a shiver. What am I doing?

But then I pictured Adonis’s handsome face, those big brown eyes, that cocaine-white smile. He looked at me like I was the most priceless thing in the world. The safety I felt in his arms. I aligned my shoulders and raised my chin assertively. I was Xenobia—fucking—Hawthorne. I’d survived numerous assassination attempts. I’d clawed my way out of the rubble of my old life. And I would fight for this love and our baby with everything I had. I didn’t want to hide it anymore.

“Daddy,” I said, my voice steadier than I felt. “We need to talk.”

I approached his desk, my heels clicking against the hardwood floor. Each step felt like I was walking to my own execution, but I kept my gaze locked on his. No weakness. Not now.

“My beautiful Xenobia,” he acknowledged, his voice a low rumble. He set down his pen and leaned back in his leather chair, giving me his full attention. “What’s on your mind?” he inquired, his tone calm but laced with curiosity as his dark eyes scrutinized me.

I swallowed hard. Fuck, why is this so difficult? I’d rehearsed the words a thousand times in my head, but now that it was time for them to come out, they all seemed to stick in my throat.

“I, uh…” Real smooth, Xenobia. I cleared my throat and tried again. “I wanted to discuss something important with you.”

His thick eyebrow arched slightly. “Important enough to interrupt my work?”

I nodded, hoping he couldn’t see how my hands were shaking. “Yes. It’s about… my future.”

He gestured for me to continue, his expression unreadable, almost statue-like. “I’m listening.”

“I’ve made a decision,” I said, my voice growing stronger with each word. “About who I want to be with—who I love.”

“Oh?” he asked, his gaze narrowing to a slit.

I felt an unnerving chill run down my spine. But I plowed on, my heart racing. This is it—the moment of truth. I took a deep breath, steadying my shaky legs. “First, I want you to know how grateful I am for everything you’ve done to protect me, Daddy. The security, the sacrifices… I know this hasn’t been easy for you.”

His expression softened slightly, but his eyes remained sharp. “Your safety has always been my priority, Xenobia. You know this.”

I nodded as my throat tightened. “I do. And that’s why… I need to talk to you about Adonis.” I saw my father’s jaw clench when his name left my lips. Shit. I rushed on, trying to get the words out before he could interrupt. “He’s been more than just a bodyguard to me. He’s become… important. Very important.”

There was a heavy, deafening silence for a second as my father’s expression shifted from shock to scrutiny. He leaned forward, his fingers steepled under his chin. “Important how, exactly?” His voice was low, dangerous. “What are your intentions with Adonis, Xenobia?”

My heart hammered against my ribs as I opened my mouth to answer, but his hardened gaze pinned me in place, searching for something in my eyes. I felt naked, exposed like he could see right through me, right to the core of my feelings for Adonis. What if he forbade it? What if he sent Adonis away or, worse, had him killed? The thought made my chest ache. But I had to be honest. I owed him that much, at least. I took a deep breath. The scars on my skin seemed to burn, reminding me of everything I’d survived—everything Adonis had protected me from.

“I’m in love with him, Daddy,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper but steady as steel. “I’m in love with Adonis Cardelo.”

My confession hung in the air, heavy and dangerous. I watched my father’s face with my heart wedged in my throat. For a moment, he was perfectly still. Then his eyes narrowed, and he leaned back in his chair with a creak of leather.

“Nobi,” he said, his voice a mix of concern and authority that made me feel like a little girl again. “You don’t understand the consequences of what you’re saying. A relationship with Adonis… it’s not just dangerous; it’s impossible.”

I felt my jaw clench. “Why? Because he’s Toussaint’s son?”

His palm slammed against the desk, making me jump. “What the fuck did you just say to me?”

“Why didn’t you tell me he was Toussaint’s son?”

“Because he’s been trained to kill, to protect this family at all costs, and I didn’t want to compromise you. We all have roles, Xenobia. Do you think he can simply put his duty aside? Do you think his father would hesitate to use this against us? It’s maddening that you’d even come to me with this shit. I knew bringing him back here was a fucking mistake. Pick somebody else.”

“It wasn’t a mistake,” I protested, my head high. “Yeah, I know I initially kicked and screamed about it, but bringing Adonis back was the best thing you could’ve ever done for me. He’s someone you know well. Someone who’s pledged and proven his loyalty to our family time after time. Who could be a better choice for me?”

“Since you know who his father is, you know why I cannot grant your request, Nobi. There are too many risks.”

I swallowed hard, fighting back tears. “I know the risks, Daddy. But Adonis, he makes me feel safe. Whole. Like I’m more than just the scars on my skin or the price on my head.” I paused to take a deep breath. “He’s not a danger to me in any sense of the word and never has been. But you knew that, didn’t you? How many times did I ask you about him after Mom and Santo died? Huh? How many times, Daddy? You knew all along he was Toussaint’s son, and you still broke my fucking heart.”

His eyes softened for a moment, but his voice remained steady. “Love isn’t enough in our world, Xenobia. It can be a weakness or a vulnerability. And in this case, it could destroy everything we’ve built.”

I felt my heart breaking, but I couldn’t back down. Not now. Not when Adonis’s future—our future—hung in the balance. I gulped down a steadying breath as I hardened my gaze. The shadows in the office seemed to deepen, mirroring the darkness I felt creeping into my heart. But I wouldn’t let it win.

“Daddy, I’m sorry, but you’re wrong,” I said, my voice low but fierce. “Love isn’t our weakness. It’s our strength. The scars I bear? They taught me how to survive. But Adonis? He’s teaching me how to live.”

His eyes flashed dangerously. “Survive? You think you know about survival?” His voice rose, filling the room. “I’ve kept this family alive for decades through blood, bullets, and fire. You have no idea the sacrifices I’ve made!”

I flinched but held my ground. “You’re right, I don’t. But I know what I want. No, what I need.”

My father scoffed. “What you need is to remember who the fuck you are. A Hawthorne. My daughter. The future of this family!”

“And this baby is the future of our family!” I confessed, my palm against my flat stomach.

The silence that followed my confession was deafening. The words hit him like bullets, each one tearing through the fragile hope I’d been nurturing that I wasn’t going to mention the baby to him, but I refused to leave without his blessing. I studied my father’s face, searching for any sign of understanding. His jaw clenched, and the vein in his temple pulsated. I’d seen that look before—usually right before someone disappeared forever. But I wasn’t just anyone. I was his blood, and the baby inside me was his grandchild. That had to count for something, right?

He remained silent, weighing his thoughts carefully. “Y-you’re pregnant, Nobi?”

I nodded slowly. “Yes. And before you ask, Adonis doesn’t know yet. So, he doesn’t know that I’m asking you to call off this war, Daddy. He doesn’t know I’m asking you to pay for Adonis’s freedom if it comes down to it. He doesn’t know that I’m asking you to put marriage on the table to join our families and stop the bloodshed.”

The heaviness of my family’s legacy and the dangerous world I would inhabit the reigns to one day loomed in the forefront of my mind. I couldn’t help but worry about what my pregnancy would mean for my safety and the safety of my unborn child. I could only hope the news of a grandchild would help him find it in his heart to find a way to call off the war with the Toussaints before it was too late.

My father finally spoke up again. “This is not a decision to be taken lightly, Xenobia. You know the life we lead, the dangers we face every day. Are you sure this baby is what you want?”

I nodded firmly. “Yes, Daddy. I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life. Adonis has always protected me. I love him, and that doesn’t make me less loyal to this family. It makes me stronger. I’m ready to face whatever challenges come our way, as long as I have him. Adonis sees me, Daddy. Not as the fragile princess you’ve tried to safeguard, but for who I really am,” I announced, my voice steadier than I felt.

My father’s eyes narrowed, but I saw a flicker of curiosity in his gaze. “And who exactly is that, Xenobia?” he asked, his voice dangerously soft.

I swallowed hard. “Someone who’s not afraid to fight for what she wants. Someone who understands the weight of our name but refuses to be crushed under its weight. Someone who plans to afford my heir the same luxuries and safeguards as you’ve shown me, in addition to an overflowing amount of love.”

The silence stretched on as he studied me. All I heard was my heartbeat thundering recklessly in my ears.

Finally, he responded. “You sound like your mother,” he said, his voice rough with an emotion somewhere between nostalgia and grief.

I blinked, thrown off guard. He never talked about her. Not since the night she and Santo were killed. I learned then that the grieving process was different for everyone. As the surviving parent, my father completely closed himself off to me, pacifying me with the art studio so that he’d have a reason to ignore me. We didn’t celebrate their birthdays or my parents’ wedding anniversary. It was almost as if they never existed. But again, everybody had their way of coping. I couldn’t judge.

“She was… passionate and defiant, just like you,” he described as a ghost of a smile touched his lips. “It was what drew me to her and what got her killed. She was my only love. Your mother,she was everything to me. When she died, it almost broke me.”

The words hit me like a slap to the face. I opened my mouth, but no sound came out.

My father’s sad eyes met mine, and for a moment, I saw past the mafia boss to the man beneath. “I see her fire in you, Xenobia. But this world… it snuffs out flames like that. As proud as I am to watch your flames dance, you need to be careful.”

I nodded, my throat tight. “I get it, Daddy. I do. This isn’t a fairy tale. It’s reckless and dangerous, and yeah, I know the risks. But Adonis? He’s worth it.”

My voice dropped to barely above a whisper. “I promise I’ll be smart about it. We both will. But I can’t turn off how I feel. And I won’t pretend to be someone I’m not. Not anymore.”

His expression softened just a fraction. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the desk. “You’re as stubborn as a goddamn mule, you know that?”

I couldn’t help but crack a smile. “Wonder where I got that from?”

He chuckled, a low rumble that eased some of the tension in the room. “Alright, Nobi. I will start making calls. Youhave my word that I won’t stand in your way, but I cannot speak for the Toussaints. But know this: If Adonis so much as breathes wrong, if he puts you or my grandchild in danger—”

“He won’t,” I said quickly, cutting him off. “He’d die before he let anything happen to me or our baby.”

My father nodded slowly. “See that he does. And, Xenobia? Be careful. Not just with him, but with your heart. Our dark world isn’t kind to romantics who’d rather paint a canvas than take a life.”

I swallowed the lump caught in my throat, realizing this was as close to a blessing as I’d ever get from him. “I will, Daddy. I promise.”

As I turned to leave, his voice stopped me. “You’re more like me than you know, Nobi. God help us both.”

I didn’t look back, but I smirked as I felt the weight of his words follow me out the door. The future stretched out before me, dark and uncertain. But for the first time, I wasn’t afraid to face it. I gently closed the door behind me, my legs shaky as I leaned against the cool wood. My heart was pounding, but I felt lighter somehow. It was as if I’d finally set down a weight I’d been carrying for years.

“Breathe, Xenobia,” I whispered to myself. “Just breathe. It’s over now.”

I was thankful the hallway was empty. I didn’t think I could handle facing anyone. My mind was racing, replaying every word of that conversation with my father. Had I really just stood up to him? Had he actually accepted it?

I pushed off from the door, my heels clicking in step as I approached the grand staircase. Each step felt like a small victory.

“Xenobia?”

I froze, my heart finding its new home in my throat. Adonis . He was standing at the bottom of the staircase with worry etched across his face and dried blood on his knuckles.

“Hey,” I managed to call out, trying for a smile.

He took the steps two at a time until he was close enough to reach me. “Are you okay? Did he—”

“You have blood on your hands,” I noted, cutting into his question before he could finish.

He swung his head as if to wave off my statement. “What happened when you went to see Don?”

I fell into his arms, burying my face in his bulletproof vest. “I told him,” I mumbled against his crisp, black dress shirt. “About us and that I wanted to be with you.”

Adonis’s hard body went still. “And?”

I pulled back, meeting his eyes. “And… we’re not dead. So that’s gotta count for something, right?” I semi-joked with a half-smirk.

He let out a shaky laugh, cupping my face in his palms. “You’re insane, you know that? Completely fucking insane.”

I shrugged lightheartedly. “Yeah, well, you’re the one who fell for me, so I guess that makes you just as unhinged as me.”

His lips crashed into mine, eager and driven. When we finally came up for air, I saw the realization of what my father’s blessing meant and the fear in his eyes.

“What happens now?” he inquired.

I took a deep breath, still wrestling with the how and when I’d tell him about the baby. “Now? We figure it out. Together.”